by Alexa Davis
I hated to be so blunt, but at least I wasn’t harsh to him. He had a broken heart that he needed to nurse. Falling back into bed with someone familiar wasn’t the answer to that. It was just an easy way to feel good for a moment, but that emotion wouldn’t last.
“I have to go, but maybe I’ll see you soon.”
I raced to the checkout, refusing to look back. I didn’t want to end up feeling so sorry for Josh that I agreed to go for a drink. I didn’t think he meant to hurt me, I got the impression he’d just been thoughtless, but that didn’t mean we were about to become friends. My life was complicated enough, thank you very much.
I paid and packed up the car with my mind still all over the place. Everything was so backward, so confusing, and I didn’t know what to think anymore. I ended up so distracted by it all that I didn’t come back to the present moment until I was almost back at the cabin.
“Fuck,” I muttered angrily at myself, humiliation burning through me. That could have been very embarrassing if I’d gone back there by mistake. It would have looked like I couldn’t keep away.
As I swung the car around, I tried to be more mindful about what I was doing. I needed to head back home now – to my home. And that was where I had to go every day for at least the next month. I didn’t want to make any kind of mistake that made me look like a crazy person. I didn’t want Milo going home with that impression of me.
Eventually, I arrived back at my apartment, much later than I should have, and I unlocked the door with an odd sense of impending doom in my heart. The last time I was here, the whole place had been wet. It had taken long enough, so it should have been done, but I still didn’t quite trust my landlord enough to be sure.
I sniffed the air before I stepped inside, pleased at the nice, clean smell. That had to be a good sign. As I walked through the hallway, I was glad to see everything back to the way it was, some of it even better than before. This was great, something to be happy about, but of course, I wasn’t. Not when I could have been with Milo.
Maybe I shouldn’t have told him that my pipes were fixed; maybe I should have pretended that I still needed to remain with him until he went home. That would have been sneaky and totally wrong, but at least I wouldn’t have felt so damn lonely.
Maybe I could create some other kind of emergency, if I got desperate. It was sad that I was even thinking that way, but I just felt so hollow and sad without him. Everything was so damn quiet.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Milo – Friday
This sucked. This sucked so damn much. I could not get used to being in this cabin without Eliza. I wanted to call her, to speak to her, to see her, but I wasn’t sure how to do that without looking like a desperate loser. I had no idea how she was feeling about the whole thing, and I certainly hadn’t heard anything from her, so it felt a little too needy to start contacting her after only two days.
“What am I going to do?” I asked Veil, who seemed to give me an odd look. He was getting much more used to me trying to communicate with him now that I had no one else to talk to, but he still wasn’t giving me any useful answers. Man’s best friend, my ass! “Ugh, I just want to see her.”
I poured the coffee into a mug, hating the taste of it now, and I wandered outside to take a seat in the warmth. I loved the scenery here, I did, but it was much blander without anyone to share it with. It just didn’t have the same sparkle without Eliza here to share it with me. She didn’t even care about the view particularly, since she was totally used to it, but she made it look better to me.
Maybe I could wander through the town and hopefully bump into her... Although she’d be at work...
Oh, my God!
I jumped up in my seat, a realization hitting me in the face. Eliza owned a hair salon. I had told her that I’d go in there to get my hair cut. This was the perfect opportunity to do so. It was a totally casual way to get my fix of her, without giving myself away. Yes! This is brilliant! I could totally do this.
I raced back inside to grab my jacket, happiness bursting inside of me. I knew how slow business was for her, which was normally a bad thing, but today it worked out well for me. I wouldn’t get turned away.
“I can’t take you with me, but I won’t be long, promise.” I gave my dog a hug, acting much more like Eliza around him that I used to, but I felt sorry for him. He was about as lost without her as me. “And I’ll ask her to come and visit you, okay? I’m sure she will; you know she loves you!”
He turned away and went to settle in a ball on the floor, looking more content than he had over the last couple of days. Maybe he did get what I meant!
With that, I went outside with a spring back in my step, warmth inside of me all over again. I knew this was crazy, but I felt so good about it that I didn’t even care. I wanted to see the salon anyway. I wanted to get to know every aspect of Eliza’s life, so this was awesome. She spent so much of her time at work, she’d put so much of herself into it, and I wanted to get a glimpse at what she’d achieved.
I flicked the radio on the second I stepped into the car and turned it up loud. I sang as I drove into town, actually sang. It was loud and out of tune, but it felt good. I was freer in Florence. I felt like I could shake off the inhibitions that Nevada gave me.
It was just a shame that it wasn’t home.
By the time I actually arrived at the salon, I felt on top of the world, and that mood carried me right on inside... Where I found Laynee and Eliza playing some sort of weird baseball game with a broom. The girls were both shrieking with laughter, screaming loudly, and the music was booming so they didn’t even hear me come in.
I didn’t alert them to my presence right away. I wanted to just watch Eliza for a couple of seconds. Her happiness made her even more beautiful, making my heart melt and ache for her all at once.
“Oh, my God!” She eventually spotted me and her whole body turned beetroot red. “Milo, we weren’t expecting you.” She rushed over to the stereo and flicked it off. “We don’t... We aren’t usually like that, we just...” She was back to a bumbling mess. That familiar trait of hers made me so happy. I’d missed that side of her.
“Hi, Milo! We’ve been slaving our guts out all morning, pouring over our business plan, so we decided to take a time out.” Laynee was much more straightforward, which caused a chuckle to burst from my chest. Between them, they made a cool team.
“Business plan? You wanted to expand?” I couldn’t help picking up on that part – it was the businessman within me.
“Well, more just grow things really,” Laynee explained, flashing a document at me. “This place could be amazing, it just needs a little more, and we’ve been thinking of some ways to expand outward. Not growing, just evolving, I suppose.”
“I’d love to take a look at your ideas,” I told her honestly. “I’ve seen some businesses do some cool things in my time. Maybe I could help you.”
“That isn’t why you’re here, though, right?” Eliza interjected, pride seemingly getting the better of her. “Did you... want something?”
“My hair cut, actually,” I ran my fingers through it automatically. “It’s been so long since I last had it done.”
“I think Eliza has some time.” Laynee smirked. “That should be just fine.”
As I sat down in the chair and trained my eyes in the mirror, my heart kicked up a notch. I was starting to see the downside to this plan. This was so intimate, it almost felt like we were closer than when we actually had sex. Her eyes were fixed on the back of my head, her fingers touching my hair, and I couldn’t stop the shiver from tearing down my spine.
“So, how have things been?” I asked in a weird tone of voice, just trying to cover up my feelings. “I know it hasn’t exactly been long since we hung out, but it feels a little like forever.”
“Oh, I know what you mean,” she answered, but she was distracted, focused on the job. “Yeah, it’s been okay. Just doing the usual, you know.”
“No pipe issues? That�
��s all fixed?”
“All good.”
Oh, my God. The more she touched me, the weirder I felt. It was so intense, so overwhelming, it was going to be very difficult to not jump up and grab her, wrap my arms around her. My mind was already lovingly crafting all kinds of dirty fantasies about this place.
“You’ve created something amazing here,” I told her, wanting her to know she should be proud of herself. “This place is so cool and so well designed. I’m sure things will get much better for you. I bet the plans you and Laynee have created are fantastic.”
“We want to do parties,” Laynee jumped in, not giving Eliza the chance to be all modest again. “And tanning, the sorts of things that are popular at the moment. We’ll get there. By the end of this year, I think things will be looking up. It’s hard, drawing in a new crowd in such a small place, but I’m sure once we get started, things will be wonderful.”
A million and one ideas popped into my brain, but it only took one look at Eliza to see that the idea of being so vulnerable in front of me made her uncomfortable, so I shut myself down before I could even get started. This was her company, not mine. I would only offer my help if she wanted it.
“I bet it will,” I agreed simply instead. “So, Laynee, what’s going on with you? Heard anymore from that asshole?” She’d told me a bit about Marc on that night out, not that she could probably remember a lot of it, but it’d made me feel bad for her. She was a nice girl, one who didn’t deserve to be treated like crap...
Wait!
As Laynee complained about Marc and all men in general, an idea crept into my brain. Landon was about the same age as her, and from what I’d gleaned, he didn’t have anyone special in his life. They would be so good together; they suited each other well – it was amazing they hadn’t gotten together already.
Maybe before I left, I could work a little cupid magic and get them together. Maybe there wouldn’t be any chemistry between them, maybe it wouldn’t work out, but it would be good to try. At least Landon would treat her well; I could tell that much about him.
“Yeah, so I’m swearing off men for a while. We both...” She stopped herself rapidly in her tracks and stared at Eliza. Obviously, they’d had some sort of conversation. Clearly, they’d talked about her and me, and they’d decided to keep away from dating. I didn’t know whether to feel pleased or disappointed about that. “Anyway, I’m off guys. They’re all assholes.”
“Not all guys are the same,” I did my best to reassure her. “Some of us are okay. In fact, some of us treat people well.”
“They’re usually the ones who have had their hearts broken,” Laynee replied with a pout. “Have you? Had your heart broken, I mean?”
Veronica’s face burst into my mind, and I was pretty sure that my expression portrayed that. “Kind of,” I admitted, feeling cold and vulnerable. “But it was a long time ago now.”
“Did that make you want to treat people better?” she persisted, seemingly oblivious to my discomfort.
I couldn’t exactly say, “No, not really. The whole nearly dying thing did that,” so in the end I just agreed. It felt like the easiest option.
“Yeah, I suppose so. I mean, I never went out of my way to hurt anyone, but I suppose I could have been insensitive without realizing it. I don’t think most guys go out of their way to hurt anyone. Some do, I suppose, but for the most part, it’s just accidental selfishness.”
“Yeah, that makes sense.” As Laynee talked, I dared to dart my eyes back to Eliza, who was concentrating hard on my hair, probably not even listening to us. She looked stunning as she worked, in her element. She was so dedicated, like Landon, and she deserved to have her company succeed.
I wanted to offer her my investment, but I already knew she wouldn’t take it. She wouldn’t want to feel indebted to me.
“There,” she finally announced, stepping back away from me. “I think you’re done. What do you think?”
I examined myself carefully, liking the cleaner cut. She had done a good job! “I love it!” I gasped loudly. “Thank you.”
“Well, obviously, it’s on the house.” She waved her hand dismissively at me, but I wasn’t going to take that. I shot her a wink and handed the money to Laynee, who happily snatched it from me and stuffed it into the till in a heartbeat. “Oh, you didn’t have to...” But she could see that it was too late. “Well, thanks.”
I stayed chatting to the girls for a bit, not quite feeling ready to leave, but eventually, the time came around where I had to go. I hated leaving; it made that sad feeling come over me all over again because I wasn’t sure when I’d get to see Eliza again, and my one excuse had been used up. But at least she was still happy around me. At least the strain was gone.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Eliza – Sunday
It was already mid-morning, but I was still lazing around in my pajamas, unable to force myself to even shower, never mind anything else. I just hadn’t quite worked up the energy to get dressed yet, and I didn’t have anywhere that I needed to be and there wasn’t anything forcing me to do so. It wasn’t like I was sharing a cabin with Milo anymore, where I needed to get dressed for him...
It had gotten a little easier, in all honesty. I was more used to being at home now, but I still missed the company. I still missed talking with Milo. In fact, I missed everything about him, but it would only get harder when he went back home. At least he was still in the same town right now; at least I could feel a little bit of closeness to him. Once he was gone, there was no chance of bumping into him at all.
Seeing him at the salon, cutting his hair – it had been an intense experience. There was so much that I wanted to say to him, so many emotions that I still wanted to get out, but I couldn’t. Not with Laynee there, and not when I had no idea how he was feeling about me. It was all too strange.
Plus, I needed to focus to do a good job. I didn’t want to wreck his hair! But it just felt so strange, running my hands over his neck and through his hair. It made me want to... to throw all the hairdressing equipment to one side and jump on top of him. Does he have to be so gorgeous? So tempting? I’d almost leaned forward and licked his ear.
I couldn’t stop myself from wondering why he’d come to see me. Was it just to get his hair cut or did he want something else? Was he trying to let me know that he still wanted me, without actually saying it? I should have gotten rid of Laynee for a while, tried to talk to him alone, but I didn’t. That was silly of me; I had just been so swept away.
I held my phone in my hand and considered writing a text out to him. I could have easily said something breezy, something innocent, just to start a line of communication, and the temptation to do so was killer. Especially when I had nothing to distract me and I was just sitting around thinking about him. At least at work, I had too much else to think about.
Hey, Milo, it’s Eliza. How are you? Just wanted to check in and see if everything is okay at the cabin. And how is Veil? I miss him!
Do I send it? Do I have the guts? It could have sparked something crazy or he could have just ignored it, leaving me to get myself into a tailspin. I just wasn’t sure that it was the wisest thing to do, not when I wasn’t totally sure.
I leaped up at the sound of a knock on my door, terror coursing through my veins. Is that him? Did I somehow manage to conjure him up just by wanting him so badly? He knew where I lived – maybe the visit to the salon the other day was just a test to see how I was feeling, and he’d become confident enough to just turn up at my home...
Oh, my God, and I wasn’t even dressed. I didn’t have anywhere near enough time to get my appearance sorted out. He’d give up and go away if I made him wait that long. What do I do? I glanced from side to side, waiting for a miracle answer to just pop into my brain, but of course, nothing happened. I was going to have to do something.
“Who is it?” I called out tentatively, my whole body shaking with fear. I could hear my heart racing while I waited for an answer. Can I ask him to
wait while I get myself organized? Would that be totally rude?
“It’s me,” Laynee called out, shattering the illusion and causing me to let out a deep sigh of relief. “Let me in, you idiot.”
As I unlocked the door and she tumbled into my apartment, the relief turned into sadness. I was glad that I hadn’t made a total fool of myself, that I didn’t have to face Milo looking like crap, but I also wanted it to be him. I was so desperate to see him, it was driving me insane.
“What’s going on?” I asked curiously, looking her up and down. “Why are you bouncing around like a crazy person?”
“You need cheering up, I need cheering up, so I’ve brought breakfast and I thought we could go out for the day.” She shrugged as if it was obvious. “I need some new clothes and retail therapy is always the answer, no matter what life’s problem is.”
“To be honest, that sounds much better than a day lazing around, driving myself insane,” I told her. “Let me just get dressed. I’m up for that.” Anything to get me outside, out of these four walls. While I was in here by myself, I was in danger of doing something I regretted.
“I think you should buy something nice, too,” Laynee continued a little coyly. “What with Valentine’s day coming up, it’s the perfect chance to knock Milo off his feet.”
Those words stopped me in my tracks. Valentine’s Day... I hadn’t even thought about that. It wasn’t a day that I normally cared much about, but that was because I’d never had anyone that I cared about before. I usually just let it go by without a second glance.
But now, well… now everything had changed. Someone had come into my life and shifted everything about in the most unexpected way possible. Maybe this was the year to do something different...
Okay, so I didn’t have Milo, but it was the closest thing to that, and maybe it could be fun. I couldn’t seem to stop myself from wanting him, however hard I tried, however much I knew it was crazy.
