Yeah, but I know you, Troy. And given our past and your reputation, I’d say you probably have about ten football players standing around your computer right now laughing about all this. Having fun, boys?
Now you’re blocking. You know you’re wrong and that scares you, too. What if I don’t and I’m here in my bedroom all by myself thinking about you? What if this is who I am? What if the Troy you think you know isn’t really me? What if I’m exactly what you don’t want me to be because you’re scared it’s true?
Shit. Now he’s officially starting to scare me ’cause he’s right. I don’t want him to be different. I need him to be an asshole like always. The thing is, I don’t want to think about him at all. At least, not like that.
You like me. You know it. Just admit it, he types.
Shit. My stomach jumps like I just dropped from a fifty-foot roller coaster on free fall. I stare at the box and read his words once more. I type something and then delete it. I go to type something else, then stop because I have no idea what I’m doing. Just then another chat box opens up with one word. Hey.
It’s Terrence. I type, answering him immediately. Hey!
I just got back to the dorm room.
Working? I ask.
Studying, he types.
Tired?
Yep.
What’s up for this weekend? Are you coming home? I ask.
There’s a party off campus on Saturday at my frat brother’s house. I think it’s close to your house in VA, he posts.
I pause for a moment. So much for hoping he’d say yes. You going? I type hesitantly.
Yep, definitely. I’m not working Saturday. It’s supposed to be really nice. Taj is performing on campus and I heard she’s supposed to stop by the party afterward. My frat brothers are putting it together, so I kinda gotta be there.
Taj!
Yeah, she used to go to the Penn back in the day. She dropped out right after she did her first music video.
I didn’t know that. So do you know her?
Yeah, kinda, we were in different circles. She’s younger than me, but she was always around the way hanging out.
That’s right. I forgot, she’s my age.
Seeing her…hard to believe.
I know, right. She looks way older in her makeup, wigs and costumes. So, do you like her music?
It’s all right. I liked her first CD, the one Tyrece produced. Now she’s just commercial.
So, what’s she like?
Back then she was out of control. All she ever talked about was being a star.
So you know her kinda well.
She had a crush on most of the guys around the way.
A crush, huh, even on you?
Yeah, we kicked it for a minute.
I don’t type anything else. Everyone knows Taj is a wild thing. Her reputation is fierce in the media. My sister’s boyfriend, Ty, discovered her and produced her first CD. As soon as her first song hit platinum she dropped him and went with a bigger producer and record label. She constantly changes her persona and gets more and more outlandish. I know Terrence wants to see her, most guys do. I also notice he doesn’t ask me to go with him to the party. Suddenly it’s obvious he doesn’t want me there. Sounds like fun, I finally type.
Yeah, it should be. You want to come with? he posts.
I start smiling. I want to scream, Hell, yeah! But I stay calm. Yeah, I’m coming with.
Good.
A chat box from both Jalisa and Diamond pop up. I ignore them and keep chatting with Terrence. I’m still kinda pissed at them. Hey, I forgot to tell you, I got a job, I post.
Where?
Freeman Dance. I’m gonna teach beginning hip-hop.
Yeah, I can see that. You’re a great dancer.
The smile on my face gets wider. It’s nice to know somebody thinks I can dance. We keep chatting about my new job and about other things. Then he says he has to study for an exam tomorrow. I’ll call you tomorrow.
Okay. See ya. Miss you.
Miss you 2.
Smiling, I close his box and see Troy’s chat box is still there. I forgot all about him. I see his last post. You still there? he typed. I guess it was a while ago, so I decide not to answer. I don’t know what game he’s playing so I just ignore him as usual and go back to Twitter. Jalisa and Diamond are on.
Seriously, I have no idea what their drama is. I thought they’d be happy for me to be teaching at Freeman, but obviously not. I guess they noticed I was on ’cause they tweet one word—Call.
I think about it a few minutes and decide to call. We’ve been friends too long for me not to. I go to grab my cell just as it rings. I check caller ID. It’s Diamond, so I answer. Jalisa is there, too. I start right in. “I can’t believe y’all are hating on me like this. I would never do that to you.” Neither one says anything. “So y’all really don’t think I’m good enough.”
“It’s not about being good enough,” Diamond says.
“You know you’re good, so stop frontin’,” Jalisa adds.
“So what’s your problem, then?” I ask.
“We promised one another,” Diamond says. “Unus pro omnibus, omnes pro uno—one for all, all for one.”
“What?” I ask.
“We always said that we were going to do everything together, especially when it comes to dance. Now you’re doing this by yourself and dissing us,” Jalisa says.
All of the sudden I get it. We did promise. “Okay, I know. But Ms. Jay asked me because I was there and she needed somebody. If y’all was there she would have asked you, too. Plus, she knows that I need a job after everything that happened at the pizza place.” They don’t say anything after that, so I just start talking. “Anyway, I don’t know how long its gonna last.”
“Why won’t it last?” Diamond asks.
“The roof is leaking and the third floor flooded again. The floors are all messed up.”
“Our studio, too?” Jalisa asks.
“Yeah, there, too.”
“When’s she gonna get it fixed?”
“That’s just it, she may not. She said she’s thinking about closing the dance studio down,” I say.
“That’s great. Seriously, she could do so much better someplace else. She could even find a building here in Virginia. That one is always falling apart and something’s always messed up there,” Diamond says.
“I know, right,” Jalisa adds. “In the winter it’s freezing and in the summer it’s burning up. And the roof is forever leaking, so the dance floors are always slightly buckled. How are we supposed to practice and dance on floors like that?”
“No, she didn’t say she was moving, she said she was thinking about closing it down, like permanently—like no more Freeman Dance Studio at all.”
“What?” they both say.
“Yeah, I know, that’s what I said. I asked her about putting on some kind of talent show with judges and everything to raise money. She said maybe it was a good idea. So maybe she’s gonna do it. I told her we’d help if she does.”
“Yeah, we can help.”
Right then we started making all kinds of plans. A half hour later we had it all hooked up including the promotions, decorations and who we wanted on the planning committee with us. I was gonna ask Jade about getting Tyrece and Gayle to be judges and maybe ask some of their friends, too. We decided we’d open the show with the dance we’ve been practicing and also decided to go to Freeman tomorrow to practice more. It was late when we finally got finished talking. After a while we hung up and, not surprisingly, started texting.
Five
Wake-up Call
kenishi_wa K Lewis
There’s nothing like waking up to an exciting new day—new challeng
es and new adventures. For the record, this is nothing like it.
27 Apr * Like * Comment * Share
I hate everything about Fridays that involves going to school and dealing with drama. Add to that, this morning I’m already exhausted. I stayed up way too late last night talking with Terrence and then with Jalisa and Diamond. So now I can’t keep my eyes open. My physics teacher, Mr. Maynard, is standing in front of the class. I have no idea what he’s talking about and I’m totally distracted. I just can’t seem to focus. Not because second period is long and mind-numbingly boring and not because it’s raining and it’s Friday and I’d rather be just about anyplace else than here, but because of my mom.
I dreamed about her again last night and then after that I couldn’t go back to sleep. I just stayed up and stared out my bedroom window the rest of the night. It wasn’t exactly like the other dreams I’ve been having about her, but it had the same idea. We were together and then we weren’t.
In this dream we were sitting on the D.C. Metro train together going someplace. We were all dressed up, looking good and having fun. We were talking and I was telling her everything that had been going on with me. She didn’t really speak, but I knew what she was saying. She told me she was fine now and that everything was going to be okay with me, but that I have to do something else. But I couldn’t hear what she was saying ’cause the train was really loud as it was coming to the station.
I told her about my dad and his girlfriend, Courtney, and how I slapped her face. Her eyes lit up. I knew she loved it. Then I told her about how I hit Darien and broke his arm with one of his trophies. I didn’t tell her everything else that happened, but I have a feeling she already knew. I told her Jade was doing well and that having her as my sister was the best thing to happen to me. I saw tears in her eyes and wanted to ask her why she was so sad, but I ran out of time.
The train stopped and the doors opened. I got up to get off, but she stayed on. I turned around and started back to be with her just as the doors were closing. I called out to her. She smiled and shook her head. She waved and told me that I couldn’t go with her and that she couldn’t stay with me. I knew what she meant ’cause I know she’s dead, but it still makes me really sad to know that I had to say goodbye to her all over again. Then the doors closed and I stood there on the platform and watched the train disappear into the dark tunnel, not knowing if I’d ever see her again, even in my dreams. I hope so.
After that I woke up. I didn’t know it, but I was crying in my sleep. It wasn’t really a feeling bad kinda crying. Yes, I miss her; yes, I want her to still be in my life; but I was crying because I was happy. I like how I get to see and talk to her in my dreams. For that short time it’s private. She’s all mine. I know seeing her and being with her isn’t real, but for just those few moments, it the realest thing in the world to me.
So now I’m stuck in class with my chin in the palm of my hand, listening to my teacher talk about something nobody really cares about. My cell phone vibrates just as I’m about to doze off. I look around to see who saw my head jerk up, but I notice just about everybody around me half-asleep, too. I pull out my cell and check out the text message. It’s from Li’l T. Seriously. I don’t know how he got my cell number. Anyway, I read his text. I did it. Did you see? You’re up!
Okay, as usual I don’t have a clue what he’s talking about. I figure it’s another one of his mini dramas or something and just ignore it. Just then another text comes in from him. It’s an attachment, but I just ignore it, as well. I’m too tired to play his games.
A few seconds later the classroom door opens and everyone lazily turns or looks up. This girl walks in and looks around nervously. She walks over and hands Mr. Maynard her schedule. He glances at it, then hands it back to her and tells her to have a seat. She walks over near me and sits down, looking straight ahead.
Everybody starts staring and whispering. After a while the room gets louder and louder. Mr. Maynard turns around and claps his hands. “All right, all right, settle down. Yes, we have a new student. Yes, we can all get acquainted after class. Right now, let’s get back to Newton’s three laws of motion.” He turns his attention back to the board and everybody starts talking again.
I start smiling and look over. I know her. It’s Neeka Reynolds. She used to go to Hazelhurst with me. She’s a friend, but not a close inner circle kinda friend. It’s not because we had problems or anything like that, we didn’t. We just never got tight like that. I have my girls, Jalisa and Diamond, and she has hers. She used to be friends with Chili and Regan, but now she’s not, I think. I can’t stand both girls.
Neeka looks around the room and finally sees me. Her jaw drops and we start smiling at each other. I mouth, “Hi.”
She waves and mouths, “Hey, what are you doing here?”
I start laughing and give her the “duh” look. She laughs, too. Mr. Maynard walks over and places a beat-up-looking textbook on her desk while he’s talking about Newton’s second law of motion. She makes a face at the messed-up book. I start laughing again. I know exactly what she means. At Hazelhurst we always had brand-new textbooks—a set to use in class and then one to take and leave at home for homework assignments.
“We gotta talk,” she mouths.
I nod my head. “Definitely, when did you get here?”
“Tuesday, my schedule is still all messed up right now.”
“Did you move to D.C.?” I ask. She nods. “Close to here?” She nods again and glances up at Mr. Maynard as he turns to face the class again. I turn around, too. Some of the other kids in the class are also paying attention now. Maynard is talking about an exam next week and passing out a study sheet that will require us to fill in the answers. We start paying attention, then the bell rings. Everyone quickly gets up and starts walking to the door. Mr. Maynard keeps talking about the exam next week and to make sure we fill out our study sheets.
Neeka and I get up and meet midway in the aisle. We laugh and hug each other. I don’t know which one of us is more excited to see the other. “I can’t believe you’re here,” I say, smiling.
“I know, right,” Neeka says, still laughing.
“Come on, we gotta go. The late bell rings in seven minutes, but it feels like two because of all these little freshman who don’t know how to walk.” We laugh and then start heading to the door. “What’s your next class?” I ask.
Neeka pulls out her schedule and looks at it. I peek over her shoulder. “Third period, U.S. History with Ms. Grayson,” she says, looking up and down the now-crowded hall. “Do you know her?”
I smile and nod. “Yeah, she’s okay. I have her for U.S. History, too, but opposite days than you. Come on, I’ll walk you to her class. I have to go that way.” We start walking and some of the football players I always see hanging with Troy start staring and smiling at us as they pass. I figure it has something to do with the conversation Troy and I had last night. I knew I was right. He is an ass. I just shake my head. “Ignore the staring. Welcome to the Penitentiary.”
“The Penitentiary. Somebody else called it that. Why?”
“They say this building was supposed to be a penitentiary way back when they started building it, but then they turned it into a high school instead. That’s why it’s built so much like a prison. But it’s really because it’s named for William Penn Hall. What do you think of it so far?”
“It’s okay, definitely not Hazelhurst.” She smiles, still looking around. “I guess it could be worse and of course there are—” she says as she eyes this guy walking toward us and he eyes us. She turns when he passes and he turns, too “—some seriously fine-ass brothas going here.”
I forgot Neeka has one of those reputations. She’s not exactly a total slut like Chili, but she’s definitely on her way. Both her parents are mixed black and white. She could seriously pass for white if she wanted to. S
he’s got blue eyes, short wavy black hair and light skin. She also has a big butt and big chest and doesn’t mind showing either.
I shake my head as I watch her staring at the guys walking down the hall. She is definitely not ready for this. All that stuff she used to do at Hazelhurst will for sure get her ass kicked here. “You need to chill on that,” I warn her.
“What?” she asks innocently.
“You know what. Some of these silly-ass girls don’t play, especially when it comes to these guys. They do a serious lockdown hold and if they think you’re trying to step in on their guy, they will definitely come after you loaded. And that’s not just a figure of speech. There are girl-on-girl fights almost every day because of some guy steppin’ out. Trust me, it’s not worth it,” I say. She shrugs. I know right then she wasn’t hearing me, so I just drop it. I warned her, that’s all I can do. Just then my cell phone vibrates in my pocket again. I check while still walking Neeka to class. It was Li’l T again. He sent another email with an attachment. I’ll check it out later.
“So, when’s your lunch period?” I ask Neeka.
She checks her schedule again. “After this, fourth period.”
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