Lea is dead because of you.
“It looks a lot worse than it is. The principal healer said he will be fine,” a voice broke the silence, drawing my attention to the person in the chair next to Castien. “In a few weeks.”
“Ryan.” I bounded for my best friend. He barely stood before my body collided into him, my arms wrapping around him so tight. Ryan was like a happy trigger for me. Having his arms around me and breathing in his familiar scent made me feel so comforted, like I was young again, safe in our tree fort when our lives consisted of playtime and warm afternoons.
Ryan exhaled in my ear, and his muscles relaxed into me.
“I am so sorry, Ry.” I squeezed him firmly to me.
“It’s not your fault, Ken. Do not blame yourself.” He pulled away, hurriedly brushing under his eyes before I could see the tears. His eyes were bloodshot with bags, and worry weighed down his shoulders. But being typical Ryan, he waved away the vulnerable emotion. “I tried to get over to see you too, but your Nurse Hatchet pulled a Mr. Miyagi and practically used my ass to wax the floor.”
I snorted, picturing Hazel doing just that. “Yeah. She’s a treasure.”
“Relic is more like it.” He grinned, running his hand through his spiky brown hair.
I felt the first genuine smile tug at my mouth. Ryan was like ointment, soothing me with his presence. “I’ve missed you so much.” I looked away, blinking back tears.
“I miss you more.” He reached over, pulling my head to him and kissing my forehead. “I hate we can’t see each other more.”
“Me too.” I had hoped Ryan and Castien would move into the castle since Castien had to be here a majority of his days now. But Ryan couldn’t do it. The memories of this place, of his time being held captive here, kept him happily living with Lily and Mark in a large cabin near the dwellers. I understood especially because I think he related this place to Ian’s murder. Even though he technically lived closer to the actual spot Ian died, this was where Ryan dealt with it, mourned him.
A soft groan came from the bed, and we both whirled toward Castien. Ryan moved to his side, taking his hand.
“Cas?” His free hand fingered through the dark mop of his boyfriend’s hair. Castien didn’t respond, seeming about to slip back into deeper sleep. Fae didn’t need to be in infirmaries often, but when they did it usually kept them there for a month.
“He’s going to be okay,” I said more for myself than Ryan.
“Of course he is.” Ryan’s brows furrowed. “My man is made of everything stubborn and ornery. He’ll be awake and doing sit-ups at five a.m., annoying the hell out of me. Batman forbid he’d miss a workout.”
Another reason why Ryan and I got on, we were the “excuse queens” of getting out of gym class. He used to annoy the gym coach all the time, nudging me, always making me cover my face in embarrassment. “I know I’m a boy, but they’re sympathy cramps. It is too a real thing. You’re in the health profession, so you of all people should know that.” or “Why would I want to get sweaty running when I can get sweaty without even leaving a bed?”
Now I understood the last one. Or I did a year ago…
A soft knock rattled the door before it opened. “My lady?” Torin stuck his head in.
Crap.
“Sorry to interrupt, but you are already late.”
I sighed. “Okay, thank you, Torin.” He nodded and shut the door again.
“The way that man looks at you.” Ryan wiggled his eyebrows. “He definitely wants you to pour some sugar on him.”
“Ugh. Ryan.” I smacked his arm. When Ember joined our duo, Ryan took to calling me Sugar, the sweet one. Ember was Spice as she brought all the excitement to our lives. He was Salty, the sarcastic one.
“Except, I think my sweet one fell in the pepper jar. Got a bite now.”
“Take care of your boy. I’ll be back when I can.” I kissed Ryan’s cheek, ignoring his statement. I didn’t want him to look too close, see too much... or ask something I couldn’t answer. Lorcan was a taboo topic. I could never tell the details of my time with Lorcan to the friend I usually told everything to.
“Ken, it’s time.” His tone stopped me at the door. “He would want you to move on, to be happy.”
Jared. I swallowed, grief coiling in my throat.
“Torin is a great guy. He’s perfect for you. Don’t let it slide by because you are trying to protect Jared’s memory. He would not want you to stop living because of him.”
My lashes fluttered; my chest clenched. No, he wouldn’t. Jared would want me to be happy…and that was where the thorn lay. I didn’t deserve to be happy, especially not when the precise person my heart longed for was the same one who would obliterate everything. Ryan would never accept it, and I would lose him.
“Listen to me. Ken?” Ryan asked. “After all you’ve been through. The loss and heartache. You only think about everyone else. Sometimes you need to think of yourself. If that hunk of a man out there will do that, then please don’t walk... run. You deserve happiness too.”
I couldn’t hear any more. I flew out the door, my lungs struggling for oxygen.
If I thought of what I really wanted, it would end up destroying others and myself. Just like it had before.
“Lea’s memorial will be tomorrow; her family is traveling here now.” Torin’s voice was somber as he walked me down the hall, Thara on my other side.
“Let me know when they get here as I want to personally give them my condolences.” It wouldn’t bring her back, but it was the right thing to do.
“Dying in the line of duty, for us, is an honor. Her family will accept her Medal of Honor.”
I nodded, my throat knotting up like a child’s shoelaces.
“And Ember’s called three times. She heard from Lily about the attack and is very worried about you.”
“I’ll call her after the meeting.” What I really wanted was to have her home. Ryan, Ember, and me snuggled on a sofa, watching movies, and laughing like we used to. Talking about boys and dealing with our little dramas when we thought life was so difficult. We had no idea what complicated truly was. Now my reign was buckling under the foundation. One of my guards was dead, the other in intensive care. Yeah, I wanted to hide under my covers.
“What meeting am I going to?” I tugged at my hair, trying to fire up the engine to my brain. After yesterday’s events, my head completely misfiled what was on the calendar for today. I thought I only had the visit to the orphanage scheduled and training with Torin later.
Torin’s gaze went to Thara, then to me. “It’s not on the books.”
“O-kay.” I waited for him to continue, but his hand went to my back, steering me down a rarely used hallway. “Are either of you going to tell me what is going on?” When I glanced back at Thara I saw her eyes move to where he touched me, her mouth tight. I had no reason to feel guilty, but I felt as though I was stealing his love from her. Her eyes lifted to mine, and whatever she saw reflected back at her made her frown more before her face turned up and went blank.
I had plenty of crushes on boys who never looked at me twice. It hurt, but I had always been aware they were a fantasy. I almost preferred them that way. Safe. But Thara’s pain was real. Not some little crush. She deeply loved him.
Torin turned us down a few more corridors. When we reached a corner turret, we descended down the stairs.
“Okay, now I’m getting genuinely nervous.” I tried to laugh, but legitimate nerves rubbed against my spine, prickling up the back of my neck. I had never ventured to this part of the castle. “Tell me where we are going.”
“Somewhere no one but us knows about.”
“That doesn’t help at all,” I teased, but my voice wobbled. “Are you going to kill me? Is that your plan this whole time?”
Torin smiled, rolling his eyes back. “Not even funny, my lady.”
“Plus, if we were going to kill you, we wouldn’t need to be this secretive. We could probably do it upstairs. Have a
bonfire,” Thara said dryly behind me. “Well, we’d have to see if you float first.”
I twisted to look at her, my feet taking each step down carefully. A small smile hinted at her lips. “Witch. Got it.” I snorted. “Now you decide to be funny, while you are taking me down into the abyss.
She shrugged.
“Plus, I’m not a witch,” I huffed. It seemed to be bred in our bones to take offense at being compared to them. Witches were usually human and had no actual magic. They merely had the power of their mind, which they used in spells, only dancing on the edges of earth’s energy. Druids were given the gift of true magic from the fae gods. Our favor with the gods was what started the hate, propaganda, and extermination of Druids. The fae, especially Aneira, did not like that our power not equaled, but in some ways overpowered, the fae’s.
After another minute we came to the bottom, and Torin grabbed a lantern. Like the lights in the castle, it was a bulb, but the inside flickered with flames, giving off more light than any torch. The moment I hit the tunnel my lungs clenched together, and the blackness stayed thick and heavy a few steps ahead of us like a heavy drape. The smells…it took me right back to that night.
Tunnel. Darkness. War. Jared. Death. Lorcan.
“Breathe, my lady.” Torin was suddenly in front of me, intertwining his hand in mine. I hadn’t even realized I stopped walking, my lungs struggling to capture oxygen. He leaned in close, and it simply pushed me deeper into the memory of being in a similar space. The night the arrow burrowed into Jared’s heart. Poetic, actually, as it symbolized what I had done to him: stabbed him through the heart, letting it bleed out on the ground.
The anger I felt at myself for what I did to him, for not being able to heal him, never went away, simply hibernated. Now the bear was awake and roaring.
Torin took both of my hands in his, pulling me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me. My inhales were jagged and shallow, and I couldn’t seem to find my way out, the nightmare surrounding me.
“I am here,” Torin whispered into my ear. “Everything will be all right.”
My lids closed; Torin’s words became someone else’s. His warmth and body became another’s. I hated myself, but I still let my imagination proceed. Let myself visualize the one thing I shouldn’t.
I’m here, li’l bird. His voice strong in my mind, his arms muscular and comforting. You’re safe. I sighed, my shoulders dropping, my heartbeat slowing.
I stepped back from Torin’s hold, my head down.
“Thank you,” I croaked. “I’m fine now.”
Torin’s finger went under my chin, lifting my head.
“Like I said, always, my lady.” His gaze burned into mine.
My smile was strained as I stepped back. The feeling of Thara’s gaze on me was like a fourth presence in the room.
“We need to go,” Thara said, emotionless, stepping forward. “You know he does not like to be kept waiting.”
Torin nodded and turned back around. I followed them down the passageway, blocking all my demons from attacking me again.
Little did I know an actual demon waited for me in the room down the hall.
SIX
I stepped into a brightly lit room, Torin shutting the door the moment the three of us entered. The Unseelie King sat at a table, leaning back in a high-back chair. He was dressed in his normal exquisite suit and tie. Goran and Travil, Lars’s bodyguards, stood on either side of him.
“Lars?”
“Ms. Johnson.” He dipped his head, his hands folded on his lap. I had tried over and over to get him to call me Kennedy, but he seemed inclined to call me by my last name.
“I didn’t feel you.” I looked around the room like I was expecting it to tell me why. Lars’s magic was so profound it throbbed from yards away, letting you know exactly with whom you were dealing.
The room was set up with a long table and chairs set in the middle, several TVs and monitors on two walls, and a world map on the other, like some war room. How did I not know about this place?
“The walls here are lined to protect whatever is inside from magic, bombs, or chemical attack,” Torin explained.
“Ah.” I nodded. After September 11, the tragic time in the human world in which terrorists successfully attacked American soil, I’d researched what happened to a president if attacked. This was the fae version of the president’s emergency operations center, PEOC. Guess mine would be QEOC.
“And why are we here?” I walked to the table.
“I felt it was necessary.” Lars’s chartreuse eyes met mine. “Your Knight heartily agreed with me when I contacted him this morning.”
“Contacted Torin?” I spread out my arms. “Why not simply talk to me?”
“You were unconscious, Ms. Johnson, or I would have.” Lars nodded to the bandages still around my arm. I was healed, but it still felt sore.
“Right.”
“The last two days have been close calls for both of us.” He tugged at his cuffs, an unconscious habit. “Once again, I want to express my gratitude for getting to us in time to prevent the attack…but also for saving Marguerite’s life. I do not have to tell you what she means to me. To all of us at the compound.”
“To me as well, Lars.” I sat in the chair across from him. Torin and Thara leaned against the wall behind me. “I am so happy I was able to prevent it this time. If anything had happened to her...” I drifted off, my hand touching my heart. I didn’t want to think about if I hadn’t made it in time.
“Yes. Let’s move on to why I am here.”
Oh Lars. So in touch with his feelings. I smiled to myself. I would love to see the day someone challenged him and was able to find the passion he once held for Ember’s mother, Aisling. It would turn his world upside down.
“After speaking with your Knight, I’ve grown more concerned about your safety.”
“Mine? What about yours?”
“The assault from the strighoul is neither the first nor the last. They have found where I live somehow. Do not doubt I will find their benefactor, and be assured I will make them pay.” He sat forward, his hands on the table. Did he suspect Luuk was behind it? His tone suggested he might. “The attack on you yesterday, how did they know you were there?”
“I was there for several hours. Someone must have noticed.”
“No.” Lars shook his head. “From what I’ve heard about it, the strike was well executed. It had been fully planned out. They were ready for you. Knew you were coming.”
“What?” My mouth dipped open. “But I wasn’t supposed to even go yesterday. It was scheduled for today, and it still was not on the public calendar.”
“Exactly,” Lars replied.
“What are you saying?” My stomach rolled, already knowing where he was going.
“You have a mole, Ms. Johnson. One closer than you think. One in your core team.”
“A mole?” I glanced back at Torin, who nodded along with Lars.
“It is getting too dangerous for you. You cannot trust anyone besides the people in this room.”
Castien and Olivia weren’t in the room, but I completely trusted both of them. There were many who didn’t like me, but I didn’t sense any harm from those close; their auras were clean. Sturt, Georgia, Rowlands, Vander... I didn’t want to think any of them hated me so much they wanted me dead. Torin trusted them and so did I.
“With a mole so close, it is far too dangerous. You can no longer stay here,” Lars declared. “Torin is positive it’s Luuk’s men who went after you. He wants nothing more than to take you out of the equation.”
“What do you mean? I can’t just leave here. I am the Queen.” I held out my arms. “I will not hide, Lars. You of all people should know that’s not a possibility. I will not appear weak or let my enemy control me.”
Lars pressed his mouth together, looking smug.
“You have a plan?” After the time working together, I was picking up on Lars’s subtle expressions.
“I
do.”
“What is this scheme then?”
“My plan,” Lars tugged on his sleeves, leaning back in the chair as if he was on a beach with a piña colada, “is for you to go to Europe.”
“What?” Torin and I said in unison.
My Knight stepped forward. “This was not what we discussed.”
“I changed my mind.” Lars lifted an eyebrow. “And I do not need to clear anything with you.”
“No. Absolutely not,” Torin answered quickly, shaking his head. “It’s too dangerous.”
Lars’s glare leveled on the First Knight. Torin shut his mouth with a click.
“I will be joining you later. I have set a meeting with some powerful nobles. They could help sway those not in favor of us still ruling Europe to the correct side,” Lars continued on, moving his gaze to me. “I normally would never travel for a few nobles. They come to me. However, circumstances are extreme at this time, and we need all the support we can get abroad.” Lars frowned, tipping his arms forward on the desk. “Unfortunately we can’t simply torture them into the right decision. Not with these fae. Their power and influence are too desirable to treat them like the scum they are.”
“Do you think it will help?” I asked. I squeezed my hands into such tight fists the color drained from my knuckles. “And would it be all right for us to leave with how unstable it is here?”
“You are being threatened and attacked daily, and this last incident only signifies how strong they have grown. You need to be out of reach.”
“As I said, I will not go into hiding. That simply proves my weakness to the enemy.” I shoved back, rising out of the chair, and paced along the table like a cat locked behind bars. “I will not give them the satisfaction of seeing me cower or give them more proof I can’t lead!”
“I respect your sentiment, Ms. Johnson, but a dead Queen will certainly not be able to lead. And it will be only a matter of time before they get a clean shot.” Lars glared at Torin. “No matter how prepared or trained the guards are. They are fighting against an invisible threat all the time from every direction, while the enemy only has to find one tiny fault and they win.”
Lightness Falling (Lightness Saga Book 2) Page 5
