‘That’s good,’ says the man, in a tone betraying a touch of surprise. ‘You’ll definitely get taken on with that, missy. What’s your name? Mine’s Quentin. I’m the assistant potter.’
This is the first encouragement I’ve been given and it’s most welcome. I smile at the man. ‘Thank you,’ I say. ‘I’m Catrin.’
17
Evert takes his time examining my work, then nods. ‘Good enough. You’ll receive four guilders a week. I’ll have a contract drawn up right away. You can start tomorrow.’
A few minutes later I’m back outside, a little dazed by how smoothly it all went. With a spring in my step, I walk back to the market square, enjoying the pleasant weather and the future laid out before me. I’m going to be a pottery painter! Who would have thought I would ever earn a living painting?
Buoyed up, I push open the door to the Mechelen Inn. The common room is busy again, though a couple of tables are still free. Digna and Catherina are walking up and down with dishes of food, Johannes is pouring beer.
‘How did it go?’ he asks as I come in.
‘Very well indeed – I start tomorrow. As an artist painter.’
They gawp at me, thunderstruck.
‘I thought you were after a job as a housekeeper,’ says Digna.
I laugh, saying that’s what I’d thought as well, and tell her all about my love of painting.
‘Well, that’s wonderful. Congratulations,’ says Digna. ‘You don’t hear of that too often, a female pottery painter. But I can understand Evert. You’re young, beautiful and you obviously have talent.’
‘I hope it was the last one that swung it for me.’
‘Of course it will have been. Evert is too good a businessman to be swayed by his feelings.’ Digna exchanges a glance with her son, who nods to her. ‘But there’s something I think you should know. Let’s sit down.’ She leads me to a quiet corner and points to a wooden bench. Once we’re both seated, she says, ‘Evert is a good friend of ours. He’s been through a bad time so we try to help and protect him a little.’ She fixes me with her earnest gaze.
‘I understand, but what does that have to do with me?’
‘Four years ago, something terrible happened. Back then, Evert owned a pottery on Corn Market. He lived with his family above the shop. No one knows how it happened, because Evert was always so careful and particular, but one day a fire broke out. The whole family was in bed when Evert smelled the smoke. He went downstairs to see what was going on and the fire came rushing up to meet him. Before he knew it, the whole place was in flames: the hall, the stairs, the shop. He only just managed to escape. In a few moments, everything he had was lost. His wife and children died.’
‘How awful,’ I murmur.
‘He’s never got over it. He has no desire to remarry and doesn’t want any more children.’
‘I can well understand that, after such a loss.’
‘Me too, even if I don’t think it’s sensible. We all worry about Evert. So when a lovely young woman turns up who bears a striking resemblance to his deceased wife, it gives us a fright. Even more so when he employs her just like that. Do you follow?’
‘Do I look like his wife?’
‘At first I thought it was Gesina walking in. I can imagine Evert jumped too.’
I think back to when he was on the ladder and looked at me dumbstruck. ‘I wondered why he was staring at me like that.’
‘Now you know why. It would be best if you didn’t take the job. But I don’t think I can ask you to turn it down.’
‘I assume Evert knows what he’s doing. And his brothers too. Adriaan would never have sent me here if he thought it wasn’t good for Evert.’
‘Oh, I don’t know. You know what men can be like when it comes to that kind of thing. They never stop and think. But fine, I’ve told you what’s what. Do what you want.’ Digna stands up. ‘You seem like a nice lass. Perhaps it’s meant to be.’
My mind is occupied with other concerns. I need somewhere to live. Johannes helps me out, he has an acquaintance who rents out houses.
‘Go to Isaac van Palland on Choir Street. Say I sent you and you’ll be all sorted before you know it.’
And before I know it, I am all sorted. Isaac van Palland organises everything straightaway. He walks with me to a little house with a stepped gable on Achterom. It’s only a single room with a loft, but the rent isn’t much.
‘Where are you from?’ Isaac asks as he gives me the key. ‘Not from here, I don’t think.’
‘No, I’m from Alkmaar.’
‘Oh? I used to live there – I was the bailiff. When I met my wife, we moved to Delft; she’s from here.’
‘You were the bailiff in Alkmaar?’ I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
‘A long time ago.’
‘Do you ever go back there?’
‘Now and then. I don’t have much to go back for, since my parents died. Although I do still have family there: two brothers and a sister.’
‘It’s quite a way away.’
‘Yes, as bailiff I’m too busy to leave Delft for long.’
‘You’re the bailiff here as well?’
He nods. ‘And I’ve got my hands full with it.’
‘Yes … I can imagine,’ I say, feeling uneasy.
We talk for a while longer about the conditions of the lease, and afterwards I walk back to Isaac’s house with him to sign it. I can read and write a little. Not enough to decipher all the terms and conditions, but Isaac reads them out and I make my mark. As I say goodbye in the hall, I glance at the portraits of Isaac and his wife. I resolve to give him a wide berth.
Outside I stand and look down Choir Street, which is full of stalls and shops with hatches on the front. A good place to acquire some essential household items. I’ve still got a fair sum set aside, but I can’t permit myself any luxuries. Thankfully, my room comes with a bed, a table with two chairs and a built-in cupboard. As far as furniture goes, that’s enough for now.
By the end of the day I’ve bought everything I need, fetched my belongings from the inn and brought everything to my new lodgings. I look around with satisfaction. With flowers from the garden and some decorations on the unpainted furniture, it could be quite something. But the most important thing is that I have a house, a job, and still a decent amount set aside. I couldn’t ask for more.
That’s not entirely true. Something, or rather someone, is missing. From the moment I said goodbye to Matthias, he hasn’t been far from my thoughts and, now that I’ve sorted things out, I can’t wait to see him. I don’t know for certain what time he’s arriving in Delft so I go back to the inn to wait for him. For the sake of convenience, I order a meal and sit down to eat, my eyes trained on the door.
‘Hey, I forgot to ask about that painting of yours.’ Johannes comes to stand next to me. ‘I’m curious to see it. Will you show me?’
I turn to give him my full attention. ‘It isn’t finished yet. And it’s not all that good. I haven’t had any training.’
‘So?’ He shrugs. ‘Talent is the most important thing. You can learn technique, but you won’t get far without talent.’
‘That’s true. That’s what Rembrandt says as well. According to one of his apprentices, anyway.’
Johannes stares at me in astonishment. ‘Do you know Rembrandt van Rijn?’
‘I met him once at his studio.’
‘Really? How wonderful. The things that man can do! The way he brings light into a painting is ingenious. On jewellery, in eyes, on water, everywhere. Carel Fabritius, my last master and one of my closest friends, was apprenticed to him. He said Rembrandt painted with light rather than paint.’
‘With highlights,’ I say. ‘According to his apprentice, that’s the last thing he adds, with little dabs of white paint.’
Johannes smiles and I see respect in his eyes. ‘You paid attention. I’m curious to see what you can do yourself. I’d like to see your painting.’
‘When it’
s finished.’
‘Deal.’
Catherina enters the taproom. ‘Johannes, come give me a hand,’ she says brusquely before immediately disappearing back into the kitchen.
Johannes rolls his eyes.
‘Who does this inn belong to? Is it yours or your mother’s?’ I ask, to break the awkward silence.
‘My mother’s. My father died two years ago. That’s why I stayed here and Catherina moved in. Running an inn is a lot of work. On busy days, my sister Gertrude comes to lend a hand too.’
‘A real family business then.’ I smile, but I feel a stab of pain inside.
He nods and his eyes focus on something over my shoulder. ‘I think there’s someone here to see you.’
My eyes dart to the door but never make it all the way. Matthias is standing in the middle of the taproom.
18
Something’s wrong. He’s standing there, not smiling and looking at me solemnly. I find myself rooted to the spot too.
Eventually Matthias snaps out of it and I slowly stand up. I don’t move to meet him but rather seek protection behind the table, as if it can somehow stop the imminent bad news from reaching me.
‘Hi,’ says Matthias, once we’re standing face to face.
He throws his arms around me and rests his forehead on mine, revealing my sense of foreboding to have been a false alarm. Or so it seems. I can’t shake the feeling that he’s different. Less enthusiastic. His heart beats in the same tempo as mine, I feel it against my chest, but his kiss is cautious, without the passion of the previous day.
‘What’s wrong?’ I ask quietly.
‘Do you know me so well already?’ He chuckles unconvincingly but keeps hold of my hand. ‘Let’s sit down.’
I sink into a chair. Matthias takes one right next to mine. ‘Firstly, I want to say that I hesitated. It was all settled but I started doubting everything because of you. But I know I have to do it. Everything’s been arranged.’
‘What’s been arranged?’
‘I’m going to the East.’
‘What?’
‘To Batavia, in the Indies. I’m going on the Delft. We sail in two days.’
No shock could have been greater. I gawp at Matthias, dumbfounded. I search his face in the vague hope that I’ve misunderstood.
‘But a voyage like that could take a year,’ I splutter.
‘Eighteen months, because I’m not coming straight back.’
‘Eighteen months! Why didn’t you tell me about this?’
He sighs, grabs my hand and strokes it. ‘Because I started having doubts. It isn’t hard to go away if there’s nothing keeping you at home. When I met you, everything suddenly changed. But I have to go. Not only because I want to see the other side of the world but because it’s important for business. There’s a civil war in China and it’s hindering the supply of porcelain. I don’t need to explain to you how disastrous that is for us. Adriaan has insisted I go and see if there’s a way to get the supply started again, either via another route or finding an alternative supplier for porcelain somewhere else, Japan for example. There are other merchants who want to do the same thing, so we agreed to organise a joint expedition. Do you understand?’
‘Yes, but what I don’t understand is why you kept this a secret from me. No, actually, I understand it perfectly well. You wanted one more little adventure before you went to sea. And of course I fell for it.’
‘No!’ The grip on my hand tightens. ‘That isn’t how things are. I’ve told you nothing but the truth. I meant everything I said.’
We look at each other and I see my own pain mirrored in Matthias’s eyes. ‘I believe you,’ I mutter. ‘But meaning something is not enough. The point is what you do about it.’
‘I’ll be back in a year and a half. That’s a long time, I know, but I am coming back. And then we still have the rest of our lives.’ His face is close to mine, his voice sounds rough. ‘I’d rather stay here, but I can’t. I’m going on this voyage for you as well, so I’ll have something to offer you. Wait for me. Will you do that?’
‘You don’t deal only in porcelain. It will be a blow, but more things come from the East than just that. Be honest and admit you’re going away because you want to. I won’t take it personally, I can imagine it myself. Why would you tie yourself down when the whole world is calling to you? Perhaps I would have done the same if I’d been born a man. But I’m not a man, and the world is very different for women.’ I stand up and look down at him. ‘So I can’t promise I’ll wait for you, Matthias. Who says another adventure won’t entice you once you’re back. It’s better for both of us to put a stop to it now.’
With these words I throw on my shawl and leave the inn before I can change my mind.
Some decisions are made with your heart, others with your head. Until now I’ve always balanced the two, giving in to my emotions in one instance and in the next, trusting to my intuition. Right from the start, an internal voice had been telling me he would break my heart; I have only myself to blame for the fact that I’m sitting here now with broken shards. Life isn’t a fairy tale, it’s a fight where dreamers get a tough comeuppance. Next thing I know I’ll find I’m pregnant again. How am I supposed to raise a child and work at the same time? I’m going to lose my job, my wonderful job which suits me so well, before I’ve even started it.
I say a silent prayer and beg God to give me another chance.
I’ll never dream again. From now on I’ll let my head rule my heart. I’ve learned my lesson.
Once I’m home, I stare out of the window for a long time at the busy canal running along Achterom. It’s a beautiful evening and there are still lots of people on the streets. Children are playing, women are standing chatting in the late sun. People cast curious glances at my window. I should go outside to say hello, but I can’t bring myself to do it. Not today.
Glad that I’ve already eaten and that the house is in order, I crawl into my box bed and close the doors.
19
On my first day it’s Frans rather than Evert who shows me the ropes. He is the master pottery painter, which means he has completed a five-year apprenticeship and is in charge of the studio.
The pottery itself consists of various buildings, stretching from The Gheer to Achterom. Frans shows me the clay house, where the treaders work the clay with bare feet for the potters making plates and vases. From there, the pieces are dipped into a glaze bath, fired and painted.
In all, there are ten people employed here, which I think is a lot, but Frans doesn’t.
‘There used to be many more,’ he says. ‘The boss had to lay off a fair number of employees. Things aren’t going so well in the ceramics business.’
‘So why did he take me on?’ I ask.
‘In the end we were a painter short. There’s always demand for simple earthenware. And he only needs to pay you half of what he’d have to pay a man.’
If I’d been feeling smug about being hired, this remark puts an end to that. I trail after Frans in silence. Everyone looks at me curiously but no one says anything. Only Quentin waves. After a quick tour of the buildings, Frans takes me to the paint workshop and we get to work.
The work isn’t difficult. Yesterday I showed them what I am capable of, but I am only required to cover the red earthenware in simple, white decorations. From behind my table, I have a view into the courtyard and am able to see Matthias suddenly appear there. My paintbrush falls still. Frans notices and follows my gaze outside.
‘That’s the boss’s brother,’ he says.
‘I know. I was in service to their other brother in Amsterdam.’
Frans raises his eyebrows and turns away. His dismissive attitude doesn’t bother me much. I have other things on my mind. It’s all I can do to concentrate on my work. My hand trembles and I decide to go and grind pigment to avoid painting badly. Frans glances up, surprised, because there’s still enough white lead paint on the table, but he says nothing.
I keep on grind
ing until he says, ‘We’ve plenty to be going on with now.’ As I sit down he adds, ‘You can ask Klaas to do that sort of thing. It wastes time otherwise.’
‘Fine.’ I take up my brush again.
At that moment the door opens and Evert appears in the doorway. ‘Catrin, could you step out for a second?’
I stand up and take a deep breath before following Evert. He leads me to a little office behind the shop and, as I expected, Matthias is there. Perched on the edge of the table, he watches as I approach.
‘You’ve come to say goodbye,’ I say.
‘Yes, the way we left things yesterday wasn’t nice.’
‘I didn’t think it was nice either, but there was no way it could be any different. There’s nothing more to say.’
‘Except that I’ll be back in a year and a half. I hope you’ll still be here.’
‘A lot can happen in a year and a half.’
‘Yes …’ He comes to stand before me and strokes my cheek. ‘You might meet somebody else.’
‘That could very well happen.’
‘You might be married by the time I see you next.’
‘Yes, that’s possible.’
‘I’d rather you weren’t.’
I sigh. ‘If you don’t want me to marry someone else, you’ll have to marry me yourself. And if you don’t want to do that, you’d better stop complaining.’
He grins. ‘I love it when you’re catty. I’ve got something for you.’
For a second I feel a glimmer of hope, but the little package he gives me isn’t the right shape. I open the ribbon and unwrap a bracelet of cornflower blue stones.
‘Lapis lazuli,’ Matthias says.
‘It’s magnificent.’ Totally bowled over, I push away the feeling of disappointment and slide the bracelet onto my wrist.
Matthias pulls me to him. His lips find mine and kiss them lightly. ‘I’ll be back,’ he murmurs. Then he turns and walks away. I just stand there.
Midnight Blue Page 9
