by Nicety
She accepted that she had to grow up way before her time. Cocoa would have to cook her own meals and wash her own clothes. Her mother stayed too high to maintain any regular functions that most mothers would. Cocoa made it her business to take care of the house and buy groceries. She did all of this with the money she made from begging on the street corners of downtown Chicago after school and on weekends.
It was her regular nine to five and she was damn good at it too.
“Please sir, do you have any spare change you can give today? I’m very hungry.” Cocoa begged with her puppy dog eyes and fat lip.
“Sorry, I’m broke.” The tall Caucasian well dressed man responded.
“You ain’t broke you just cheap as hell. Push on motherfucka, I got work to do.”
“What? Well. Why don’t you try getting a real job and then you don’t have to worry about begging on the street? You look a little too young to be out here anyway. Your mother needs her ass whooped!” He sauntered off down the busy downtown sidewalk.
“So…who died and made you God?” Cocoa mumbled as she got back on her hustle.
Nadine would pay the little mortgage she needed so the government wouldn’t take the house but never the bills. If she paid the bills there wouldn't be enough money left over for her coke addiction and when she was broke she sponged off other crack heads or begged dealers for credits. Some of the credits she never made good on and would eventually spend days detoxing and hiding out in the house. Other times Nadine would bring different types of niggas in the house with her. Cocoa hated those days. Whenever her mom had a man over, they would always call themselves “uncle” something.
Uncle James, who looked more like Grandpa James, was one of the first ones to come over. He would always talk to her mom like she was the dumbest bitch in the world, always yelling and screaming. There was an Uncle Glen, who talked so fast she could barely understand what he was saying. There was also Uncle Roland. He seemed nice at first until he started beating up her mom on a regular basis. Roland was a young dude in his 30’s who was well dressed and clean cut. But the look in his brown squinty eyes let her know he was just like any other rodent who didn’t know how to keep his hands to himself.
“Now if you be a good little girl, Uncle Roland’s gonna treat you real nice.” He recited the same shit every night as if it brought solace to her.
“Please don’t do this. I’ll do anything.” Cocoa cried with large tears streaming down her thin cheeks.
“Shh, baby girl. I’m not gonna hurt you.” Roland crept under her shirt running his fingers across her underdeveloped breasts and running them down to her navel. “Do you like that?”
“No. No. Please stop.” Cocoa quivered.
“Alright, I’ll stop.” He replied squeezing her breasts before removing his hand. “But if you tell your mother about this, I’ll kill you.”
Cocoa felt she had no choice but to tell her mother. It was the only way the madness would end. She couldn’t see herself reliving the same nightmare over and over again without her mother knowing.
She knew it was a long shot but the thought of him killing her was furthest from her mind as she went in the kitchen the very next morning and told her mother.
“Mommy, this son of a bitch tried to rape me. He came in my room and touched my chest.”
“What? Is this true, Roland?” Nadine looked crossed.
“Girl. You know damn well that’s a lie. If I came in there it was only because I thought she was you.” Roland laughed sipping his bourbon, which was his breakfast.
“Liar! You wanted to rape me!” Cocoa’s face displayed a rage like none other.
“Well but he didn’t rape you. So you’ll be alright.” Nadine’s words were calm and shaky.
"Huh? I can’t fucking believe this."
“You watch your mouth young lady.” Nadine scolded.
“Mom, I’m not lying. This motherfucka did this shit to me and you just don’t fucking care what happens to me?”
“Shut the fuck up! You don’t tell me I don’t know what’s going on in my own fucking house. You ungrateful little bitch, you’re lucky I’m letting you stay here.” Nadine retorted.
“What??” Cocoa’s facial expression went from surprise to hurt.
“Just get the fuck out of my face, Cocoa!”
Nadine would accept the lie while the pervert stood idly by rubbing on her ass and grinning at Cocoa. That same night she told, it would happen again. His rough hands would maneuver their way under her shirt and cop their cheap feel over and over again.
It became more frequent happening night after night without fail.
"Mmm. That feels real nice little girl."
“You’re going to burn in hell for this you old bastard!”
“Well, I guess I’ll have to take your crack head ass momma with me then now wont I.”
Cocoa would try to fight them but he was so much bigger and stronger. Sometimes while feeling on her he would unzip their pants and make her stroke his dick until he would bust a nut. To her, his dick felt like an old wrinkly glob of clay. She wanted to squeeze the shit out of it hoping it would crumble apart. Tears filled her big brown eyes as she gritted her teeth wishing her body would go numb. Creeps ran through her body with every inappropriate touch. Cocoa closed her eyes so that she did not have to look into the eyes of the devil as the bullshit happened to her. She learned to cut her hearing off so that she couldn’t hear the moans of the pervert touching her.
For months the rapes went on without any help or belief from her stupid ass mother. She felt like her life was worthless. There were many times where she would sit in a corner of her room trying to debate on whether or not she should take her own life. She held the knife up to her wrist each time and each time she just couldn’t bring herself to do it.
Cocoa’s only escape from the bullshit that tormented her room every night was her dreams. She would dream about her and her mom living a normal life like regular people did. She dreamt about her mother making dinner for her and helping her with her homework.
Her mother would cuddle next to her on the couch and watch old movies with her and laugh and talk like normal moms and daughters did. Cocoa often believed her dream would come true soon enough if she was nicer to her mom and did what her mother asked. Nadine’s acceptance was worth more to her than any money in the world.
Other times Cocoa would dream about running the largest drug game in the world. She figured if she had all of the coke in the world that at least her mother would want to be around her and only talk to her and no one else. She wouldn’t leave her anymore to go get the shit and she could monitor her mother’s intake to make sure she did not over dose. Cocoa felt like if you couldn’t beat ‘em then you had to join ‘em, but not in that sense, though. She just figured if she had the world’s biggest supply for her mother than maybe she could learn to love her.
But she figured they were only dreams and she was just a little girl. Cocoa did not think she could do much to get the drugs and money she wanted figuring that nobody would help her or take her seriously. She did not know if she had it in her to sell drugs. There were times where she thought about the consequences like going to jail or getting killed.
Cocoa figured she would remain cool until she got old enough to handle herself then she would make her moves on pursuing the real life drug selling dreams she always wanted. Then she could make her mom proud to call her ‘daughter’.
She knew it was all or nothing but she had to keep enduring the separation from her mother until she could earn her respect. Still dreaming.
Each night it was the same thing over and over again. Uncle Roland would come in stumbling drunk to sex her up and get his rocks off on her. Then one morning she woke up to money sitting on the night stand. There was $30. Something in his sick twisted little mind decided to pay her for the nightmarish services she unwillingly supplied for him. He treated her as if she were a whore and even thoug
h his money came from something wicked, Cocoa decided to put it to good use. She used that money to buy a lock for that damn bedroom door. His visits never happened again.
****
“Look at that damn crack head. That shit is fucked up and she got a kid too.”
“You motherfuckas don’t know me! Shut the hell up!” Nadine would just roll her eyes and curse them out while walking by.
“Shut up you nasty ass CRACK HEAD!” Laughter filled the air from the people on the block.
“Stop that. Can’t you see she needs help? I’m going to go down to the light company and help pay Nadine’s bill so that baby can have lights on when her mother is gone.” One of the guys mother came out on the porch scolding the unruly men.
Cocoa came walking from around the corner not wanting to walk with her mother and be seen and teased. She waited for her to go in the house before she made her way to the house. The old woman called her over and was joined by another neighbor from down the street.
“Hey Cocoa. She’s gonna pay your light bill and I’ll pay the gas bill.” The older man said as he placed his hand on her shoulder for comfort. “And here honey. Take some money to buy some food, you hear? Only food.”
“Thank you. If you need me to work in your yard or babysit to pay you back I can do—” Cocoa responded grateful for their help and concern.
“No! I wouldn’t even dare have you pay that back girl. You graduate school. That’s what you do.” The older woman replied sternly.
Cocoa could only nod and lower her head as she walked across the street and into her house feeling like a charity case. Now at thirteen years old, Cocoa began to fill out her jeans and shirts more, which also brought about a newfound confidence. She started hanging out with the local drug dealers and began to receive money from them as well. Most of which sold her mother that shit everyday and felt bad that she was out there hustling to make ends meat. Nick was one of the local foot soldier drug dealers. But Nick was a low class and low budget nigga. He was a dirty and grimy muthafucka that none of the hoes in the hood would even fuck with. He would always see young Cocoa getting hand outs from his fellow soldiers but never him.
This began to anger Nick and made him feel disrespected. Cocoa did not like him because she had heard rumors that he tormented kids for fun. One day, after Cocoa had collected a few bucks from some of the guys on the corner, Nick approached her.
“Hey little girl.” He said with a grin.
Cocoa did not respond which pissed him off. She kept walking and even sped up a little. He watched her walk on looking at her ass the whole way. He would always speak to her and she would always ignore him. After a while of watching her and feeling rejected Nick wanted to find out the problem. A few days later, Cocoa was late leaving out of the house for school. As she walked down the block, she saw a long green colored beat up car pull up and drive slowly along side of her.
“Hey. Come here and let me talk to you for a sec.” Nick called out.
“I can’t. I gotta get to school.”
“Don’t worry about that, just come here girl.”
“I’m really late.”
“Girl bring your ass here!”
She kept walking pretending like she did not hear him. Nick called out again and still she ignored him, briskly picking up her pace. Fueled with anger, he and parked the car then jumped out. He walked really fast up to Cocoa and pulled her by her hair as she screamed and struggled to pull away from him. She kicked and scratched at him but it did not seem to faze him much.
He pulled her back in between the two houses they were in front of. Then he put one of his hands over her mouth and with the other he took a knife out of his pocket and put it to her throat.
“If you scream, I will fucking cut you. Do you fucking understand?” Nick whispered in her ear as his snake like tongue gradually licked her lobe.
“Yes.” She muffled under his hand.
Cocoa began crying going back to those days with Uncle Roland remembering how violated and helpless she felt. He ripped her shirt in half and fondled her breasts, squeezing and pulling at them like he was milking a cow. He then reached his hand down in her pants and in between her tightly closed legs, forcing his way inside of her pussy.
“Yeah that feels nice and wet.”
Nick exhaled as he removed his hand from her pants and stuck those same fingers in his mouth flickering them around his nose savoring the taste and smell of her youthful pussy. He closed his eyes feeling a tingling all over his body as he began unbuttoning his pants.
“I want you to get on your knees and suck this dick.”
“No!” Cocoa tried to push away but his grip was too strong.
“I said suck it!”
Nick demanded fully dropping his pants and underwear to the ground. The forty-degree weather was no issue for the perverted asshole.
Cocoa looked up at him in disgust then slowly squatted down in front of him and put her mouth up to his shrunken dick. He grabbed the back of her head and pushed it hard into his dick, bumping her head into it. She hadn’t opened her mouth so he put the knife up to her throat again forcing her to cooperate. Cocoa opened her mouth and moved in close to begin sucking Nick’s manhood. She put his stale smelling junk in her mouth allowing it to penetrate her cheeks as tears rolled down them.
Cocoa was beyond horrified and sick to her stomach. She felt that if she did not get away soon that she might never come out of this alive. Her head jerked back then forth then back then forth again. As soon as her head jerked back again Cocoa opened her mouth as wide as she could, prayed to God that he would save her and bit down really hard on this nigga’s pedophiled schlong. Nick began to scream as high as the sun as he grabbed his dick in total shock and pain. He was in too much pain to think of how to retaliate as his teeth clicked and he dropped to his knees. Cocoa, with torn clothes and all grabbed what was left of them and her backpack and ran to the front of the houses.
The little boy, Sin, who lived next door to her, was standing there when she ran to the front. She stared at him for a brief second startled at his presence then put her index finger to his lips for him to keep quiet about what he had seen.
“Shhh.”
Sin shook his head as he stood there and watched as Cocoa ran away. Nick was curled up on the ground rocking back and forth, whining in agony. Sin decided to run to get his two big brothers and tell them what happened. His brothers were actually dudes that sold drugs with Nick and knew Cocoa very well.
"Look at this stupid ass nigga man." One of them said as they walked up to him. "So you like to rape little girls, huh?"
“Man, nigga I don’t even know what you talking about.” Nick bellowed as the men began to drag him from the gangway.
They picked him up and put him in the trunk of their car and drove off leaving the Sin standing there. He knew exactly what was about to happen and smirked a little at the thought knowing he was about to get everything that was coming to him. The next week, police found Nick’s body in a dumpster on 71st and Damen. His dick was cut off and stuck in his mouth. ****
Chapter 3- Jilted
After her run-in with Nick, Cocoa stopped going to school. She felt like it was doing nothing but holding her back from her true calling, making money. Even though she was still young she decided to head out and find a job that would get her some serious dough and not the nickel and diming cash she got from begging. She headed to the Jamaican Jerk Chicken restaurant on the corner of 79th and Halsted with nothing more than confidence and a smile.
“Hi sir. I’m here to apply for a position and I ain’t leaving til I get one. I know that I’m young but I can do most anything.” Cocoa recited in her best happy voice.
“Honey, I can’t have you around here with all the gang bangers comin’ in and out. It ain’t safe and you just ain’t old enough. Sorry.” The owner dismissed her with the quickness.
“I ain’t scared of them. I got most of ‘em wrapped arou
nd my little finger and I could keep them from robbing you. Trust me. They know my face.” Cocoa retorted.
“If the inspectors come in here and find out I got a minor in here working they could have my ass. I can’t have that kind of heat on my ass. Now get. Go find some Barbie dolls to dress or something.” He shooed her away.
Cocoa stormed out the door kicking over the large silver garbage can outside the door on her way out. She thought about hitting the beauty supply stores but she was so disgusted that she just went home and blasted her music loud enough for another country to hear. Her dancing knocked the phone off the hook but when she reached down to pick it up she could hear no dial tone. Just as she was about to rip it out of the wall, there was a loud boom on the door.
“Who the fuck is it?” Cocoa snapped as she flung open the door.
“Um, that’s not such language for a 13 year old girl, now is it?” The truant officer asked as he whipped out his ID and badge.
“What do you want?”
“Is your mother home?”
“No.”
“Well, I need to speak to your mother as soon as possible. Does she know you’ve been missing school?” He asked looking into his binder.
“Duh. I don’t like it so I’m not going.” Cocoa rolled her eyes.
“That’s not up for you to decide. Your mother can go to jail if you don’t go to school. Did you know that?”
“And you know…you can get fired if anyone ever found out you fuck Mrs. Caldwell in the girls bathroom at the end of the day…everyday!” Cocoa folded her arms and grinned sinisterly. “Isn’t she married?”
“What? How do you—“
“Don’t worry about that. But guess what I don’t care. Don’t come back to my fucking house again.” Cocoa snapped as Nadine walked up the stairs and past the man without a word.
