"I may have neglected to mention that only the pure of being can pass by the Hashmallim," the boy called to me, his voice thin and reedy on the increasing wind. "Those who are not pure…"
"Sweet sanity, he couldn't have mentioned that earlier?" I took a deep breath, my body racked with trembling so great that my teeth chattered as I yelled back, "What happens to them?"
"They do not leave."
A thousand and one sins flashed before my eyes, things I'd done in my life of which I was not proud, starting with a favorite toy I refused to share with a childhood friend, and ending with the loss of Theo's soul. Was I now being called to account for them? The thought of remaining in that place for eternity was almost enough to bring me to my knees, but just as I was convinced I couldn't do it, that I couldn't pass by the three Hashmallim, an image of Theo came to my mind. Theo laughing at a silly joke, Theo's face tight with passion as he found his release, Theo sleepy and adorable and so endearing it made tears prick behind my eyes. If I failed, I'd never see him again.
Theo loved me. I knew he did; I felt it in the soft touches of his mind against mine. And what was more, at that moment I knew with the certainty that I knew the Greisen-Zatsepin-Kuzmin limit was 5 x 1019 electron volts that I loved Theo with every molecule in my body. Surely I couldn't love someone so deeply, so completely, so absolutely without having some redeeming qualities?
I lifted my chin and stiffened my back, holding my gaze firm on the nearest Hashmallim as I took the hardest step forward I'd ever taken. "I am not a bad person. I have done some things in my life that I regret, but I am not evil. I don't abuse animals or children. I don't steal, try not to lie, and only kill really nasty bugs that are attempting to sting me. In a world divided into shades of good and bad, I am a good."
The Hashmallim didn't move as I forced my legs to move, closing my eyes as I brushed up against the edge of one of them. I fought to hold onto the knowledge that I was myself, a person with flaws and errors in judgment, but fundamentally good at heart.
The ground slipped out from under my feet, and I felt myself falling. I opened my eyes to stare unbelievingly at the grassy lawn of the Petitioner's Park as it zoomed up to meet me. The stone benches, the people standing around watching, Theo crouching on the ground over an inert body—they all rushed up to me until I realized I was actually plummeting down to the earth.
"Aieeeeeeeee," I screamed, my arms and legs flailing wildly.
Theo leaped back from the body on the ground as it disappeared, looking up toward me. I had a moment to see stark astonishment on his face.
"Catch me!" I yelled.
He leaped forward, his arms out.
I hit the ground a foot away from him, my fall somewhat broken by the soft lawn. It wasn't so soft that it cushioned me entirely, though. I lay facedown, spitting out bits of lawn, my head spinning, my chest aching, all the air having been slammed out of my lungs.
"Portia! Salus invenitur! Tell me you're all right!"
I lifted my head to glare at him, spitting out another mouthful of grass. "Exactly what part of 'catch me' wasn't clear to you?"
"Woman, you will be the death of me yet," he said, pulling me up to an embrace that would have broken the ribs of a lesser woman.
"I'm going to be the death of you?" I looked pointedly at the Portia-shaped faint indentation made on the lawn.
"I'm sorry," he said, his lips twitching as he hugged me again. I thought I'd lost you.
I'm not so easy to do in, I said, kissing him back when his lips found mine. Ow.
How badly are you hurt?
I doubt it's anything major. I wouldn't want to ravish you on the spot if it was, would I?
He chuckled in my mind. The desire is mutual, you know. What happened to you?
I ran into a couple Hashmallim.
You what?
"It would appear you have passed the fifth trial," Disin said as Theo helped me to my feet.
I brushed off bits of grass and dirt, straightening up slowly. Other than an ache in my chest and knees where I'd struck the ground, I seemed to be relatively unharmed, which was amazing considering the fall I'd taken. "So I gather."
It was small of me, I know, but I found satisfaction in the fact that Disin looked nonplussed.
"This result is not what we anticipated," she continued. "We will discuss the ramifications."
The three mare leaned together. Around us, the crowd was oddly hushed, the expressions on most of the faces present making it clear that few people had expected me to pass the fifth trial. I took satisfaction in their surprise, as well.
"What did the Hashmallim do to you?" Theo asked, brushing a strand of grass from my hair.
"Other than almost scaring the pee right out of me? Nothing. Oh, there was the fact that they returned me to the Court a good forty feet above the ground, but that point pales in relation to the fact that I didn't die from the drop. Why wasn't I more seriously injured? I'm not immortal yet, am I?"
"Not in so many words. You bear the gift of a virtue, though, so that makes you more or less an immortal candidate. You have a bit more stamina than you had before."
"I'm not going to bicker about that," I said, pressing carefully on my ribs. Already the pain was diminishing.
"We have come to a decision," Disin said, gesturing toward me.
I took Theo's hand, my fingers twining through his.
"Child, come forward." Irina, the white-haired mare, nodded at me.
Disin had her mouth open, as if she was about to speak, but she snapped her teeth closed at Irina's words.
Theo and I walked to the old woman.
"You are too tall. Sit." She waved a hand gnarled by arthritis toward the grass at her feet.
We knelt before her. She took Theo's face in both her hands, peering intently into his eyes. I felt a jolt of surprise in him at her examination.
What is it? I asked.
Before he could answer, Irina nodded at Theo and released his face, only to take my chin in a surprisingly strong grip. She tilted my head back so she could look deep into my eyes.
The impact of her gaze on mine shook me to my toenails. If was as if she was seeing everything I was, stripping away all the layers of societal mores and pretenses, of protective layers, exposing my true core to her faded eyes.
"Child, you are lost," she said, still examining me. I felt like a squirming beetle pinned to a board. "Your path is hidden. You have much to do to find it, but I believe you will. You will be released to do just that."
Irina released my chin, using both hands on her cane to push herself to her feet. I wobbled forward for a moment, almost dizzy with the relief of having the soul-stripping ended. Theo grabbed my arm, and pulled me up to my feet.
The other two mare stood as well.
"It is decided that the mortal known as Portia Harding will be released," Disin said in a loud voice, her eyes cold as she turned to me. "The Hashmallim have deemed your being pure, thus you will not be held. Your behavior in this place, however, is beyond tolerance. You are hereby banned from the Court of Divine Blood."
A hundred whispered comments rippled the air behind us.
Thank them, Theo ordered.
"Thank you for your generosity," I said, trying hard to keep any trace of the sarcasm I felt from lacing my words. I turned to leave, but Disin stopped me.
"You may have passed the fifth trial, Portia Harding, but you have not satisfied us that you do not have some involvement in the death of the virtue named Hope."
"I haven't…" I shook my head, confused. "I don't understand. Doesn't passing the test prove I have a pure heart? How can I have a pure heart and have murdered Hope?"
Disin's lips tightened. "Even purity is subjective to interpretation. What we call a heartless murder, you may truly believe is for the better good. Thus, it is entirely possible that in your mind your heart is pure."
"But…"
"If you did not kill Hope, the onus is upon you to prove who did," Disin interrup
ted. "Should you fail to do so by the new moon, you will be stripped of the Gift given to you, and banished from the Court forever."
When's the new moon? I asked Theo, more than a little stunned by the mare's demand.
I'm not sure. A week, I think. Perhaps two.
Like we don't have enough to do, now we have to figure out what happened to Hope?
I'm afraid we're not going to have much of a choice.
"I am a physicist, not a detective," I told Disin. "Don't you people have some sort of a police force that would be better suited to investigate her death? Aren't those Hashmallim guys your security people?"
"If you are not responsible for her death, then you are in the best position to determine who did cause it," Disin said dismissively.
"But I have no experience finding murderers—"
"You summoned Hope and accepted her position. With that goes responsibility."
I felt like screaming. Did no one else see the error in her logic? "I understand that, but it doesn't follow that I'll know how to find out who killed her."
Portia, do not continue. It will do no good; they've made up their minds.
But I don't know the first thing about detecting!
Then we will learn. Thank the mare.
They're using me as a scapegoat, you know.
I know. But we have no choice.
He had a point.
"Thank you again for your generosity," I said, hoping that the sarcasm which laced my thoughts wasn't evident in my words.
Disin inclined her head, and left the park with the other two mare.
The officious little man who had started the hearing bustled up to us as the remaining crowd dispersed to their various destinations. "You must leave the Court now. I will escort you to the exit."
"We can find our own way out—" I started to say.
"I will escort you," he said with a meaningful look in his eye.
We suffered his presence in silence as we walked through the cobblestoned streets to the wooden doorway that led back to the normal world. I stepped through the doorway, back to the small, unused office, and with my return, the weight of the world seemed to descend upon my shoulders.
"Now what do we do?" I asked, hopelessness welling within me.
Theo smiled and kissed the tips of my fingers on the hand he still held. "Now, sweetling, we find a murderer."
"I don't know the first thing about solving a murder…" I smiled as a thought struck me. "But I know someone who used to write mysteries before she switched to romances."
Chapter 16
"Right, the first thing we need to do is make a list of people who wanted Hope dead." Sarah sucked thoughtfully at the end of her pen, then quickly wrote down my name at the top of a sheet of paper.
"Hey!" I protested. "Didn't you hear a thing I've said for the last hour? I did not kill Hope, which you of all people should know."
"Of course I know it. But all good detectives make a list of all possible suspects, then eliminate them one by one until only one person remains on the list—the killer. What was the name of that man who tried to seduce you?"
I slumped across the table we had commandeered in the corner of the pub upon returning to town, my forehead in my hands. Theo sat next to me, looking wistfully at someone a few tables away who was sipping a whisky and soda. "No one tried to seduce me except Theo, and I seduced him right back. Oh, wait, you mean Gabriel the cherub?"
"That's the fellow." Sarah added his name to the list, tapped the pen on her lips for a moment while she thought, and added the names of the trial proctors I'd had to date. "Who else have you met?"
"Sarah, you can't list everyone I've run across," I protested.
"Don't be silly; that's how it works. Let's see, so far we have you and Theo, included for thoroughness, a Guardian, three trial proctors, one demon, and the prince of hell. Anyone else?"
I sighed. "There is no cast of characters you can run down, you know."
"Yuh-huh. If you didn't murder Hope, and I agree that's highly unlikely, then someone you've met must have."
The barmaid walked past with a tray holding two glasses of wine and a couple of mixed drinks. Theo's gaze watched the drink tray with an avidity that bespoke a hunger of a different sort than we'd fulfilled before meeting with Sarah.
"This is not one of your books, Sarah. This is real life, my life, and there's no earthly reason to believe that whoever killed Hope is someone I've met."
The pub owner walked behind the bar and set a pint glass beneath a Guinness tap, the thick blackish-brown liquid slowly filling the glass. Theo moaned softly to himself.
"Would you like me to get you a beverage?" I asked him.
His Adam's apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed. It took some doing, but he managed to drag his eyes off the pub owner and turn them to me, shaking his head. "Christian said I shouldn't until I'm used to the new diet."
I rubbed the leg that pressed against mine, enjoying the flex of his thigh muscles as much as I knew he was.
"Interesting," Sarah said, watching Theo for a moment before making another note. "Can't drink anything but blood. Very interesting."
"Portia's right," he said, ignoring Sarah's note-taking to frown at the tabletop. "We don't know that the person who killed Hope is someone we've encountered in the last few days. We don't even know when or where or how Hope died. For that matter, we don't know if she's really dead. No one has found her body. What we need is solid information, upon which we can base an investigation."
My heart swelled with delight. I love it when you are logical.
I'm always logical!
Not always, but when you are, it makes my toes curl.
He gave me a mental eye roll that had me giggling to myself.
"I suppose," Sarah admitted, pulling my attention back to the matter at hand.
"I agree, it makes sense. Who can we go to in order to get that info?"
Theo averted his eyes as the barmaid walked past with a large martini. "Most of the people who would have access to that information are in the Court of Divine Blood. But with the ban in place, they are out of reach to us."
"I thought only Portia was banned?" Sarah asked.
"Technically, she was, but I am her champion, and thus represent her. The ban extends to me, as well."
"Assuming Hope was killed outside of the Court, there has to be someone out here who we could ask." I looked at Theo. "This is all new to me, so I'm less than helpful when it comes to naming names. Is there someone outside the Court you can think of who we can talk to?"
His eyes lightened, taking on a wary cast.
"What?" I asked him.
"There is a potential source of information," he said slowly.
"Oh? Who?"
"It's not someone you're going to want to see again."
I thought back over the people I'd met in the last few days, and shook my head. "Oh, no. I will not go to hell and see Bael again."
"Not Bael," Theo said, his fingers stroking mine.
"The demon then, what's his name—Nefere. He's almost as bad as Bael."
Theo shook his head. "Not Nefere."
A cold, sick feel crept out of my belly and slipped into my veins. "Sweet mother of reason, you don't mean…you can't mean…please tell me you don't mean them, Theo."
"I'm sorry, sweetling. The Hashmallim are the only ones who we can approach."
"No."
"They are more or less the security force of the Court, which gives them the power to come and go as they please. All we have to do is convince one to speak with us outside of the Court."
"Absolutely not."
"They seldom come to the mortal world, but if we can—"
"No!"
He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. "I won't leave you alone with them this time."
"I know you're not, because I'm not going to be anywhere near them."
"The Hashmallim? Those creepy guys that Portia said are made up of silhouettes?" Sarah's eyes wi
dened, a look of delight brightening her face. "Oh, I can't wait to meet them! I have so many questions! Like, why were they chasing us that day we met?"
Theo cleared his throat and studied his hands for a moment. "They weren't actually…er…chasing you."
"They weren't?" I asked.
"Er…no."
"But, you said at the time—"
His hands brushed off my question. "Yes, yes, I said that they were, but I couldn't think of any other way to convince the two of you to come with me."
"So they weren't even there?" I asked, hands on my hips.
"We weren't in any danger?" Sarah asked at the same time.
"They were there. Even unused to the ways of the Court, you two must have felt their arrival. They were following Hope."
"That's right," I said slowly. "She mentioned someone was chasing her. I thought later it was you."
"It was me…but the Hashmallim were also trying to find her."
Sarah clasped her hands together. "What'd she do? Something horrible?"
"It's some minor point of Court politics that she avoided mentioning to the proper authorities. The Hashmallim were sent to interview her regarding it."
"Well, I don't care about that. I just want to talk to one of the big scary guys. When can we?" Sarah asked.
"Never!" I said, squeezing Theo's hand back, and not with reassurance, either.
Sweetling, I wouldn't put you through this unless it was the only way.
Theo, I know you've been around a long time, but you have no idea how horrible those guys are up close. They're indescribably awful! It made me physically ill to be near them!
The smile he gave me was sad. I'm well aware of the Hashmallim, my love. Who do you think was responsible for throwing me out of the Court the only other time I was there?
"You guys are doing that mind-talking thing again, aren't you?" Sarah asked, narrowing her eyes at us.
"I'm simply trying to convince Portia that the Hashmallim are our only hope of getting some answers," Theo said. You do believe me, don't you?
I believe that you believe what you are saying, I answered, well aware I was sounding unreasonably stubborn. The memory of my experience with the Hashmallim was too fresh in my mind, however.
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