by Lauren Smith
Was this how the rest of her life would be if she stayed in Chicago and had the baby there with Jared? Just one more distraction for a man who was a workaholic? She didn’t want to put herself or the baby through that, but she loved him and didn’t want to leave.
What am I going to do?
It was raining when their flight landed in Chicago, and Felicity couldn’t help but think the dreary cold wet matched her mood. The entire flight back, Jared had been immersed in work, with his laptop on with contracts and spreadsheets on his lap. Part of her had wished she’d changed her mind and stayed in Nebraska a few more days. She could have talked to her mother about the baby, the dos and don’ts, and everything else a newly-pregnant woman needed to know.
Now here she was, back in a city with hundreds of thousands of people, and she felt more isolated and alone than she’d ever been in her life. A whole other human now depended on her, was growing inside of her, and she was terrified that she wouldn’t do all the right things to give the baby the life it deserved.
“I’ve got to go to the office for a few hours. I’ll have a cab come pick you up and bring you to my place for a movie, among other things.” Jared leaned over and kissed her. For the first time in three hours he was paying attention to her, and she hated that it filled her with joy.
Felicity wanted to do that more than anything, but she knew she needed some time to figure things out and think about the baby.
“I’m too tired. What if I see you tomorrow night?”
The look of disappointment in his eyes would haunt her forever, but she needed space and time to think about everything. She wasn’t ready to tell him about the baby, even though she knew she’d have to tell him soon.
The cab they caught from the airport dropped Jared off at his office first and Felicity at her apartment building twenty minutes later. He’d kissed her before he’d gotten out of the cab, and she clung to that memory, knowing she’d sleep alone tonight. She hauled her duffel bag over her shoulders, wincing as her body screamed at the movement. It would be weeks before her body got back to feeling normal after getting crushed by that snowboarder.
She hated that she had to come home to this small apartment with its cramped rooms and dark halls. For the last month and a half, she’d spent half her nights in Jared’s bed. Her small apartment felt less and less like home and more confined than ever. But she had to get used to it. If she ended up going to Los Angeles, she’d be facing the same issue of small living quarters. It would be even more confining once the baby arrived.
Felicity touched her stomach for the hundredth time. Would it be a boy? Or a girl? For the first time since she found out she was pregnant, she was excited to think about the baby. If it was a girl, she’d buy all the cute dresses in bright colors; if it was a boy, he’d be in natural colors. She smiled a little. Colors. As an artist and a person who’d studied art most of her life, she was always focused on colors. What would she do with the baby’s room? She’d have to paint the walls with something wonderful. She could just picture it. A little boy with dark hair and expressive eyes like his father, or a girl with her father’s sense of sweetness and mischief. A pit formed in her stomach at the thought of having to figure this out on her own if Jared didn’t want to be involved with the baby.
Her apartment building was dark as she entered the lobby. The overhead lights were not working, as usual. It was so different from the light, clean lobby of Jared’s apartment building. She climbed the stairs, her bag hitting her back in the same sore spot the entire way up before she reached her floor. The hall was quiet, except for the muted sounds of the couple next door who always argued and the TV in the apartment by the stairs. Felicity dug her keys out of her purse when she reached her door.
The moment that the key slid into the lock it wouldn’t turn. She tried again, muttering, and when she fiddled with the knob the apartment door eased open.
It had been unlocked already…
Maybe I forgot to lock it when I left for Colorado?
No. She’d never forgotten to lock it before. A tingling sense of unease crept up her spine, making her shudder.
She nudged the door open with her foot, and it creaked loudly as it opened farther. She walked a few steps into her apartment and then froze. Her couch was ripped to shreds, stuffing puffed out at odd angles between clear slash marks. Her bookshelves were upended, the textbooks crumpled on the floor, their pages bent and torn. All around her was destruction and ruination. She dropped the duffel bag to the floor, her heart stuck in her throat.
“I’ve been robbed…” she whispered brokenly. The truth of her situation hit her fully when she heard a shuffling step and a crash in the kitchen. She whirled and screamed at the sight of a man rooting through her cabinets. He stopped moving and stared at her through a black ski mask. All she could see was the whites of his eyes. Never in her life had she faced a nightmare like this. Everything inside her seemed to speed up while all around her the world slowed down.
Baby, must protect baby. It was strange that an instinct she had never possessed before was now suddenly screaming inside of her.
Felicity ran for the bathroom, which was closer to her. The outside hall was too far away, and he could catch her, kill her… Her feet skidded as she hit the tile in the bathroom. Her shoulder slammed against the doorframe as she struggled to turn and slam the door shut. When the lock clicked, she backed away from the door, her heart smacking against her ribs so hard she could barely breathe. Her ears strained to pick up any sounds outside the door.
Boots stomped past the bathroom, more crashing. Something shattered, and then there was nothing but silence.
Felicity was shaking so hard she clutched her hands together for several long seconds before she crumpled to the floor and reached for her purse. She pulled her cell phone out and dialed 911.
“911, what’s your emergency?” a calm female voice asked.
“Please help me,” she whispered. “There’s a man in my apartment, robbing me. I’m locked in the bathroom. Please…I’m pregnant and I’m scar—ed.” Her voice broke at the last two words she uttered. Her mind was racing, but not a single thought was rational. Sheer panic flooded her.
“Stay calm, ma’am. What’s your location?”
Felicity whispered her address and waited. “Please hurry.”
The woman on the phone spoke again. “Stay on the line, honey. Officers are en route to your location.”
Felicity stayed on the phone listening to the sounds outside. Her blood pounded in her ears, making it hard for her to distinguish any other noises beyond the bathroom door.
Please…let him leave me alone…
She held on to the cell phone and waited.
25
After ten minutes of hiding in the bathroom, Felicity heard footsteps and a click followed by fast chatter on a police radio.
“Ma’am, it’s the police. We’ve entered the premises. Remain in the bathroom until we knock.”
“Okay.” She pressed a hand to her stomach.
It seemed to take years before somebody knocked on the door.
“It’s all clear, ma’am. It’s safe to come out. I’m Officer Winston, and my partner Officer Bowen is standing beside me.”
“Ma’am, the officers are at your location. It’s safe to hang up,” the 911 dispatcher said.
“Thank you,” Felicity breathed and disconnected the call. Then she got to her feet, her knees knocking together as she unlocked the door.
Two uniformed officers stood there, frowning.
“Ms. Hart?” the older one asked. He looked to be in his midforties.
“That’s me.” She stepped out of the bathroom.
“Whoever was here when you arrived is long gone. We need you to file a report and list anything that’s missing.”
She nodded numbly.
“Do you have anyone you can call?” the second officer asked. He was younger, probably in his early thirties. Both of the officers were looking at her in concern. “We were t
old you’re pregnant,” the younger officer continued. “My wife’s four months pregnant, and if she’d gone through a scare like this, I’d be worried about her being alone.”
“I can call my boyfriend.” She would call Jared and then she would call Layla.
“You should call him and have him come over to help you pack a bag. I would urge you not to stay here tonight. It’s unlikely for burglars to come back, but the dispatcher said you saw him, even though he was masked. It’s still a risk I wouldn’t advise taking.”
“Right…” She dialed Jared’s number and waited, watching the cops move about the apartment doing one last examination.
Jared answered on the fifth ring, sounding frustrated. “Felicity? What’s up? I’m in the middle of something—”
“Jared…” she whispered, her voice cracking again with another unwelcome flood of emotions.
“Honey? What’s wrong?” His tone changed instantly to concern.
“I was robbed. I got home and I came in and there was a man and I walked in on him, and I saw him.” Her heart was still pounding, and she couldn’t stop shaking. It took a second for her to collect herself and continue. “I locked myself in the bathroom. I called 911. The police are here, and they told me I shouldn’t stay here tonight.”
“Fucking hell! Of course you’re not staying there! Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just shaken up.” She glanced at the two cops, who were now standing by the door.
“I’ll be there in twenty minutes.” Jared hung up.
While she waited for Jared to arrive, Felicity had called Layla and told her everything and assured her that Jared was coming to take care of her. Then she’d filled out the police report and tried to go through room by room to see what was missing. Her secondhand laptop and a tiny TV had been stolen. Other than that, everything was completely destroyed, but nothing else was missing. Broken dishes littered the kitchen floor, and everything in the bathroom was scattered on the tile. She felt numb as she stared at the pieces of her life that lay damaged and broken.
That could have been me lying on the floor…with the baby…
Raw emotions swept through her, leaving her vulnerable and rattled. There was no way she could stay here in this apartment, not after this. For her baby’s sake, she had to move out of here as soon as possible.
She was standing by the bathroom door, hands clenched into white-knuckled fists, her eyes darting to the front door. She jolted when Jared burst into the apartment. His hair was mussed as though he’d been clawing his hands through it, and his tie was loosened, his jacket hanging off one arm as though he hadn’t even stopped to put it on before rushing out of his office to come to her.
“Felicity, honey?” His voice was low, harsh, and full of worry.
“Here.” She rushed to him, throwing herself into the safe cocoon of his arms. The floodgates opened, and she was crying. Again. Since when had she become so weak that she cried at the drop of a hat? No, I’m not weak. This is just hormones and stress and trauma.
Jared wrapped his arms tighter around her, pressing his lips against the crown of her hair. “I’m here. You’re safe.” His low murmurs soothed some of the panic. He was warm, strong, and holding her like a sturdy rock, immovable against even the mightiest of storms.
“Sir, we had her complete a report and will get it filed. We advised her to stay somewhere else tonight.”
Felicity didn’t look at the cops as they came over to her and Jared.
“I’ll take her to my place.”
“Good. Try to have a good night,” the older cop said.
“You too,” Jared replied. When the cops left, he pulled away from her enough that she had to look up at him. He cupped her chin.
“Hey, it’s going to be okay. You’re safe now.” The way he said it, with his strong arms and tall, muscled body cradling hers, she felt it had to be true.
Safe. She was safe. The baby was safe.
A startling burst of clarity struck her in that moment. She couldn’t wait another minute to tell Jared about the baby. If something had happened to her tonight, he might not have known about the baby until it was too late. She couldn’t keep the truth from him any longer. It was time to tell him and face whatever may come.
“We have to talk,” she said, her voice stronger now that she knew what she had to do.
“Ok—ay.” He drew out the word slowly as though sensing whatever she had to say was important, and that seemed to worry him. “It can wait until we get to my apartment, right?”
She bit her lip and nodded.
“Good. Pack a week’s worth of clothing. I’m not letting you stay here until I feel it’s safe for you to come back.” He released her after one more kiss to her forehead.
Felicity packed clothes and took all the items she was afraid to leave behind, including her sketchbook and the family photo album she’d brought from home. Jared collected the textbooks she needed for the week, and together they left her apartment. Jared whistled for a cab and helped her inside. Even though he was there, she still couldn’t stop the slight shaking of her body. The adrenaline that had spiked when she’d seen the burglar was still pumping through her system. It would probably take a few hours to totally calm down.
Jared’s phone buzzed, and he slipped it out of his coat pocket, cursing. He texted something back and shoved the phone into his pocket.
“Work?” she asked.
“Yeah, they’ll be fine without me for another half hour.”
“I’m sorry you had to leave work,” she said just as the taxi pulled up in front of his apartment.
He shrugged as he climbed out of the cab. “They can be without me for a few hours. I’ll go back once I have you settled.”
Felicity didn’t reply. She couldn’t help but dread what she had to do. By the time they got up to Jared’s apartment, her stomach was doing cartwheels and she was afraid to open her mouth in case she threw up. God, it was too silent in here, so quiet she half expected him to hear the racing thoughts that screamed through her head. She was getting ready to tell him he was going to be a father. Was there any good way to spring this news on a man?
“Is Tanner here?” she asked quietly when Jared set her bags down by his bed.
“No, he and Layla won’t be back for another couple of days.”
Good. She had time to talk to him without any interruptions.
Jared approached her and impulsively pulled her into his arms. “When you called me, I thought I was going to have a heart attack.” He kissed her forehead, and then his lips moved down her cheek, then to her mouth.
If I don’t say it now, I’ll never tell him.
Felicity pressed a hand to his chest, separating them.
“Jared…” She lifted her lashes and tilted her head back.
“What is it? Talk to me,” he urged.
“In Colorado, when I fell…” She frowned and paused, struggling for words. “They can’t do X-rays on certain people because of conditions…”
“Okay.” He’d crossed his arms and was watching her intensely, his brows drawn together.
“But I wasn’t conscious, so they couldn’t ask me about those conditions, you see?”
“All right…”
When he continued to stare at her, she could feel the tears ready to spill, but she fought to control them.
“So they did the tests to figure out if I had those conditions in order to do the X-rays.” He still said nothing. What the hell, here it goes… “Jared, they gave me a pregnancy test. I’m pregnant.”
The space between them was covered in a cloak of silence. They stared at one another, and she could see the words were slowly settling in.
“Jared? Are you all right?” She bit her lip, trying to figure out how to get through his shock. “Jared, I’m having a baby. Our baby.” His hands, which had been holding her waist, dropped away and he stepped back, his jaw going slack.
“Pregnant?” He uttered the word roughly. “But…you were on the pil
l, and we used condoms.” He turned away from her, his hands digging into his hair as he began to pace the floor of his apartment.
“The nurse in Steamboat Springs told me that I might have needed to wait longer to have sex without condoms for the pill to be effective.”
He paused in his pacing, like a jungle cat sensing danger. Every muscle in his body appeared to tense.
“How far along are you?” He stared at her belly and she put one hand over herself.
“A little over eight weeks. We must have…”
“Eight weeks.” He whistled softly. “God, a baby,” he muttered and started pacing again. His face was lined with worry.
What if he didn’t want the baby? Her throat went dry at the thought, but she had made her decision long ago and would raise the child alone if she had to.
“I’m keeping it, Jared. I don’t expect anything from you if you don’t want to—”
“What?” He froze and stared at her, mouth agape. “Of course I want to be a part of this. I just need a minute to adjust.” He stopped pacing and faced her, his eyes heavy with concern and shock. “You’ve known for days,” he muttered.
She flinched at his tone and backed up, giving him space if he needed to pace again.
“I wanted to tell you at the hospital, but it was all too much, and then I didn’t want to ruin the holiday. And then it all made sense—the throwing up because of morning sickness, not bad plane food or altitude. And I just needed to process and think and figure things out…” God, she was rambling. Felicity wrung her hands together.
Jared slowly walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of scotch from the cabinet. He poured one glass and glanced her way. “Sorry, princess, but I really need this.” He downed the glass and rubbed his closed eyes with his thumb and forefinger. She collapsed on the couch and wrapped her arms around her chest.
“This whole time you’ve been sick, it was the baby?” He said the word baby carefully, as though hesitant.
“Yes. I didn’t know until the accident, but that’s what it was.”
He stared at the bottle of scotch before he put it away and came toward her. She was rooted to the spot, too afraid that now was the moment he’d decide he didn’t want her or the baby and would tell her to leave. He reached out and cupped her cheek, his thumb caressing her lip. His eyes were fathomless depths that swallowed her whole. Felicity’s body trembled and her spine tingled as she waited for him to speak. He lifted her chin and then very slowly lowered his head. One of his hands touched her lower back, his palm heating her through her thin sweater. His touches were light, easy to escape, yet somehow he made her feel trapped, in a good way that made her belly quiver and her womb clench.
