HER SOMETHING IMPETUOUS
a romantic comedy
by
Kim Hunt Harris
Text Copyright © 2005 Kim Hunt Harris
All Rights Reserved
Table of Contents
CHAPTER ONE 3
CHAPTER TWO 19
CHAPTER THREE 35
CHAPTER FOUR 55
CHAPTER FIVE 74
CHAPTER SIX 91
CHAPTER SEVEN 110
CHAPTER EIGHT 130
CHAPTER NINE 154
CHAPTER TEN 166
CHAPTER ELEVEN 189
CHAPTER TWELVE 211
CHAPTER THIRTEEN 231
CHAPTER FOURTEEN 257
CHAPTER FIFTEEN 279
CHAPTER SIXTEEN 295
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN 311
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN 335
CHAPTER ONE
“I'm sorry. I'm not used to strange men touching my ass.” Karen gave a bark of half-hysterical laughter and scooted back up onto the tattoo table.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” The tattoo guy rubbed alcohol on her right cheek and gave her that cute crooked grin.
That was the problem, she decided. He was too cute. Well, cute wasn’t the right word. She figured he was at least her age, if not a few years older, which put him out of the cute range. And he was much too hot for cute anyway. Rock star hot, with a face like a hatchet, all sharp angles and hard planes. Curly blonde hair brushed back from a high forehead and hanging down past his collar. A dark, neat mustache and goatee. The bluest eyes she’d ever seen. Insanely blue eyes. She’d taken one look at those eyes and her IQ immediately dipped a good thirty points.
Why couldn't she have gotten the guy with the tattoo of Betsy Ross and the American flag that covered his entire upper torso? He wasn’t the least bit attractive. Instead she gets the guy who looks like something out of a bad-boy fantasy.
And he was, at that very moment, getting ready to inject ink into her butt. That’s where the fantasy took a decidedly bizarre turn.
“I'm absolutely sure,” Karen answered, a trifle too loudly. There were parts of her, namely her right cheek, that still needed convincing. “Abso-frigging-lutely.”
Okay, now she sounded a little unhinged. She was a little unhinged. Why else would she be baring all in a seedy downtown tattoo parlor, while Cait – her fifteen-year-old daughter, for crying out loud! – and her best friend Terri looked on? “What did you say your name was?”
“Will.” He smiled, his eyes steady and sure on hers, as if it were just the two of them in the building and not half a dozen other people in various bizarre states of dress. “And yours?”
“Karen – “ She stopped before she added the last name. Was it still Karen Way? Should she go back to her maiden name now?
But that was silly. She'd still be Way after the divorce was final. She wasn't going to go by a different name than her kids.
She who hesitates looks like an idiot who can’t remember her last name. She stuck her hand out. “It’s Karen. Nice to meet you, Will.”
“Don't be nervous,” he said as he shook her hand. “Won't hurt a bit.”
She nodded so hard her eyeballs bounced. “Good to know.”
He squatted until he was eye level with her. Oh, those eyes. Intense, deep blue, concerned and yet with a hint of humor. Her breath caught in her throat as she got lost in them. It occurred to her that it had been a very long time since she’d looked into a man’s eyes. Well, she’d taken a good look at Michael’s when she’d considered scratching them out, but that was hardly the same.
“Karen, Bear gave you a release to read and sign when you came in, right?”
She blinked and brought herself back to reality. “Bear? The very large bald man with the flag tattoo? Facial hair braided and those brown plug things in his earlobes?”
“Looks like the bouncer from a tribe out of National Geographic? That’s him.”
“Yes, he gave me a piece of paper to sign.”
“And you read it?”
“Sure.” Well…she’d tried to read the release, but she'd been too nervous to decipher more than that she could very likely develop various and sundry diseases, blindness, loss of limb and sexual function, and she shouldn't run crying to them. She'd signed it.
“Then you understand that I can't do your tattoo if you're intoxicated in any way.”
“Oh, I'm not drunk,” she said, rising up on her elbow. “I'm stone cold sober. Drunk is next on the list.”
Terri, Karen’s best friend since sixth grade, tapped Will on the shoulder. “I can vouch for her,” she whispered in a breathy voice that was actually loud enough for the entire room to hear. “She hasn't had a drop to drink through this whole horrible tragedy.”
Karen cocked her head in Terri's direction. “She's been guarding the wine, as you can tell.”
Will's brow furrowed. “Tragedy?”
He was cute when he was worried, Karen decided. “Demise of an eighteen-year marriage.” She waved the hand that used to bear a wedding ring. “No big deal.”
“Tragedy,” Terri repeated. “Heart breaking. Younger, much more beautiful woman.”
“Hey!” Karen rolled over and sat up. “She's not that much more beautiful.” Not unless you’re into big boobs, long legs and tiny pores.
Terri shook her head and patted Karen on the shoulder. “That's right, honey. You keep your chin up. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You got those wide hips and saggy boobs for the honorable cause of giving that louse two beautiful children, and you should be damned proud.” Terri nodded her head hard, then blinked and put a palm on the table for support.
Will looked frankly at Karen again. “Before I start, let's just take a moment and make sure you're not being impulsive and doing this for the wrong reasons. Say, to get revenge for something.”
“Say, if someone refuses to keep his dingus in his pants,” Terri offered helpfully.
Karen frowned at her and motioned slightly with her head toward Cait. Poor Cait. Her mother was half-naked on a tattoo table and her father’s indiscretions were being aired in public. It was this kind of thing that made kids run away and join cults.
“Cait, do me a favor, would you? Take some change out of my purse and get me a Diet Coke from that machine up front, please.”
Terri cast a guilty look at Cait’s back as she left the room. “I was speaking hypothetically, of course.”
“Karen, revenge isn’t a good reason to do something permanent to your body,” Will said.
Karen looked from Will to Terri and back. “Are you kidding me? I got a conservative tattoo guy?”
The corner of his mouth tipped up. “I'll do it if you really want to,” he assured her, placing a large, warm hand on her shoulder.
Karen’s heart did a little flip as she stared down at those long, long fingers. Didn’t long fingers signify something about the male anatomy?
“If you're sure this is what you want.”
“I wanted this when I was nineteen. Instead I got pregnant and spent the next half of my life trying to be the perfect, respectable wife to make up for trapping,” she made quote marks in the air, “my husband. Now my marriage is over, my future is unsure, and I'm pissed off.”
She heard her voice rising and told herself to calm down. Then she decided what the hell, if you can’t be righteously indignant in a tattoo parlor, where can you be? She thrust her chin in the air. “And if I don't walk out of here with a smiley face on my butt I am going to be very irritated!”
Will studied her for a second. How was it that he managed to make her know he was amused, and yet not a muscle of his face had moved?
“Okay then,” he said finally. “Just give me a sec.�
��
Karen lay back down and rested her chin on her crossed wrists.
Cait scuffed her feet back into the room and plunked the soda can on the table beside Karen. “I can’t believe you’re going through with this. You’re acting so infantile.”
“Just this afternoon you thought this was a very cool idea. You begged me to let you come.”
“That was when I thought you were going to get a rose on your ankle or something. I didn’t know you were going to bare it all in front of someone you don’t even know.”
“I want to put it where no one else will see it. And I’m sure he’s seen a lot of asses. He’s not going to be impressed by mine.” Karen hooked a thumb over her shoulder.
“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Will said as he swabbed something on her butt.
Karen felt her face grow warm and was embarrassingly pleased, although she knew he was just saying that to be nice. “Why, thank you. You’re very kind.”
“Oh my god, my mother is flirting with the tattoo guy.” Cait hid her face in her hands.
“I am not!” Good Lord, she wasn’t really flirting with the guy who was touching her bare butt, was she? It had been so long since she flirted with anyone, she wasn’t sure what it looked like. She decided the best defense was a good offense. “Your logic is all skewed, you know that? When you wanted a tattoo you went on and on about how it’s your body, you’re practically an adult and can make your own decisions. Well, I actually am an adult. If I’m not old enough to do this, who is?”
“You’re too old. This kind of thing is for people in their early twenties at the latest.”
Karen opened her mouth to tell Cait that, due to Einstein being correct about that time relativity thing, there was actually only a six-month gap between early twenties and thirty-eight. But she closed it again. Cait would find out soon enough. Karen made a mental note to give her daughter a very hard time about it when that day came.
“I’m not going to tell anyone about this, so don’t worry it will get back to your friends,” Karen said. “It’s just between us, something I want to do for myself.” The Lord only knew how much she needed a little taste of rebellion right now. She’d been swallowing it for years.
“You’d better hope it doesn’t.” Cait scuffed her feet back across the room and leaned against the opposite wall.
Will stepped to her side, speaking just loud enough for Karen to hear him. “Don’t worry about her.” His voice was smooth and warm as it flowed over her. “I was the same way at that age. My dad bought a Harley when he went through his midlife crisis, and I was ready to leave the country. It was the end of the world.”
“She’s not taking this whole thing very well.” She still couldn’t say the word “divorce” out loud. She could barely think it. For the past nineteen years she’d been so determined this would not happen. She would not let her kids go through this. But as it turned out, she didn’t have that much of a choice. Her soon-to-be ex was determined to marry Little Miss Gazillion Dollar Wardrobe, and she could either humiliate him – and herself – by fighting him every inch of the way, or she could give in gracefully and retain some semblance of dignity.
It thoroughly pissed her off that castration wasn’t a viable option.
Terri knelt before Karen, her brows raised in innocent sincerity. “Okay, one last time, you’re sure you want to do this.”
Poor Terri. She’d been so supportive of Karen and kept saying this divorce was for the best anyway. She’d been married almost half her life, and she needed to be by herself for a while. She should learn to be on her own. Take some time to find herself. Yadda yadda yadda.
But Karen thought her best friend was taking this harder than she was. Terri had always thought of Karen and Michael as a real-life fairy tale, as did a lot of people in town. Karen had held her tongue about that one all these years, too. “Fairy tale” was just a polite way to say that she was from the wrong side of the tracks and she’d managed to snag the town’s most promising young bachelor. It made Michael sound like a prince and her like a scullery maid.
“I’m sure, Terri. Quit worrying. This is not a big deal.”
“If you’re sure.” Terri gnawed at her lip. “What is Michael going to think?”
“When hell freezes over, I’ll be sure to ask him.” She didn’t want to admit she’d wondered the same thing. Michael definitely wouldn’t approve. When it came to her, there wasn’t much he did approve of. Not that she was doing this to spite him.
Well, it wasn’t the only reason.
Will’s voice intruded. “Okay, if you’re sure we’re going through with this, get ready for a little prick.”
This time Terri snorted with laughter, and Karen couldn’t help but follow suit.
“I’m not going to get a very even design if your butt is vibrating.”
Terri shrieked when he said ‘vibrating,’ and Karen giggled. She looked over her shoulder and Will winked at her.
“You’re doing this on purpose.”
“I don’t charge extra for the entertainment. Now really, be still or we’ll be here all night.”
The tension drained out of her as her laughter tapered off. She turned and rested her chin on her wrists, feeling a lot better about all this. It really wasn’t a big deal. And it didn’t hurt any that Will was flirting with her. Her ego needed the boost right now.
“Unclench,” he said.
She heard a shout from the front of the building. She jumped and looked back over her shoulder at Will.
His attention was riveted to the front of the building. He turned back to her, frowning, and said, “I’m sorry. I’ll be right back.”
He laid down his tools and left the room.
Terri rushed over to Karen. “What was that? Do you think there’s going to be a rumble?”
“A rumble?” Karen sat up. This whole episode was too much for poor Terri. Karen leaned and tried to get a glimpse out the door. She heard a ruckus, shouting and banging, but couldn’t get a clue as to what it was about.
“Do you think we ought to run out the back door?” Terri bit her thumbnail.
“Of course not.” Another bang. Karen reached down to fasten her jeans. “On second thought – ”
Just then a head popped through the door. Attached to a body in a police uniform. “I need everyone to remain where they are. We’ll be through here in just a minute.”
“What’s going on?” Terri asked.
“Just a little investigation. Nothing to worry about.” He started to leave, then did a double take when he saw Karen.
Karen felt herself shrink in her seat. “Okay,” she said quickly. “We’ll just wait here.” She ducked her head and scratched her ear.
She could feel the officer’s eyes on her for a few more seconds before she saw his feet move away.
“Great, Mom. You pick the night the place is getting raided. Good going.”
“Karen, I think that officer recognized you.”
“Probably not,” Karen said, but her gut clenched. With her luck, he not only recognized her, but was getting ready to call Michael right now.
“Charlie, you’re not going to believe this,” she heard the officer say. “The D.A.’s wife is in the back room getting her ass inked.”
“Okay, we wanted adventure, right?” Karen said as the three of them stared at the speckled linoleum floor of the police department lobby.
“You wanted adventure.” Cait stared at the floor, her arms crossed over her chest. “I actually wanted to spend an evening not getting arrested.”
“Stop making it sound as if I get you hauled in every night of the week, please,” Karen snapped. She looked down the hallway, wondering how many people who knew her were going to pass by. So far she’d counted seven. “And you heard the officer. We’re not under arrest. We’re simply here to answer some questions.”
“Cait, Karen, my God!”
Karen looked up to see Michael taking long strides down the hall toward them. Cait jumped up
and ran to her father.
“What the hell is going on?” He wrapped his arms around Cait and looked at Karen like she’d been out cruising with their daughter.
Karen looked around hopefully for an officer to come arrest her now. When none showed up, she raised her shoulders. “It’s no big deal, Michael. We were at an establishment that was…” How should she put this?
“Raided,” Terri offered.
“Okay, raided. And we were asked to come in and tell what we saw.”
“And what did you see?” He looked down at Cait. “Are you okay? Where were you?”
“To be honest I’m not sure what this is all about,” Karen said. “Will was handcuffed and we weren’t allowed to talk-”
“Who is Will?”
“The guy who owns the tattoo place,” Cait said. “Under the Inkfluence.”
Michael stared at Karen. “You were at Under the Inkfluence?” He blinked, pulling his head back as if he’d taken a blow to the jaw. “You had my daughter at Under the Inkfluence?”
“It’s a perfectly legitimate business establishment.” Karen squared her shoulders. “And she’s my daughter too.”
“It is a front for a prostitution ring!” Michael looked ready to do something outrageous like raise his voice or perhaps even swear. “What in the world were you doing there?”
“Applying for a job!”
Michael sighed. “I see you haven’t lost that charming wit.”
“Please just take Cait home,” Karen said. She was tired. Getting Michael’s trademark I’m-so-disappointed-in-you look didn’t help. “I’ll be there as soon as this is taken care of.”
“Of course I’m taking her home.” He hugged Cait. “To my condo.”
“That’s not necessary. I’m sure they’ll let me go soon.”
Her Something Impetuous Page 1
