by Lauren Smith
Felicity stared at the screen of her cell phone long after it went dark. Jared was going to get fired because of her relationship with him.
It’s my fault.
Tears stung her eyes, but she held them at bay. She’d been a fool to think she and Jared were ready to become something more permanent. His career needed his full-time commitment, and a pregnant girlfriend was an unnecessary burden. She loved him with all of her heart, and she knew how much he cared about his job at the firm. It wasn’t fair to destroy his future by staying here and complicating his life.
She touched her belly, her heart shattering as she faced the only real option left. She needed to stay away from him long enough to let things cool between them. He could and would be a part of the baby’s life, but he couldn’t be a part of hers, not in the way she’d dreamed about.
“I have to fix this,” she told the baby, even knowing it couldn’t hear her, not yet.
She texted Thad telling him she needed his help. He called her a few seconds later.
“Felicity?” Thad’s voice was rich and soft, but it made her miss Jared’s voice all the more.
“I made a mistake. Jared and I didn’t disclose our relationship officially to your father or you.”
“We don’t have a problem with it,” he replied immediately.
“Thank you, but I think Jared’s boss needs some sort of signed document.”
“A consent and waiver document, that’d be my guess,” he said. “I can have one drafted, signed, and sent to Pimms’s office this evening.”
She exhaled in relief. “Thank you, Thad. Really.”
There was a pause on the other end of the line. “Is everything okay? You sound as though you’ve been crying.”
“I…um…I need a new place to live for a few months. My apartment got broken into last night, and I’ve decided I can’t go back there to live.” She knew what he was going to ask next, but there was no avoiding it.
“You were robbed? Are you okay? Have you talked to Jared?” Thad’s questions came out hurried, and his tone was rough, as though he was angry at what had happened to her.
“I’m fine. Jared came over and took me to his place for the night. But I can’t stay at my old apartment anymore.”
“And you’re not moving in with Jared?”
“No. He made it pretty clear that I’m in the way and a threat to his job security. So I’m leaving. Tonight while he’s at work. I just need some time to myself to heal.” She was not about to tell him she was pregnant.
“But he’s crazy about you. He nearly killed me that night I took you out to Club Amazon. He’s never been like that with any other woman.” There was a note of puzzlement in his tone.
“I know he cares, but we’re at different parts of our lives. I don’t want him to get hurt because he’s with me.” She held her breath, waiting for him to say something.
“I don’t want to help break the two of you up, but if there’s any other way I can help, I will. What do you need?” Thad asked.
She steeled herself to ask him the question she dreaded. It was not in her nature to ask for help. But the truth was, she needed a new place to stay, away from Jared. She considered rooming with Layla, but that meant seeing Tanner and then thinking of Jared.
“I need to get an apartment that’s in my budget and not in a scary part of town. I figured you know a lot of real estate people around town, so maybe you could help me find a place? Something small, no amenities.” More silence, then Thad surprised her.
“I’m not having you stay anywhere but at the Gold Circle.”
The Gold Circle? That was one of the world’s most exclusive hotels. She couldn’t afford one night there—it was the equivalent of her monthly rent. It was also where the closing party was going to be held in two weeks.
“Thank you, but I can’t afford it.”
“It’s my hotel. You get the ‘friends discount,’ and by that I mean you don’t pay anything. What’s the point of owning a hotel if I can’t offer a room to a friend in need? Consider it a bonus for the services you and Sabine are rendering to me and my father.”
He had to be joking.
“Thad, I can’t—”
“I’m afraid I’m insisting on this. Jared is my best friend, aside from Angelo. It’s a man’s duty to protect his friend’s woman. So until you and Jared sort out your issues, you should stay somewhere safe.”
It touched her heart that Thad was such a good friend that he would offer this, but she couldn’t accept.
“I mean it, Felicity.” His tone was firm, and she knew he wasn’t going to let her say no. “You’re going to be somewhere safe. I have an excellent suite at the hotel, and you will go straight there. I’ll tell the doorman that you’re coming. Anything you need will be provided.”
“But—”
“If you don’t arrive in two hours, I’ll come get you.”
She sighed. “Okay, but I want to find a way to pay you back.”
Thad chuckled. “How about I hire you in the future for a side decoration and art project? I’m thinking about buying a beautiful brownstone, and it needs some interior makeovers. We can talk in a few weeks.”
Free art advice and interior design? Yeah, that was a bargain she could make.
“That sounds good to me.” She felt calmer, more relaxed. It was going to be okay.
“Excellent. Two hours, remember, or I’ll come get you,” Thad warned and hung up.
What was it about pushy, dominating men? A new ache blossomed in her heart for Jared. How was she going to live without him? Somehow she’d have to.
She let her cell phone fall into her lap and tucked her knees up against her chest on Jared’s bed. She would have to reschedule her doctor’s appointment. There was no way she was going alone. She’d wait for a day when Layla could go with her. There was so much to do. She had two hours to pack up and leave the place she’d come to love and view as her real home because it was a place she’d shared with Jared. They would never make love in this bed again, or share a glass of wine on the couch, or eat dinner and talk about their day at the table. The life they’d been pretending to build together was just that, an illusion. She was always going to go her own way, especially when the job would take her far from him, but she hadn’t wanted to face that reality. She wanted to cling to that bit of illusion just a little while longer.
One tear escaped and rolled down her cheek, dropping into a spot on her jean-clad knee.
She would find a way to make everything okay. She had to, for the baby. Picking up the pieces of her shattered heart, she walked over to Jared’s closet and opened the door. In the corner of the closet she saw the gown—the Tudor gown she’d worn. He had made her wear it once, and they’d gotten carried away in a playful role play game that night. It had felt wonderful and wicked and sweet all at once. So much had changed from that first night she’d fallen asleep in his bed. She remembered how she felt the first night she’d come in here during the Halloween party.
The allure of the mysterious Jared Redmond. The glint of his expensive watches, the neatly rolled ties with elegant designs, and the feel of his business shirts when she rubbed them against her cheek. Her imagination then had nothing on the reality of the man now. The way he’d made love to her that first time, as if anxious to be inside of her, but also as if he would have years to explore her every fantasy. From the drugging kisses and the flirty smiles, to the hint of dominance when he pinned her wrists into the bed sometimes, she’d always felt like she was the center of his world, even when they simply drank wine and cuddled on the couch.
Being with Jared made her feel like more than just herself. It wasn’t that Felicity had felt empty before she met him. She’d had hopes and dreams and a life all her own, but after meeting him, after being with him, she knew exactly what sort of joys she would miss out on by leaving his apartment tonight. Before she could stop herself, she slipped into his closet and removed one of his black T-shirts. The soft cotton was li
ke velvet in her hands, and she pressed it against her cheek. It carried his scent, that natural, clean male scent. He didn’t use cologne, and she liked that. He was exactly who he wanted to be and didn’t need anything to enhance that raw sex appeal that rolled off him in waves.
I shouldn’t…
She clutched the shirt and carried it to her bag, which she’d put on his bed, and tucked the shirt inside. One little piece of him was all she could keep.
When she looked up, she saw the framed drawing of her and Jared as Cleopatra and Mark Antony. That would be his bit of her to keep.
Felicity packed quickly, cramming her old duffel with everything she could squeeze into it, then using her backpack for schoolbooks. She’d need to get a new laptop since hers had been stolen, but she didn’t have the money right now. Once she was packed, she paused in the doorway of Jared’s apartment, already missing him. She wouldn’t think about him, not how she would miss his kisses, his touch, his whispered words of love, or the way he’d made her feel like she was capable of anything. She wouldn’t cry, not until she was far away from here.
Here I leave my heart and the dreams I never had before I met you.
The door closed behind her with a finality that made her almost push it back open and run inside again. Instead, she lifted her chin and shouldered her bags, heading to the elevator. All the while she reminded herself that this was for the best. But it didn’t stop the shattering of her heart. The ride down the elevator was quick, and the doorman was distracted with another tenant and could only spare her a friendly nod. When she hailed a cab in front of the building, she’d almost convinced herself she was all right.
Fifteen minutes later the cab pulled up in front of Thad’s luxury hotel. The lobby windows facing the street glittered in the winter night like the open doors of a grand palace. Felicity climbed out of the cab after paying the fare, and headed for the swirling glass doors. A bellboy rushed out to meet her, prying the duffel and backpack from her body and making her jump.
“You must be Ms. Hart. Mr. Worthington had us watching out for you.” He led her to a set of private elevators at the back of the lobby and used a key card to access them. “You will get one of these cards. The elevators will take you to the private floor on level ten.” He flashed the card at her.
“Seriously?” Jesus, Thad hadn’t been kidding about the private suite.
“He said only the best for you during your stay.”
The elevator carried them to the tenth floor. The bellboy took her to a room at the end of the hall and swiped the card to the door. Then he opened it and entered to set her bags down.
“The card will operate the elevators and the door. Room service is completely on the house.”
“But I don’t—”
“The boss’s orders,” the bellboy said, clearly suspecting there was something between her and Thad. There wasn’t, but she bet that if she tried to explain, he wouldn’t believe her.
“If you need anything, you just use the phone in the room and dial zero,” the man said and then handed her the card and left.
Felicity stared around the opulent suite, with a California king bed, the extended kitchen and living room, plus a master bath. It was overwhelming. The whole afternoon had been like that. She shivered and headed to the shower. Maybe it could warm her up and relax her.
She stripped out of her clothes and got in when the water was hot enough to steam the room. It burned her skin in a good way, and she pressed her forehead to the wall of the shower and closed her eyes. She’d gotten used to—no, addicted to—showering with Jared. The way his body bumped up against hers, how they touched, teased, and talked inside the glass doors. They’d been together, and she hadn’t ever felt alone, even when they were working side by side in his apartment on their own projects. It had been a glimpse into a life she knew she couldn’t have.
Our own private world. It was one more thing she’d lost. Felicity pressed a palm to her belly, seeking support from the baby within, but it was no use. She was falling apart inside. Her heart was as fragile as a spiderweb in the midst of a rainstorm. She slid down to the floor of the shower, tucked her knees up under her chin, and cried. The sobs ripped her apart, and she couldn’t hold back the sweeping waves of pain that threatened to obliterate her from the inside out. Her dreams were dying, dreams she should never have pretended might be real. Her grief was choking, and her heart couldn’t slow down as she wept for her broken heart and the man she loved.
Jared was on top of the world. The executed release of the lease sat on Pimms’s desk, and the older attorney had conceded that his reaction that morning to Jared’s news had been overly harsh.
“You are a damned sight better at your job than most people, and I don’t want to lose you.” His words had been music to Jared’s ears.
It was almost nine o’clock by the time Jared rode the elevator up to his apartment. He was going to order pizza, and he and Felicity were going to cuddle together on the couch and watch a movie, even a sappy one if she wanted to. There was still a tightness in his chest at the thought that he’d missed the doctor’s appointment, but he vowed he wouldn’t miss the next one. Felicity and the baby were his world—he wasn’t going to let either of them down.
Humming softly, he unlocked his door and walked inside. The apartment was quiet. His briefcase slid off his shoulder, and he let it drop quietly onto the kitchen table. She must be asleep, the poor darling. He was going to go in and surprise her, wake her up for a few kisses, and then let her go back to sleep.
His bedroom was completely dark, the shades drawn over the windows. He stumbled through the blackness before he found the side of the window and flipped the switch to pull the curtains back. His heart froze as the glowing light from the city outside revealed an empty bed.
Where was Felicity? He hastily turned the room light on, and it was then he saw the folded piece of paper on his pillow.
For a few seconds his body simply didn’t move, couldn’t move. By the time he reached for the note on his bed, his hands were shaking. The page unfolded and he stared at the words.
Jared,
I love you too much to have you sacrifice everything you’ve worked so hard for. I knew going into this that your job is your life, and I don’t resent that now. I just need time to heal, to process that the life we let ourselves think we could have can’t ever be. I’ve moved into somewhere safe tonight, so please don’t worry about me or the baby. I just need some time to heal on my own. After that, we can see each other and raise the baby as best we can. I promise I won’t take up valuable time and put you in a position where you lose your job, but I can’t stay with you, not when it hurts us both so much.
Thank you for loving me,
Felicity
He couldn’t breathe. Black dots momentarily covered his eyes as he tried not to panic. After sucking in a lungful of air, he glanced down to see that he’d crumpled the note in his hand.
Felicity was gone. Gone from his bed and his life.
But not my heart.
He wasn’t going to let her walk away. She loved him. He loved her. They were going to have a baby. He wasn’t about to let Pimms and his threats ruin the only real happiness Jared had felt in years. He would quit first. If Pimms made another threat, Jared would walk away and start over at another firm. Another firm would want him. His client list was extensive, and his work was excellent.
Fuck Pimms. He didn’t need that partnership, not if it cost him his very heart and soul.
Jared dug his cell phone out and dialed Felicity’s number. It rang and rang, finally going to voicemail.
“Princess, you need to come home to me, please.” He knew there wasn’t enough space on voicemail to say all the things he needed to. He hung up and dialed Layla.
“Yeah?”
“Where is she?” he demanded.
“Who?” Layla asked, her tone softened in concern. “Jared, what’s wrong?”
“Felicity,” he growled. “Where did
she go?”
“She’s gone?” The genuine surprise and Layla’s tone scared the hell out of him. Layla was her best friend. Why wouldn’t she tell Layla where she went?
“Jared, calm down. I didn’t know she left. Maybe she had a night class?”
“She doesn’t. I know her schedule.” He paced across his bedroom. “And her clothes and books are gone.”
“Then maybe—”
“She’s left me, Layla. There’s a goddamned note and everything. She’s breaking up with me because…” He swallowed thickly. “Because I’m a fucking prick who made her think work is more important than her.”
“I can’t blame her for leaving you if you didn’t put her first.” There was a long pause on the other side of the phone. “Do you know she’s…” Layla didn’t finish, but he knew what she was going to say.
“Pregnant? Yes. I want her, Layla. I love her so much it’s fucking killing me. And the baby…I didn’t know I could feel more love in my heart now than before, but I do.” As he spoke, his eyes burned and his nose itched. He choked on the words he spoke. “I can’t go back to how things were. I need her, Layla. Please, just tell me where she is.” He would beg, grovel on his damn knees if he had to.
“She didn’t call me. I didn’t know about this, I swear.” Layla’s voice was thick with emotion. “Tanner and I are close to her apartment. We’ll go see if she went back there. You stay at your place in case she comes back. I’ll call you if we find her.”
“Thank you,” he whispered brokenly, and hung up.
Jared collapsed into his desk chair, his body vibrating with anger and hurt. How could she leave him? How could she go somewhere alone? What if she needed him because something happened to her and the baby and—
He swept a hand across his desk, sending files, papers, notes, and a dozen other things crashing to the floor. He slammed his elbows onto the desk surface and plowed his fingers through his hair, pulling hard enough to hurt. That pain was more welcome than anything else. He focused on breathing slowly, but it didn’t help the mad race of his heart. He’d been furious and panicked when Pimms had threatened to fire him, but this, the choking, stark fear of losing the only thing that truly mattered to him?
