by Marie Skye
She turned and glared at me before finally shrugging. “I guess I’ll have to eventually get over it. Because, that’s what I do, right? I adapt. Just like how I adapted with Carmen and Lydia…and now this. I always end up having to adapt, don’t I?”
She walked out of the room, not taking another glance at me. I grimaced at the name Carmen coming out of her mouth. Carmen was my supposed first love. The woman I thought I had married when I was much younger, and supposedly died in a car accident. Supposedly is right, when I discovered her very much alive a few years ago. Her, and her uncle Dale, had been scheming against me for years, and clearly their plan failed. Lydia, Carmen’s twin sister, was caught in the middle of it. I sighed, as I ran my hand through my hair. She was right. All of my problems always ended up affecting us both, and each time Emmalin accommodated, even if it killed her to do it.
32
Grayson
Emmalin was two and a half months pregnant. Thor sperm indeed. With everything going on, neither one of us could enjoy it. That was soon to change with the news Francisco was bringing before me.
“We discovered how the leak about Meredith came out. Claudia worked at Renewed Energy, the rehab place Meredith was sent to for a summer as a kitchen aide. She became obsessed with you like one would become obsessed with a celebrity. She obtained information about Meredith’s stay to use that against you.” I glanced at the pictures Francisco set out with a much younger looking Claudia on an old ID badge. “There’s enough evidence to charge Claudia Schaffer with a drug-facilitated sexual assault charge. A warrant is being issued within the hour. Because drugs were a factor, she faces up to ten years.” I watched as he pulled out more documents.
I exhaled sharply, feeling like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. “What about when she gives birth?”
“Well, seeing how you are the father to the baby, you have choices. The baby can be turned over to you for full custody. You’ll have all legal rights over the child, including if you decide to put the baby up for adoption.”
I pondered the thought. It wasn’t the baby’s fault it was being born into this. As of now, I had no attachment to it and wondered if I ever will.
“I’ll have to think about it, also discuss it with my wife. We’re expecting as well.”
Francisco smiled. “That’s great news. Happy to hear it.”
I rushed home eager to tell Emmalin the news. I stepped in the door and immediately knew something was wrong. A glass of orange juice was spilled over on the floor, and the TV was on. I walked through the house, searching for her. “Emmalin?”
I looked in on Flick and found her sound asleep. I checked her room out, looking in every nook and cranny, before closing her door and locking it. I slowly made my way to our bedroom, and I heard a pained sound. I ran into our room. No sign of Emmalin, but the bathroom light was on. I rushed toward the bathroom. Emmalin was on the floor, doubled over in pain. Her face was streaked with tears and blood was forming between her legs.
I quickly scooped her up, and she cried out at the movement. “It’s okay, you’re okay.” I pulled my phone out my pocket and dialed 911 and begged them to come to my house as soon as possible, as Emmalin moaned in complete agony. I didn’t know what was happening, but I knew it wasn’t good. The blood was increasing, and she started to cry more. Even though they told me to stay on the line, I hung up because Emmalin needed me more.
I dialed another number on my phone, while trying to soothe Emmalin.
“What now?”
“Chace!” My voice started to crack, as Emmalin started to go pale. I dropped the phone. “Fuck, Emmalin, wake up baby. Keep your eyes open okay. Look at me.” Her eyes fluttered as she tried to focus on me. “The ambulance will be here soon, I promise, just stay with me okay?”
I heard Flick crying, but I couldn’t tend to her now. Luckily Chace arrived five minutes later, a mere thirty seconds before the ambulance. I looked to him, and he paled seeing Emmalin on the floor. “Your niece. Go to your niece, please!”
He gave me a nod and ran out the room. The paramedics finally came in, assessing Emmalin, and putting oxygen on her. I stood to the side watching helplessly. A hand laid on my shoulder. I turned and it was Chace.
“Isabella took her to our house. She doesn’t need to be around this. I also didn’t want Isabella seeing this.”
I nodded as I watched them load Emmalin up on a gurney. I never took my eyes off of her. I climbed into the ambulance with her, holding her hand and tried answering any questions they had.
I was forced to wait in the waiting room while they did God knows what. I paced the floors, and when Chace arrived, he paced with me.
“Mr. Mandrake?” My eyes shot up to the doctor, as I walked toward him.
“She’s awake now, if you want to come on back.”
He didn’t have to tell me twice as I followed him down the corridor. Another doctor was in with Emmalin. I recognized her from when Emmalin was pregnant with Flick.
“Dr. Blythe,” I shook her hand as I went to Emmalin’s side.
“We did a pelvic exam to check her cervix. It’s still closed, which is good. We also checked HCG levels, and they’re high which is also good. In fact, higher than before. We’re about to do the sonogram. Now even though everything looks good, I do want to prepare you in case the outcome isn’t the best.”
I looked down at Emmalin and kissed her on her forehead. “I love you,” I whispered to her.
“I love you,” she whispered back.
We waited as the sonogram machine was brought in and basically held our breaths as the machine was turned on. “We’re looking for the sac, as well as hoping to hear a heartbeat.”
Dr. Blythe moved the wand around Emmalin’s stomach. The machine was turned more to her, so we couldn’t see what she was looking at. A few more seconds went by, and I swear I stopped breathing. Emmalin’s hand tightened around mine, as if preparing herself for the worst.
Dr. Blythe flicked a switch, and then it happened. The heartbeat filled the room, and I exhaled. Dr. Blythe turned and smiled at us both. “So far so good.” She turned the machine off, and focused back on us. “What you most likely had was a threatened miscarriage. It’s not often it causes heavy bleeding and cramping, but it can happen.” She stood up. “With that being said, I’ve no choice but to put you on bed rest.”
Emmalin’s eyes grew wide. “Bed rest?”
“Bed rest. It needs to be done if we’re going to stabilize this pregnancy and deliver a healthy baby.”
I expected Emmalin to fuss and I was prepared to fight her on it, but she simply nodded her head and thanked Dr. Blythe. I stayed with Emmalin until she was given the all clear to go home a few hours later.
I was wheeling her out to the car I ordered, eager to get her home to rest when she asked, “Where’s Emersyn?”
The car door was opened and I helped Emmalin out of the wheelchair. “She’s visiting her Aunt and Uncle.” I got in after her and signaled the driver we were ready to leave. I held her tight to me, as she rested her head on my shoulder.
When we arrived in the garage, I helped her out and didn’t allow her to take more than two steps before I picked her up. She sighed into my chest. “I can walk, Grayson.”
“I know,” I said agreeing with her.
Two days later, I found out the arrest of Claudia never happened. According to the news and confirmation from my lawyers, Claudia had hanged herself in the bathroom of her apartment. She left a note that said:
I wasn’t going to let anyone take my baby. So, I took her with me.
I sat starting at the news segment and rewound it over and over again to ensure what they said was actually true. Emmalin’s hand landed on mine, and I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her close.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” she whispered.
I was, too.
33
Emmalin
Five Months Later
I was just over seven months, and I was mis
erable. Not miserable being pregnant, but miserable, because I wasn’t allowed to do anything and Grayson made sure of it. Not only could I quote the entire series of Friends verbatim, but this also included How I Met Your Mother and The Office.
Grayson didn’t want to discuss anything having to do with Claudia or the baby. He said it was over for good, in the past, and he preferred to keep it that way.
I was walking back and forth through the house, trying to stretch my legs and get the blood flow going. I started getting that feeling that something was wrong. Normally when I did my morning walk, that lasted all of three minutes until Flutter (the name Grayson is now referring to our child as) usually moved. The walking was the highlight of its day.
I sat down on the couch and rubbed my belly. I had slight cramping earlier in the day, but I read that was common. I continued rubbing my belly, trying to wake Flutter up. Apparently, he or she wasn’t having it, but I’m sure he or she would be more alive at today’s appointment.
Grayson was running late, which was fine, because we were just doing an ultrasound, and this time, I was going to try to convince him to let us know the sex. I was convinced it was a boy, and Grayson was convinced it was a girl, based on the fact that the baby was already making him go grey.
Linda our ultrasound tech was getting me ready with the fetal doppler.
“How’s everything been?” she asked, as she got the wand ready.
“So far, so good. I hate the bed rest.” I rubbed my belly. “Flutter has been quiet, which is a bit unusual, but probably getting all the sleep it can now, because it’ll be up every night once it’s born.”
Linda laughed as she moved the wand around, as she looked for the heartbeat. I took a deep breath as I looked down at my belly. “Come on Flutter, stop being stubborn.”
Linda smiled, but it quickly faded. “Let me try another doppler, I’ll be right back.” I watched her leave and pulled out my phone. There was a message from Grayson saying he was ten minutes away and to not under any circumstances find out the sex before he gets here. I laughed. Fine, I’ll hold out for another few minutes.
Linda came back with another Doppler. “Okay, let’s try this one.” Her brows were creased as she moved the wand all over my belly. Her expression was grim, as she continued to move the wand.
“Is something wrong?”
She smiled nervously. “I’m just going to have Dr. Blythe take a better look. I’ll be back in a moment.” Before I could say anything, she left the room. The feeling that I had earlier that day, started creeping back. I rubbed my hands over my stomach. “Flutter. You need to stop playing around.”
A few seconds later Dr. Blythe came in with the ultrasound machine. “Emmalin, we’re just going to do a quick check okay?”
“Is something wrong? Is everything okay?”
She didn’t answer me as she flipped on the machine and spread a glop of gel on my stomach. She moved the wand around, and her face immediately hardened. Her hand went to my stomach, applying a little pressure.
I nervously laughed. “You’re making me nervous here, Dr. Blythe. What’s going on?”
She took another glance at the monitor, before setting the wand down, and her shoulders dropped. “Is someone here with you?”
I looked at her confused. “Grayson is on his way, but what does that have to do with anything? What is going on?!”
She looked back at the screen, then to me. “I’m sorry Emmalin, but there’s no heartbeat.”
Everything froze.
I felt a panic attack coming through. I tried ignoring it and let out a small laugh. “That’s ridiculous.” I stared at Dr. Blythe, and her expression was full of sorrow. The panic that I had pushed down started to come back up, and I could feel my heart beating a hundred beats a minute. “It’s just your machine! Use another machine!”
She placed her hand on top of mine. “Emmalin, I’m sorry. There wasn’t any read on the fetal doppler, and there’s nothing on the ultrasound.”
I stared at the ultrasound screen that showed my baby. I rubbed my belly trying to get him to wake up. “He’s right there!” I pointed to the screen. “He’s fine, he’s just asleep!”
Another nurse came in and whispered to Dr. Blythe. She nodded. “Emmalin, your husband is here. I’m going to bring him back, okay?”
I tried taking a few deep breaths. This wasn’t happening. Grayson will tell her. He’ll tell her she was wrong. We’ll use another machine and we’ll all be fine. I looked back at the ultrasound machine. He’s right there. I kept telling myself. He’s right there. It felt like hours before the door opened again, and Grayson peered in. Grief was written all over his face. I pointed to Dr. Blythe. “Can you tell her to try another machine. Please!”
He walked over to me, and wrapped his arms around me. I felt tears building up. “Please. Please tell her Grayson. Please.” I pleaded, because he’ll tell her. He’ll tell her and then we’ll see our baby and listen to the heartbeat. He’ll tell her.
He looked down at me, eyes red. “I can’t, baby.”
I looked from him to Dr. Blythe, and I tried swallowing the lump that formed in my throat. But I couldn’t and suddenly burst into tears.
After a few minutes, Grayson turned to Dr. Blythe. “Are you a hundred percent sure?”
She nodded. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
I shut my eyes. I didn’t want to be here anymore. I didn’t want to be anywhere. I wanted this day over. I wanted everything over. “What now?” Grayson, asked quietly.
“We need to induce labor. Emmalin will deliver, and you can have time with the baby. Most people prefer holding the baby, taking pictures as a memento.”
I laughed. “You want me to take pictures with my dead baby and act like I’m happy about that? Is this a joke? When people take pictures with their babies, they’re happy, they’re smiling. Not crying because they’re holding a dead baby!”
“Emmalin,” Grayson whispered.
“I want to go home.”
“When can it be done,” Grayson asked.
“We prefer as soon as possible. If you want to take a day or two, that’s fine. But it has to be done.”
I shut my eyes, and she and Grayson exchanged a few more words. I just wanted to block it out. I wanted to block everything out. This couldn’t be happening. This wasn’t happening. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping and praying this was all just a dream. One of those weird dreams pregnant women get. It’s just a dream…right?
34
Grayson
After speaking with a counselor, we decided on the next day. “Did you have a name picked out?” she asked.
I squeezed Emmalin’s hand tighter. “We didn’t know the sex. We were waiting until we knew the sex.”
She smiled kindly at us. “We can have the hospital chaplain here for when the baby is born, if you would like your baby baptized.” She kept talking, but I didn’t hear her. Neither one of us did. We just nodded when we thought it was time to nod. I kept looking at Emmalin. She just stared out the office window. I gently squeezed her hand, to get her attention, but she gave no response. That’s when I knew…she may never come back from this. She’s come a long way, from a lot of shit thrown at her in life. Even with her sitting here, with her expression completely stone, eyes glossy, and tears threatening to spill over, it’s when I knew. She may not want to come back from this. The strength she had in her, may be gone for good.
We went home in a daze. Emmalin didn’t speak or eat. She just sat there, staring at nothing. “Hey, how about eating a bit for me.”
“I’m not hungry.”
I shut my eyes. “Please, just a little bit.”
“We need a name,” she whispered. “Our baby doesn’t have a name.”
I got in bed behind her. “Well, if it was a boy, there were several we liked. Daniel, Liam, Henry.”
“I hated Henry,” she whispered. I chuckled because I was always throwing in the Henry, even though she knew neither one of us liked i
t.
“For a girl?” she quietly asked.
I thought on it. “There were a few we liked. Grace, Paisley, Skylar.”
“We were so close Grayson, so close. How did this happen?” she asked, as we laid there in silence.
I shut my eyes, not even wanting to think about the next day.
* * *
But Jesus said, “Let the children come to me, and do not prevent them; for the Kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
(Matthew 19:14)
35
Epilogue
Emmalin
Six Months Later
The smallest caskets are the heaviest. You don’t truly know what that means, until you’re actually experiencing just that. To me, it meant that all the love and accomplishments that child was to have in life are all stuffed with him, in this tiny casket.
After everything I've been through in life, you would think that by now, I had the ability to compartmentalize my emotions.
I don't.
The day we found out our baby died before being born wrecked us. The next morning, for my scheduled delivery, I refused to leave the house. In my mind, I told myself, if I didn't go, then everything would be okay, and I would deliver our baby when he or she was supposed to be due, and that was final. That night, I dreamt, and of course it was of the one person who made me feel better and always made me feel safe. My best friend Tyler.
Tyler protected me from my abusive stepfather. He was there for me. Unfortunately, I couldn’t save him when my stepbrother sought revenge by killing him in retaliation. But, even though Tyler was gone, he came to me in my dreams that night, and he was holding my baby...under a willow tree, of course.
