by Nancy Sleeth
It is difficult to imagine a more dismal funeral, isn’t it? Yet for the Amish, it would be impossible. It is a scene that simply cannot happen within their community. With everyone connected to one another, no one dies alone.
Perhaps more than any other passage of life, death brings out the core Amish values of community, simplicity, and humility. While funeral rituals vary somewhat from district to district, it is accepted practice for neighbors to take on household, farm, and work chores for the immediate family. Friends and relatives also assume responsibility for funeral preparations—making food, setting up benches, and accommodating horses and carriages.
Because funeral rituals are simple, families are not burdened with making expensive or complicated decisions. The body is dressed in white and laid out in an unadorned, hardwood coffin. Friends and relatives visit the family for two days prior to the funeral. Community members dig the grave by hand. Several hundred guests typically attend the funeral, during which the minister reads Scripture, offers prayers, and preaches a sermon.
A large black carriage pulled by horses leads a procession of carriages to the burial ground. At the simple graveside service, pallbearers lower the coffin and shovel soil into the grave as the bishop reads a hymn.
Humility is shown by the smallness of the gravestone—equal in size to every other gravestone in the cemetery. The Amish are a community of equals in death as in life. After the graveside service, family and close friends return home and share a meal.
“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust” is often quoted at funeral services. The point of this phrase is not to make us believe that life is meaningless; rather, it is to remind us that belief is what gives life meaning.
As with all other Amish rituals, the simplicity and humility of the Amish funeral keep the focus where it belongs—on the Creator who groans when a single sparrow falls from the sky. The comfort and aid the Amish give each other surrounding times of death are but reflections of the comfort and aid that God offers each of us throughout our lives.
While your funeral traditions may be very different from those of the Amish, death almost always offers opportunities to be of service to others. Making meals, offering rides and accommodations to visiting relatives, and performing simple chores are ways we can express our love and concern for the living. Sending a note that includes a specific fond memory of the deceased—perhaps one that the family never heard before—can be a great comfort.
Fifteen years ago, my brother drowned in front of my children during a family reunion. One of my friends back home realized that I had only vacation clothes with me, so she went through my closet and sent appropriate apparel that I could wear to the funeral and throughout the week of mourning. While clothes were the last thing on my mind at the time, I will never forget this thoughtful act.
For many, the ministry of presence is of greatest value. Listening while family members retell favorite stories can be a first step toward healing. Praying for the mourners and helping them turn to God for solace can increase the faith of all.
The Fruit of Amish Traditions: Forgiveness and Peace
Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:32
You have heard the law that says “love your neighbor” and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven.
Matthew 5:43-45
The traditions surrounding birth, Communion, worship, baptism, marriage, and death reinforce Amish values. These values bear fruit in daily life, particularly through the practices the Amish are best known for—forgiveness and peace.
The most public example of Amish forgiveness took place after the schoolhouse shooting in Pennsylvania, which we discussed in chapter 8. Amish elders immediately visited the widow of the shooter, offering comfort and assistance to the family and condolences to his grieving parents. This Amish example sent a powerful message throughout the world: forgiveness is unconditional. Jesus died on the cross to atone for our sins, not because of what we did but because of who he is.
The true test of any value system is how we act under duress. Forgiveness, like anything else we value, must be practiced on a regular basis. If we do not forgive the small infractions—the cranky response of a tired spouse, the tool a neighbor forgets to return, the missed appointment with an overworked friend—how can we forgive the bigger wrongs?
Forgiveness is like the muscle mass of our heart; it must be exercised regularly in order to function well. Just as walking a couple of miles a day keeps our hearts healthy, forgiving a few annoyances and disappointments each day keeps our souls in good shape. The effect of daily exercise is cumulative. If the sidewalks are icy and we miss a few days of walking, no harm done. If we occasionally respond defensively to a provocative remark, the relationship will heal.
Big acts of forgiveness, as in the schoolhouse shooting, do not occur in isolation. They come out of a lifetime of practice, based on a rule book—the Bible—that is eternal. The Author’s expectations for us are clearly laid out: “Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others” (Colossians 3:12-13).
When we repent, God forgives. Any crime, any confession is immediately and unconditionally forgiven. We should do likewise.
This forgiveness does not sanction the offense or grant license to repeat it. Forgiveness, freely given, offers something even better: it grows our soul.
Make peace wherever you go
Forgiveness is the leavening agent of peace. A couple of teaspoons can help a whole bowl of dough rise. We see this in our families, in our communities, in our nations, and in our world. Grudges held too tightly can spoil the entire batch.
When we invite people for a meal, I almost always serve homemade bread. Bread is often referred to as the “staff of life,” an apt description of its restorative power. The smell of bread baking makes entering our home more welcoming. The knowledge that I kneaded that dough makes our guests feel more valued. And the taste of the bread comforts us, especially when that bread is still warm from the oven.
I have included several of my favorite bread recipes in the appendixes, but here’s a recipe that feeds our souls.
Peace Bread
Ingredients:
2 c. unbleached thoughtfulness
2 c. patience
1 tsp. empathy
2 Tbs. melted love
3 Tbs. sweetness of honey
1 c. warm milk of kindness
2 tsp. forgiveness
Instructions:
Combine kindness, sweetness, and forgiveness in a small bowl until frothy. Mix with the remaining ingredients and gently knead. Place dough in a greased bowl, cover, and allow to rise in a warm place until double in size. Remove dough and knead again. If dough feels stiff, add up to a quarter cup of compassion. Form into desired shape for second rising. Bake in oven until golden. Serve warm.
My soft spot for corny illustrations aside, this metaphor takes on deeper significance when we consider the sacrament—the sacred act—of Communion. When we take Communion, we eat a piece of bread, symbolic of the body of Christ. The Eucharist act unifies the greater body of Christ. As the apostle Paul so eloquently explains in a letter to the Corinthians, each of us within the body of Christ can serve an important role.
In another famous epistle, Paul also makes clear the need for us to practice peace: “Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). One role of the Amish community is to remind us, through example, how to live in peace with one another. Like forgiveness, the skills for peaceful living grow stronger with practice. Every time we choose to stay calm in traffic, to not shout at a telephone solicitor, or to encourage t
he losing team is a victory for peace.
A professor at a Christian college shared this life-changing story of peace: He has three sons, all gifted athletes who played sports throughout their school years. This father wanted to be supportive of his sons and attended most of their games. One Saturday afternoon, he found himself in the bleachers screaming loudly at the opposing team. The words coming out of his mouth were not exactly G-rated, and his tone was decidedly angry. He didn’t need a mirror to know that his face was red up to the roots of his flattop—jaw hardened and eyes nearly squinted shut in anger.
In one of those rare flashes of self-awareness, however, God held up a mirror. For a brief moment, this father glimpsed how he must look and sound to parents of the student athletes on the opposing team. More important, he saw how his behavior must appear to God—distorted with rage, over what? A basketball game!
That moment of insight changed this man forever. Does he ever feel himself growing angry? Of course. But the mirror that God held up revealed an image he never wants to repeat. His example has taught me that peaceful behaviors can be learned; all it takes is the will to change, the endurance to practice, and the faith that, with God’s help, transformation will happen.
Let’s Sum It Up
Jesus says his followers are in the world but not of it (see John 17:15-16). How do we find the strength and wisdom for such a life? Through faith, and faith grows with practice.
Incorporating Amish values into daily rituals and rites of passage reminds us how faith can permeate every area of our lives. We are God’s children not just on Sundays, but every day of the week. Whether we are at work, at home, in the car, or on the soccer field, we are to act with compassion and love. What we do and say does matter, not only to our friends and family, but to our Father. God sees not only our actions but our motivations—our heart writ large, as clear as a neon billboard on Times Square.
Where we seek spiritual guidance also matters. The Bible warns of a time when people “will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear” (2 Timothy 4:3). Throughout this book, we have used the Amish example to counter such impulses, reminding us time and again, as C. S. Lewis advises in Mere Christianity, that “Going back can sometimes be the quickest way forward.”
While the Almost Amish guidance throughout this book may not always sound hip or politically correct, it is thoroughly scriptural and relevant. On our Almost Amish journey, each of us can take small steps toward a life where,
• Homes are simple, uncluttered, and clean; the outside reflects the inside.
• Technology serves as a tool and does not rule as a master.
• Saving more and spending less bring financial peace.
• Spending time in God’s creation reveals the face of God.
• Small and local leads to saner lives.
• Service to others reduces loneliness and isolation.
• The only true security comes from God.
• Knowing neighbors and supporting local businesses build community.
• Family ties are lifelong; they change but never cease.
• Faith life and way of life are inseparable.
As we give and receive forgiveness, our lives become more peaceful. As we slow down, we are able to hear God’s voice. When we simplify, we have more to give to others. And when we set boundaries, our lives become more sustainable, calm, and joyful.
The Almost Amish life is a conscious life. Though the choices we make may vary, it is a journey that we can take together—and above all, with God. Will there be false starts throughout our life with Christ? Of course! The busyness of modern life has a way of thwarting even the best of intentions. Yet each time we seek out an Almost Amish path, we move one step nearer to the Kingdom of God. Every time we choose the Almost Amish way, we come one breath closer to a slower, simpler, more sustainable life.
At one time or another, many of us have been amazed when God puts exactly the right Scripture before us, at precisely the moment we need it. In my regular Bible reading, I have been studying the teachings of Jeremiah.
This is what the LORD says:
“Stop at the crossroads and look around.
Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it.
Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls.”
Jeremiah 6:16
This wisdom bears repeating: Stop at the crossroads. Ask for the old, godly way. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. I wish I could say that from the start of this book I had planned to use this amazingly spot-on passage in the closing paragraphs, but the truth is even better: God’s perfect timing saved the best for last!
Thanks to that man in the back of the room with the booming voice, I now have an answer to his question, “What are you, Amish or something?”
“Not Amish—Almost Amish!”
My prayer is that wherever you are along the Almost Amish path, you have the will, passion, and energy to make one change—however small—this very day. My prayer is that you gain joy in drawing closer to God and lean on him for the strength needed to carry through. My prayer is that you find the peace that passes all understanding as you continue along the Almost Amish journey. May God bless you with his love and protection every step of the way!
Almost Amish Recipes
Serving soup, salad, and bread is one of the easiest (and most flexible) ways to feed family and friends. Most soups taste even better the second day, so plan for leftovers. If more people show up than expected, you can always expand the soup with a bit more stock. For a heartier meal, offer grilled chicken or salmon to top the salad. And feel free to modify according to your family’s tastes and what’s in season—these recipes are very forgiving, a trait that the Amish have in abundance!
Breads
Homemade bread makes any meal special. I have provided three favorite recipes with traditional instructions. To keep things simple, however, I almost always use a hybrid system: after mixing the ingredients and completing the first rising in my bread maker, I shape the loaves, place them in a warm spot to rise, and then bake the bread in the oven.
Each recipe makes two loaves—one to eat and one to send home with guests or share with neighbors, if there are any leftovers! Be sure to take a stick of butter out of the refrigerator before the second rising, so it will be spreadable by mealtime.
Honey Whole Wheat with Poppy Seeds
This is my signature bread—the one that repeat guests most often request. It’s best served warm from the oven with softened butter. If there are leftovers, sprinkle a slice with cinnamon sugar and pop it in the microwave for a few seconds—depending on the time of a day, it makes a healthy dessert or a memorable breakfast treat. Butter and milk can be omitted if you have vegans among you.
11/2 c. warm water
1 Tbs. canola oil or butter
3 Tbs. honey
1/3 c. dried milk
1/2 tsp. salt
2 c. unbleached white flour
2 c. whole wheat flour
1/3 c. oat bran hot cereal, dry/uncooked (optional)
2 Tbs. poppy seeds
2 tsp. fast-rising dry yeast
Mix all ingredients. Knead. Cover and allow to rise in a warm place until double. (Or use the “dough only” setting on your bread maker.) Punch down and knead again. If dough feels sticky, add more flour.
Divide dough into halves and shape into two loaves. Place in greased 4x8 bread pans and allow to rise in a warm place until about double. Bake in preheated oven (350° degrees) for 25–30 minutes or until loaves sound hollow when tapped. Remove from pans and, if desired, run a stick of butter quickly over top of bread. Allow to cool slightly before slicing.
For rolls: Shape dough into 11/2-inch round balls before second rising. Place two inches apart on baking sheets coated with nonstick spray. Bake 10 minutes at 350° or until done.
For a change of pace: Omit poppy seeds. Knead in 3/4 c. dried cranber
ries before second rising.
Challah (Jewish braided egg bread)
This is the most beautiful bread I make. One Easter, a pastor friend asked me to bake several loaves for Communion. What a joyful way to meditate upon the risen Christ! If you have any leftovers, challah makes unforgettable French toast.
3/4 c. warm milk
2 Tbs. butter or canola oil (optional)
3 eggs
1 tsp. salt
4 c. unbleached white flour
1/4–1/2 c. oat bran hot cereal, dry/uncooked (optional)
2 Tbs. sugar
2 tsp. fast-rising dry yeast
Mix all ingredients. Knead. Cover and allow to rise in a warm place until double. (Or use “dough only” setting on your bread maker.) Punch down and knead again. Add more flour, if dough feels sticky, then divide dough into halves.
Divide each half into three equal pieces (six total). Roll each piece into a long rope—try to make the ropes about the same length and thickness. Coat two baking sheets with nonstick spray. Braid three ropes together on each baking sheet. Moisten fingers and seal ends where the three ropes join.
Allow to rise in a warm place, uncovered, until double. Bake at 350° degrees for 12–15 minutes or until the top is golden and the bread sounds hollow when tapped. Do not overcook. If desired, lightly rub top of warm loaves with butter.
Cinnamon Roll
I have absolutely no willpower when it comes to this bread. Fortunately, neither do those around the table, so there are rarely leftovers!
1 c. warm water
1 egg
2 Tbs. canola oil or butter (optional)
1 tsp. salt
3 c. unbleached white flour
1/3 c. oat bran hot cereal, dry/uncooked (optional)
3 Tbs. sugar
1 tsp. vanilla extract
2 tsp. active dry yeast
