by Nicety
“How was your day babe? Damn! What the fuck happened to your face?”
It seemed as if he was trying to act like they were husband and wife or something but the bruises on her face were unavoidable.
Cocoa felt weird but she felt like she had to play along so that this man wouldn’t kick her out on the street.
“It was nothing. I got into a fight with Cassie.”
She said giving the exhausted look and hoping this nigga wouldn’t ask for any ass.
“I know she called me asking for a banger for you. I told her she was on her own with that one and she hung up on me.”
“Wow, this bitch couldn’t fight me head up so now she gonna take the coward’s way out huh? Man, fuck that dumb bitch.”
Dirty stared at Cocoa with lust in his eyes. He got down on his knees in front of her tugging at her pants.
“I’m sorry that my yellow ass had a bad day. Com’ on, let daddy take away all of that stress for ya.”
“You know what baby I’m..I’m just so tired right now. I would just love to get some sleep and its late and everything. Can you wake me up in the morning for some please?”
Dirty looking surprised as hell backed down fast. He wasn’t the type to not take no for an answer the first time but then again he certainly wasn’t a beggar.
Dirty’s face riddled with disappointment but he maintained his cool suave disposition. “Yeah well you know I got a plane to catch in the morning so you know…but maybe we can kick it when I get back. You can stay here if you want…”
Before he could even finish she shut him down.
“Thanks sweetheart. That means a lot.” Cocoa said as she headed upstairs for the bed. She took off all of her clothes and got in the bed and Dirty followed.
Dirty was fast asleep snoring loudly and all but it wasn’t as easy for Cocoa. She laid there thinking of the person she had become in such a short time. This person was getting stronger and stronger learning how to overcome many obstacles and face many challenges head on. She was so coddled before by her lifestyle that she did not know the true meaning of determination but it was all hitting her like a bus now. She felt a sense of change coming over her. But whether it was a good or bad thing was hard to say.
Cocoa’s whole life up until now was based on her having to do whatever it took to survive. If she did not have enough of her own money to get it then she had to get it by any means necessary. Young women her age were out partying or in college or in love. But not Cocoa. She was subjected to lying in bed next to a man she barely knew only because she had nowhere else to go. Apart of her hated who she had become but on the other hand she felt it was either that or die.
She sat there trying to clear her head and fall to sleep. It was difficult with all of the events of the game taking over her life. It’s amazing what people will do when money is flossed in their faces. It is the root to all evil. Cocoa knew that but couldn’t get away from it and it’s importance. She knew that in the mist of all of the drama surrounding her that she would have to get the fuck out of dodge soon. There was no way she was going to jail to become somebody’s bitch and let them rip her a new pussy hole. She wasn’t having it and would set it off in that muthafucka if need be. Yawning, finally feeling sleep take her over she succumbed to it and went to sleep.
The next morning Cocoa woke to an empty space next to her. Dirty was gone. She guessed he had left early in the morning like he said and she had slept so hard she did not even hear him fidgeting around. It was amazing that she had a good night’s sleep without the weird psychotic dreams. Cocoa felt around the silk sheets of the bed, stretching and feeling good.
Even though she had been in the bed before she had never really felt how good the sheets felt. She was becoming more content in this environment. It was almost like she had her house back.
She got up to go into the bathroom and took a shower. After which she put back on her black outfit from the day before and ran downstairs to locate some breakfast. Dirty did not have much food in his refrigerator. Then again she never actually saw him eat anything in his house. But there was plenty of drinking that went on and plenty of alcohol for the drinking. Cocoa found a fruit basket and grabbed a banana. While she ate her eyes caught wind of how beautiful his kitchen was. There was always a part of her that wanted nice things like that. Stainless steel appliances, granite counter tops, basically just a beautiful home. Not a house that she lives in and sells drugs out of but a home to raise children in and have a real family and do gardening whenever she learned.
Cocoa never really had true feelings about life before the bullshit. Never before did she think about how important family and real worth was. She figured that her house was the shit and no one could touch her. But she also did not have the type of money to afford such luxuries like the things in Dirty and Drew’s houses. She was always gonna be small time in their eyes and she had no choice but to accept that. But she was closer to her goal now. That money would change her whole perspective of life. Cocoa much like any other time was daydreaming about the things to do with that money except this time it was all more logically smart ways to use it.
Cocoa noticed a small flat screen TV sitting on the counter near the kitchen window. She went to turn it on and flicked to the news to check the weather. There was a Gatorade in the refrigerator that she doubled back to get.
“In further news, the mayor’s son Jacob Dowling was found dead in his Lincoln Town Car that was parked in the Danger Tail parking lot in the south suburbs. Danger Tail is a well-known expensive exotic dance facility that apparently the mayor’s son visited frequently. The club is said to have had surveillance cameras that were supposed to be working but unfortunately have not been in the last few months. It is unclear as to who performed this unbelievable act of cruelty. The mayor and his wife are not releasing a statement at this time. At the moment, police have no leads but suspect foul play. If you know anything about this case, you are urged to call police.”
They showed pictures of the car and everything on the news. Cocoa closed her eyes and thanked God for Bob’s cheap ass not getting the cameras fixed. She knew things were closing in on her and she would have to hurry and finish this game before the police got on her tail about Jacob. ****
Chapter 23 – Don’t Call It a Comeback
Just then Dirty’s doorbell rang startling Cocoa. Quickly, she turned off the TV then stood still trying to listen. She went to the door but did not know if she should answer or not. Dirty hadn’t told her anything about opening doors or answering phones so she was confused. Fuck it. She wasn’t going to open that door and then someone who was looking for him blasted her ass with a shotgun and then runs up in his crib and robs his ass for all he’s got. Fuck it. But she did decide to peak through the peephole and check out who it was.
The doorbell sounded off again multiple times. It was James. Cocoa was pretty sure that he talked to Dirty and that he had told him that he was going out of town so why the hell was he coming over and ringing the doorbell. She figured it was a set up. Cocoa was sure that he did not see the car she’s been driving parked out front or knew that she even drove that car. James began looking around then headed on down the street as if he was expecting someone to come up at any moment.
After searching around for a while he finally got back to his car and drove off. Cocoa immediately rounded up her shit and got out of there. She made sure that the front door was locked and she hurried to the car and pulled off. Before she left she remember the clock on the wall saying 12pm. So she had roughly nine hours before she had to meet this cat tonight that would give her the last and final clue.
Cocoa stopped at a gas station to get some gas. While pumping the gas she saw a tall man standing in the shadows of the trees across the street and it looked as if he was staring right at her. She looked away to see if the man would look away but he did not. He just stood there, still, and staring. Her gas was done and she closed the cap on the car and got in the
car. She sat there staring back at the man then started the car to drive over to him to see what the fuck the man’s problem was.
As she drove closer and closer to that tree the dude seemed as if he was disappearing. She did not know if she was imagining shit or not but she knew something or someone had to have been right there. It was like every public place she went to someone was staring at her. She felt whoever this was making her paranoid was about to show himself. She continued on down the road wondering what she would do to pass the time away.
Cocoa saw that the Taste of Chicago was going on over on Lake Shore Dr. The Taste of Chicago was when thousands of restaurants from all over the city would gather in one place to allow people, most of which wouldn’t normally travel to their side of town, to feast on their foods and possibly gain a new customer when its over. There were so many people out there and traffic was really bad. But since she wasn’t doing anything else she decided,
“Fuck it might as well go to the Taste.”
She remembered when people used to talk about going to the Taste when she was little. They would always come back with souvenirs and exotic foods. She used to wonder what it would be like to have her mother take her on family outings like that. This type of thinking only made her resent her mother more and long for a family even worse. As she walked up to the festivities she looked around at all of the families having a great time.
She could smell the varieties of foods as she walked up to the festival. She wanted to try damn near all of them but did want to get too indulged in it and miss her meeting. The sun was beating ass on the streets and the fact that the lake was less than 30 feet away wasn’t helping. Everyone there had on daisy dukes and crop tops. She looked at them and figured they may as well have come naked. Usually muthafuckas can’t come to a large gathering without shooting up the place so she hoped these muthafuckas would be cool today.
Her stomach felt nauseated then followed by the feeling of depression. The kids were playing around being regular kids. They weren’t working or watching drug addicts take their fixes. They were playing and enjoying life. The parents looked so loving and caring. They looked as if they were so proud to be parents. She bet they would never leave their kids alone for coke. Cocoa daydreamed at the kids, smiling on occasions at their wildly ways. Her concentration was quickly cut off.
“Oh my God! Is that Cocoa?”
A girl shouted from the side of a crowded tree.
“Hey girl it’s me Donita. Don’t you remember? We were in the same 5th grade class together? How are you?”
Cocoa really did not want to remember her but it was slowly coming back to her. The girl was a little chubbier than she remembered. She was wearing a bad weave and her clothes were too tight and because of that she kept tugging on them like she was uncomfortable in them. The girl’s kids came running down tugging at her clothes too but for a different reason.
“Momma, daddy says we’re about to go get more tickets.”
One little boy said as the kids ran away.
“Hi girl. It’s been a long time. Those were your kids?”
Cocoa said as she pulled out of hugging Donita.
“Yes those are my kids and all the way over there is my husband David. Man, we were so sad when you left school that year. I thought we were really going to be friends.” Donita said as she took out her cell phone.
“Yeah well you know things happen. Listen I gotta go so…”
Cocoa was trying to break free from the awkwardness of the conversation. She did not want to stay and chat with this girl and listen to how wonderful her life was with her family and her fancy job and her fancy education.
Suddenly Donita said something that had caught her attention immediately.
“Oh, ok. Hey I saw your mom the other day. She looked really good. Actually you guys could be twins. She said she was looking for you. I have her number right here if you would like it.”
Was this bitch for real? Did she really have her mom’s number and was she really looking for her? Fuck that, her mom looked good?? It would be amazing to see her mom off of drugs and well for the first time in her life.
“If you don’t feel comfortable maybe you can give me your number and I will give it to her.”
Donita said putting her hand on Cocoa’s shoulder like she knew what she was going through and felt her pain. Cocoa wanted to cry so badly but nothing would come out.
“Um, I don’t have a number.” She finally muscled up the nerve to say.
“Well here would you like to call her?”
Donita handed Cocoa her cell phone. There was so much she wanted to say to her mother. So many things she needed explanations for. She had so many thoughts in her mind that needed to be expressed from a lifetime of pain and abandonment.
“No, I…I will just take her number and call her later. Thanks girl. I’ll see you soon. You have a good one.”
Donita wrote the number down and stood there trying to figure out if she should pry into Cocoa's life or not. She felt the interrogation coming on and left before she started the crybaby lean on me bullshit.
After Cocoa took the number she walked frantically away. The whole family scene really wasn’t for Cocoa in the state she was in. It was imperative that she got out of there. She was distraught after what she had just heard. She couldn’t believe that her mother was alive and well after all of this time and doing well. She wondered was she truly off of drugs or was it just a cover up. Even if she were to call her mother, what the hell would she say to her? Hi mom, how’d you kick the habit? Dazed and confused by the information she had just received,
Cocoa went back to the car and cried her heart out. She cried because of the effects drugs had on her childhood and she wasn’t even the one with the addiction. Apart of her wished she hadn’t decided to come to the Taste. Maybe if she hadn’t, she wouldn’t have seen Donita and she would have still felt like her mother was somewhere in someone’s crack house getting high. It's true what they say that some things are better left unsaid.
The clock on the bank behind her read 4:15pm. She pulled herself together long enough to get out of the car and take a walk.
“Excuse me. Can you direct me to the nearest payphone?” Cocoa asked with a sweet voice.
“Yeah, uh…there’s one right down there.” The pedestrian guided.
“Thanks so much!” She replied overly excited pulling the guy in for a welcomed hug.
“Oh, uh, okay.” The guy was freaked out and pulled away immediately.
“Huh? So I do still got it.” Cocoa said walking away pleased with herself that she had lifted the man’s wallet.
It contained $200 and some change that she snatched out and tossed the wallet in the trash. She picked up the phone, inserted $.50 and dialed the number that Donita wrote on the paper. She was going to do it. She was going to call her mother.
In her heart it was the right thing to do but in her mind she felt as if she might have been making a mistake. Cocoa hoped her mother would recognize her voice after so many years without her. Truthfully that was the least of her problems.
“Hello?”
The voice answered on the other end of the line.
“Hello?” The voice said again.
But Cocoa couldn’t fix her voice to say anything.
“Hello? Hello?” The lady said and then hung up the phone.
Cocoa felt like that was her mom's voice but she really couldn’t tell. That could’ve been anyone’s voice. Cocoa hadn't talked to her mom in years so it was hard for her to distinguish her voice from a stranger's. She called back.
“Hello?” The lady said sighing.
“Um…hi I’m looking for my mom.”
“Cocoa? Cocoa baby is this you?”
Cocoa cleared her voice to speak more sternly.
“Yes its me. I…I got your number from Donita.”
“Yes I saw Donita in the grocery store just last week. I wasn’t sure if she kne
w where you were. I heard about the house. I think you’re ready and I wanna see you. I can’t wait to see you.”
Cocoa’s solemn demeanor slowly turned to anger.
“What do you mean you heard? What do you mean I’m ready? Where the hell have you been all this time if you knew my life was so fucked up? How the hell could you leave me like that? I was so young and I needed you and you left me! You left me to rot, you fucking Bitch! I’ve been through so much and it’s all because you weren’t woman enough to take care of your responsibility! You Stupid Bitch! AGGHHHHH!!!!”
She suddenly went crazy. She started slamming the phone receiver up against the hook. Just slamming and banging it and screaming the whole time. Then she fell to the ground slumped over crying and rocking back and forth. People walked past looking and staring at her. They wanted to help but she looked too crazy for anyone to actually say anything to her.
“AAAGGGHHHHH!!!!!”
She cried even harder and louder. No one stopped to help her up or asked her if she was okay. Again she was alone. Finally as usual she picked herself up and got it together enough to head back to the car. Once again Cocoa had to be strong for Cocoa. Walking down the street she couldn’t conceive of her calling that number back. She obviously can’t handle and was not ready to hear her mother’s excuses as to why she wasn’t there for her. Her tears just kept coming out of her eyes and wouldn’t stop.
She was as silent as a lamb but the tears just kept coming down. As the tears poured down her cheeks her heart grew cold. There was no longer resentment in her heart only rage. She made it back to the car and started it. Checking herself in the mirror she used her sleeve to wipe away her tears and pulled herself together yet again. Hearing her mother’s voice was an emotional rollercoaster for her. A ride on which she frequently rode on.
Cocoa pulled her hair back then put her head down on the steering wheel. After a while of thinking she felt like she deserved an explanation. She felt like that bitch owed her a reason for why she did the things she did and for where she’s been all of this time. All of this time her mother had been somewhere getting her life together while Cocoa was struggling hustling trying to make big money to survive. Until she got the answers she felt like she deserved she would cry no more. She wiped her eyes and straightened her self for the last time and checked the clock on the bank behind her one more time. 5:30pm.
