by MA Lee
Laughing, Ryan turned his eyes back on me. “Who is the stalker now,” he joked. “My parents and grandparents took my sister to visit another cousin. They were going to go shopping and I didn’t want to go. I had other plans that sounded more enticing to me,” he said with a seductive grin.
Man, this boy better be careful or I may just pull this car over and jump him right here.
“I wasn’t stalking, just being observant,” I noted as I tried to hide the smile that was threatening to spread over my face.
We continued to drive as I pointed out the city courthouse, a few good local diners, and then the city ballparks. I drove until we reached the county fairgrounds. Pulling into a parking space, I parked my car and we walked side by side to the ticket booth counter.
As I reached into my pocket to pull out money to pay for my entrance ticket, Ryan stopped me.
“What are you doing? I will pay,” he said as he handed the woman behind the ticket booth a ten dollar bill.
“No, it’s ok really. I don’t want you to feel obligated to pay,” I said trying to give him my money.
Refusing to take the money, Ryan handed me my ticket and began walking through the entrance gate. Noticing the crowds, I made sure to walk very close to Ryan. People were spread out everywhere laughing and talking as they enjoyed the beautiful summer afternoon. With the sun filling the cloudless sky, the weather couldn’t have been more perfect. We walked by several game booths and a few rides that made you spin until you were so dizzy you might puke. The air was filled with happy voices and the scent of funnel cakes and fried foods.
Finally, Ryan stopped walking and grabbed my hand. The spark of electricity that jolted me made me jump from his touch. I could tell he felt the energy too because our eyes met instantly and a smile appeared on both of our faces.
As we continued strolling through the large fair, I spotted a familiar blond haired boy I once knew. My pulse quickened and I suddenly felt like I was melting from the heat rising in my cheeks. Noticing my sudden change in appearance and demeanor, Ryan stopped and turned around and stood in front of me. His action momentarily blocked my view of the familiar boy, but not before he had already spotted me through the crowds.
Sauntering toward us, my ex-boyfriend Matt offered a sly smile as he waved. Following my gaze, Ryan saw who my eyes were glowering at.
“Who is that?” Ryan almost seethed, as he took in my anxious expression. I could feel the blood draining from my face and I tried my best to keep my composure calm as though this boy coming toward me wasn’t having an awful effect on me.
“That,” I practically growled, watching Matt stalk toward me, “Is my ex-boyfriend, Matt.”
In that moment, I wanted to hide or run away, but it was too late. He had spotted me and all I could do was just stand there like a complete idiot waiting for him to reach us. Ryan stood close to me, almost as if he were trying to protect me.
“Oh. I sense bad blood between you two,” he whispered as Matt stopped in front of us.
As Matt stopped in front of us, he plastered his panty-dropping smile on his face. He was the first and only guy I had and would ever love. In the two years, we were together, he had promised me the world. Confessing his love for me, he made me believe we would be together forever. As a stupid and love-struck sixteen-year-old, I had believed every lie he told me. It wasn’t until after our two year anniversary that I discovered he had been cheating on me throughout the two years we were together. When I confronted him, he somehow twisted his deceiving ways around on me. According to Matt, I needed to understand that he had needs and since I was still a virgin, he fell to his cock’s needs and not his hearts. It never mattered that he promised he would be my first and would wait for me. No, he broke that promise and shattered my heart in the process. I learned a very valuable lesson from that experience; love didn’t exist. It was merely a state of mind. From then on, I had made a decision to only have fun with guys. Since that’s all they wanted me for, I wouldn't fall in love again, only to have my heart broken.
“You could say that,” I whispered back, so Matt wouldn't hear.
“Hey Maddi, how are you?” Matt asked, like we were old friends reuniting.
“Hi, Matt. I’m fine,” I replied.
Switching my weight to my other foot, I looked between Matt and Ryan and noticed how different the two guys were. Matt had a cocky presence while Ryan seemed sweet and endearing. Matt had short brown hair and light blue eyes. Ryan had messy dark brown hair and deep blue eyes with meaning. Matt was tall and thin and wore exactly what he thought girls would love; khaki shorts and a cut off t-shirt. Ryan has a rock hard surfer’s body and the face of an Italian god with his dark complexion and even darker hair. The contrast between the two guys was almost funny.
“I heard you had applied to some out of state schools,” Matt added, like he knew me so well. It was almost disgusting.
“Yes, I applied at every school in the United States,” I snapped back.
“But, you decided to go to a state school?” he asked with a smug look on his face. It was that look that reminded me instantly again, why I hated him so much.
“Go to hell,” I grumbled, as I wanted him to just vanish right before my eyes.
Laughing, Matt threw his head back. “Oh Maddi, you always were such a little bitch,” he said,, still keeping that smug grin.
I clenched my fists and prepared to lunge forward and knock that grin off his face, but Ryan beat me to the punch; literally.
“Hey, watch it asshole,” Ryan yelled as he shoved Matt hard.
I watched as Matt flew back and lost his balance. He stumbled and caught himself before almost falling to the dirt ground below. Regaining his composure, Matt’s eyes grew wide with amusement and anger as he took us both in.
“Oh I see, you find another boy toy to stick up for you,” Matt said as he wiped off some dirt from his shirt.
“You need to walk away now,” Ryan said through clenched teeth. His eyes bore into Matt’s and I couldn’t take my gaze off of him.
Turning to me, Matt spoke to Ryan but kept his attention on me. “I guess cheating on you wasn’t the worst decision I ever made. Coming back and thinking I could talk to you like an adult was a bad idea,” he seethed as he had the nerve to look hurt and wounded.
“Get lost, Matt,” I said as my hands were still clenched at my sides.
Nodding his head, Matt seemed to finally get the hint that I wasn’t in the mood to talk to him. “Well, it was really good seeing you. Maybe next time I am back in town, we can catch up. I got into the University of Louisville,” he finished as he tried to take the attention off of him. I hated how he could just pretend like he didn’t just insult me and get into a fight with Ryan.
“Sure,” I said. Man, I wish I could say so many things to him. He had broken my heart. I had loved him once. But now, as I watch him walk away, there is nothing for me to say to him. He doesn’t care and neither should I.
Waving back, Matt turned and walked away. I felt myself sigh and finally breathe again.
“Man, that was intense. What did he do to piss you off?” Ryan asked as he continued to watch Matt walk away. “I mean besides being a complete tool and douche-bag,” he finished. A look of disgust and possibly anger passed through his eyes and I couldn’t help but wonder why he was getting so upset.
Pulling him away from the crowds, I walked Ryan over to a set of picnic tables near the food vendors. Sitting down, Ryan leaned in and prepared to listen. “Matt was my boyfriend for two years. I loved him and I thought he loved me, but it was all a lie. He cheated on me throughout the two years we were together. I guess I am just disgusted whenever I see him. He is the reason I have my rules,” I said.
Cocking his head to the side, Ryan looked intrigued. “That guy cheated on you?” he said pointing back to where we had just walked from. “He must be a complete idiot. You are too beautiful and sweet to ever cheat on. Whoever he messed with, was only a downgrade from you,” he
finished, his voice rising with anger.
Shaking my head, I could feel my heart stuttering as a deep ache in my chest grew. “You don’t have to say that,” I replied.
“I know I don’t, but it is the truth. He didn’t deserve you,” Ryan added. “What did you mean by you have rules?” he asked.
Laughing to myself, I thought about how I would explain this to Ryan. “I decided that love just isn't for me. My parents are married but I don’t think they are in love. They barely talk and I don’t think they love me either. I just want to have fun and find a job after college” I finished.
“I hope you don’t really believe those things. Maybe you just haven't experienced real love by the right person,” Ryan stated.
“I don’t know, maybe,” I sighed.
“Okay, let’s talk about something less intense. What are you going to major in?” Ryan asked.
A smile touched my lips as I thought about the possibilities my future could hold. “I applied to every journalism school in the United States,” I chuckled. “I want to be a writer. I have been writing articles and stories for my school newspaper while in high school. I love to write. I get to have a voice, but stay behind the scene and out of the spotlight. I want to eventually write for a travel magazine or big newspaper and travel to wherever the story takes me.”
“That sounds awesome,” Ryan beamed. “I am going to a small college in New Jersey near my home. I am going to study business management since I don’t really know what I want to do. I thought about joining the air force or army once and working on planes and tanks, but I don’t know. I like my home so I want to stay close to home.”
“That’s nice,” I added.
I guess that was where Ryan and I really differed. While he wanted to stay home and close to his family, I wanted to leave and find a new home for myself.
Nudging my shoulder, Ryan began to stand and he offered me his hand. Placing my hand in his, I stood too. “Come on, let’s forget about cheating boyfriends and our looming futures and ideas of being adults soon. Let’s just enjoy being two teens on summer vacation,” Ryan flashed a smile and I swear my breath faltered.
Agreeing, I followed his lead and we began walking again as the sun above us warmed our bodies. After a few more minutes, Ryan paused.
“Hey, you mentioned a Ferris wheel and here one is,” he said as he pointed up to the large wheel that was slowly spinning with cars and people.
Glancing up, I noted the height of the death trap. “Hey, I was just trying to create the mood. I don’t do heights,” I said as I took a step away from Ryan.
The separation I felt after moving away from him was like being punched in the stomach and I was startled by the strange emotion.
“You can’t seriously be afraid of a Ferris wheel,” Ryan laughed. Take a step closer to me, he towered over my petite 5’2 frame. “You snuck out of your house in the middle of the night to see a guy you met once. That is pretty crazy and brave if you ask me. And now, you are afraid to ride a silly ride?” he asked. “Maddi, you are not a girl who is afraid of anything. I could tell that about you the first time I looked into those eyes and saw you smile. You are fearless, you just need someone to help show you that.”
Looking up again, I wanted to turn around and run away, but I also wanted to reach out and hug this beautiful stranger. His words were possibly the sweetest and kindest I had ever heard in my life. I had never been called brave or fearless, but I liked the way it sounded coming from his lips.
“Okay,” I agreed, as I took a step closer to him. “Let’s do it.”
Clapping his hands, Ryan looked as if he had just defeated a huge accomplishment. “Great, let’s get in line.”
We walked to the line and waited our turn for a single blue cart to pick us up. As I slipped into the warm seat next to Ryan, the ride attendant slammed a metal bar down over our laps. As the car began to move slowly, lifting us higher and higher into the air, I felt my body tense. Fear replaced the short-lived bravery I had experienced only moments ago. Now, I was scared to death
“Hey, it’s ok. I promise, you will enjoy this,” Ryan soothed as he grabbed my hand and held it tightly. With his other arm, he placed it around my shoulders and edged me closer to his body.
Being so close to Ryan seemed to calm my nerves and allowed me to breathe again. I began to move my eyes around and allow myself to see my surroundings. We were inching closer to the top of the ride and I could already see a way into the parking lot and through downtown. I suddenly realized instead of letting fear stop me from seeing the beauty of the ride, I needed to open my eyes and truly see.
“Wow, it is really beautiful up here,” I noted, as I watched the rolling bluegrass hills fade into the distance. Everyone seemed so tiny from up here and I began to understand the allure of heights. It was like you were sitting on top of the world.
“It really is,” Ryan agreed, as his eyes danced over my face.
Turning to his way, my face was only inches away from his. Ryan’s eyes were locked on mine and I realized the meaning behind his words. Adrenaline and nervousness etched its way into my brain as I felt his warm breath on my cheek. I couldn’t help my eyes from wandering to his lips and as he slowly licked his bottom lip, I began to tingle on the inside.
Moving in closer, Ryan’s lips hover over mine before he crashed them against my lips. Pushing myself closer to him, I moved my hands through his hair as our kiss began to deepen and quicken with need. Ryan’s hands began to roam over my shoulders and down to my waist as his tongue parted my lips and began to dance with my tongue. It was the most erotic and sweet kiss of my entire life and I knew in that instant I would never forget Ryan.
Parting, we both began to pant as we attempted to catch our breath. I hadn't felt the descent of our car until we were back on the ground. I was too wrapped up in the high from my kiss with Ryan to notice I was back on earth again.
Grabbing the bar across our laps, the attendant asked us to exit our car. Grabbing my hand, Ryan led me off the ride and back into the busy world below us. We spent the rest of the afternoon walking hand in hand through the carnival. We rode a few more rides, played a few games, and ate some greasy food. But nothing compared to my first kiss with my New Jersey boy.
CHAPTER 5
The next afternoon I had to work and Ryan had to finish packing his grandparents things for their move to New Jersey. It was difficult to keep my mind off of Ryan or our amazing kiss. I knew what this was from the moment I met Ryan. It could never be anything more than a summer fling for a few days. He was going to be leaving soon and I would be hopefully leaving for college soon. Our paths would probably never cross again and he would just be some boy I hooked up with the summer before I left home for good.
Only, it didn’t feel like that. Not one tiny bit. Instead, I couldn’t get him out of my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking about his voice and his smell and his touch. My mind was in a blaze as I tried to work and keep my mind off of doing something stupid like falling for a boy I couldn’t have. I knew better than that. I needed to remind myself of my rules.
“So… anything interesting happen last this weekend?” Reagan asked, as she walked up to me while I punched my code into the register.
Rolling my eyes, I glared at her. “Why do you ask?” I asked, trying to play coy. I knew it would drive her crazy to have to pry the details out of me.
“Stop it, Maddi,” Reagan yelled. “I want to know if you and that cute boy did anything.”
“Maybe,” I teased again.
Playfully slapping my arm, Reagan about jumped up and down like an angry toddler as she begged me for some juicy details. “Come on, Maddi, that boy was fine. I need gossip.”
Finally deciding to stop torturing her, I began to spill how Ryan called me when I left the party. I moved on to tell her about how we figured out we were both in the same neighborhood and how I escaped my house and we spent the night and next afternoon together. I ended with the kiss that rocked my world
.
Squealing, Reagan clapped her hands in amusement. “You kissed him! See, aren't you glad you have me for a friend? When are you going to see him again?”
Focusing on my next customer, I took care of their order and money before turning back to Reagan again. She should have been taking care of her customers instead of gossiping with me, but that wasn’t Reagan’s style.
“I doubt I will see him again. He is only here a few more days and his family has lots of plans. Besides, what is the point? Once he leaves it’s not like we will keep in touch. He lives far away and I will be far away too. Once I figure out where I am accepted for school, that is.”
Shaking her head, Reagan pursed her lips. “Maddi, why are you always so negative. Enjoy this. Who knows maybe you two will fall in love and live happily ever after,” she beamed.
“I don’t believe in happy ever after. That is for fairy tales, not real life,” I finished as I turned back to my work.
Walking away, Reagan left me alone for the moment, but I knew it would only be a short time before she hounded me again on the topic of Ryan, or any other boy for that matter.
***
Later that afternoon after I got off early from my shift, my mom called and asked me to meet her at the country club where we were members. In the small town of Nicholasville, Kentucky there really wasn’t a lot of things to do. You could go swim at the local water park, eat at one of the three restaurants in town, or hang out at the Loan Oak Country Club.
Living in a fancy country subdivision allowed for a large golf course to snake behind our lots. Running home, I quickly changed out of my uniform and into a pair of my white Nike tennis skirts and a pink tank top. Meeting my mom on the courts, she already had a court scheduled for us and my racket ready for me to play her in a game of doubles with two of her friends.
While my mom and I didn’t share a lot in common, we both did enjoy playing tennis and golfing with my dad. It was really the only times we ever did anything as a family, and we were competing the whole time.
