by E. L. Todd
Flynn eyed him then shook his head slightly. I could tell he was embarrassed of him.
When we got our hot dogs, we walked to the bench and sat down. Cade sat at the end and continued to play with his phone.
“I could eat ten of these,” Loretta said as she bit into hers.
I was starving so I ate mine quickly. I was the first one done.
Tate eyed me. “That was impressive.”
I shrugged. “I was hungry.”
“She’s a garbage disposal,” Flynn said. “But I like it.” He nudged me in the side.
Cade shook his head slightly. “Disgusting…”
Everyone ignored him.
Tate finished his then rested his arm on the back of Loretta’s chair. “How long have you lived in the city, Hazel?”
“Over a year,” I said. “I like it even though it smells like a mixture of beer and urine most of the time.”
Both of his parents laughed.
“You get used to it,” Loretta said. “Now I embrace the smell.”
“Loretta and I have lived here our whole lives. We couldn’t imagine living anywhere else,” Tate said.
“Or because you’re stuck here,” Cade jabbed. “Where else are you going to work?” He didn’t look at anyone when he spoke. He focused on his phone.
I was getting really sick of this guy. His parents were so awesome and he was a total jerk. “If you don’t want to be here, why don’t you just leave?” The words flew out of my mouth before I could stop myself. It was such a stupid thing to say and I should have controlled myself.
He turned his gaze to me. “Excuse me?” The arrogance in his voice pissed me off even more.
“If you love your phone so much, why don’t you take it back to your place and show it a good time?” Flynn chuckled at my words. “If you’re going to be a jerk the whole time, we don’t want you here.”
“Do you have any idea who I am?” he snapped.
“You think I care?” I snapped back. “You could be the President of the United States and I’d still call you out. But the president wouldn’t be so disrespectful to his parents. All you do is stand in front of a camera and say a few lines. Your father and brother actually come up with the ideas. You’re just a puppet while they run the show. So really, you aren’t important.”
Tate smiled wide then looked at Cade. “She has a good point.”
“Shut up,” he snapped.
“What did you say?” Tate’s playfulness evaporated.
Cade knew he meant business because he fell silent.
Silence stretched between us for a while.
Cade looked at Flynn. “Of all the girls I’ve seen you with, she’s by far the worst one.”
“Shut the fuck up before I break that pretty face of yours,” Flynn snapped.
“Fuck this.” Cade stood up and put his phone away. “I shouldn’t have to put up with this bullshit.”
“Bye,” Loretta said indifferently.
“See ya,” Tate said. “You aren’t pleasant company anyway.”
Cade marched off, his back to us.
“I’m very sorry about my son,” Tate said. “He’s…difficult sometimes.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Loretta sighed. “Fame and fortune have gone to his head. If I didn’t love him, I’d hate him too.”
“I don’t hate him,” I said immediately. “I just didn’t like him being rude to you guys. You’re really nice…”
Loretta’s eyes softened. “Hopefully, he realizes that someday.”
Flynn was still pissed. His arm was around my shoulders and I could feel the tension in his muscles. “Fucking jackass.”
“Watch the language,” Loretta said.
“Hazel, I’m so sorry,” he said.
“It’s not your fault,” I said immediately.
“Don’t let him get to you, okay?”
“I won’t.”
When we finally stopped talking about Cade, we discussed theatre and other things Tate worked on. His mother told me her experience with dancing, and Flynn joked and teased his father on different subjects. I felt like I was a part of their family in just a few hours. And it was the first time I’ve ever felt that way.
“Want to go to my place?” Flynn asked on the way home.
“Sure.”
“Do you need to grab anything?”
“No.” I kept thinking about what Cade said. How many women had Flynn been with? And how many had he brought to meet his parents? It seemed like a lot. Maybe I wasn’t that special after all. It didn’t mean much to be the one when dozens of other girls had been the one too.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
“Yeah.” I wanted to say more but I couldn’t.
“I’m sorry about my brother. He’s…different. There are good days and bad days. Today was a bad one.”
“He seems moody.”
“It just depends on what’s going on in his life. He was nominated for an Emmy for his appearance on a TV show. It’s going to his head…just like everything does.”
“He wasn’t my favorite person…”
“He’s not my favorite person right now.”
We reached his apartment, but when I thought about going to bed with him, I felt sick. How many other women had laid on that exact same bed? Had he lived with someone before? When I thought about it, I realized I didn’t know Flynn at all. “Actually, I’m pretty tired. I think I’m just going to go home.”
“You can sleep on my bed,” he offered.
“I have to get up early tomorrow…” I just want to leave and get away from him.
He sighed. “I knew Cade got to you.”
I stood there awkwardly and stared at the wall.
“Come inside and let’s talk about this.”
“That’s the thing, I don’t want to talk about this.” The emotion escaped my voice. I didn’t realize how upset I was until now. I couldn’t look at him. I kept picturing him with different women, all better than me.
“Hazel, don’t push me away,” he said firmly.
“I…I’m going to go.” I stepped away but he grabbed me and yanked me back. He got the door unlocked and pulled me inside.
“Fine. Let’s have this conversation.” The irritation was in his voice. “What do you want to know?”
“I don’t want to know anything…”
“It’s pretty clear you’re going to push me away until you get over this. And the best way to get over it is to know the truth, not your corrupted imagination. Now, come on. You knew from the beginning that I wasn’t a blushing virgin. I’ve been around. Why is this bothering you now?”
I crossed my arms over my chest and didn’t look at him. “I wasn’t in love with you at the time…”
He stared at me, saying nothing.
“Now I keep picturing you with them… How many other girls have been here? Have been on your bed? How many girls have you introduced to your parents? How many girls have you lived with? I really don’t know anything about you…”
“I’ll start at the beginning.”
I didn’t want to hear this.
“I’ve been with…” He ran his fingers through his hair while he tried to count. “I don’t know. Over a hundred?”
“Oh my god…”
“But they were just one-night stands. They never meant anything to me and they knew that at the time.”
“That’s so many…”
“I know,” he said simply. “But like I said, this isn’t brand new information, Hazel.”
I hated myself for letting it bother me. I knew he was right.
“I’ve recently moved into this apartment, so no other girl has been here but you. You’re the first.”
I guess that made me feel a little better.
“But my furniture is the same. Every girl I’ve been with was taken on that bed. If you want me to change it, I will. But keep in mind I wouldn’t do that for anyone else. If a girl h
ad a problem with it, I’d just find someone else.”
Now I felt sick again.
“As for my parents, I’ve only brought one other girl around. She and I were together for three years before it ended. That’s it.”
“I didn’t know you used to be in a serious relationship...”
“I didn’t see why it mattered.”
“When did you break up?”
“A few years ago.”
“Oh.” I didn’t know what to think about that.
“My brother’s comment referred to all the girls he’s met. We’ve picked up girls together and he’s seen a lot of women I’ve had in my life. That’s all.”
“Oh.” I couldn’t think of a better response.
He sat down on the couch. “That’s my story. What else do you want to know?”
“Did you live with this girl?” I hoped his answer was no.
“Yes.” He gave me a firm look when he said it.
“On that bed?”
“Yes.”
The only good thing about this conversation was his honesty. I never feared he would lie to me.
“I’ll get rid of it if you want.”
“Why did you guys break up?” I asked.
He sighed. “Does it matter? We’ve been broken up for years. I’m over her if that’s what you’re worried about. I wouldn’t ask you to move in with me if I wasn’t serious about you.”
“I thought we tell each other everything. I doubt you wanted to hear about Kyle but you listened anyway.”
He rested his feet on the coffee table. “We did a long distance relationship for a while because we were both in school. When we were finished, we got back together and lived with each other for a while. I loved her so I wanted to make it work, but I quickly realized I was forcing it. We were both different people and just grew apart. We ended the relationship on good terms. The last time I heard, she still lived in the city.” He turned his gaze on me, watching my reaction.
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?”
“That it didn’t work out.” I meant it. I knew that must have been painful for him.
“I’m not,” he said seriously. “The relationship I have with you is perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing. You think I’m moving too fast, but I knew my perfect partner when I met her. It’s you. I don’t need extra time to think about it. At the time, I was happy with her and couldn’t imagine being with anyone else, but there’s no comparison. You’re the clear winner, Hazel.”
I wasn’t expecting the declaration of love. It made everything else he said not so horrible. “I’m sorry for making a big deal about it…”
“You don’t need to apologize. I understand.” He reached for my hand and held it. “Honestly, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. You’re very special to me, Hazel. When I picture my wife, I see your face.”
“What?” I asked, emotion in my throat.
“I’ve pictured my wife since I was little. Her appearance changes as time goes on, but she never really has a face. Now she does—it’s yours.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. “You can picture me as your wife?”
“Can you picture me as your husband?”
I knew my answer. It was innate and true. I nodded my head, unable to speak.
“I already knew that’d be your answer.” He smirked. “Because I’m cocky like that.”
I smiled, feeling the flood of emotion in my heart. I crawled into his lap and rested my head on his shoulder. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“And your parents were wonderful.”
“I told you,” he said.
“Now I know why you turned out so wonderful.”
“My parents are pretty awesome. I’ve wanted to be like my dad since I was little.”
“You’re doing a good job.”
He kissed my forehead and ran his fingers through my hair. We looked out the window at the skyscrapers of the city, the lights twinkling like a thousand stars. A raging fire burned in the city, dancing for us to watch.
“I’ll get a new bed tomorrow. Tonight, we’ll sleep on the couch.”
I knew it was immature but that’s what I wanted. I wanted to be the only girl on that bed, not one of the hundred who he fucked without any meaning. I wanted to be as special as he claimed I was.
10
Cortland
I met Hazel for a drink. She knew what was going on with Monnique the entire time, so I figured it would be easier to talk to her about my problems than anyone else. And once everyone else found out what happened between us, they would rush to me and suffocate me.
“How’s it going with Flynn?” I asked.
“Great,” she said. “I met his parents the other day.”
“It went well?”
“They are really nice. His brother is an ass though.”
“Well, at least his parents are cool.” I sighed while I looked at my empty glass.
“What’s bothering you?” she asked.
I knew she would spot my unease. “It’s a long story.”
“Oh no.” She eyed me while I told her the entire ordeal with Monnique and how Ryan thought she cheated on me.
“Did she?” she asked.
“No. It was someone else.”
She breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank god.”
“She and I have been having problems, but I just couldn’t see her doing that, even if she was drunk.”
“I’m glad you were right. So, what happened?”
I sighed. “I’ve been…really struggling in this relationship.”
“I know,” she said gently.
“So much has happened and it’s happened so fast and I just can’t take it anymore.”
“Did you break up…?”
“Yes.”
“Wow…” She grabbed my hand on the table. “I’m sorry.”
“But, we’ll get back together. I just told her I needed some space to clear my head. She quit her job at the magazine and she wants to work on this relationship.” I rubbed my temples. “If I didn’t love her so damn much I’d throw in the towel.”
“So…what are you then?”
“We’re friends—for now. She respected that request and hasn’t called me. I just need some time to get over everything, you know?”
“I do.” She rubbed my hand. “I’m here for you.”
“I know you are.” It was nice to feel the affection of someone. I’ve felt alone for a while.
“Everyone else know?”
“No. Ryan has called me a few times but I haven’t answered.”
“They’ll come after you eventually.”
“I know,” I said with a sigh. “It’s easier to talk to you. You were there when we broke up the first time.”
“Yeah…”
She and I drank our alcohol and talked about other things. She seemed to be happy with Flynn. He was a good guy and I couldn’t refute that. And he seemed to treat her right.
“He asked me to move in with him.”
“What did you say?” I asked.
“No.”
“Really?” I raised an eyebrow. “Why?”
“I don’t want to ruin that. It’s so perfect right now.”
“I can understand that.”
“I just want to be this way forever. It’s nice.”
“It sounds like you’re scared to get too attached.” I watched her face, looking for a reaction.
“No…”
“You’re afraid he’s going to leave you, and leaving his apartment would be a lot harder than just staying at yours.”
She didn’t look at me. “I don’t know…”
“Don’t be scared, Hazel. He’s serious about you. And honestly, you’re risking that with anyone. And he seems like a good gamble.”
“He’s just…everything I’ve ever wanted. I don’t know what I would do if I lost him. It would be way worse than what happened with Kyle.”
I gave h
er a sympathetic look. She’s been through more pain than she should. I understood her ordeal. She was just trying to protect herself. “But you need to be in the relationship completely, not partially. It seems like he’s giving it everything he has and you’re only giving him a part of you. That isn’t fair to him.”
“I know…” She wouldn’t look at me. “He’s been very patient with me.”
“Just do it, Hazel. I can tell you want to.”
She played with her coaster.
“And if it doesn’t work out, you can live with me and recover—with no cockroaches.”
She smirked at my words. “It would be nice to have an apartment free of disgusting, slimy insects.”
“Slimy?” I asked. “I’ve never seen a slimy cockroach.”
“Well, they exist,” she said firmly.
She and I ordered another round when my phone rang.
“It’s Ryan,” I said. “He’s been blowing up my phone all week.”
“Talk to him.”
I let it go to voicemail. “Nah.”
Her phone started to ring so she looked at it. “It’s him.”
“Don’t answer it.”
She took the call anyway. “Hi.”
She listened for a while. “Yep. He’s here. And yes, he’s avoiding you.”
I glared at her. “You back-stabber.”
She smirked. “We’re at Stellas. Come get him.” She hung up.
“What are you doing?”
“You can’t avoid your friends forever, Cortland. They care about you and know something is going on.”
I sighed. “I don’t want them to feel bad for me.”
“Why? They love you.”
“I remember how shitty they felt when Monnique broke up with me. I hated being the reason they were in pain, especially Scarlet. Every time I cried, she cried with me. I don’t want to hurt them…”
She touched my hand again. “That’s what families do. I know you’ve done the same for them.”
“But that’s different. I don’t mind being in pain. But I can’t stand it when they are.”
“It goes both ways,” she said simply.
Thirty minutes later, Ryan walked into the bar with Janice behind him. He spotted me then approached my table. When he was close, he gave me a hard look, examining my features everywhere. The concern was in his eyes. “You okay, man?”
I nodded.
He kept staring at me. “Why are you avoiding me?”
