“Yes,” he murmured and turned away, striding out of the tunnel.
And out of my life.
Forever.
I still believed what I said to him. We caused nothing but pain and death to those around us. It was for the best. It would have never lasted anyway, but it didn’t take away from the persistent yearning in my soul. I was constantly restless, never sitting too long, itching to move and find something to help. I roamed over this entire castle and grounds daily, never fulfilling the emptiness.
At first I had thought Jared haunted me, never letting me find peace. But I knew Jared was too good, too sweet, to ever wish me grief. Even when he was dying, he told me he loved me, knowing I had been with Lorcan. I ripped out his heart and set it on fire in front of him, and he still forgave me.
Only one person would take glee in torturing me, crushing me in his hand. I pulled my head up, staring out the doors to the moonlight glistening off the lake below. He was somewhere out there, screwing a woman and pounding a nail into my heart, not letting me move on.
“Damn you, Lorcan Dragen.”
THREE
For the sixth time in a minute, I shifted in my chair, twisting a strand of long brown hair around my finger, tugging on it till my head ached. Taking deep breaths I tried to maintain my levelheaded exterior. But if one more cabinet member made another passive-aggressive remark right now about the way I was leading, I was going to scream.
The meetings had dragged on this morning with none actually coming to a conclusion anyone liked. The politics of this part of the job were awful. But this discussion, the problem with the hatred between races, was by far the most dreadful. All the people in my cabinet were fae, except me. They tended to be more understanding when fae attacked humans since they felt it was the fae’s nature. But if it was the reverse? Then we needed to step in. Punish them.
Hypocrisy at its finest. This was when I wished I could get rid of them all and start over to make things a little more impartial. Just because I was Queen didn’t mean I was fully in charge. I had the final say, but it took a lot of people to run a kingdom and put in the tiny fine print before I signed on the dotted line.
“It should have never gotten this far!” Kavan, a short noble with dark curly hair, deep tanned skin, and light violet eyes, stood and slammed his first on the table. “We need to show we are in control!”
“And how do you suggest we do that?” I crossed my legs, letting my hand fall from my hair. “I have my bounty hunters out handling what they can, but it is not easy to know when and where flare-ups will hit.”
My bounty hunters were Ember and Eli. They had moved back to the dweller ranch after a near-death incident with West, another dark dweller, but they were barely ever home. Unfortunately, I had to keep sending them off to deal with outbreaks of fae or human attacks on each other. They were in Japan this week, dealing with a flare-up of Yokai, malevolent demons, who were assaulting the human locals.
“We attack first! We kill. They need to fear us, or they will keep acting out. Humans…and fae…” he added quickly. “Both need to know their place.” He pinched his shoulders back.
“Attack who? Where?” I folded my hands on my lap, trying to keep from losing my temper. “We can’t even pinpoint Luuk and where he will attack next.”
“We need tougher laws. Random searches.”
I leaned forward, trying to keep my mouth from dropping open. “Are you suggesting, Kavan, we stop and search people, arbitrarily?” Did they not learn from Earth’s mistakes? Racial profiling was a nightmare that did not bring justice. It only separated the groups more, filling them with even more hatred and resentment.
“Yes.”
My head snapped back to Torin, my jaw clenching.
It was subtle, but Torin had learned my signs. In a blink he took a step forward. “I am sorry to interrupt, but her Majesty is already late for her next appointment.” He swiveled my chair for me to rise.
“Yes, I apologize. We will have to continue this another time.” Maybe in a few years... or never.
Torin rushed me out of the room before they could even respond, his hand on my lower back. Thara waited outside and moved with us, bookending me as we walked down the hallway.
“Thank you,” I muttered to him.
“I knew if I didn’t get you out you would hex him or something.” Torin grinned down at me.
“Can I do that?”
“Quite frowned upon, my lady.” He rubbed my shoulder.
“So that’s a soft no? Room for negotiation?” I peered up at him. A soft smile tugged on his mouth, his eyes roaming over me with amusement. But the humor flickered like a light switch when our eyes met, desire rolling through his like a storm.
My head snapped forward, and I took a deep breath. “I need to get out of here.”
“We can go to the gardens or take a walk in the forest if you want?” Torin offered.
“No. I need to get out of here completely. I feel like a rat in a cage. Just once today I need to feel I’m not a fraud, that I am doing something good.” I tugged down my glasses and rubbed the space between my eyes. “I want to head to that children’s center.”
“The visit is scheduled for tomorrow, your grace,” Thara replied next to me. Her long hair was swept up into a high ponytail, brushing her back as she swung her head. “You know you can’t simply make unscheduled stops now.”
“Why not?” I glanced back and forth between the two. “Isn’t it better if it’s spontaneous? Less threat right?”
“Also less protection.” Torin frowned.
“Just wait one more day,” Thara encouraged. “Our meeting is all set for tomorrow at three.”
The walls closed in on me, and the need to wander, to find whatever was missing in my heart, agitated my limbs. “Please, if I don’t get out of here…” I shook my hands out, itchy with pent-up frustration. I also needed to practice my magic soon; it was getting prickly under my skin. With all the business parts of my new job, I had little time and even fewer people to work with me on my magic. It had taken a backseat to all the other stuff, and it didn’t like it at all.
Torin stared at me for a while, then sighed. “All right. I will have the first string in place in twenty minutes.”
“What?” Thara exclaimed. “Torin, you know how dangerous it is. We should stick to the schedule.”
“It is not our place to tell the Queen what to do. If she wants something, it is our job to make it work.” He arched his eyebrow, an amused grin twitching his lips, like this was some inside joke passing between them. “Got it, soldier?”
“Got it. Sir.” She half rolled her eyes, but a smile hinted on her mouth.
“Good.” He nudged her arm with a familiarity only close friends displayed. They had been best friends for centuries. At first, Thara had been very formal around me, but she had eased a lot and I knew Torin had a lot to do with it. It was quite obvious she was in love with him. I saw it when he wasn’t looking at her, the way she grinned privately or gazed at him.
I hated to cause turmoil between the two. Thara would walk over glass if he asked her to, but Torin did not seem to return her feelings. I had no idea why. The woman was so stunning it was hard to look at her. She was also faithful to a fault when it came to him. But Ember had been his “fate,” or so he thought, and he never gave Thara a chance. When life with Ember didn’t pan out, he was lost until he turned his affections to me. Too bad. Torin and Thara would be beautiful together.
“Your grace.” Thara bowed, stepping back. “I need to go prepare the vehicles and inform the gate.” She turned on her heel, heading quickly down the hall.
“You are so blind, Torin.” I shook my head, watching her outline disappear down the corridor.
“No. I’m not.” His tone made me swing around to look at him. His expression was open, his eyes steady on me. “I see exactly what’s in front of me.”
I gulped, my cheeks suddenly hot. I glanced away, pretending I didn’t understand h
is meaning.
“I’m gonna go grab my coat.” I cleared my throat. “And let Olivia know I’m leaving.” Olivia, my secretary and a fox-shifter from Lily’s skulk, helped me survive most days. I think she loved lists more than I did.
“Let me, my lady.”
“No. You need to go do your job, which is not retrieving my coat, and I will meet you out front in ten minutes.”
Torin bowed; his blue eyes never left mine until he turned down the hall, already barking orders to my security team.
I exhaled and relaxed the moment he disappeared. My nerves were all jumbled and confused. When he said things in a more personal tone, I didn’t know how to handle it. I had never been the girl guys wanted, not in my human life anyway. And even if things had changed since joining the fae world, I still thought of myself as the nerdy high school girl with little to no experience with the opposite sex.
Jared would forever be my sweet first love. We fooled around, but fear and naiveté kept it pretty innocent. Then Lorcan shattered all my walls when he came into my life. I’d pushed past all my self-induced boundaries, found a passion underneath I never knew I was capable of. But that moment in time was like a bubble. Another life. Another Kennedy. One I could never be again.
Torin was all new territory. As the previous First Knight under Aneira, he’d been treated as a sex slave for decades. He was Aneira’s plaything, but in the most demented sexual way.
This was another reason I stepped back from his apparent desire. I cared for Torin deeply, and I didn’t entirely trust his affection for me wasn’t a habit borne of his role. I wanted to be loved but not because it came with the job.
Peering out the window, I saw the two large reinvented craftsman houses connected to create the new children’s home. It had been open for a few weeks and construction was still wrapping up on one of the houses.
Torin hopped out of the car then ran to the other side. He waited until my guards were in position before opening the door. He took my hand and helped me out of the car. I actually didn’t care for the pomp and circumstance, but he was a stickler for all the old school rules. And as Queen, especially one under threat, I had to do a lot of things I wasn’t necessarily comfortable with.
Stepping out, I glanced at the vexed sky. The clouds were dark and shoving at each other until one got hurt and started to cry. It was late February, and daylight in the Pacific Northwest already crept for the horizon.
“Olivia called ahead to give them notice.” Castien was already on point to my left. His presence was like taking a happy pill no matter my mood. He was like an extension of Ryan. I was so glad when he agreed to come work for me. When we first met him in the castle, we thought he had worked for the former Queen, but really he had been working undercover for Lars. He was the reason we survived our days as Aneira’s captives, when he and Ryan fell in love.
Torin positioned himself on my right while Thara stayed ahead of us. A few of the security team moved into their five-star design around me. Because I was breaking rules and visiting a day early, I only had a quarter of my usual guards. I still felt as though I had a parade constantly marching about me. I could do nothing truly in secret when riding around in a security detail of six or seven cars black as night, bullet and magic proofed. It was hard to stay under the radar.
I remember as a little girl telling my mom I wanted to be president someday. In a strange way it came true. Be careful what you wish for, right? If only I’d known what the reality of that wish would entail.
We moved up the steps. Thara reached the door the same moment it opened. A tall, slender-boned girl smiled brightly at me. With her cornflower-blue eyes sparkling, long wavy blonde hair reaching her waist, together with high cheekbones, she looked to be in her late teens or early twenties. Her face was so beautiful I almost mistook her for fae, but I had no doubt she was fully human as fae auras possess colors that humans can’t even imagine.
“Majesty.” She dipped in a shallow curtsy, her voice and hand trembling. “We are so honored you are here.”
“Thank you.” I touched my chest lightly. “This is an extremely important cause to me. One that is particularly close to my heart.” Everyone knew my story: I had been adopted and raised by humans, kept safe from Aneira’s grasp. Now along with my biological parents, they were dead, leaving me an orphan.
“Please, come in.” She stepped back and allowed us to enter. The front half of the first floor had been gutted and redesigned into a homey but efficient welcome area and social space full of toys, books, games, a sofa, and a warm blaze in the fireplace.
“Wow.” I scanned the space, genuinely liking the setup. I immediately felt relaxed and comfortable. Smells of sugar cookies, honey, and fire laced the air. I could see why terrified children coming in here would be calmed.
“We’ve been working hard to get it open quickly since Lars gave us the place.” Another woman came up behind the blonde. She was a little taller than me, athletic, but curvy in all the places I envied. Heart-shaped face, huge green eyes, and long brown hair. She was stunning, but not in that supermodel sort of way. She was prettier because she was natural and comfortable in her own skin. A glow dusted her cheeks, her hand rubbing absently over her baby bump. I decided she was fae, but something was different and special about her I couldn’t put my finger on. I instantly liked her. She had a no-nonsense, don’t-mess-with-me vibe. A darkness in her aura told me she had lived and seen terrible things but held an abundance of love.
“Welcome to Honey House.” She held out her hand. “I’m Zoey Daniels.”
I reached out, my eyes catching two markings on her palm. They weren’t tattoos, but scars cut into her hand. The top scar was like the symbol for pi, but curved at the ends. The bottom one looked like a lowercase cursive R. The files in the back of my head fluttered, trying to retrieve from where I recognized them. No clear memory of how or why I knew those symbols came to me. But my gut twanged with warning, like they were negative and alive, telling me not to touch them.
Before I could pull back, Zoey’s hand slipped into mine. The moment our skin touched, a jolt of electricity zapped up my arm, my vision stolen from me. I still felt her hand in mine, like the images were shooting from her arm.
Flash.
I stood on a street, but the houses and buildings were nondescript, a backdrop to who stood yards away from me. Her pupils dilated, hair blowing back in the wind, her arms out wide, fists closed. A huge lump laid at her feet as greed and power pumped off her, slapping at my skin.
Zoey.
But my seer sensed this was not the Zoey I had just met. It was her face, but merely a shell. Twisted darkness filled her like a Cadbury egg, thick and gooey.
“Zoey?” I took a step, realizing the lump at her feet was a body. A massive bearded man with tattoos, braids, and an axe strapped to his back. He looked like a Norse god or Viking. Blood trickled out of his mouth and nose.
Was he dead? Did she kill him?
Zoey opened her palms, the markings on her one hand ignited with light. “Zoey is not here anymore. She’s been a bad girl. Now it’s my time.”
Flash.
I gasped, stumbling to the side. The image happened so fast awareness of those around me never left, the vision already dissolving from memory. I jerked my hand back, but the feeling of evil still lingered in my soul.
“Are you all right?” Zoey curled her hand, cupping it with her other, like she knew the source of my distress. I could no longer remember what I saw, but I still felt it. Evil. Power.
“Majesty?” Torin stepped up, his hand touching my arm.
“Yes.” I forced a smile, shaking my head. “I’m fine.” An awkwardness hung in the air, and I pressed on trying to cover it up. “I’m sorry, I missed your name?” I said to the blonde.
“Annabeth, Majesty,” the girl said softly.
“She’s my partner and the reason we were able to get most of this done in time.” Zoey glanced down at her stomach with adoration but sighed
in frustration. She was the kind who carried it in front, like she had swallowed a small ball. She must have been about seven or eight months.
“Please call me Kennedy.” I waved my arm. “You guys have dealt with Lars, which probably makes us instant allies.”
They both laughed, but something flickered through Zoey’s eyes. I couldn’t know for sure, but I felt she had more history with Lars than I was led to believe.
“Let us take you on a tour of the place.” Zoey turned to me. “We are still getting on our feet and one wing is under construction, but we already have fifteen kids here. Fae and human. Some children with special needs.”
Zoey and Annabeth showed me around, going over how things were run and how the labs, which Lars also helped fund, were set up to find cures for children with diseases and disabilities. They told me how their first Honey House in South America had flourished.
I spent several hours coloring, playing games, and talking to the children who resided there, falling in love with each child in minutes. They all seemed happy. For some it was the first time they had their own bed and constant meals. They felt safe and loved. Of course, most still dreamed about a family adopting them, but a majority of the older ones felt they had found home. This was their family.
My heart overflowed, and a couple times I had to hold back the tears. This was exactly what I wanted to do more of. To feel like I was helping and improving the world. By the time I headed to the front door, I was so impressed I offered to support them in whatever way they needed.
“Thank you, Kennedy,” Zoey said as she led me toward the exit. “You don’t know how much this means to us. To the kids.”
A loud crash toward the back of the house made me jump. My team reacted instantly, reaching for their weapons. Squeaks, jabbering, and more bangs continued to flood through the walls.
“Uh…Zoey?” Annabeth popped her head out of a door I knew from my tour was the kitchen. “We have a little crisis…”
Lightness Falling (Lightness Saga Book 2) Page 3
