“Sure you don’t want to join in?” he asked, nodding toward the women falling in for the toss.
“Nope. I’d rather stay with you.”
He smiled, and while I can’t say it lit off sparks, it did warm me.
In a way, I felt stupid. Most of the single women at the reception would love to be in my place. Hell, most of the single women in the known universe. Kevin was easily one of the nicest guys—through and through—that I’d ever met. Not to mention that hot-and-sexy thing he had going.
Yeah. I decided I was definitely stupid. Another drink or two (or three) would fix that. “I’m going to get another drink,” I said. I wanted to relax. I wanted to have a good time. And if I was completely honest with myself, I wanted to stop thinking about Nate.
“You sit here and be beautiful. I’ll get it. You want the same thing or something different?”
“The same, please.” I watched the bride grin and turn her back to the anxious women. Honestly, this was one tradition I’d never really understood. Why get so fired up about possibly catching a bouquet?
A young lady, maybe around twelve or thirteen, leapt into the air when the flowers went flying. She caught them easily. The grin on her face made me smile. And that helped me remember being a teenager and wanting—desperately—to catch the bouquet at a cousin’s wedding. What made me laugh, though, was the sour expression on some of the women’s faces who’d missed the catch this time.
“Here you go,” Kevin said, returning with my drink. “We’ll have to work this off on Monday, you know. Alcohol plays havoc with the body. Lay off the coffee tomorrow and drink lots of water.”
“Sure,” I said.
“You have no intentions of laying off the coffee, do you?” “Since when do you know me so well?”
“I’m learning,” he teased. His hand found its way to my knee, and he rubbed my skin slowly. Every now and then, his fingers would slide under the hem of my dress, just a little.
Remember the slow and steady burn I mentioned? Kevin was definitely stoking the fire. I sipped at my drink, the sweet tang going down easily, adding to the heat in my belly. I felt myself begin to relax. Finally. Maybe I’d have some fun now.
The next two hours were more of the same. Drinking, dancing, with Kevin touching me. Softly, secretly, like a perfectly planned out seduction. By the end of the evening, I only wanted one thing.
“You can’t drive. You’ve had too much to drink. And actually, so have I. Let me call you a cab so I know you get home safely.” His fingers found my lips, and with a gentle brush he said, “Unless you want to share a cab. To my place?”
“Yes. Yes, I do,” I whispered. I wanted a warm body, hot sex, and arms to hold me all night. No. I didn’t just want it. I needed it.
Kevin’s eyes darkened as soon as I spoke. “Let’s go,” he said.
Standing, I smoothed my dress down. “I need to use the restroom and get my coat. I’ll meet you at the door.”
“Don’t change your mind.” His husky voice slid into me like melted butter over freshly popped popcorn.
“I won’t.”
Thirty minutes later, I followed Kevin into his condo. It was striking. He’d used a minimalist focus in decorating, which agreed with the type of man I’d found him to be. While simple, the pieces of furniture he’d selected merged together to deliver a perfect blend of laidback masculinity.
The floors were all light wood—oak, possibly. But the deep red area rug added a dash of color. He’d used glass, brass, and black leather for his furnishings. Above his sofa hung the only painting in the room: a mash of vibrant colors, as if someone had emptied every hue of paint onto the canvas and swirled them together.
“This is really nice,” I said. “Did you do this or did you hire a decorator?”
“I did it. My sister helped at first, but she kept trying to add knickknacks and pillows and other clutter I didn’t want.” He unbuttoned my coat as he spoke and slipped it off my arms.
“I’m impressed, Kevin. And a little embarrassed you saw my place.”
“You should fix it up. I’d love to help you. Just say the word.” He removed his jacket, tossed it aside, and then pulled me into his arms. “I’m really happy you decided to come home with me.”
Then, without another word, his lips were on mine. I eased into the kiss, tried to relax, and willed myself to regain the feelings from earlier.
Rubbing the small of my back, he deepened the kiss, pulling me even tighter to him. “I’ve wanted you for so long,” he murmured, breaking contact with my mouth. “I’ve thought about you almost every day since we met.”
And I’d thought about . . . well, for the most part, Nate. Not something I could say, of course. “You’ve been really great to me,” I replied. “It’s been weird for me, joining the dating world again.”
Where were the sparks? Where was the heat? Where the fuck was the want?
“You’re so hot,” Kevin said huskily, the same tone as earlier. Only now, it didn’t have the same affect on me.
Screw this. I came here willingly. I wanted this. Possibly, the cold outside air had numbed my senses. Probably, I just needed to work a little harder at it.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, pushing his head toward me. “Kiss me again.” It had been there before; I could get it back. I had to get it back. Otherwise, it meant—no, I refused to focus on what it meant. “Just kiss me, Kevin.”
I opened my mouth to his. He groaned and plunged his tongue inside, tasting me as if he couldn’t get enough. Tugging his shirt out of his waistband, I slid my hands underneath and ran them along his muscular back. Warm skin grew warmer at my touch, but even that didn’t do anything. I felt dead inside.
Abruptly, I stepped back, ending the kiss.
“Did I do something wrong?”
What a sweet, sweet man. “No, you didn’t. It’s me.” How to explain what I didn’t understand? “Um, can I use the restroom? All those drinks,” I said. Lame excuse, but maybe, just maybe, I’d be able to get myself together if I had a few minutes to myself.
“Through the bedroom,” Kevin said, pointing to a closed door to the right of his living room. “You’ll see it right away.”
The heat of his stare followed me as I made my way into his bedroom. Another masculine room—all done in dark earth tones. His bed was massive. While I knew it was probably a standard king-size, it appeared to be larger than life. So large, in fact, its very presence almost mocked me.
Which was completely ridiculous. Because, come on, how could a bed mock anything or anyone? It was an inanimate object. I ran by it as if it would reach out and pull me to it, like a monster-bed in a really bad horror movie.
In the bathroom, I splashed my face with cold water and then leaned against the counter, looking in the mirror. The woman staring back looked miserable. Unhappy. And trapped. That scared me most of all. It didn’t take me long to realize what that meant.
The charade was up. I couldn’t sleep with Kevin. I couldn’t date Kevin. And possibly, after tonight, he’d prefer to never see me again, which would be a shame. I truly liked and appreciated the guy. I just knew I couldn’t continue on with him.
What I didn’t know, or wasn’t ready to comprehend, was why.
When I returned to the living room, he’d put a pillow and a blanket on the couch. In his hands was a long T-shirt. His face gentle but his eyes sad, he said, “I’m a smart guy. You’ve changed your mind.” He held his hand up. “Wait. No excuses. Maybe it’s too soon. Don’t worry about it.”
My heart broke. This man was damn near perfect, and here I was throwing him away. And for what? A man I barely knew yet somehow recognized? Crazy. “Kevin, I’m sorry. I don’t think we should date anymore.”
“I was worried you’d say that. Just my luck to fall for a woman who doesn’t want to be with me.”
His smile lessened the edge, so I didn’t feel quite so horrible. “I just—I’m learning who I am without my ex, and I thought maybe we cou
ld make it work. Or at the very least have some fun. You’ve been so incredible to me.” Tears filled my eyes.
“Elizabeth, stop. I’m just a guy like any other guy. It’s better to end this now before I completely fall in love with you. I’m glad you’re being honest.”
“I like you so much,” I said.
“Good, because I like you, too.” Pulling me into his arms again, but for a hug, he whispered, “And don’t think this gets you out of the gym. No one else gets to train you, got it?”
I laughed softly and stepped back. “Got it.”
“Who’s the lucky guy?”
This startled me. “What? No—”
“Ah, I see.” He smiled again, and this one reached his eyes.
“There’s no other guy,” I said again. Even if I wanted there to be, there wasn’t. “I should go home.”
“No. I set up the couch for you. It’s late and, this way, we can grab a cab in the morning to pick up both of our cars.”
“Are you sure? It’s not too awkward?”
“Of course not. You’re a friend! And this way I can pump you full of water in the morning.”
I could do this. Kevin offered me friendship, and that absolutely rocked. Besides, it’s not like staying the night would hurt anything.
Yawning, I rubbed my hands over my eyes before unlocking my door. I wanted to catch some sleep in my own bed. While Kevin’s couch was certainly comfortable enough, I’d kept waking up throughout the short night. At least we’d left things on a positive note.
He’d been great all morning and, before going our separate ways, he’d given me another hug. Yeah, we’d be okay, and I’d gotten one hell of a friend out of it. But I wondered about the choice I’d made. Was it based on anything other than fear? I thought so, but I stressed over it. I also worried that my magic brownies had made him feel more for me than he normally would have. Which meant, just in case, I’d have to straighten that out sometime soon.Pushing the door open, I kicked my heels off. Shower, bed, and then later some food. Maybe a Tylenol or two.
“Where have you been, Lizzie?” said my grandmother. “We’ve been worried sick.”
We? Turning on my nylon-footed heel, I opened my mouth to respond and then promptly shut it again. My parents, my brothers, my sister, Maddie, and Nate were all in my living room, watching me with sleep-deprived eyes.
“Um. What’s all this?” I managed to mutter.
Grandma Verda pointed a finger at me. “We thought you were lying dead in a ditch somewhere. There are police out looking for your car, young lady. Where in blue blazes have you been?”
My father crossed his arms. “Your grandmother was worried. We came to keep her calm. You should have called her, Lizzie.”
My mother whisked over to me and gave me a tight hug. “Glad you’re safe. Being safe is all that matters.”
“Welcome home,” Maddie said quietly, stifling a yawn.
“I still want to know what you were up to,” my grandmother said. “You should know better than to go gallivanting around town all night. We tried your cell phone and everything.”
“I... well. I had a date last night and um—” I broke off as I caught Nate’s dark expression. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “I turned my cell phone off for the ceremony. I went to a wedding... and forgot to put it back on. I should have phoned.” Damn. It’s not like I was used to having a roomie to stay up and worry about me.
Nate stood. “I’m glad you’re safe,” he said, mimicking my mother. His gaze didn’t meet mine, wandering somewhere just to the side of my face. “I should go. I had a few friends unofficially looking for your car. I need to call off the search.”
My stomach hurt. I wanted to say something to him, but I didn’t know what. He nodded to everyone and left—very quickly, I might add. I frowned at my family but tried to keep my temper somewhat at bay. “Don’t you think you all jumped the gun? Just a bit? I wasn’t even gone twenty-four hours. You could have given me just a little more time before involving Nate.”
“Grandma contacted him first. He had her call us. No one knew where you were, sis. We didn’t know you had a date. Jon said you didn’t say anything about going out. Grandma didn’t know. Maddie didn’t know.” Scot’s words were sharp and pointed. “It’s not like you to disappear without telling anyone.”
My sister still hadn’t said anything, but her face was blotchy, which meant she’d been crying. Joe’s shoulders were set. Wow, I’d really lived like a nun if one miserable night out brought everyone to my apartment in fear.
On one level, I got it. But on another... it just annoyed me. I mean, yes: I’d behaved in an unpredictable manner. And in doing so, I’d managed to scare and then piss off my entire family plus Maddie, Jon, and Nate. But come on; it was one night.
Everyone was staring at me. The walls closed in around me. I breathed, hoping to relieve the suffocating pressure I felt, but it didn’t work. “I’m sorry,” I said again. “I should have called. I just didn’t think of it.”
My grandmother stared at me with watery blue eyes. She was holding back tears, and that realization curled in my belly like acid. I felt like dog-doo on the bottom of designer shoes, but my family would get over it. So would Jon and Maddie. I knew this. Nate, on the other hand?
Probably not. And that was just something I’d have to deal with.
“I’m really sorry,” I said to my family, to Maddie, for the third time. I wanted to run and hide. Go somewhere else. Anywhere else. So I took a clue from Alice’s playbook.
“I’ll be right back.” I went to my bedroom, closing the door behind me, and burst into tears. I’d hurt one man, alienated another, and scared my entire family. It was just too much.
My mother’s voice came through the door. “Honey? We’re leaving now. I’m sorry we upset you. We were just worried.”
“I know, Mom. You can come in if you want.”
She did and gave me another hug. Brushing my tears with her hand, she said, “Just get some rest. Maddie said she’d call Jon and tell him you’re home.”
“That’s nice of her.” I’d have to thank her later.
“But Lizzie? Don’t do that again. No matter how old you get, you’re still my baby.”
“I know.”
“Good. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
A few minutes after everyone left, my grandmother came into the room. She perched herself on the edge of my bed and glared at me. “You scared everyone. Poor Nate was beside himself. He’s a good man. You should be focusing on him and not this other person you were with all night.”
Leave it to Grandma to say what she thought. “Stop. It’s not what you think. I slept on the couch.”
She snorted.
For some reason, that made me cry all over again. “You know what? I’m tired of this. I’m sick of being a mouse.”
“What? What are you talking about, Elizabeth?”
“You know, a mouse. Mousy. For once in my life, I’d like to be the snake. I thought I could do it, I thought it was working out okay. I thought I’d found the snake. But no, I’m still just a mouse.” I blurted everything out in one garbled mess of words.
Gotta give my grandmother credit. Her granddaughter was making zero sense, sounded like a blithering idiot, but she patted my leg and said very calmly, “Well, if that’s what you want, that’s what you’ll have.”
Ha. Did she have an instruction book on finding your inner snake? If so, where the hell was it?
I rolled over and punched my pillow. “I’m going to sleep now, Grandma.”
“You do that, dear.”
Chapter Seventeen
I hesitated before going into my apartment. A week after my infamous night out and, while I’d made my peace with everyone else involved, I’d yet to speak with Nate. Glancing toward his door, I envisioned walking over, knocking, and apologizing.
I couldn’t do it.“Coward,” I whispered, deciding on trying the next day. Don’t let this fool
you, as this was the exact same decision I made every single day. You’ll notice I hadn’t lived up to my promise yet.
Inside my apartment, I immediately started a pot of coffee and went to change. Apparently Grandma Verda was out, because Shirley meowed loudly at my heels, probably hoping I’d heat her up some Spam-special cat mix. No. Not happening.
I tugged my sweater off as I entered my bedroom. Tossing it to the hamper, I unbuttoned my pants, glanced toward my bed looking for my pajamas, and caught a flicker of color to the left. Pivoting my gaze to see what caught my attention, I sucked in a deep breath. Then I did what any normal woman in the same situation would do. I screamed my ever-living heart out.
Oh my God. It couldn’t be. I took a step forward and then backed up again. No way. She didn’t. She couldn’t have.
“Grandma Verda, what have you done?”
I blinked. I blinked again. Honestly, I was really hoping I was hallucinating.
Sitting along the wall next to my bed was a rather large glass tank. That wasn’t what scared me, but inside the damn tank was a huge, coral-colored snake. The thing had to be— oh, I don’t know—eight-feet long.
A freaking snake in my bedroom.
Grandma Verda was crazy. I mean, it had to have come from her. Who else?
A snake. In my bedroom.
I moved a little closer. The snake slithered to the other side of the tank, its blood-red tongue flicking in out in out. My stomach turned upside down, and I shivered. Really, what was she thinking? That I’d curl up with it and pat its head?
“Lizzie? I’m home! Did you see my gift?”
I flew out of my bedroom and told myself to remain calm. You know, because she was old. “Grandma, why is there an eight-foot snake next to my bed?”
“Why, honey. You told me clear as day you wanted a snake. It took a little longer than I wanted because I had to research to find the perfect one. And it’s not eight feet long. Closer to five.” She wrinkled her nose. “There’s a lot to buying a snake. I also bought you a book on snake care.”
“No. I never said I wanted a snake. Never. I despise snakes.”
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