Don’t go…
Ready to be in hot pursuit if needed, I stood too. I couldn’t go another second not knowing if she was still mine. We’d made this date six months ago on my birthday. A date for her sixteenth birthday and my graduation. A date for us to be together…physically for the first time. I was pretty confident sex was off the table and that was survivable, losing her wasn’t.
Her eyes held confusion and I fought every urge to go to her. This had to be on her time. I couldn’t push.
“Happy Birthday,” I finally said.
FIFTY-TWO
Emma
It suddenly hit me that this wasn’t a family event at all. I felt my face twist into a confused mess. What was he doing? I turned back to Ali, who was gone. I lowered my head for a moment before rotating back to Zach half afraid that he would be gone too. He must have noticed my confusion because his eyes narrowed as I took a step backward. His brown eyes were soft and held questions that I didn’t know the answers to. He stood, and his khakis were still freshly ironed except near his upper thighs where he’d sat during the ceremony and his burgundy shirt unbuttoned at the top with a white T-shirt around his tan neck. I wasn’t sure if he’d ever looked better, and, after all this time, he still stole my breath.
He took a step toward me then hesitated, his eyes measuring mine for some reaction. What was he looking for? My approval? How could he possibly not know how much I loved him? I wanted to go to him but I couldn’t. I was afraid. He hadn’t wrapped his arms around me in…well…it seemed like forever. I’d prepared myself that it wouldn’t happen again, and I couldn’t face the thought of feeling it only to lose it again.
“Happy birthday,” he said sincerely, keeping the distance.
“Thank you.” I didn’t smile. I couldn’t smile. I was too unsure of what was happening. “Happy graduation.”
His teeth shone beautifully even in the dark. I’d missed his smile and I don’t know if it’s physiologically possible but I think my heart smiled as well.
“Are you hungry?”
I nodded and for the first time looked at the heavy quilt spread across the grass. Plates, utensils, glasses and napkins. My eyes moved back to him and he was closer now. I could smell him. “What is this?” I asked. My voice didn’t seem to work as the words barely came out.
He reached down with caution taking my hand in his. When they touched, I closed my eyes feeling the warmth and secretly enjoying the moment. I opened my eyes. He drew me toward the quilt.
“My eighteenth birthday was by far…the best…birthday I’ve ever had. Having you with me in our own little San Francisco was the ultimate gift. I tried to think of everything you love. The outdoors, the water rushing in the distance, your park. I wanted to take you to the ocean but what with graduation and all…”
“No. This is perfect.”
“I wanted your birthday to be as special as mine.” He smiled.
It was clear now. He was fulfilling a guilty obligation to pay me back, which was completely unnecessary. “Oh. You didn’t have to…I mean…I did that because…” I stopped and it was too late, the hurt, the ache was already back.
His eyes studied mine again. “Do you want to eat?”
The appetite I had a minute ago diminished. “Yes. Let’s eat. Then you can get to your parties. I know there are parties,” I laughed.
He chuckled and dropped my hand as he reached into a sack shaking his head. “I’m not going to any parties.” He pulled containers from the sack. “I have Crab Alfredo and Spicy Crab Linguini.”
My two favorites. “Either is fine. They both sound great.”
I watched as he dished them out neatly and couldn’t help but notice the two wrapped gifts on the backside of the quilt. Obligatory gift? I wondered if Jaycee knew he was here and how mad she would be.
Surprisingly, the pasta was hot and delicious and I wanted seconds but declined the offer. I’m sure he needed to go.
“Well, thank you,” I said when we finished eating. “Is Ryan picking me up?”
His eyes hung on my words. “No. I can take you some place if you need to go.”
“Whatever. I mean…I can call him or if it’s on your way.”
“On my way where?”
I rose to my feet and slid my sweater on. I was getting cold. “Zach. What you’ve done is more than enough to pay me back for your birthday. Most of the stuff was homemade and the food and stuff I ordered I had saved for. It’s really totally cool. You’re off the hook.”
He moved in faster than I expected grabbing my waist. His eyes seemed full of hurt. “Emma. You think I did this because of some silly obligation?”
Then I answered him with a blank expression. “Yes.”
“That’s ridiculous. We had a date tonight for the past eight months to celebrate your birthday and my graduation. I’m not letting anything get in the way of that.”
“But it’s OK. I don’t want to upset anyone else by us being together.”
He winced and his expression seemed pained. “Do you love him?”
“Who?” Didn’t he know who I loved?
“Austin.”
“Austin, who?”
He puckered his lips and lowered his brow giving me a look like I was clueless.
“I don’t know his last name. Your buddy from Cannon?”
“OH!” It hit me. AUSTIN. “Austin? Do I love him?” Why was he asking me that?
“I’m too late. You love him.” His words were soft and he wasn’t asking, he was telling me. But I didn’t love Austin. I just stared at Zach.
“I don’t understand what you’re getting at. I’m sorry. I’m not dumb but I’m not following you.”
He inhaled and exhaled before he spoke. “Emma. I know you’re not dumb and I wasn’t insinuating that. Are you and Austin a couple?”
“No. Why?”
He sighed. “You said you didn’t want to upset anyone by us being together and I assumed he would be upset that you were here with me. I saw you two together tonight.”
“I was talking about Jaycee.” Her name burned my tongue.
His back stiffened. “Jaycee. Why?”
I wasn’t sure I could say it. I thought of different ways to put it so that the tears wouldn’t come and nothing worked. “She’s your…girlfriend.” I bit my lip trying to distract myself and could taste a hint of blood in my mouth.
His look was one of repulsion. “Jaycee is not my girlfriend.”
“Well. I mean…whatever she is. I didn’t know the word. I’m sorry.”
He chuckled out loud. “She’s nothing, Em. She’s nothing to me.”
“But you two…” I shook off the thought. “She was number eighteen. OH.” It hit me. It was just sex. “I got it. You two just…” I picked up the bottle of water and tried to wash down the food inching its way back up.
He grabbed my shoulders. “Emma!” He shouted, and it startled me. “I wasn’t with Jaycee.”
“Yes you were. The night of Grant’s party,” I reminded him.
He touched my face and I pulled away. “Baby. I wasn’t with her. I took her home as soon as we left…she was pissed… but I took her home.”
“But you said…”
“I know what I said. I’m sorry.” His eyes were sincere.
This didn’t make sense. They were a couple. He left with her. “You weren’t with her?”
“Never. Not even a kiss.”
I shook my head. I didn’t believe him. He was with her. She said. I couldn’t look at him. “But she said.”
The skin puckered between his brows. “She said what?”
I wasn’t sure I could tell him. Was it possible to be in shock without a tragic event? I swallowed. “She said you two were together. That I’d better stay away from you. They said that you needed a woman to meet your needs and that…” I couldn’t find the words to finish.
He reached for my hands and I flinched away. He grimaced. “Is that what happened in the hallway?”
I stared off and nodded. “You were talking to Brett at your locker. After I shoved her, you went to her and helped her.” My words were robotic as I recounted what happened but the pain was as real as if it had just happened. “I got suspended. I don’t understand. Why? Why would you hurt me by saying she was going to be number eighteen and what happened to the website? Did you change your address to something else?” I finally looked at him as all my questions flooded out.
He ran his fingers through his hair. “Wow. Where do I start? First of all, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything. I had no idea what had happened between you and Jaycee.” He said her name with the same distaste as what I felt. “I helped her because I saw a girl lying on the floor in front of me. I didn’t know you were even involved until she pointed at you. Then Mr. Ming was there and I don’t know. I didn’t think you wanted to talk to me.” I didn’t understand his expression. Worry lines crossed his forehead and he hung his head. “I said number eighteen because I wanted to hurt you.” His voice was soft. “I’m so ashamed to admit that…but I did. I was jealous. Grant had just told me about your plan to sleep with him and then you…”
My eyes found his as he struggled to speak. “What?”
“You slept with Austin.” Zach’s jaw was tight and his eyes were closed. “But it doesn’t matter to me. I don’t care who’ve you’ve been with. I mean, I did at first because the thought…” He shook his head. “But I just want to be with you.”
“No I didn’t.”
“You didn’t what?”
“I wasn’t with Austin.”
His eyes popped wide then narrowed. He seemed as confused as I was. “What do you mean?”
His reaction wasn’t what I’d expected. “I mean…Austin and I didn’t…scrog.” I felt the blood rush to my face and wondered if he knew Austin turned me down.
Zach didn’t speak for the longest minute. Maybe he wanted me back because he thought I’d gained some sexual experience which I hadn’t. He was still my only experience. His slight hesitation worried me. “You’re still…you haven’t been with anyone?” He questioned.
My chest swelled in anger and hurt. I knew it. The torrent of pain was present again though I wasn’t sure it had truly ever passed. I jerked my hand from his and turned to go. Where? I didn’t have a ride. I didn’t even have my cell phone.
“Emma? What did I say?” He caught me and his arms wrapped tightly around my waist.
Third time in one day the tears came. Damn promises. My back was pulled snuggly into his chest. “Let me go,” I cried and resisted the hold that felt so good.
“No,” he whispered through my hair. “Tell me what I said that upset you.”
I waited, unable to speak, then finally answered. “I know it…disappoints you that I wasn’t with him or at least that I still have nothing to offer you.” I felt his lips on top of my head.
“Emma Nicole.” His tone was disapproving and he gripped my shoulders spinning me to face him. “I again have to apologize. Somewhere along the line, you misunderstood that I wanted you with other guys.” He winced. “That couldn’t be further from the truth, baby. I’m thrilled to death that you weren’t with him.”
“Then…you want to get back together because I’m still…” God I hated the word. “Because I’m still a virgin?” At least I could offer him that.
He released an exasperated breath. “No! Of course not,” he laughed. “That has nothing to do with it. In fact, we don’t have too scrog…ever. OK…maybe not ever but not now.” He smiled caressing my cheek.
“Why did you come back then?”
I watched as his fists clenched. “Em? What am I going to do with you? I never went anywhere. You’re the one who wanted out. I’ve just been waiting. Hoping this would pass. Remember you were the one upset with me?”
I tried but couldn’t remember that far back. The only memory I could recall was how good it felt to have his arms around me. How could he possibly believe I didn’t want him? “You want to be with me?” I asked.
“Wow. You actually heard me? But do you believe me?” He smiled. His hands reached out for me and wrapped around my shoulders then suddenly pulled me into his chest. The warmth of his body felt nice to my cheek. Still a perfect fit. When the tightness of his embrace restricted my breathing, I involuntarily whimpered and he loosened for only a second. I knew there was no turning back. Life as I knew it had changed. And as he ran his fingers through my hair and the warm air from his mouth blew across my cheek, I knew I loved him more than life itself.
“I have something for you.” He leaned back and tugged on my hand. He was crazy if he thought for a second I was letting go.
He led me back to the corner of the quilt with the two gifts.
“Sit.”
I twisted my legs beneath me and sat. He handed me the red foil box first. Very light. I shook it and smiled.
He shrugged. “Shake away. You’ll never guess.”
“Is it something I wanted?”
“I hope so.”
I tried to act cool and not tear in to it like I wanted to. I slowly opened the box and a legal sized envelope was taped to the bottom of the cardboard. I pulled a piece of paper from the envelope.
“What is this?” I asked.
“Read it.”
I opened what appeared to be a letter. University of Oregon letterhead.
Dear Mr. Owens, We are pleased to inform you that though given the tardiness of your application, you have been accepted to the University Of Oregon. We are honored that given the options available to you, we are a consideration. You have qualified for an academic scholarship in our Pre-law department and we hope you chose U of O for your educational future. Thank you.
“You’re going to Eugene?” I was afraid to get excited, but my heart started racing.
“I have three schools on standby. Three scholarships open, waiting for my decision.”
“So when are you deciding?”
He smiled. “Tonight. Which brings in gift number two.” He reached behind him retrieving the smaller of the two boxes and handing it to me.
I was a little less careful this time tearing the paper more urgently. A small gold box was inside the larger one. Excitedly, I raised the lid and a small dainty silver band was inside. My eyes instantly rose to find his.
“It’s a ring,” he said.
“I know.”
“It’s a promise ring. I bought it for you so you know that wherever I am, I promise to be true to you. If you chose to wear it, you will be true to me.”
I stared at him blankly. He wanted to be with me. He was going to go to the University of Oregon. I had to be dreaming.
He reached for the box with a frown. “You don’t have to wear it. It was just a thought. Something I wanted to do. You’ve always had these silly thoughts stirring in your head that you weren’t right for me. And I wanted you to know that you are. But…we can do this without the ring…that’s fine.”
He tugged on the tiny box, which my hand held with a firm death grip. “I want it, please.”
A broad smile swept across his face accompanied by a sigh of relief. He placed his hand over his own chest like he was experiencing some sort of chest pain. My heart fluttered.
“You had me worried.” He lifted the silver circle from the box and took my hand. I promised myself earlier no more tears. I hoped I could keep that promise. “I’m not sure which hand this is supposed to go on. My mom said the right.” He slid it on my right hand ring finger.
“It fits perfectly,” he whispered.
“Your mom knows?” My shock was obvious.
He nodded and chuckled under his breath. “I needed to do something. I was in big trouble with her.”
“Why?” His mom was so sweet; I couldn’t imagine anyone being in big trouble with her.
His hands held mine. “The night of Grant’s party, after I’d been a jackass…you came by the house and talked with my mom.”
I remembered that night too clearly an
d I tried to block it from my mind.
“She said I was an idiot for hurting you. Not that I didn’t already know that. I told her what I wanted to do for you. But, we were both afraid that maybe I’d already lost you. She worries…” His brow puckered and the look made me anxious.
I raised my hand toward his face almost scared to touch it then cupped his jaw in my palm. His eyes closed and his chin rotated into my touch. “Worries about what?” I asked.
He studied my face, my expression…and my anxiety grew with his silence. “She thinks you are perfect for me.”
I knew there was a but coming.
“But she worries you’re too young for what I’m asking. A ring…a commitment. She doesn’t think it’s fair to you.”
“I’ll be the judge of that,” I said softly, assuming my parents would feel the same.
This time, his hand touched my face. “I don’t ever want to keep you from doing something you want to do. If someone comes along…that you want to date. I’d understand…I’d try and understand.” He corrected with a roll of his eyes. “Maybe it’s not fair. Maybe she’s right.”
For the first time, I lifted his chin. “Zach. I love you. I would love to wear this ring. With or without it, I promise to be true to you. I don’t want anyone else. So whether I’m young or not…I’m not sure I see this happening any other way.”
I’m not sure if I jumped into his arms or if he helped me there but I was there regardless. I bit my lip as he analyzed every inch of my face. His face was closer than it had been all night.
His skin was beautiful and soft.
With my index finger, I traced over his bottom lip right before he pushed my hand down and his mouth met mine. No time was necessary to familiarize myself to him. We picked up exactly where we left off. My heart’s rhythm was all over the place as his hands moved from my face to my neck then to my back. His kiss was hungry and I was more than willing to feed it. After a minute, he stopped and we both breathed. He brushed away the hair the wind blew across my face.
Old Enough to Love... (Just One of the Guys) Page 35
