I need to shower for days to get the feeling of disgust off me.
Nikolai looks over at me, most likely curious about my peculiar behavior when I fall back into the passenger seat. I glare at him. I can’t even comprehend a single word right now. I’m too freaked out.
I point out the windshield. “Amelia Knight and guest are in room twenty.”
“Who?” Nikolai questions.
“He needed a name. It’s all I could think of in the moment.”
We quickly locate the room and park in the provided space by the entrance. Then we pull our items from the car, Nikolai having more than I expected for a man on the run. He’s carrying a garment bag, a large steel-like suitcase, and his briefcase. All I have is my damn gym bag stuffed with God knows what since he only gave me a few minutes to pack. I probably don’t have a single matching outfit, not that I’m that type of girl. Of course, I guess I don’t need special clothes to murder someone. As long as I don’t leave DNA evidence, then I’m good.
My concern with wardrobe vanishes when Nikolai opens the room. Staring me in the face is the king-sized bed. The seventies style bedspread covers the mattress and is the focal point of the room. Damn, why didn’t I clarify I needed two beds? I really don’t want to be trapped next to Nikolai, considering he tried to kill me days ago and knows how to lure me into his broody, sexy aura.
Nikolai doesn’t seem to care, though. He tosses his stuff on the bed and proceeds to go through his things. He unzips the garment bag containing five perfectly pressed and tailored black suits. He pulls each one out, shaking the material on the hanger and then laying them on the large bed. Out of the zipper pocket, he pulls out a pair of black boxer briefs and a toiletries bag then tosses them next to his suits.
I’m not sure what to do or what to say to him. The last time we were trapped in a room together, he was threatening to kill me. Now I’m in a motel room with only one bed, one way out, and one sick attraction toward a killer.
When I think of our last moment alone, my body melts to be under him. The way he took me over, keeping me from the darkness as he pressed his lips to mine. I yearn to feel that again. That’s what my body craves, but my mind is screaming to get the hell out of here.
I shake my head, shutting down the invading thoughts. I can’t keep toggling back and forth between what I’m doing and what I should be doing. My decision’s made, plain and simple. What’s done is done. I can’t go back. I have to seek out my father’s killer, and I have to watch him die.
I mimic Nikolai by inspecting my clothes tucked in my gym bag. I pull out four old T-shirts. These are shirts I wore in college and now are so thin they are practically see-through. I could never throw them out, because they are the most comfortable shirts in the world. However, they are shirts I wear around my apartment when I’m alone.
Under the shirts are a couple of jeans, and at the bottom are my bras and panties. I leave those in the bag, embarrassed for him to see what I really wear under my clothes.
I look at our clothing lying side by side on the bed and smirk—his expensive, fine threads next to my five-dollar cotton T-shirts and cheap jeans. The difference between them is insane, polar opposites, and it makes me snicker. Looking at them side-by-side is just as crazy as my decision to be standing here now.
Before I know it, my giggle turns into a full-on laugh. My bruised ribs hurt, and my eyes water from my bout of laughter. I feel crazy. I have to be. There is no other explanation.
Nikolai looks up from his suitcase and stares at me like I just grew an extra head. His mouth is set in his usually hard line as his eyes examine me. He is such a stiff. The sight makes me laugh even harder, and this only deepens his look.
He clenches his jaw in irritation. However, it has to be obvious. Nikolai has to believe I have just lost my mind, and I couldn’t agree more.
I close my eyes, trying to will away the giggles.
“Whatever you find funny, I’m sure it’s not. After we leave this place, you will be in the lair of a killer. Might I suggest you get yourself together and focused?”
“Look at this.” I ignore his comment and point at our clothes on the bed while I laugh even harder. Maybe I’m losing my mind. “Your designer suits and my trailer trash wardrobe. It’s just like us.”
“I’m afraid I’m not following.” he looks annoyed yet curious.
“They are the exact opposite of one another, just like us—the cop and the killer.” I stop laughing when I notice Nikolai undressing from his grimy duds.
He pulls the green sweatshirt over his head, his muscled torso exposed and covered in black ink. His chest is defined and lean. My body stirs awake and all things I thought were funny simply wash way.
Looking at this man is not funny. He’s a killer. His body is a lethal weapon, stealthy and vicious. I felt how menacing it can be. The ache in my healing ribs reminds me what it’s like being underneath his dangerous power.
Looking at him now brings out the flood of fear and pain, and my survival instincts kick back in, my gut warning me.
We are together to do a job, but it’s when that job is over is when the truly scary moments will occur.
“You’re delirious from exhaustion, Josslyn,” he says as he pulls his pants down, now standing in front of me in his white prison underwear. “Come, let’s shower and get some sleep.”
My heart falls from my chest and flops to the floor. Did he just say …? What? He wants to shower … together? My blood races with a nervous excitement as it clashes with the terror of being naked with a killer. To be naked in a confined space is the worst thing we could do.
I turn my back and act like I’m getting something out of my bag. My cheeks are on fire, something he’ll pick up on and use against me.
“No, thank you. I will wait until you’re done.”
It is Nikolai’s turn to laugh out loud.
I snap my head in his direction, slicing him with my eyes.
“Josslyn, do you really think I would let you be in the room by yourself while I shower?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I snap loudly as I walk toward his almost naked body.
“It means I’m not a fucking imbecile. I’m not going to stand idly by while you phone the police or go running off.” He steps to me, snatching my wrist and pulling me toward the bathroom door. “I will have my eyes on you the entire time. Until we are done with this, you will do as I say, or I will retract our deal and everything attached it. That includes you, my dear.”
Did he just threaten to kill me if I don’t comply? Again, he is toying with my sanity, just like he did when he held me hostage. He’s dangling my life over my head, and I can feel him murdering me from the inside. However, I don’t have time to say anything before he is handcuffing me to the towel rack above the toilet.
I sit down and glare at him. I trusted him enough to go with him on this quest. The least he could do is trust me enough to keep my word. Naively, I believed that for a moment, yet in hindsight, there is no trust between us because neither one of us has earned it.
Nikolai runs his hands under the water then discards his boxers. I turn my head the other way, knowing I don’t need to see his naked body. He’s already burned into my memory. Seeing the full package will only cause me to dwell on my desires of him ravaging me, and I will never do that. I can’t. Not ever, not with him.
I can hear him sloshing around, probably scrubbing or washing his hair. What I don’t hear is him closing the shower curtain.
He really doesn’t trust me, does he? This will have to be addressed. Nikolai will have to trust me with his plan; otherwise, what’s the damn point of me being here?
In an attempt to ease the tension, I ask, “So, why San Francisco?”
The sound of the water streaming from the shower only increases my curiosity to turn around and look at him. The steam in the bathroom leaves a mist of wetness across my exposed skin and frizzes my hair.
“Because it’s the next stop.” His
answer sounds like a five-year-old’s response when they have been caught writing on the wall. It’s vague and pisses me off.
“You know, Nikolai, at some point, you’re going to have to trust me.” I keep my head turned away from him, but I clank the handcuffs against the metal towel rod as I jostle my body around. “I’m risking everything I’ve worked so hard for to finish this with you, but you’ve told me nothing. I have as much to lose or more than you.”
“What do you have to lose, Josslyn?” The sound of the water hitting against the wall mixes with the frustration in his tone. “I’m the one losing my freedom when it’s all said and done. You, you will go back to your life. I will spend mine behind bars.” With each word, the volume in his voice escalates. “Don’t you dare presume how I feel. Your woe-is-me act won’t do shit to save you, so you can fucking drop it.”
My insides heat, my blood boiling, but I don’t know if it’s from the temperature in the room, my anger toward his indifference of my life, or the thought of him being a few feet away, wet and naked.
I have never been one to back down, not even to a killer.
“If you don’t trust me enough with the plan, I will end up behind bars with you … or dead. So, yeah, I do have as much to lose as you,” I spit back.
The water shuts off, and a sigh of frustration follows. “Spare me the sob story. I’m really in no mood to hear how oppressed you feel.”
He steps out of the shower, and his wet, hot body presses against my thigh as he reaches for a folded towel off the shelf.
My neck is craned to the point my head is nearly backward. I refuse to look at him. I will not indulge him in any fashion. However, the intensity of his glare has taken over every ounce of refusal. He’s pissed with me, and I’m glad.
Then the lustful thoughts plague me. It all toggles insides me. Like a fast moving metronome, the desire teeters with the hate then comes back to the overwhelming hunger, only to sway to irritation then passion and back to frustration.
I want to turn around. I want to slap him in the face, but I want to devour him with my lips. My body wants to examine his, explore every inch with my fingers, yet choke the life out of him. I want to trace every tattoo etched into his skin but scream in his face. It’s imperative I keep my emotions in check, though. I will not succumb to him again.
Nikolai picked up on my body’s reaction toward him previously, both at the warehouse and in the interrogation room. He’ll manipulate me in any way possible to keep me compliant, and if that includes seducing me, I know Nikolai would do it.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see he is wrapped up in the towel, so I stand to my feet and meet his glare.
“What you’re telling me is shit! Unlike you, I’d like to live the rest of my life in peace once this is over. Now tell me what the hell the plan is!”
Nikolai flashes his menacing smirk, and I want to slap it off his face. He picks up on my thoughts and grabs my free hand in his. Then he leans in dangerously close, his hot, damp body barely touching mine.
Wake up, Josslyn! He’s trying to control you again. Fight it! Fight it!
“Right now, the plan is to shower and sleep. I will fill you in as needed. We still have another ten hours to go before we are in San Francisco. We will talk later.” His lips are supple and hypnotic as he moves in even closer.
Then it happens again; the fog in my brain starts to cloud my judgment. I want to close the gap between our lips. My body craves his kiss and a distraction from our reality. But I can’t. I have to keep my senses intact. I can’t allow him to control me.
I take a step back, getting the much needed distance to think clearly. The exhaustion in my limbs and eyes helps me to concede to his demands. I’m too tired to argue with him. A hot shower and sleep sounds like the best option right now.
I collapse on the toilet, giving in to the tiredness, and say, “For now, I will accept that answer, but you will fill me in or else our deal is off.”
“Josslyn, your threats don’t frighten me, and you’re not going anywhere. You want this as much as I do.” He walks from the bathroom then comes back in, boxers on and the key in his hand.
Nikolai unlocks the handcuffs, and I can feel the blood start to pound through my fingers again. I rub my wrist and stand there while he looks back at me.
“Your turn.” He points to the shower.
He’s got a toiletries bag in his hand and proceeds to start sifting through several items inside. I only stand there and stare at him, waiting for him to leave so I can get in the shower, but he continues on with his grooming rituals as he pulls out a razor and shaving cream.
I look at him like he has lost his mind. “You can leave now. I doubt you’ll run out on me.”
“No, I think I will watch. After all, you did.” He turns around, white cream covering his cheeks. The smell of musk mixes with the soap from his skin. It’s overpowering my strong will. For a moment, I want him to watch.
“To clarify, I did not watch you shower. I turned my head and had no choice other than to be in here with you.” I pick up the cuffs and dangle them in front of his face. An idea sparks. “But if you’d like to watch, then you need to be treated to the same as me, don’t you think?”
“Do you want to cuff me, Josslyn?” He steps a little bit closer. The scent of soap, musk, and him filters through the steamy air.
I swallow hard, knowing the proximity of our bodies is not good. We are too close.
“I think you might like that too much.” He smirks again, and it sends volts of heat to my core. Damn him. Damn my body. “Besides, I have a phone call to make.”
He finishes shaving his face, rinses, and then walks from the bathroom.
I close the door behind him then move to the lock and twist. I know he could break in if he wanted to, but the fact that I locked it gives me enough comfort to get my shower started.
As quickly as I can, I yank off my sweatshirt and pants. Standing in my panties and T-shirt, I look at myself in the mirror. My face is healing nicely, but it still shows bruising. When I look at my eyes, however, all I can see is my tiredness.
For a moment, his eyes were fueled by a gleaming light, and I knew he was thinking about having his way with me. And for a second, I wanted nothing more than to rip his boxers off and have him fuck me against the sink, but I did my best to keep everything indifferent.
Everything about Nikolai is unattainable. He is surging me through an ocean of desires that I will never explore. Yet he could still pull me closer to his darkness as we travel this road to revenge and murder.
Fuck! I can’t think about him anymore.
I yank off the remainder of my clothes then step into the shower. The hot water slowly relaxes my body and eases my sore muscles. The exhaustion finally overtakes me, and my limbs become lethargic and heavy. It becomes a struggle to even wash my hair.
I finish washing and turn off the water. Before I pull back the shower curtain, a towel and tattooed hand pokes through the opening on the side. The sight startles me for a second, but I knew I couldn’t stay locked in here forever. I grab it from him then dry off behind the curtain.
I wrap the warm towel around my body and pull back the curtain, seeing my clean clothes set on the toilet. I flush slightly, knowing he rummaged through my bag.
I just look at him in wonder, but he doesn’t even acknowledge me as he brushes his perfectly white teeth in the mirror. He’s simply continuing on with his grooming regimen, standing at the sink, now swishing mouth wash. Again, the boundaries between us are minimal.
Breaking my trance, I assess the predicament I’m in. This bathroom is the size of a closet, and I would have to brush up against him to get past and into the other room I have nothing on but a towel, and he is only wearing his boxer briefs. I can either attempt to get by him—take the risk, so to speak—or I can wait. I don’t need to challenge my abstinence from this man again. Therefore, I choose the latter and wait.
When I think he’s done, Nikolai pulls
floss from his bag, tears off a piece of minty string, and begins flossing his teeth. Standing in my towel, I glare at him, hoping he’ll get the hint.
“Do you mind?” I snap.
“No, go ahead,” he coolly replies, continuing to stand in front of the sink.
“Look, I know you don’t want me alone, but there’s nowhere I can go.” I wave my hands around the room. “This bathroom is tiny with no windows, so I think I’ve earned the right to dress in privacy.”
He’s says nothing. The only noise I hear is the sound of the string threading through his teeth.
“Don’t you have a phone call to make?” My patience is diminishing as quickly as the heat in the bathroom. The air cools, causing small bumps to rise up on my arms, sending a chill across my skin.
“Yes, but there was no answer. And besides, you locked me out, and I wasn’t finished in here.” He turns from the sink and walks toward the door.
When he steps out, I quickly yank the towel from my body and cover it with clothes. I was too worried about him seeing me naked to notice he also put my toothbrush on the sink and my hair brush. A fragment of appreciation flares up, but I shut it down instantly. I can’t allow that feeling to seep in. Not right now. Not ever.
Nikolai is crawling in bed just as I open the door. I debate sleeping on the floor for a moment, but then again, this is not a five-star luxury hotel. It’s a rundown motel located in the seedy outskirts of Eugene, Oregon. Lord knows what’s living in the carpet.
Nikolai adjusts the blankets, getting himself comfortable under the covers, as I walk to my side of the bed. I can see extra pillows lying on the floor. Quickly, I pick them up, making a barrier between us. I’m hesitant to do it, but I climb in bed next to Nikolai.
He has his back to me, his torso moving up and down. I hope I can fall asleep that quickly.
The anxiety of lying next to him starts to flood in, but my fatigue shuts the rapid emotions down. I have no energy to fight with my emotions. I need to sleep.
As my body gets comfortable, I close my eyes, fighting off the ache to snuggle up to his back. The tired haze begins to swarm, quieting my thoughts and erasing emotions. I’m finally starting to relax for the first time since I met him.
Away with You (The Revenge Series Book 2) Page 14
