He lifted his shoulders. 'I have my theories,' he said in his most cynical voice. `I'd be interested in yours.'
Diana winced. 'I'd say we were incompatible from the start,' she told him. Her heart felt scorched by the lie. But she couldn't afford to give him any weapons. Least of all her unsuppressed love. 'It was just wrong.'
He didn't answer at once. Instead, he stretched his long legs out in front of him and turned his face up to the sun.
`I wouldn't say that,' he drawled at last. 'In fact in the early stages I'd say it was just about as right as it could be.' He flashed her an amused, under-browed look. `Or don't you remember?'
Diana put her spoon down very deliberately. 'I remember.' She still wouldn't look at him.
`A marriage of true minds,' he said softly. `To say nothing of hearts. Or bodies.'
He reached out and took her wrist in a light clasp. Diana jumped, her eyes flying at last to his face. But she didn't pull away. Under his fingertips, her blood was racing.
`I wasn't talking about sex,' Diana said in a stifled voice.
His thumb moved gently, soothingly over the frail wrist.
`Neither was I,' he insisted.
He sounded amused again. Diana tore her wrist away. `Don't do that,' she said raggedly.
`Why not?'
She rounded on him suddenly, her eyes meeting his in desperation.
`It's just a game to you, isn't it?' she cried.
Miles looked blank. 'What?'
`Susie's a nuisance. So were your other ex-girlfriends. I, on the other hand, know my place better and keep out of the way when I'm not wanted.' She was bitter. `Do you think I find that flattering?'
He sat up very straight. 'I wasn't intending to flatter you, no.' He still sounded unforgivably amused.
Diana pounded her hands on the arms of the chair. `You don't care about any of us, do you?' His eyebrows flew up. 'You manipulate me. All of us. You're no better than Susie,' she flung at him 'You just decide what you want and then move people around like chess-pieces until you get it.'
There was a pause. He did not, she noticed, try to deny the accusation.
Then he said levelly, 'If that were true, I haven't been very successful with you, have I?'
No word of affection, she noted. This was awful. Diana shut her eyes. She remembered Susie's allegations about his partner's wife. All of a sudden they didn't sound so unlikely.
`When she told me you wanted me back for camouflage, I didn't believe her,' she said almost to herself. She shook her head. The pain was almost physical.
Miles said impatiently, 'What on earth are you talking about?'
`Did you think I wouldn't hear about it?' She opened her eyes. She was trembling with what she assured herself was temper. `Steve's ill, isn't he? That's why you had to cut the tour short. And Hilary's the problem, isn't she?'
He stared at her for a long moment as if she were speaking in a foreign language.
`Hilary?'
`Oh, don't try to pretend,' Diana said in a fury. 'I know what you want, Miles. Steve got suspicious, didn't he? And you need Steve's work. So you had to convince him.'
Something flickered in Miles's eyes. 'Hilary Gilman's the problem,' he said on a slow note of discovery. He almost sounded as if he was laughing again.
Diana felt as if he'd hit her. She swung round with her back to him.
`At least you admit it,' she said in a suffocated voice.
`I admit nothing,' Miles drawled. 'It was you who said Hilary was the problem; not me. The only problem I've had with Hilary is when she flung it in my face that I was halfway human when I was married to you and the sooner I got you back, the better for all my colleagues.'
`What?'
He put his hands on her shoulders and turned her gently round to face him.
`Listen, my— Listen, Diana. Hilary Gilman's a friend.' He paused. 'Or she was. At the moment she blames me for Steve's illness.'
Diana said fearfully, 'Irreversible breakdown?'
`Good lord, no.' Miles stared down at her. His hands fell away from her shoulders. 'Where did you get that idea? He picked up a virus. It was bad enough, heaven knows. He was pretty well exhausted already. When he couldn't shake off the virus he got badly depressed. That's why we cancelled the tour. Depressed about his work,' he said gently. 'Nothing to do with an imaginary fancy I had for his wife.' He added reflectively, 'Hilary said it was my fault because I'd been driving us both so hard. I do that when I'm trying to forget.'
`But Susie said '
`Susie!' His eyes narrowed. 'All right, tell me. How did Susie dress it up for you? I'd driven Steve to paranoia and was consoling Hilary?'
Diana shook her head. 'She said you'd been having an affair. That when Steve found out he had a nervous breakdown. That that was why—' She broke off.
`Why?' he prompted.
Her eyes fell. 'Why you wanted me back.'
`Ah. That accounts for the crack about camouflage,' Miles said affably. 'I wondered. He shook her gently. `I'm surprised at you, Diana. You ought to know me better than that.'
She scanned his face. There was something there she didn't understand. It wasn't unkind but it was unyielding—a sort of amused determination. She felt her heart flutter and pressed her hand instinctively to the place where their child lay.
He feathered his thumb across her lips. Diana gave a long sigh.
`Yes,' she agreed. 'Yes, I suppose I did. If you'd wanted Hilary, you wouldn't have tried to keep it a secret. No matter how much you needed Steve's professional co-operation.'
His eyes glinted. 'Well, thank you, ma'am,' he drawled. 'An endorsement of my integrity, if not my sexual morals.' He was teasing.
For some reason that made her blush. She said hurriedly, 'I didn't really think ... I mean I told Susie you wouldn't do anything hole-and-corner, no matter what she said.'
`You know me better than she does,' he agreed. 'And if you weren't blinded by jealousy you'd know that I don't care a row of beans for Hilary Gilman either.'
Diana tore herself away from him. `I—am—not jealous.'
Miles did not attempt to hold on to her. He looked at her for a moment, taking in her ruffled breathing and over-bright eyes. Then he shrugged, very slightly, and sat down again, patting the chair beside him.
Diana ignored that. He smiled crookedly. He looked up at her, the brown eyes narrowed against the sun. He looked singularly unagitated, to add to her fury.
`Yes, you are.' He sounded pleased.
Diana glared at him. 'And you are the most arrogant, complacent, unprincipled man I've ever met.'
`Would you say I was unprincipled?' Miles asked mildly.
`I just did,' Diana pointed out. She took a couple of calming breaths and said more quietly, 'I know you think it's funny, Miles. But I'm fresh out of a sense of humour where you're concerned.'
He smiled up at her. 'Interesting.'
`It isn't interesting,' Diana contradicted him. She had a horrible suspicion she was all too close to tears. Where was the strong, self-determining character she had been so proud of becoming? 'It's a damned nuisance. And very discouraging,' she admitted on a sigh.
He shook his head. 'On the contrary. It's the most encouraging thing I've heard in a long time.'
Diana stared at him suspiciously. His smile slanted. `It's a sign that you care,' he explained quietly.
She scanned his face. He wasn't laughing any more.
He stood up again suddenly. Diana tensed. But he made
no attempt to touch her.
`You do care, don't you?' He might have formed it like a question but it was a statement of fact and they both knew it.
Diana made a small, despairing gesture, turning away. `Diana—'
She closed her eyes, screwing them up tight against the threatened tears.
`Don't make me admit it,' she begged. 'You've taken everything else. Leave me my pride.'
Miles said softly, 'Will your pride feel better if I tell you I love you? That I ha
ven't had a day's happiness since we parted? That I'll do any damned thing you say to get you back?'
Diana whirled, suspecting him of some dark mockery. But the brown eyes were unguarded. His smile twisted.
`Don't look so incredulous. Everyone knows but you.' She felt as if the cool terrace tiles were shifting beneath her feet.
`Everyone?' she echoed.
He stood very still. 'Chris. Your parents. My mother.'
Diana thought of her parents' bland refusal to acknowledge that their parting was permanent. Was it more than a determined attempt to ignore the hurtfulness of the parting? Did they really believe that Miles wanted his wife back? Did they have reasons to believe it? She remembered that she had suspected they had been seeing him. What had he said to them?
`And they know you well enough to know when you're telling the truth?' she asked, almost of herself.
He said harshly, 'What have I ever done to make you mistrust me so much?'
At least that was something she had an answer to.
`You left me,' she said with spirit. 'You froze me out for weeks before you went. How do I know what you were doing those evenings when you said you were in college? You could have been seeing Hilary Gilman or Susie or any one of a hundred other women even then. How do I know you weren't?'
`Because you know me,' Miles said. As if it was obvious.
That stopped her. 'Do I?'
`You know you do. Better than anyone.' His voice was gentle.
`But—' All her hesitations were in her eyes. 'The women you knew—they were all so much more polished than I was. Sophisticated.'
`And you thought I was attracted to sophisticated women?' He shook his head, his eyes alight with laughter—and something more. 'After all the trouble I took to get you in my net?'
`It seemed reasonable.' Diana was defensive.
`More reasonable than the self-evident fact that I'm crazy about you?' Miles demanded evenly.
Diana gasped. Somewhere inside she began to tremble uncontrollably. He mustn't see it.
`Not self-evident to me,' she managed.
`All right. Maybe I made the wrong moves when we were together. But here, in the castle—what did you think I was doing when I kept carrying you off and making love to you?' Miles said in exasperation.
Diana swallowed. 'I thought it was a calculated attempt to make me come back and pretend. So you had the freedom to do whatever you wanted. Including walk away from me when you had more important things to think about.'
He raised his eyebrows. 'Calculated?' he echoed. 'You must think highly of my powers of acting.'
Diana flushed. 'We respond to each other. We always have,' she muttered. 'That doesn't mean ...'
`That I'm honest or that I care for you?' he suggested softly as she hesitated.
`Miles,' she said at last, hanging on to the rags of her composure with resolution, 'you've got to understand—when you left me, I was devastated. I knew something was going wrong but I didn't know what I'd done. I fell apart. When I managed to piece my life back together again, I promised myself that no one would ever be able to do that to me again. Just because you happened to be here ...'
She stopped as Miles made a rude noise. 'I didn't happen to be here, my darling. It was very carefully planned,' he said deliberately.
She stared.
`The commission to do the Princess's room was my idea. Chris didn't want to get involved to begin with but I pushed him. I knew I needed to see you, and your solicitor wouldn't let me near you. Even your parents
wouldn't give me your address and they wanted us to get together again. But they said it was up to you to decide when you wanted to see me. And you didn't. So—I took steps. All right, manipulation if you like, but I was desperate.'
He didn't look desperate, Diana thought. He looked cool and confident and utterly in control.
`I thought if I could get you here alone ... But I reckoned without Susie.' His tone was rueful. 'With her usual impeccable timing, she announced she was coming here herself. She'd had another of her misunderstandings with Dimitri. The castle has always been her bolt-hole. In a way she has as much right here as I have, so I couldn't bar the door against her. I tried to talk her out of it but ...' He shrugged. 'So I got Chris to bring Dimitri down as well and see if he could do a bit of discreet patching up.'
Diana said, 'But she virtually ignored him.'
`That's love for you, my darling,' Miles said lightly. `You virtually ignored me.' He eyed her hopefully.
She winced, refusing to rise to the bait.
`Why didn't you cancel my visit, then? If all your stage management was going wrong.'
His mouth quirked in self-mockery. 'I couldn't bear to wait another day. And anyway—' he looked down at her with that wicked challenge she recognised ' —not all my stage management went wrong. I told Maria to make sure when you arrived that you were brought to me and only me.'
Diana knitted her brows, remembering. She stiffened.
`You mean it wasn't an accident, that first time when Maria showed me into your room?' she asked.
The brown eyes danced. 'Well, I wasn't supposed to be in bed. Or at least not asleep,' he temporised. 'You arrived earlier than I'd allowed for. I did tell you at the time,' he reminded her.
`Oh!' she exclaimed in outrage.
He seized her hands, cupping them in his own and stroking them.
`Nothing else was planned,' he said rapidly. 'When I saw you—I lost my head. You were so beautiful. And you looked more fragile than the last time I'd seen you. Fragile and hurt. I thought, I can't play games with this woman. It's too important.'
`I hated you,' Diana said under her breath.
`It showed.'
`Making me want you like that.'
His hands stilled. 'Did I?'
She swallowed hard, raised her chin and told him the truth. 'At once. Just by turning over and holding out your hand. I was so ashamed.'
Miles looked down at her, not saying anything. She could feel the beat of his blood in the hands holding her. Her mouth was wry. `I'd got rid of all that, hadn't I? I was strong and independent and I didn't need anyone. And then all of a sudden there you were, proving it was all a sham. I was furious. And scared.'
He frowned quickly. 'Scared?'
`I thought, I need him. I probably can't live without him. And I can't have him.'
`Oh, my darling,' he said, pulling her into his arms.
He kissed her fiercely. After a longer time without oxygen than she would have believed possible, Miles raised his head.
`Calculated?' he asked, though there was a faint tremor below the amusement.
Diana put up a wondering hand and touched his face.
`No. I accept that was spontaneous '
`Passion,' Miles supplied, 'is the word you're looking for.'
Diana gave a slow, sweet shiver. 'Passion can be deceptive.'
`Not between us,' he said positively. `If we'd listened to our feelings instead of other people's neat, logical lies, we'd never have parted. Or fought as we have these last weeks.'
Diana smiled into his eyes. 'It didn't feel like fighting all the time,' she murmured.
His eyes were intent. 'No?'
`Just most of the time,' she amended mischievously.
His arms tightened painfully. 'Oh, lord, I remember. You seemed as if you wouldn't talk to me, or even look at me most of the time. And then—that day on the launch, when you said something about walking tightropes on boats, I thought, She is looking at me, after all. There's hope.'
Diana blushed. 'Well, you scared me.'
`And you scared me in those damned caves,' Miles said with feeling. 'I thought, What will I do if she's hurt?' His voice rasped.
She shivered again. 'I know. I felt the same when you dived. I thought you were going to kill yourself. And I knew if you did that was the end. Until then I hadn't realised I was still—hoping. That scared me too, in a different way. I was pretty horrid to you after that, wasn't I?'
`I forgive you.'
`And I listened to Susie's malice.'
`I forgive you that too,' Miles said, kissing her eyebrow thoughtfully. 'She's very convincing, as I know to my cost. She kept telling me I was too old for you. That I'd spoilt your life.'
Diana made a small sound of distress. 'Did it seem to you that you had?'
Miles's smile was crooked. 'Not at first, no. But you were such a gentle girl. You wouldn't have told me. And I was working like a demon. When I came home in the
small hours sometimes you used to look at me as if I were a stranger.'
`Whenever I saw her, Susie kept hinting that I wasn't really sophisticated enough for you,' Diana said in a small voice. 'When you stayed away so much—it seemed as if she was right.'
He compressed his mouth. 'I kept expecting you to find someone else,' he said quietly.
Diana stared. At last she said slowly, 'But you said this morning you trusted me.'
`I do. In a way I always did. But I was never sure I'd been fair to you, gathering you up into marriage the way I did. You'd hardly had time to look round at other men. And I was nearly old enough to be your father.'
There was real pain beneath the light tone. This, she saw suddenly, was important. This was the heart of their misunderstandings. And it needed careful handling. Any hint of sentimentality—still worse, compassion—and she would lose his trust forever.
Diana held herself away from him, her eyes glinting. `Not unless you were extraordinarily precocious,' she said.
He laughed then. 'You always said that. But Susie ...'
`Susie,' Diana said thoughtfully, 'said you'd only married me because you couldn't get me any other way.'
A gleam came into Miles's eyes. She found his fingers were busy with the pins in her hair.
`Susie has a commonplace mind,' he said mischievously. 'There were lots of other ways I could get you.' He chuckled as her eyes flashed, and listed them. `Kidnap. Blackmail. Torture. Tickets for the Venice Biennale. Or plain seduction.'
Her hair fell free over his hands. He fanned it out pleasurably.
She said with a little difficulty, 'But you never did. Not before we were married.'
Deceptive Passion Page 16
