by Dean Murray
It was exactly the opportunity I needed.
"I've got someone I need to move out of the country for a few weeks, preferably without them realizing they've been managed. Do you think you could find a spot for another photographer?"
She paused as if considering the question and then sighed. "That is difficult, Alec. Francisco he is very good, and very touchy. He will not like it if he feels as though I'm grooming his replacement and I cannot afford to lose him right now."
"I'll cover your costs to bring her on board and throw in a fifty percent markup. If you think it would help, you can offer Francisco a healthy bonus to train this friend of a friend, and I'll cover any losses that result if things do blow up in your face."
"Oh, Alec. You're just like your father. Money truly doesn't mean anything to you. Very well. Francisco he loves intrigue as much as any artist; I think I can present it to him in such a way as to win his support."
"Thanks, Isabel. I owe you one for this. I'll have Donovan wire the money over first thing this morning."
"There is no rush. I know that you are good for it."
I almost didn't tell her, but she was the closest thing to a family friend we had outside the moon born.
"It would be best if I had him take care of it sooner rather than later. Things have deteriorated somewhat over the last few weeks and I wouldn't want to leave you with no recourse in the event that Donovan and I aren't around to satisfy the debt. In fact, maybe you should put together a generous estimate of what your losses may run if Francisco doesn't cooperate and I'll send that over as well. I'll call later with the phone number so you can extend the offer."
There were several seconds of silence and then Isabel sighed in sorrow.
"I won't press you for details, Alec, but I'm very aware that Donovan was more than usually vague when it came to the details surrounding your father's death. My daughter thinks you're all drug runners or some such, but I do not believe it. You've all been nothing but honorable to me, and I mourn whatever business it is that brought an early death to him and now threatens the young man that is the closest thing to a son I've ever had."
"Thanks, Isabel. That means a lot. Both the sentiment and your not asking questions I can't answer."
We made our goodbyes and then I called and discussed the arrangements with Donovan. He promised to see to the details and then there was nothing left but to wait for Adri's mother to return or for us to be overrun by Brandon's people. We were all praying for the former but Jasmin at least was convinced Brandon would arrive first.
I listened to her grumbles for nearly an hour as the price of her cooperation so soon after being forced to back down over the whole Adri issue.
I was just close enough to the house to hear Adri as she came downstairs and hesitantly opened the front door. I was so excited to see her that I moved towards her too quickly. She emitted a startled gasp at my sudden appearance.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you."
I was usually much better than this at maintaining appearances. Something about her made me forget myself, or maybe it was that she brushed aside the illusions and somehow brought out the real me.
"It's ok, it must be really limiting to always have to pretend you're slow and normal."
Once again she'd all but read my thoughts. It was uncanny how easily she did that. I managed a casual shrug and hoped the ability was intermittent.
"Actually I've spent so much of my life trying to hide the unusual aspects of my nature, it's usually second nature. For some reason, I forget myself around you."
Her pulse peaked slightly. She was obviously in the grip of some emotion, and based on the tentative way she was looking out at the darkness, it wasn't joy.
"Are they out there waiting now?"
I shook my head, wishing that the truth was capable of consoling her.
"No, I'd already have come and carried you away if any of Brandon's people were around. Barring that, you'd hear us fighting. Mere doors and windows wouldn't do much to muffle the sound."
"You'd be fighting, because of me."
Even in what had to be the most terrifying night of her life, she was still worried about the impact to the pack, the impact to me. It was stupid, I'd already touched her too much tonight, but I reached out and took her shoulders in my hands.
"Please don't try and take the blame for this. We've been on a collision course with Brandon's pack for years."
Apparently my touch had made her uncomfortable. We stood in silence for several seconds and then she finally found something to break the awkwardness.
"I can't sleep. I've been trying, but I'm too wound up to do anything but just lie there. I thought I'd come downstairs and talk to you instead. I mean unless it's bothering you. You know, keeping you from patrolling or something."
Bothering me indeed. It was good she didn't realize just how far gone I was. Earlier words notwithstanding, she'd have been repulsed if she'd realized just how badly I wanted to be with her.
"No, you're not bothering me in the slightest. Jasmin or Isaac either one could easily keep watch. Our sense of smell and hearing are good enough that it's all but impossible for even other wolves to catch us unawares. They're here more in the role of bodyguards. If Brandon's people do show up, it'll likely take all three of us to get you away safely."
"So you don't mind? You'll stay here and talk to me?"
Now that she'd actually made the offer I found my sense of duty kicking back in. She didn't understand what she was asking. I cast about for an excuse.
"I'm not sure that's the best idea. You really need your sleep. The whole purpose of this little exercise is to convince your mom you've been safely home this entire time. If you crash later in the day, she's going to know you didn't sleep tonight."
"Maybe if you stayed with me it would help me sleep."
"That doesn't strike me as being a much better solution."
The words came out harsher than I'd meant them to. She backed away in embarrassment and despite the fact it would increase my agony when I finally sent her away, I did the only thing I could think of to ease her discomfort.
"I'm sorry; that didn't come out as intended. If it would help you sleep of course I'll come upstairs and sit with you. It's the least I can do after allowing you to be dragged into this mess."
I followed her upstairs, let her get comfortable in her bed and then sat on the floor as I turned off the lights. If I had to be teased with her presence, at least I could put some physical distance between us.
We exchanged some small talk, and then she got to what I expected was the real reason she'd invited me up.
"What...I mean you're all so different..."
She'd almost recovered, but when the most effective way of lying remaining to your kind was to allow someone to believe you'd said something other than you really had, a person got very good at listening to exactly what had been said.
"I think you meant to ask what I am."
She nodded, barely visible in the darkness, and I felt my heart speed up slightly at just how beautiful she was. There was so much she couldn't know, but apparently I was willing to sell my soul in this as well. Anything to spend a few more minutes with her. Even if the knowledge I was imparting potentially put her in even greater danger.
"We share a little in common with a bunch of different legends, but none get it quite right. In short, we're shape shifters, people who can take the form of animals."
"You mean like werewolves?"
Even the full knowledge her question came from ignorance didn't save me from the surge of anger as she used the most ancient insult known to my people. She had no way of knowing how different we were from the mindless killing machines that we'd spent millennium trying to exterminate.
I brought myself back under control just enough to answer her.
"No, not like werewolves."
"Did I say something wrong?"
The uncertainty, the near-hurt in her voice brought my humanity b
ack to the fore. The rage dissolved, allowing me to answer her with more gentleness.
"No, you've nothing to feel sorry about. I should tell you though that calling a shape shifter a werewolf is the kind of insult that nearly always results in a fight, and often even a death."
She gasped. It was so hard to remember that she wasn't part of my terrible world. It felt like she was the missing piece of my life, but that didn't mean she felt the same way, that she truly belonged with me.
"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to scare you. I forget sometimes how much more violent my world is."
Her face broke into a smile again, and I wished I had my paints with me. It would be a very long time, if ever before I found myself painting anything that didn't include her as its subject, but another image needed started before I could think of recording this part of the night.
"That's better; I much prefer the happy Adri face to the scared Adri."
"Wait, you could see me smile? I guess that all follows, better hearing, better sense of smell. Of course you'd have better vision too."
She paused for just a moment and then launched into one of the things that I shouldn't tell her about.
"Sorry, it's just that this all makes me think of these amazing dreams I've been having since I arrived. I'm transported to various places, but in every case I can hear and smell better than I can in real life. Not only that, everything is glowing. Only that isn't the right word for it. Mostly there's just light coming out of the people and the plants and animals. It's so beautiful. Funny your having more acute senses would make me think of that."
How would she feel about knowing that we'd been sharing our dreams? Would it lend itself to her feeling the same kind of bond I felt, or would she feel intruded upon?
"It's bordering on stuff I shouldn't tell you, but you deserve to know. You've just described exactly how we perceive the world. The colors are all more vibrant, the breeze is more alive with scents than anyone could ever know."
Her breathing had just sped up. Did she understand what I was implying?
"Your paintings. That explains them. You were superimposing what you see over top of what someone like me would see. Only how would you know what things look like to us?"
Had I covered the painting I'd done of her before I'd left to confront Jasmin? Was she trying to give me the chance to come clean? I forced a false measure of gaiety into my voice.
"You are amazing. Anyone else waking up in a strange place would've run away as soon as they regained consciousness. At the very least, you should have started screaming. Instead you wander around, take in some rather feeble attempts at art, and then sneak out without saying a word."
She stuck out her tongue at me and I felt myself breathe a little easier.
"Hey, my survival instincts, or lack thereof aren't the point. Stop trying to distract me."
"I suppose I deserved that. It's just more than a little unsettling how quickly you're putting pieces together. There really are things that aren't safe for you to know. Among them, the reason why it isn't safe for you to know them. To answer your question, I wasn't always like this. When I was younger I saw exactly the way that you do. Even now, my vision is more like yours when I'm in this form. I still see incredibly well, and there's just the slightest hint of light from living things, but nothing like what you saw in the dreams."
She nodded once more in the darkness as the pieces continued to snap into place for her.
"So you work from memory mostly then? That and trying to make what you see when you're in human form even more drab than what you really see?"
"That about sums it up although I didn't really expect you to pick up on that last part so quickly. You're remarkably perceptive."
She blushed at the compliment and then retreated to more mundane subjects.
"So what does a seventeen year old shape shifter spend his time doing?"
Finally something safe. Something I could reveal without binding myself even more tightly to her.
"Well, I spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to keep my friends away from each other's throats. We've got some pretty strong personalities, and it's nearly a full time job stopping minor disagreements from boiling over into something bigger. Apart from that, I spend an hour or two every day vetting Donovan's management of the family assets. He does an incredible job with everything, but even so, there are certain things I have to approve myself."
"Who's Donovan?"
I laughed at the absurdity of trying to answer that question. How could I explain a man who I didn't completely understand myself. The man who'd raised me, who'd found a love even more forbidden and impossible than mine.
"That's one of the most difficult questions you've asked so far. He likes to call himself our butler, but that doesn't even begin to describe him. He does take care of most of the duties a typical butler would assume, but he's also our financial manager, and long-time family friend. I'm excited for you to meet him tomorrow. I think you'll like him."
"Yeah, but will he like me?"
She sat up and I felt a stab of pain as I realized I'd misspoken. She couldn't meet Donovan because she needed to leave. I couldn't begin planning my life around her because it wasn't safe for her here. I'd just cause myself additional pain by pretending otherwise.
"Please lie back down. You have to at least be trying to sleep. Otherwise I'm heading back downstairs. And don't pout. It won't influence me in the slightest."
"It's just sooo hard for my merely human ears to hear you from so far away. Maybe if you were to move over here I wouldn't have to strain to catch every word."
She dangled the promise of closeness before me like the most expert hunter ever, but I couldn't resent her. Not when I wanted so badly to touch her. It was almost as though the Ja'tell bond had been reversed.
"Alright, I'll come over and lean against your bed, but you really need to try and sleep. You've got to be nearly exhausted."
"What about you mister superhero shape shifter? You've been up longer than I have. I'm not the only one who needs to sleep."
There it was, the chance to try and tell her about the loneliness. I took the coward's way as I so often did these days.
"That's actually one of the benefits of my condition. I don't actually need normal amounts of sleep. An hour or two per night is usually more than enough."
"So you don't need to sleep. What do you do with all the rest of your time?"
It was wrong for me to want to kiss her, to imagine the feel of her skin against mine. I shook my head to clear it.
"Well, I do spend a fairly significant amount of time each day sitting in class. Kind of like someone else I know."
"Unacceptable. I've added that up in my head, and you've still got several hours each day that you haven't accounted for."
She was finally starting to fall asleep. Her voice had taken on the breathy, mumbled quality of the truly tired. I let my voice creep down in volume, hoping to coax her to sleep, praying the respite would give me strength to do the right thing.
"I'm afraid that really is the balance of my time. I spend time with Rachel of course. Then there are a few odd minutes where I squeeze in some reading, or a bit of painting."
"They're beautiful. Best I've seen. Ever."
I smiled at the compliment. It somehow meant more than the rest of the praise my work had ever received.
"Thank you. I'm afraid mostly all I see is the flaws. Even with the most perfect subjects, I still generally somehow fail to capture their true essence."
"But not all?"
"No, not all of them."
Her breathing had deepened and slowed. I waited several seconds, but she finally mustered another sentence.
"Sounds fulfilling. Busy, but fulfilling."
"It's always seemed fulfilling. At least until recently."
She trailed off into insensibility and I felt something inside me relax as I was finally safe to be myself without fear of driving her away. I reached out and gently ran my finger alon
g the perfect line of her cheek, and then told her sleeping form the truth.
"Somehow that all changed after you arrived. Little by little I started to realize just how empty my life really was. I wish I could come right out and say it while you're awake. I don't want that life anymore. I don't really want any life that doesn't involve you. The truth is, I've fallen well and truly in love with you."
Chapter 23
I passed the next several hours in an odd combination of joy and torment. I was exactly where I wanted to be, but watching the slow rise and fall of Adri's chest only served to remind me that my world would just destroy the sweet perfection dreaming only a few feet from me. I slowly moved further and further away in an effort to wean myself off her presence.
My phone vibrated as Jasmin texted to warn me that Adri's mother had just turned onto their lane. I stood and walked back over to Adri's bed.
"Adriana, it's time to wake up now."
She made a tired, satisfied sound, but obviously wasn't ready to awake yet. I sat down on the edge of the bed and tucked a stray hair behind her ear and tried again.
"Adriana Paige, your mother's on her way."
I was on my fourth iteration when she abruptly sat up, nearly knocking me off of the bed.
"You're still here."
I'd hoped that her racing pulse had been excitement, or at least adrenaline from being woken before she'd fully rested. I hadn't realized it was unhappiness. I forced lightness into my words as I responded to her.
"You sound disappointed. Do you want me to leave?"
"No, not disappointed, just surprised. I figured I'd wake up and find everything had just been one amazing, crazy dream."
I wasn't going to get a better opening than that. I took a deep breath and forced the words out.
"Would you prefer things to take that course?"
She looked too crestfallen for it to be an act, and I felt another selfish ray of hope that she might come to reciprocate some of what I felt for her.
"No, how could you think that? Why would I possibly want to have you vanish when I've just now finally found out it's you that's been watching over my mom and I since we got here?"
