Adam’s own smile faded as he took in her cotton shorts and oversized sweatshirt. “You look gorgeous, Micki.”
She grimaced, convinced he was teasing and waved the overly long sleeve of her sweatshirt at him. “I look like a woman who got out of bed too early and is wearing a tired old sweatshirt for breakfast, that’s what I look like.”
“You look beautiful. I’m glad you could make it here so early. I only wish you had spent the night.” He looked at her with an inviting expression.
Adam had become more flirtatious these past few weeks and Micki had to make an effort to keep their footing on a friendship level. She felt her face grow hot in response to his fixed gaze, but before she could chastise him, she realized her entire back was hot as well. She turned around to face the stove in dismay. “The eggs! They’re burning!”
Hurriedly, she turned down the heat and lifted the pan from the burner, reaching in with a spatula to scramble the eggs.
“An unfortunate mood spoiler.” Adam’s disappointment was palpable. “At least now it’s my turn to watch.” He took a seat near the counter while she stirred vegetables into the eggs. Micki self-consciously blew a wisp of hair out of her eyes and reached into the cupboard for the seasonings.
“I’ll get that.” Adam stepped down from the stool and stood behind her. Reaching one muscular arm around her shoulder, he took the basil from the shelf and began shaking it on the eggs. He pressed his body against her as they stood. She turned slightly, unsure whether she was about to respond to him, or ask him to back off. She met his eyes. No one should be allowed to have eyes as intensely blue as his. She felt like she could swim in their depths. Or drown. He was bending toward her now, as if he was going to kiss her.
A slight movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention and she broke her gaze free with an effort, grabbing his hand, which still held the basil. “You can stop shaking anytime now.” She took a deep breath, releasing the tension that had been building inside her, then laughed at the mound of green flakes resting on top of her dish. Turning the heat off, she reached for a spoon to scoop out the excess seasoning.
But Adam, apparently, wasn’t through with romance, yet. “I like having you here,” he said softly. “In my kitchen. With me.”
Oh God, she knew where this was leading. Down a path she knew she couldn’t go. Adam moved back toward her and touched her sides, then pulled her against him. She could feel the heat of his body as his floured hands began roaming over her sweatshirt. She tried to protest, but he touched the tips of her breasts and her mouth went dry. She shivered and her mind went blank as he moved his hands under her shirt, directly on her skin and began kissing her, slowly and deeply. He twisted his head slightly to mold his lips to hers. His mouth, his tongue, his hands filled her world. Then Adam lifted his head to smile at her and reality seeped in, filling her with a cold dread.
“Adam!” She jerked upright and grasped his arms, peeling them off her. Backing away, she closed her eyes and let out a heavy breath, then opened them to see Adam standing in front of her, staring at her intently. “We can’t do this,” she protested.
“Sure we can, Micki.”
It was only two more weeks until her job was over and she moved on to a new town. Oh, God, help me stay in control, just a few more weeks, until I leave. Help me stop this now.
“We don’t have time for this type of game.” She’d tried to force a light note into her voice, but it came out high-pitched and brittle. “I’m leaving town in a few weeks, you know.” At his sudden movement, she told him defiantly, “I told you that. I told you when we first met that I’ll be moving on when my assignment’s over.”
“Try repeating that in words of one syllable.” Adam looked still and controlled and dangerous as hell.
“My contract at work is up at the end of this month.” She shrugged and laughed, an unpleasantly shrill sound. “Hey, Adam. You knew this wasn’t going to last forever, didn’t you? I told you I didn’t want a relationship.”
“That’s true. You did say that.” With an obvious effort, he controlled his temper. He took a deep, heavy breath and considered her. “You said that our first weekend together, as I recall. I thought we’d outgrown all that.”
She remained quiet, hoping he’d let it rest.
“So. Jan won’t give you a permanent job?” He lifted an eyebrow. “That shouldn’t be a problem. I can talk to her about that. Or you can always get a job at my company.”
The sheer arrogance of his reply overwhelmed her. She was extremely proud of her computer skills and her ability to find a job anytime she wanted. Her response was clipped. “I don’t need your help to find a job, thank you very much. I happen to be able to find work anywhere I go.”
“So you actually could stay past the end of the month, but you choose to leave?”
“That’s right.” She almost pleaded. “I told you that when we met.”
He nodded. “That’s right, you did. But I never imagined you’d really leave me.”
A faint odor wafted to her nostrils and she turned gratefully to open the oven and rescue the biscuits. In a rush of movement, she arranged the plates and dished up the overcooked eggs and nearly burnt biscuits, conscious all the time of Adam’s eyes on her, watching her.
She settled into a chair and picked up her fork to eat. He sat opposite, took a long sip of juice and went on as if their conversation was uninterrupted. “So you’ll leave your job. Then what?”
“I’m planning to move to a new city, as I’ve told you.” She jabbed at some eggs. The sautéed bits of vegetable she’d added looked inedible and the eggs themselves tasted like sawdust. Staring at her plate, she wondered how in the world she was going to manage to get through the meal.
“Where to?” Adam’s voice was restrained, but it still startled her.
“To San Francisco, I think. I’ve never been there before.”
“San Francisco, is it?” He didn’t seem to expect a response and the rest of their breakfast passed in silence. Micki struggled to down at least some of her food, while Adam ate slowly, pausing often to watch her or to stare out the window.
She was done eating. Another bite would have choked her. Adam had pushed his plate away and she started to reach for the dishes, glad of something to do to get out from under that compelling stare, but Adam raised a hand to stop her. “I’ll get the dishes later, Micki. We have much more important things to talk about.”
Her nerves stood up at attention as Adam rose and walked around the table toward her. Oh, God.
“What about the concert?” She grasped at the topic, grateful to fill the silence. “We were going to the concert in the park today, remember? We’ll be late if we don’t rush. You know what parking’s like in downtown Seattle. I love the groups that are playing this time, don’t you? And right on the pier overlooking Puget Sound. Imagine how beautiful that’ll be. It should be a nice day today…”
She grew silent as Adam stopped beside her chair and reached down to draw his hand across her cheek.
“Micki Vaughn. I have something important I need to ask you.” His voice held a note of suppressed excitement and his deep blue eyes glittered. “I hadn’t wanted to rush this, but it seems we don’t have much time left.”
He knelt down beside her, on one bended knee and she stared at him appalled. Please don’t let this be happening.
But it was. “Will you marry me?” he asked.
“No!” she responded, her answer automatic and immediate.
He stared as if he hadn’t heard right, disbelief on his face. “What?” His voice seemed to come from a distance as he reached a hand out toward her.
She could barely hear him speaking, with his previous words still echoing in her head. Will you marry me? Will you marry me? She’d heard that question before, of course. From Danny. She’d said yes then and what had that brought? Nothing but heartache and memories she couldn’t suppress.
It was a mistake to even be here. Friendship wi
th Adam was one thing, but she should have stopped going out with him when he had turned amorous again. It was always best to keep moving. Best to have no commitments. If you don’t expect anything from life, it doesn’t hurt as badly when you’re left with nothing.
He stood up, staring at her in bewilderment. “Haven’t these last few months meant anything to you?”
“Of course they have,” she said in a placating tone. “It’s been really fun going out with you.”
“Fun!” he burst out. “Is that what you’ve been doing with me all these months?” She shrank back from his anger. “Playing another one of those precious games of yours?”
His words helped her find her voice. “That’s right. Exactly. We agreed up front we were just playing a game, remember?” He didn’t answer right away and she added, “Besides, I thought you did this yourself all the time. Jan told me you were a confirmed bachelor. She said you never stayed with one woman for long.”
“And so I was.” He nodded his head slowly. “For every single woman Jan threw my way, I was a confirmed bachelor.” He pushed his hands through his hair. “Micki, I knew this might be a surprise, but I thought you felt the same way I do.” He paused. “I understand you need to be married before you make love with me and I accept that. Marry me and we can make love for the rest of our lives.”
She stared down at the table and shook her head, not trusting herself to speak. He brought his hand down to her chin and tilted her head toward him. Keeping her eyes averted, she twisted herself free.
“I didn’t mean to upset you. I sprung this on you too fast, that’s all.” He was breathing hard, like he was making an intense effort to keep his voice level. “There’s no reason we have to resolve this now. Why don’t you think about it and we can talk it through later.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Micki fought to keep control of her voice. “The answer is no. It’s just not possible and I don’t want to discuss it. Not now and not later.” She’d managed to keep her voice level and she was inordinately proud of that.
“Look at me Micki.” She glanced up at his insistent tone. He gripped the table in front of him. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
She smiled faintly and without humor, letting her eyes roam around the now familiar kitchen, the shining counters, with the view of Mt. Rainier dominating the windows. She imagined herself miles away, climbing that snowy peak, one plodding step at a time. That’s what life had been like for the past several years. A long, trudging climb that had no end. This magical friendship with Adam had been just a brief respite. Pleasurable, but it couldn’t last. Adam could never bring her home again. And without her home, she was forever lost.
“I love you Micki.” One long finger caressed the side of her face. “Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
She shivered under his touch and drew back.
“It’s that damn ex-boyfriend of yours again, isn’t it? Does he really have the power to haunt you this deeply?”
“I guess so,” she whispered, surprised at the how well he had pinpointed the problem.
“Tell me honestly, Micki. Am I anything like him?”
“No.” She lowered her eyes. “You really aren’t like him at all.”
“Do you think I’ll ever hurt you?” he insisted. “Are you afraid of me?”
“No!” She was astonished he could even ask such questions. “Of course not!”
“Then why do you keep on treating me as if I were tarred with the same brush?” His voice was still calm and persuasive. “Micki, what we have isn’t just any old relationship. This is magic. I can’t just let this go.”
“I’ll keep in touch when I move,” she lied. “We can still see each other. And I want you to know, I’ve appreciated your friendship.”
“Is that what you think this is?” he spit out the words like they burned his mouth. “Friendship?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “We’re just friends. That’s what we agreed on.”
Adam took a deep breath and turned to stare out the window for a long moment. He turned back to face her. “You’re going to break my heart, aren’t you?” She could see his smile, but it held no warmth. It was a thin, humorless smile that she hated by instinct. She gazed at him blindly, making an attempt to meet his eyes. Her face felt like cold jelly and she was afraid she might be sick.
He went on conversationally, “Are you shocked at how easy it is to do?” The kitchen was getting smaller. She could feel it closing in on her, could hear the ticking of the wall clock getting louder with each beat, could see the ceiling pressing down.
“You dropped into my life by magic. I could have sworn we were destined to fall in love.” He gave a tight smile, staring at her with searching eyes. “And just like that, you’re going to run away again. Just as if we’d never meant so much to each other.”
“That was the plan.” She brushed a stray tendril of hair from her eye and stared out across the dining room.
He collected the plates from the table and turned away. “It won’t be that easy to get rid of me.” He’d started pulling the leftover food from the table, talking as he moved. “I love you.” His tone was offhand, as if he were talking about the weather. He reached for some plastic wrap and covered the butter. “I’ve never been in love before. In fact, I’ve often wondered if I’d ever feel that way about one single woman.” He twisted the cap back on the marmalade, holding it at arm’s length like it fascinated him. “So now I love you and you push me away.” He smiled briefly at her and opened the refrigerator, stacking the condiments on the shelf. “Punishment, I suppose, for some youthful indiscretions. Heaven knows, I’ve been young and foolish for longer than most.”
He closed the refrigerator door and moved closer to her. “But do you know what? When you say you want to move away and never see me again, I simply don’t believe you. I think you love me too.”
“Adam. I can’t stay with you. You’ve got to believe that.”
He stopped moving and looked at her thoughtfully for the space of a full fifteen seconds, the clock ticking in the background. Then he shook his head, discarding her words. “I don’t think it’s ego, or arrogance on my part. I honestly think you love me and, for some reason, you just can’t admit it.”
He’d reached her side now. She shrank back against the table, but he only moved closer. “I know what you need Micki. I know how to make you happy.”
She stared at him, her breath coming in short gasps. But it wasn’t Adam she saw. She saw Danny. Eating breakfast. Working in the garden. She shook her head wordlessly as Adam’s mouth came down on hers, with a surprisingly gentle pressure. She broke away, pushing her chair backwards and standing up with a short sob. “No! I can’t! I’ve got unfinished business.”
“Unfinished business? Or more excuses?” His arms came back around her with determined pressure. “Isn’t this what you’re looking for?” His kiss was harder this time, demanding a response. She wanted desperately to give in, but she could see the cabin, in a clearing, shining in the sunlight.
Adam gave a low growl of anger at her lack of response. “This really is just a game to you, isn’t it?” His eyes glittered in anger as he pushed himself away. “You’ve been playing with me, haven’t you? Seeing what kind of power you have? Playing the coy little miss with a past, knowing full well I’d feel protective.”
The injustice made her angry and she squared her shoulders, demanding, “Isn’t that exactly what you do? You lead your dates on, making them think they’re special and when they’re ready to give you their hearts, you drop them, don’t you?”
“Is that what this is all about?” he asked. “Is this payback for someone I dated in the past? I just don’t believe this.”
“No, that’s not it at all.” Even as she denied it, she could feel a slow burn of jealousy for every woman he’d even said hello to. She was deflated by her own anger and more than a little depressed. “No, it’s not your past,” she answered honestly. “It’s my past that I
have to face.”
“Then I think it’s time I hear more about this past of yours.”
“Not now.” She shook her head. “Now’s not the time to go into all that.”
“Then when will it be time?” Adam insisted. “Never? Tell me about your boyfriend. Tell me exactly what he did to hurt you so badly.”
She flushed beet red. Oh why had she ever started that lie? She was in no condition to go on making up lies now. “It’s in my past and I don’t want to talk about it,” she said. “I’d hoped you could respect that.”
“I would respect that.” Adam seemed to be choosing his words carefully. “Except for the fact that it seems to be affecting me now.” He was dead serious, bent on ferreting out the truth. “Micki, are you lying to me?”
Beads of sweat were springing up on her forehead and she brushed them away. “I can’t do this. Don’t you see, I just can’t. Please stop asking.” She glanced up at the clock, grasping for something else to talk about. “It looks like we missed our concert date today.”
“And so it does.” Adam’s voice was uncompromising. His eyes burrowed into hers.
She shifted her weight uncomfortably. “I guess I’d better go home.”
“I guess so.” Adam wasn’t giving her any encouragement.
She stood up, desperately trying to avoid brushing up against him as she passed. She stopped at the kitchen door, looking at him unhappily. “I’m sorry.”
He looked grim. “Something’s not adding up with you Micki Vaughn and I’m giving you fair warning, I aim to find out what it is. I plan to dig into your background until I uncover exactly what it is that’s really hurting you.”
“You won’t find anything,” she said feigning nonchalance.
“We’ll see.” His last words followed her as she gathered her clothing and walked out, closing the door quickly behind her.
Chapter Twelve
“Micki Vaughn, you are completely out of your mind.”
Micki jerked her head up from the computer screen, where she was just finishing the documentation for her replacement. Jan was planted firmly in front of her office door, glowering at her.
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