by Di Morrissey
Holly hoped she would indeed see him around. She suspected she would, as everyone kept telling her it was a small place. Funny, he didn’t tell me his name, she thought. Then she realised she hadn’t told him hers, yet they’d ended up talking like old friends.
Billy glanced out of The Teepee salon as Matty and Erica ran giggling down the arcade from the Beach Hut. Matty gave a wave then Erica turned back and stuck her head in the doorway. ‘Can you dye my hair blue, Billy? Bright blue?’
‘I could, but I won’t. Your mother would shoot me. Not to mention the school.’
‘Boring. Mum’d love it. I’ll do it myself. Bye.’ She skipped away.
Billy continued trimming the local publican’s hair. ‘That girl . . . out of control.’
‘Like her mother. Christ, Bonnie is a worry these days.’
‘Been losing it in the bar again?’
‘Yeah, and other places. One of the cops found her in a wild house full of young people, drugs, sex and rock ’n’ roll. She was old enough to be the mother of half of them, he reckoned, including her boyfriend. She seems to be living there.’
‘Maybe someone better take her in hand. Get her into a retreat place or something.’ Billy unhooked the plastic cape and shook it. ‘It’s young Erica I feel sorry for. Wouldn’t like my daughter to be running around like that. Though Matty is a good kid.’
‘If Matty was mine I wouldn’t want her hanging out with Bonnie’s wild child. Does Matty’s mother know what they get up to in town?’
‘I’ve told Kim. Maybe I’ll suggest she try to help Bonnie,’ said Billy, then switched the subject. ‘Any hot tips for Moonee Valley on Friday?’
‘Funny you ask . . .’ The two men began talking horses and didn’t notice Bonnie drifting down the arcade leaving her shop unattended.
Matty and Erica hiked up to the lighthouse. Erica seemed distracted, her hands thrust in her jeans pockets, her shoulders hunched. She didn’t make any chitchat, and only nodded when Matty pointed at the wheeling hawk. She watched Matty give Ramses a piece of bread and half an apple and for once didn’t tease the old ram.
They sat down in their favourite spot, tucked away from the wind, the tower sheltering them. It was their special patch reserved for those times when they needed to retreat from people and be at ease, to talk and laugh, and to learn from each other. Together they were trying to find ways of coming to terms with the seemingly endless hassles of family life and being almost fifteen. Their friendship had consolidated swiftly; Matty, a popular girl, had befriended Erica, the bright loner. Gradually Erica had opened up to the idea of a close friend. She showed how much she loved music, playing her own songs on her guitar for Matty. Their shared moments at the lighthouse were times of intense conversation, music or simply two girls giggling at secrets and jokes.
Puzzled by Erica’s mood, Matty decided to broach a touchy subject. ‘How’s your mum?’
‘Okay, I guess. She’s so wired all the time. And I hate that junkie house we live in.’
‘Why don’t you and her get your own place? She can afford it, can’t she?’ Matty had heard tales of Bonnie’s former life in Melbourne, keeping pace with the highflying social set.
‘I don’t know. The business is a bit of a mess and she spends heaps on drink and cigarettes, of all kinds. She says she came here for a new life. I don’t think this is what she had in mind. She keeps saying she wants new friends, but she just keeps bringing home slobs.’
Matty put her arm around Erica’s shoulders. ‘Do you two spend much time together?’
Erica pulled up a blade of grass. ‘She doesn’t just want to be with me. But she needs me. Much more than I need her.’
‘Wow. That’s a tough thing to say,’ exclaimed Matty, and she too plucked a stiff stalk of grass.
‘It’s true. I’m stronger than she is,’ said Erica calmly. ‘She’s hanging on to pills, grog, drugs, young guys. She’s too scared to be on her own. I’ve got used to being on my own. It’s okay.’
Matty wasn’t sure how much of this statement was bravado. Sometimes Erica told elaborate stories, strange anecdotes that seemed fabrications or fantasies. It was often hard with her to tell where reality, truth and dreams overlapped. She gave her friend a shrewd look. ‘You drop stuff too, you said.’
‘It’s an escape. It makes the world look and feel good when you want. But I don’t need them. You used?’
Matty was uncomfortable. She wanted to appear cool and hip, but drugs scared her. She remembered the time about a year back when both of them had come to this same spot to light up their first cigarettes. Erica did it with a great show of confidence and expressions of total enjoyment. Matty had hated the experience, but pretended to like it for a couple of sessions, then announced she wasn’t smoking any more. ‘Been there, done that, doesn’t grab me.’
‘Okay. Your choice,’ Erica had said.
Now there was so much pressure from their peer group to try drugs, but Matty was frightened because of the many stories of accidental deaths. ‘I’m scared that if I use it once I’d be gone, hooked.’
‘Doesn’t always work like that. Anyway, best if you leave it alone, Matty.’
Here it was again. Matty never knew which Erica was going to emerge. The wild child or the bored bright kid. The silly, funny girlfriend. The world-weary, almost adult. Matty actually loved Erica’s unpredictable and complicated character.
‘What about your mum? Still hovering over the kitchen sink and ironing board?’ asked Erica.
‘Yeah. Still wondering when Dad will come back. In a way it’s nice having her all to myself all the time. Nice to come home from school and find the place . . .’ She searched for the right word.
‘Alive,’ suggested Erica.
‘Yeah. That’s it, alive.’
‘No chance of my father coming back,’ said Erica, almost with relief.
‘Dad will come back to stay one day. I’m sure of it.’ Matty knew her father adored her, had promised her so often that he would always come back to her no matter how often life forced them apart. She knew her mother had the same faith, but sometimes it seemed to be fading, and that worried her.
‘Hang on to the dream, Matty.’
‘What’s your dream?’
‘Sail. Get a little boat and sail away. Just me. Away, away . . . over there . . .’ She gestured to the horizon.
‘Like Kay Cottee and that boy, Jesse . . .? Where are you going to get a boat? Do you know how to sail?’
The world-weary Erica appeared. ‘Matty, you’re so . . . deadly. Deadly sensible.’ But she smiled and brushed the grass from her lap. ‘Better get back to the shop. See what drama my mother is creating now.’
Billy was closing the salon as Matty hurried inside.
‘Billy, someone’s robbed the Beach Hut! The money’s gone, and I think a bunch of stuff. Erica’s mum isn’t there, what will we do?’
Billy dashed down to the little shop. ‘Don’t touch anything, Erica, we’d better get the police. Where’s your mother? Were you supposed to be minding the place?’
‘Don’t blame me! She was here when I left with Matty.’ Erica’s face was tight. ‘I don’t think we should call the police. I’ll just wait, she’ll come back.’
‘What do you think is missing? Where were you girls, anyway?’
‘We just hung around the surf club. Then we went down to the chemist to get hair dye and had a smoothie and went for a walk.’
‘Do you think your mum might be up at the pub with her friends?’ Billy said gently. When Erica shrugged, he asked, ‘Do you want me to check?’
‘I suppose so. But I don’t think she’ll be there. She had a row with her boyfriend the other night.’
Billy glanced around the shop again, nothing seemed out of place. ‘Was the cash drawer open? What’s missing?’
Erica said nothing but idly picked a pair of sunglasses off the stand and tried them on, peering into the small mirror.
Matty spoke up. ‘No, it was
shut. Erica went to get some change for a drink and it was empty.’
‘I see. Listen, why don’t we just shut up the shop, leave her a note on the counter – she has her key, I assume – and I’ll drive you both to Matty’s place. You can use my mobile and see if your mum is there, Matty.’
‘She’ll be there, she’s expecting me. I have to be home by six.’
‘Fine, let’s go.’ Billy had a feeling Bonnie wouldn’t be returning to the shop. Kim could give them both dinner then run Erica home to the nearby village of Brigalow where she and Bonnie were living. With God knows who else.
Kimberley followed Billy out to his car as the girls settled in front of the television. ‘Thanks for this. You okay to take Erica home later?’ he asked.
‘Sure. Is this unusual? I mean, should we alert anyone?’
‘I don’t think it’s that unusual. Bonnie often doesn’t come home but generally she tells Erica, from what I gather,’ sighed Billy.
‘It seems so . . . irresponsible. What is that woman thinking of? Not her daughter, that’s for sure,’ said Kimberley.
‘She used to be utterly reliable. Bonnie’s mother, Erica’s grandmother, is a leading social figure in Melbourne. Bonnie is a bit lost and feeling sorry for herself. Trying to recapture something she never had I suspect – freedom.’
‘Maybe we should try to contact Erica’s grandmother.’
‘Bonnie would hate that. It’s not that drastic, and what’s she going to do? We can’t interfere.’
‘This isn’t interfering?’ said Kimberley.
‘This is being a good friend, what towns like this are all about. Looking out for each other.’
‘You’re right. I’d better go and turn the TV off and see if there’s any homework. Take care, Billy.’
‘I never do homework.’ Erica was curled up in the corner of the sofa, her arms folded across her chest. ‘It’s so boring.’
‘What about your marks? What does your teacher say?’ asked Kimberley, wondering how on earth teachers dealt with such stubborn defiance.
‘Leave it, Mum. Erica’s okay. She’s so smart. She can do stuff easily without studying, if she wants to,’ said Matty.
‘Lucky Erica. Well, you’d better finish your work after dinner. I’ve made pasta, a salad and a banana cake. All right?’
‘You mean you made it, not takeaway?’ asked Erica. ‘I’m so sick of Thai and Indian food from up the road.’
Kimberley left the girls to talk and thumb through magazines while she finished preparing dinner.
‘Mum, can I do a modelling course?’ called Matty.
‘Maybe. Is that what you want to do too, Erica?’
‘Nah, I’m not into hairdos and make-up and stuff,’ said Erica. ‘I’m a sailor. I want to sail the seven seas.’
‘You will too I bet,’ said Matty loyally.
‘Now come and have your dinner.’
‘Aren’t we eating in front of the TV?’ Erica stopped in the middle of the room.
‘No, Erica. That’s a treat on rare occasions in this house.’ Kimberley’s patience with Erica was wearing thin. If she says ‘boring’ one more time, I’ll throw the dinner at her, she thought. But Erica surprised her.
‘Oh, cool. We used to eat in the dining room at home before Mum and Dad split. My grandmother makes a big deal about it too. I sort of miss it. I mean not all the time, but . . .’ her voice trailed off.
As they ate Kimberley wondered what life was like for Erica in a rundown house with a drifting population. She was sure Erica’s grandmother would not approve of the environment her girls were living in.
Erica was silent as Kimberley drove her home. Matty stayed behind to do her homework.
‘What will you do if your mother isn’t home yet? Do you want me to call you later to check?’ asked Kimberley.
‘Nah. She’s probably drinking her way through the cash from the shop. She’ll turn up.’
Kimberley didn’t say anything at Erica’s assumption about the apparent ‘theft’.
‘You must come and have dinner again. I haven’t seen you around with Matty’s friends much,’ said Kimberley as they pulled up in the quiet main street of the little town. Dim red and blue lights shone from behind the blinds and loud music reverberated from Bonnie’s house.
‘I only hang out with Matty. She doesn’t hassle me,’ said Erica, not making a move to get out of the car.
Kimberley didn’t want to get into a deep discussion. She peered out the windscreen. ‘Well, someone’s certainly home.’
‘Yeah, there’s always people here. Thanks for dinner . . .’ For a moment Erica seemed about to say something else then changed her mind. ‘See ya.’
Kimberley couldn’t shake Erica from her mind. While Matty vacillated between brimming cockiness and childlike sweetness, Erica was tough one minute, needy the next. She certainly had problems. Kimberley wished Matty hadn’t befriended her, then felt guilty for thinking that. Matty, while highly impressionable, wasn’t silly. Why couldn’t they just have harmless teenage fun together? She recalled now that Matty had told her that many of the girls at school were ‘depressed’. Kimberley had figured that simply meant they were upset because they’d been grounded, had privileges removed, a tiff with a friend. But with Erica it was something deeper and she had good reason to have major worries. Bonnie was so wrapped up in whatever misery she was going through that she didn’t see the effect it was having on her fourteen-year-old daughter. Billy was right, if Matty was in deep trouble Kimberley would appreciate someone being concerned enough to ring her.
When she got home she went into her bedroom and rang Matty’s teacher, glad they were on a friendly footing and Kimberley wasn’t worried about her calling this late.
‘Sylvia, sorry to bother you . . . no, no not a problem with Matty . . . unless you think so . . .’ Kimberley listened to the cheerful report on Matty from her teacher before cutting in, ‘Actually, I’m ringing about Erica Bitternden. I know you can’t discuss another student, but it does involve Matty –’
‘Oh dear, are they in trouble? Erica hasn’t been at school for two days, is she all right?’ Sylvia replied.
‘She’s fine, she was here for dinner tonight . . . it’s her mother, she wasn’t around and I’m a bit concerned about Erica’s influence on Matty. She seems a rather disturbed child.’ Kimberley was trying to tread carefully.
‘She is, I’m afraid. And with good reason. Several reasons,’ sighed the young teacher. ‘Her mother . . . heavens, when I first met her she was so proper. She’s been in such a spiral. Erica has always been difficult I suspect. And different.’
‘Oh, in what way?’
‘She is extremely bright, way above average. Bordering on gifted.’
‘She seemed so . . . disinterested, bored with school. I hope that doesn’t rub off on Matty.’
‘She’s typical of what we now call “star” or “new” kids. We are just realising that the boredom, their arrogance and aggression are because they are bright, not because they’ve a deficiency –’
‘You mean like attention deficit disorders?’
‘Yes, where the tendency has been to put them on medication, which in Erica’s case could be highly dangerous. Do you think she is exposed to drugs at home?’
‘Sylvia, Matty tells me drugs are available around the school. I assumed it was pot, surely not hard stuff.’ Kimberley was finding this a painful conversation.
‘Drugs are everywhere. We all have to watch for the signs. It would be helpful if you could keep an eye on Erica when you can. For Matty’s sake as well.’
As Kimberley put the phone down all the accumulated tensions associated with being a single mother with a vulnerable teenage daughter seemed to break out of the corner of her mind where they’d been painstakingly confined. She felt fear clutch at her heart. She knew that she and Bonnie had similar problems, both were struggling to cope. Seeing Bonnie wallowing so desperately undermined her own shaky confidence. Thank God fo
r friends like Mac and Billy. As Kimberley poured herself a coffee she thought of all the other good friends she had in The Bay and felt comforted.
When Matty went to bed, Kimberley gave her a long hug.
‘What’s that for, Mum? Are you upset?’
‘I’m just glad you’re you. You will come to me if ever you have a problem, won’t you, Matt? No matter how bad you think it is. I’m here for you, not to judge you, to help and love you. You know that, don’t you?’
Matty leaned over and hugged Kimberley. ‘I know, Mum. And I’m here for you, too.’ She kissed Kimberley’s cheek and snuggled down in bed.
Kimberley pulled Matty’s door closed, her eyes blurred with tears.
Erica was trying to sleep, and she refused to cry. She squeezed her eyes shut as they burned with unshed tears. She was stuck on the sofa again, some couple had crashed in her bed. She didn’t know where her mother was. What had happened to her life? In Melbourne her mother was at least at home every night. Watching TV. Sure, with a drink. But she was there, nicely dressed, in a nice house. Everything was always neat. Sometimes Erica despised The Bay. Maybe she should run away. She could go back to Grandma’s. No, she’d hate that. She tossed under the cover. Besides, she couldn’t leave her mother. Bonnie was racing downhill out of control. Erica had to be there to pick up the pieces. And there were still times when they could laugh together. At least in the beginning The Bay had made her mum lighten up. But dark clouds were on the horizon and Erica was scared. For her mother. And for herself.
Amber loved her early morning jog and swim. On weekends she went to Mighty Beach, during the week she stuck to Ten Mile. At eight o’clock she had to go up to the farm to see to her mother.
This morning was misty, threatening rain. Mount Hazard was obscured by cloud. The water was blissfully warm. As soon as she dived through the curling waves she felt relaxed and peaceful, yet energised. There was something about being in the sea, and this part of the ocean more than anywhere else, that gave her a sense of connection. What with she wasn’t sure. She loved the feeling of being wrapped and nurtured by the soft water, and gazing at the beautiful beach with some old holiday houses screened behind the dunes and the mysterious mountain range with the distinctive peak of Chinamans Hat. But greater than any of the pleasurable sensations there was an overwhelming pull that dragged her into the water. A feeling of purpose, or some need. She couldn’t put her finger on it, so she simply surrendered to her instinct and stayed in the water longer than she should.
