“What? Bikers?” My voice comes out as a high squeak. “But she’s in a wheelchair!” I give a gasp and shake my head, but my face widens in a smile. The Sophie I knew before her accident would have risen to the challenge and would have loved every minute of a new adventure. But how would she be coping after the hit and run that had taken the use of her legs from her? I longed to be able to contact her but accepted I had no chance of being able to catch up with my friend. But oh, the minute I could I was going to be on that phone, and I’m so looking forward to that conversation. Then I felt my eyes prick with tears. Would this ever be over? Ethan won’t give up; even Ben had confirmed that.
Kadar retakes his seat, and I mourn the loss of his touch. “So what do we do about St John-Davies? We’ve got Zoe here, scared out of her mind, her friend in another country and her mother who’s under twenty-four-hour guard. We have to stop this bastard, and I can only think there’s one way of doing that. He needs to be removed permanently from the equation.”
My eyes flick to Kadar in shock. Is he saying what I think he is? Okay, so he’d said it in the heat of the moment in the harem, but here in the cold light of day it sounds like he’s serious about it. Kadar is the ruler of a country surely he should abide by the law? Then again, here in Amahad, he is the law. And why should it bother me? Ethan would kill me as easily as swatting a fly. Surprised I’m condoning murder, I start thinking a permanent solution sounds very attractive.
“I agree. And I’ve been working on a plan.” Ben’s eyes flick to me, and his raised eyebrows ask the emir a silent question. It’s clear he’s suggesting I’m not made privy to his plan.
“I deserve to know,” I interrupt any effort to remove me from the conversation, “You praised me for being able to evade Ethan, but that was because I had the knowledge to do so. I won’t be kept in the dark now. It’s my life you’re going to be discussing. Don’t shut me out.”
At my assertion, I’m briefly the object of Kadar’s stern gaze, but turning his attention back to Ben he nods, slowly. “What’s your proposal?”
After another glance in my direction, followed by a quick conciliatory smile, Ben continues, “We can’t do anything while he’s in England. Taking a man out, particularly someone at his level of society would be extremely difficult. He’s too well protected. We need him somewhere where we have total control.” Ben’s voice has changed, it’s dropped a level, and has become cold. Even if I’d misunderstood their intentions earlier, the tone he’s using now would spell out they are seriously planning to take a man’s life.
“Somewhere the ruler is absolute monarch?” Kadar catches on fast; I’m a couple of seconds behind him.
I realise the implications of what he’s suggesting, “You want him to come here?” I’ve felt safe in this Arab state, and the thought of Ethan coming to destroy my newfound peace makes my stomach start to churn. No, I don’t agree with this plan. I’d rather not be on the same planet as the man who abused me, let alone in the same country.
Ben throws me a look of sympathy, but my uneasiness is, of course, not going to make him alter his plan. “Yes, Zoe. We intend to let slip that you are here.” At my gasp, he reaches over and takes my hand, squeezing it for reassurance, “We will not put you in any danger; I promise you that. You’ll be well protected and kept out of his reach. We can ‘disappear’ him in Amahad, and hopefully, this sidekick Hargreaves with him.” His eyes go from me to Kadar, “This is not the way Grade A normally does business, but in this circumstance, St John-Davies is like a rabid dog and there’s only one way to deal with him. He needs to be put down.”
Kadar’s eyes are on me for a moment, and then turn back to the man from Grade A. “Zoe’s safety is not to be put in question, Ben. We need to have a detailed plan before we leak news of her presence here, and it must be foolproof. I’m not having her safety compromised in any way. I promise you, Zoe, you’ll never even have to clap eyes on this bastard, and Ben, you need to assure me you can guarantee that before we go ahead.” Kadar has used a voice I’ve not heard from him before. It’s full of authority, and it reminds me he is a monarch, head of his country, and used to being obeyed. And it reassures me he’ll do everything he can to keep me out of harm’s way.
As Ben nods his response, the emir’s face turns thoughtful; his features tightening, and there’s a dark glint in his eyes which sends a shiver down my spine. “It’s always such a shame when a foreign national has an unfortunate accident on our unforgiving sands.” His voice is cold, hard.
Ben’s reply is a chilling laugh, “I’m sure we can arrange something. I’ll get back to England and get the wheels turning.”
“I’d like Jon Tharpe to be involved if that’s possible?” Before receiving an answer, Kadar turns to me. “Jon’s provided bodyguard services for us for many years now.”
The senior partner of Grade A Security shakes his head. “I’ll get you a good team together, Kadar, but as I’ve said before, right now I’d rather leave Jon directing the operation from the office. He wants to stay close to Mia; she’s having a bit of a hard time of it. They’re trying for another baby, so Jon wants to stay close by unless there’s an essential reason for him to leave. But of course she’s worried she might never be able to carry a baby to term, and of course, that stress doesn’t help.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” Kadar sounds genuine, “I’d hoped she would have been on the road to recovery by now.”
“The miscarriage has started up her flashbacks again, and she can’t seem to get things out of her head. Jon’s been taking her to the club to see whether he can get her mind to quieten.”
The ruler of Amahad nods his head, “He’s a good Dominant. I saw Mia under his whip when I was in the dungeon last.”
“Yes, the club seems to help her, gradually he’s pushing her boundaries, and she’s responding well. And of course, we all enjoy a good demonstration from a whip master.”
“Yes, he’s impressive with a single tail, he was using an eight-footer when I last saw him. I’d like to have the time to ask him for lessons.”
“Perhaps you should offer to reciprocate with Shibari tuition. The way you bound Diamond with your rope last month was apparently quite something. People are still talking about it in the club. Perhaps you can do another demonstration next time you’re in the dungeon?”
They seem to have forgotten I’m sitting here, and my mouth falls open at their discussion. Oh my fucking God! Dungeon? Whip? Rope? Binding? Christ Almighty! I stare at Kadar as if I’m watching him turn into a monster in front of my eyes. They must be talking about the club Sean had told me about that morning in Manchester. The fucking BDSM club. And right in front of me, Kadar has confirmed he’s a member. And so’s Ben? How can I depend on them to save me when they use the same tools as Ethan? They’re as bad as him! Shit! Just when I was starting to believe Kadar was different from Ethan. He’s not, he’s the same!
My mind has put two and two together at lightning speed as the two men talk, ignoring my presence continuing their conversation about a woman whipped as though it’s a normal occurrence. And how the fucking hell is that supposed to help her? Memories of Ethan’s playroom come back to me as though a sledgehammer hits me, and the scars on my back start to sting. Has Kadar got a playroom of his own, here in the palace? Suddenly I recall the exact words he’d said to me in the harem, ‘the things I want to do to you’. And I thought he’d been talking about making love to me! No, he was obviously talking about something very different.
I have to get out of here. But where the fuck can I go? I can’t be alone with Kadar ever again; that’s a certainty. Why the frigging hell did I ever think I could trust him?
I stand up so quickly my chair falls over, shocking the men and reminding them I was there. “I’m sorry,” I start to stutter out, as two sets of eyes land on me. “I’ve got to get back to work. I’ll leave you to continue your discussions.”
They stand, Kadar looks so stunned he doesn’t make a move to st
op me. Trying to maintain some dignity and not just bolt for the exit I manage to walk almost normally over to the office door. I open it, step through, and close it, leaning my back against the wood, breathing hard in relief at my escape. But I can’t flee the vision in my head so easily; Kadar standing over me, dominant and demanding, a whip in his hand. What frightens me most is that the thought is bizarrely sending tingles down my spine, and the sparks inside of me are not of fear, but arousal. I’m a fucking freak! Do I want to be abused again? Is there something warped inside of me that desires to be mistreated?
Opening my eyes, only to see Richard looking at me in bemusement, I realise what a sight I must be, chest heaving, using the door as support. Pulling myself together, I step away from the doorway and quickly exit the royal office, almost running through the corridors in my desperation to return to the sanctuary of the harem without sparing a thought for poor Asif trailing behind me.
Chapter 21
Kadar
What the fuck? Something upset Zoe, something that made her turn tail and run as though the demons of hell were after her. What the fuck was it? Why did she leave so abruptly? As emir, I’m not used to such a show of rudeness, but I was so startled to see her get up and run like a spooked horse, I was unable to react and stop her in time. Playing back the last parts of my conversation with Ben, it hits me like a bolt of lightning that talking about whips and bondage was not perhaps the best idea around an abused woman. Fuck! How could I have been so stupid?
I’ve plainly lost concentration and barely notice as Ben, diplomatically hiding his surprise, wraps up our conversation smartly and takes his leave. Left alone I sit with my hands steepled in front of me, wondering what the hell I can do to make this right? Everything I am tells me to go to the woman, to comfort her and explain, but how the fuck am I going to do that? She doesn’t even understand herself. It’s easy to see she’s submissive and is crying out for a Dominant’s control, but it’s all got warped in her head because of that bastard, Ethan. Seeing her beat herself up, and take the blame for getting involved with that cruel man breaks my fucking heart.
Tapping my fingers on the table, I try to come up with a plan to get her to trust me again. Two nights ago she confided in me and allowed me to see her fragility. Though she won’t understand, I know she needs to relinquish her tightly held control. As it is, she’s unable to let go of her fears and is as tense as an overwound clock. Ethan still retains power over her life, and will continue to have it even after he’s dead unless someone helps her.
I cancel my next meeting, unwilling to waste time discussing the fiasco in the southern desert when I can do nothing at all about it, justifying my action by thinking Nijad and my army generals know precisely what they’re doing without the input of my two penny’s worth. Instead, I find myself going to the harem with the hope to be able to do something that only I can. But I leave knowing it’s going to be hard to get her to listen to me, let alone explain my conversation with Ben. How could I have got so carried away and forgotten she was there? And how do I now explain to an abused woman the dynamics of a Dominant’s relationship with his sub? Fuck it; I’m going to have my work cut out here!
Still not clear in my mind exactly how I’m going to approach her, I enter via the old Sultans’ entrance, just as on that first night when I so unexpectedly found her in the harem. But this time I don’t find Zee alone, and keyed up as I am, a few seconds later I’m incredibly grateful that I made no noise that would have signalled my entry.
Cara is with her. Believing there’s no one else around, they are talking at a normal volume, and their voices come across to me clearly. And the first few words I catch inform me their discussion is fascinating and quite possibly paving my way for the conversation I want to have with Zee. I may be emir, but I’m not beneath hiding in a doorway out of sight, so I don’t interrupt them.
“So I’m right, Kadar is a Dominant?” Zoe’s voice comes out as a high-pitched squeak.
“Oh, sweetie. They all are. Kadar, Nijad, and Jasim. Jasim runs an exclusive BDSM club in London.”
“Nijad? Nijad’s a Dom? Is he… is he like that with you?”
I presume Cara’s nodded or given some other such non-verbal answer when Zoe continues, “You let Nijad hit you?” I smile, as her voice gets even higher, knowing my sister-in-law won’t want to let that go.
Cara laughs. “Hit me? God no! Never! Well, not in the way you’re thinking.”
“But you can’t be a submissive; you’re too clever and independent!”
I shake my head wishing I could correct that misconception. I also long to be able to peer around the corner to see their faces, but for now, I have to be content with staying hidden. How’s Cara going to explain it to Zee? Unwittingly, it seems she’s doing exactly what I came here to do. Putting things into perspective.
“Of course, I’m his sub, and he’s my Dom, as well as my husband. See, I’m wearing his collar.”
“I don’t understand.” Zee almost wails.
“Sweetie, being clever or independent has nothing to with being submissive. I let Nijad have control in the bedroom, but in most other areas of life we’re equals. Being a good Dominant he knows what I need, and when I need it.”
“Ethan used to hit me.”
“Ethan was a fucking prick. He took all your control away from you. A Dom/sub relationship is entirely different. The sub has all the control.”
“I’ve heard that, but I still don’t understand it. How is it possible? When the man’s so much stronger? Physically, I mean.”
“It’s a relationship built on trust. Did you trust Ethan?”
“Until he started hurting me, yes.”
“Really?” Cara’s voice rises at the end of the word, plainly making it a question. “Did he always have your best interests in mind?”
“Well,” there’s a pause, “He was helping me fit into his world.”
`“I think you have your answer there. He was looking out for himself, not for you. A good Dom always takes care of the sub’s needs, not the other way around. It seems you took Ethan’s needs and made them your own. And when he started abusing you, did you ask him to stop?”
“Ask him? Ask him?” Zoe’s voice sounds frantic. “I frigging begged and pleaded with him. It made him worse. He enjoyed it when he got me to the point when I couldn’t take any more, and even then he wouldn’t stop.”
“I trust Nijad with to know just what I need, and to give it to me. I trust him with my life, and with the life of my child.” Cara’s voice softens, and I can hear the deep love she has for my brother coming through the words and it makes me smile. If only I could imagine having that kind of relationship one day, but the chances of a second arranged marriage in our family being such a success are slim to nothing. “If Ni ever does anything I don’t like, all I need to do is use my safeword, and he’ll stop immediately,” Cara continues.
“I can’t imagine ever trusting a man like that.”
“After everything you’ve been through I’m not surprised, sweetie. But I’ll tell you this; you would be able to trust Kadar. Ethan was a domineering bully. He just wanted to hurt you to get his kicks, there was no power exchange between you, you had no way of stopping him. The difference is for example, if in the unlikely situation Nijad ever went too far and did something to that made me uncomfortable, it would be in my control to bring it to an end. A sexual Dominant is entirely different from a sadistic man like Ethan; a Dom gets his thrills by giving you pleasure. And believe me, the pleasure’s so intense you wouldn’t credit it.” I hear her sigh, “It’s addictive.”
There’s another slight pause before Zee says anything else, and I’m starting to think about revealing my presence when her next words shock me to the core.
“I’ve never thought much of sex. It always seems one sided. At best it’s awkward and irritating, and at worst, well, it’s painful.”
The dismissive confession from Zoe makes me sad.
“You mean h
e took his pleasure but gave you none? You didn’t orgasm?” Cara asks the question I suddenly want to know the answer too, but she’s more frank, more direct than I would have been.
There’s a short period of silence before she replies, and then her voice is so quiet I can hardly hear it. “No. But that’s probably down to me. I’ve never enjoyed sex with anyone. It was just something to get over and done with as quickly as possible. I know I’m different to other women, I just don’t react the right way.”
“Oh! God no! No, sweetie, that’s not your fault. You’ve not been with the right man is all. A man who takes care of your needs before his own. A man who makes sure that you’re enjoying yourself. Just lying back and thinking of England went out with the Victorians. You just have to find yourself a real man. And if Kadar is the same as his brother in that department you couldn’t go far wrong trusting yourself to him.”
Cara’s perhaps being too candid now and I find myself in two minds about staying. I grow embarrassed as I listen to a conversation I have no business overhearing particularly now they’ve started discussing my sexual performance, of which Cara obviously has no first-hand knowledge. But the thought that there’s potentially so much I can teach Zee has my cock hardening like a stone. Apparently, it wasn’t just Ethan, but her other lovers who were also selfish pricks! It’s high time she found a man who could teach her what intimacy between a man and a woman should be all about. Although I know eavesdroppers are never supposed to hear anything good about themselves, I decide to stay put. My conscience pricks as I acknowledge I’m listening to a very private conversation.
“And you care about Kadar, don’t you?” Cara continues talking; her voice becomes teasing.
“What? No! Of course, not!”
“Be honest, Zoe. Why did you run when you thought he was a Dominant?”
I smile to myself; Cara’s made a good point.
Second Chances (Blood Brothers #3) Page 24
