A Fine Mess

by Hughes, Breanna

Harper was incredibly proud of the strides Emily had been taking and couldn’t have asked for a better companion while going through this not-so-ideal situation. She never thought of Emily as being someone you’d want to have on your side, but apparently her sister had many surprises up her sleeve.

  “You ready to go?” Emily excitedly burst through the door leading to the garage, startling Harper.

  “Jesus. Yeah, just give me a minute. I’ll meet you out at the car.”

  “Can I drive?”

  “Sure. I plan on imbibing many spirits for this one.”

  “Just put Kiley out of your mind. Focus on the music.”

  “Lame.”

  “Be the guitar?”

  “Even more lame,” replied Harper.

  “Just do it,” offered Emily.

  “Nike lame.”

  “Put your fingers on the stringy thingies with one hand and strum with the other without thinking about the mess you left in the wake of getting drunk and sleeping with your ex-fiancé when, in reality, you’re in love with your best friend.”

  Harper paused for a moment. “Okay, that’s an axiom I can get on board with.”

  ***

  Kiley couldn’t put it off any longer. She stayed in her car in the parking lot for as long as she could during her work break before she would officially get into trouble for being more than an hour late coming back. She even watched as Harper and Emily went into the bar a half hour ago. Harper would no doubt be wondering where she was. When she got a text from Erin saying that Graham was looking for her, she finally talked herself into going back in. Upon walking in, she saw Harper setting up for her gig with Emily helping her. Usually that was her job, but in this instance she’d let it pass. She avoided looking directly at the stage and made her way behind the bar.

  “Where were you?” asked Erin.

  “I fell asleep in my car.”

  “Well, I covered as much as I can, but Graham is pissed.”

  “He’ll get over it.”

  “What’s going on with you and Harper? She didn’t even ask where you were. And now you’re not even talking to her?”

  “It’s a long story.”

  “I like long stories,” replied Erin as Kiley walked away.

  She grabbed a bottle of Stella and slowly made her way to the stage. Kiley anxiously approached Harper, hoping her peace offering would expiate the situation.

  She cleared her throat. “I noticed you were beer-less. I can fix that.”

  Harper turned around and Emily quickly made herself scarce and headed back to the bar area. “Thanks,” said Harper as she grabbed the bottle.

  The two of them stood there deeply immersed in a standoff of O.K. Corral proportions. Neither of them wanted to budge until Kiley figured, since she wasn’t the wronged party she should be the one to cave.

  “Harper, I’m really sorr— “

  “I slept with Finn.” The words exploded from Harper’s lips before she had a chance to stifle them. The ripping-the-Band-Aid idea was suddenly beginning to seem like a stupid plan after she saw the look of utter disappointment in Kiley’s face.

  “What?” This was the last thing Kiley expected to hear.

  “I’m sorry,” offered Harper.

  Kiley didn’t want to hear another word. She turned around and walked straight out the back door leading to the alley. Harper followed suit. Once the door slammed shut behind them, Harper immediately launched into panic mode, needing to explain herself.

  “Kiley, I’m sorry, okay? I freaked out when I saw you with Seth and then I ran into Finn and I was really drunk and…I don’t know what else to say.”

  Kiley wasn’t ready to speak yet. She turned to face Harper, whose eyes were provocatively burning into hers. She drew closer and closer to Kiley, completely spellbound by her intense gaze. She was inches away from Kiley’s face.

  Kiley didn’t know what to do or say. She just stood there in silence. Harper needed to be closer to her friend so she reached her hand out to touch hers and immediately felt the intense smoldering energy that passed between them. Harper was now centimeters away from Kiley’s face as she whispered to her.

  “Why can’t I stop thinking about you?”

  Kiley was frozen. She honestly believed at that moment her heart literally stopped. She could feel her breath growing shorter and shorter the closer Harper came. She could hear Harper’s breath grow smaller and sharper as she gripped Kiley’s hand tighter. Harper stayed there, so close to Kiley. Their lips were just barely grazing each other, but not enough for either girl to feel it. As Kiley tried to steady her breath, she attempted to gain the courage she needed to just meet Harper the rest of the way. She just needed the strength to lean forward ever so slightly. But somehow, Kiley was immobile. Perhaps it was the shock of this situation being all too real. Both girls stayed in this position until Kiley realized what was happening. She began to speak and as her lips moved, she could faintly feel them against Harper’s lips.

  “Harper, don’t.” Kiley backed away.

  Harper felt as though she had been jolted out of a dream. “Why?”

  Kiley’s jaw tightened. “Because.”

  “You can’t possibly be this mad at me. Not after what you did,” said Harper.

  If she wanted to elicit a reaction, she used the right line.

  “What the hell did I do?” asked Kiley, defensively.

  Harper stared blankly at her. “Are you kidding me? You slept with Seth!”

  “So? That’s what I do, Harper. I sleep with guys. Lots of them. It’s nothing new.”

  Harper had no intention of bringing this up, but her anger and frustration was too much to handle at this point.

  “You…you slept with him after you kissed me,” she stated meekly, slowly stepping closer to her friend. Her head in a fog, she knew she wasn’t thinking straight when her hand reached out to take Kiley’s once more.

  Kiley deflected Harper’s advances. She knew there was no way around this conversation. She had braced herself for it over the past week and knew exactly how she would react to anything and everything Harper would say. But at this moment, face-to-face with her best friend, she knew they were heading into very dangerous and uncharted territory. And she was unsure of how their friendship would survive it. Kiley knew she wasn’t ready to have this talk. With a heavy heart, she said the one thing she knew would send Harper running back inside.

  “Yeah, we kissed. It was the alcohol. A momentary lapse in judgment. Right?”

  Harper felt a tinge of pain in her chest the moment Kiley unleashed those words. She never really thought words could be so painful. She was more of an ‘actions speak louder than words’ believer, but now she knew how wrong she was. Harper slowly backed away.

  “Right. I have to go. I was supposed to start five minutes ago.”

  Kiley’s first reaction was to run after her, but once again, she ignored her instincts and let her walk away. Close to tears, she began to pace along the side of the building trying to get a grip on every emotion coursing through her in the past few weeks. Why was she so enraged? Why did this bother her so much? Why did she just lie to her best friend? When those thoughts proved to be too overwhelming, her mind raced as she moved past the previous two weeks and focused on the past few years. She never thought it would have to come to this. She could hear Harper singing through the back door. This would mark the first time Kiley had ever missed one of Harper’s shows since they first met. She stopped pacing and allowed herself to listen to Harper’s voice. She finally succumbed to her two biggest fears: facing the truth and feeling completely helpless about it.

  ***

  Gathered around a crowded table at a sushi restaurant on Ventura Boulevard, Harper and a group of her friends were on their second round of sake bombs, cheering each other on when they all finished and slammed the glasses on the table. Harper had two main sets of friends: her high school friends and her college friends. This w
as the first time they had all gathered together. Harper called everyone up and invited them all for a girls’ night out. She was surprised by how many of them showed up, although the groups were pretty much divided into their respective categories. This posed a problem for Kiley, who was sitting next to Harper. She didn’t know these girls very well and, while she joined in the conversation as much as she could, there was still a small outcast factor surrounding her. She didn’t go to school with any of them and having only known Harper less than a year, had the least amount of history with her than anyone else here. But she didn’t let that faze her. She managed to be her charming self, making everyone laugh and being the envy of every girl at the table with her flawless looks and killer smile. She had the waiters bringing extra food on the house and free drinks. If she felt uncomfortable at all, she didn’t show it.

  “So, are you having fun?” asked Harper.

  “Yeah. This is some of the best sushi I’ve ever had. I can’t believe I’ve never been here before,” said Kiley.

  “Finn took me here last year. I love it.”

  “Speaking of Finn, where is he?” asked Diana, one of Harper’s high school friends.

  “Oh I wasn’t about to invite him to ladies’ night. Besides, he’s probably home sleeping. He’s been working double overtime since Christmas,” replied Harper.

  “Why’s that?” asked Sarah, a fellow student in her English 305 class.

  Harper shrugged. “Oh, I don’t know. Probably to pay for...” Before she continued, Harper stood up and got everyone’s attention. “Um...so, there is a reason I gathered everyone here tonight. I really wanted everyone together for this.”

  Kiley could feel her stomach drop before Harper said anything further. Something told her to look carefully at Harper’s left hand and sure enough, a shimmering diamond attached to a ring reflected off of her ring finger. She could feel a lump rise up into her throat and took a sip of water to try to swallow it back down. She couldn’t believe what was about to happen and couldn’t explain why she was dreading hearing the next words that came out of Harper’s mouth.

  Harper held up her left hand for all to see. “Finn and I are engaged!”

  Over the deafening shrillness of the collective screams, Kiley could feel her face fall, but picked it right back up again when Harper looked at her. She watched Harper’s face. It was plastered with a smile, but there was something in Harper’s face that didn’t seem to fit. Her smile was wide and exceedingly bright, but there was a lack of excitement behind her eyes coupled with a look of uncertainty.

  “When did this happen?” asked an excited Lizbeth, another high school friend.

  “Christmas morning. He did it with my family there in our living room.”

  “Really,” said Kiley, unwittingly out loud.

  “What?”

  “Huh? Oh, no nothing. Never mind.”

  “No, what did you mean by ‘really’?” asked Harper.

  Kiley knew for a fact Harper’s idea of a perfect proposal was pretty much the exact opposite of how it happened. A private moment on any given day with a very limited clichés was more Harper’s speed. Perhaps that’s the reason for the uncertainty behind her eyes.

  “I didn’t mean anything by it. I was just surprised.” As the others talked amongst themselves Kiley smiled, stood up and hugged her friend. “Congratulations. That’s so amazing. I’m really happy for you. Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

  “I haven’t really had a chance.”

  “We’ve talked on the phone like five times since Christmas.”

  “I know. I just...” Harper didn’t know what to say. She knew she should have told Kiley before this and that it should have been done in a more personal manner. Kiley was her best friend and though she knew everyone else at this table much longer, she rarely even saw them anymore. Part of her just wasn’t ready for Kiley to know and if she announced it in front of everyone, it might make everything a little easier.

  “Well, let’s not worry about that,” offered Kiley. “We need another round here. It’s time to celebrate.” The entire table cheered at Kiley’s suggestion. They sat back down and Kiley launched into the typical questions. “So, have you set a date? What do you want your dress to look like? Colors? Themes? Bridesmaids?”

  “Whoa. Okay, slow down a bit. It JUST happened. Let me graduate college first and then we’ll probably start thinking about setting a date.”

  “Fair enough,” said Kiley.

  After a round of toasts and more sake bombs, Kiley excused herself to the bathroom. She had just finished drying her hands, but wasn’t ready to go back to the table yet. She leaned her head against the paper towel dispenser contemplating the news she had just learned.

  “There you are. I thought you escaped out the window,” said Harper as she came into the bathroom.

  “No, just giving myself my daily pep talk in the mirror.”

  “So...truth.”

  “Truth?”

  Harper nodded.

  “I think it’s so great that you and Finn are getting married.” Kiley lied.

  “But?”

  “But nothing. I mean, I guess I just didn’t realize you wanted to get married so young.”

  Harper walked over to the sink to wash her hands. “I didn’t. I mean, I certainly didn’t plan on it. But this is just how it’s happening. Besides, it’s not like we’re gonna get married right away.”

  “Right. Of course.” Kiley sported her trademark smile and took Harper’s hand, bringing her closer to her. She reached out her other hand and fixed the fallen strand of hair falling over Harper’s face. The two of them lingered there for a moment before an older lady came bursting through the door. They immediately pulled apart and Kiley, recovering from their interruption, reapplied her lip gloss in the mirror. “So, who’s gonna be your maid of honor?”

  ***

  When Harper announced last call and declared that this would be her last song of the night, Kiley finally caved and walked back in so she could see at least part of the show. Harper knew she had gained one more audience member. She could feel Kiley’s presence before she spotted her silhouette standing in the shadows at the back of the bar. Focused solely on Kiley’s form, Harper introduced her last song in the simplest terms she could think of.

  “So, I just made a complete ass of myself earlier tonight,” she said while taking a swig of beer. “I’m tired of being cryptic. It’s not getting me anywhere. This song is called ‘I’ll Wait for You.’”

  Harper had no intention of even singing this song tonight. It had been hidden deep within her repertoire, only to be heard by her own ears. It was a song she had written a few years ago that was never meant to see the light of day. But now, it was time. Her previous interaction with Kiley made her realize how badly she ached for her. As she began to sing, she bravely refused to take her eyes off of that figure in the back.

  “When you look at me that way, I don’t know what to say,

  I just hope that you’re not looking right through me.

  And when you take my hand, I know you understand

  I’m feeling everything you’re feeling, too.

  And I was so unsure of everything before

  Until I heard your voice and I felt it in my soul…”

  There was no turning back now. The song had already started and the audience was expecting a chorus, so she had to give it to them no matter what the cost. She braced herself for what was about to come.

  “And in case you didn’t know, I’m in love with you.

  And if you’re not ready to say you love me, too

  That’s all right, I’ll wait for you.”

  There. It was done. She finally did it. It wasn’t even remotely done in the way she thought it would happen. It wasn’t a private moment with just the two of them. It wasn’t after one of their deep, heartfelt conversations. It wasn’t even blurted out when Harper was drunk, but consciously knew exactly w
hat she was doing. It was at a bar, in front of a crowd of fifty people. She had just confessed her biggest secret for all to hear. Harper Foley was in love with Kiley Young. And based on what had just occurred between them, it was obvious Kiley did not feel the same way. But Harper steadfastly forged on with her song.

  “When you pull away from me, I hope that you can see

  It breaks my heart because all I want is you.

  So I’ll walk a step behind and if you ever need to cry

  Just turn around and you’ll always have my shoulder.

  And in case you didn’t know, I’m in love with you.

  And if you’re not ready to say you love me too,

  That’s all right, I’ll wait for you.”

  The words flowed through Kiley like a raging flood. Each line speaking the undeniable truth punctured her heart as they continued to escape from Harper’s lips. She knew Harper was speaking directly to her. She knew she was hurting, but didn’t realize how much until now. Even though every fiber in her being wanted to look away from Harper, she couldn’t. Harper wouldn’t let her. Kiley just sat there, feeling powerless over Harper’s magnetism and control. Kiley felt the tears welling up in her eyes as Harper continued singing.

  “But after all is said and done, you’re always my best friend,

  And if you decide that’s all you want from me,

  I’ll still be happy in the end.”

  Harper gripped her guitar tighter with every passing strum. She had never before felt so naked on stage. She felt one hundred eyes gaping at her raw and exposed insides. And while they were clueless about the context of the song, one pair of eyes became much more visible as Kiley slowly stepped forward into the light, hanging on to every word Harper was singing. Harper’s heart rate began to quicken as the light revealed Kiley’s face. She hadn’t run away, which is what Harper half-expected Kiley to do. She stayed there and made her presence known to Harper. She couldn’t explain it. She didn’t know why Kiley invaded her thoughts so much. But now, maybe with these words, she could get her point across. Kiley had to know what was in her heart, but at the same time she didn’t want to lose their friendship. They had too strong of a bond to be ripped apart. Harper’s heart began to shatter a little bit when she saw Kiley begin to cry. She wanted to cry too, but managed to fight back the tears in order to get through the rest of the song.