I take a few steps closer, the distance becoming unbearable.
“You were right. It wasn’t about saving me, but it was about showing me the realm of possibilities once I let myself believe I was worthy. You did that. I found love on your lips, and fuck if I didn’t find freedom in your body. Each and every day you loosened my self imposed shackles just a little bit more. Because of you, I was given a second chance at life, and it was better than I ever expected. I’m asking for a second chance with you, because I know this time I’m going to do it right. I’m going to love you till the world ends and then some.”
My voice cracks with a wave of emotion. “Emerson Lane, come back to me.”
Epilogue
Jagger
“How do you still not know how to dress yourself?” Her hand movements are skilled, tucking and twisting the tie every which way.
Looking in the mirror, I can’t help but get lost in the reflection of us.
Her and I. Me and Her. Emerson and Jagger.
“Maybe I like the way you dress me better.”
“Really?” The smirk on her face is proof she loves it just as much as I do.
“Of course I know how to dress myself, I even know how to do my own tie.”
“Then why do you insist on having me do it?”
“Because it’s for special occasions, and it reminds me of the first time you ever touched me.”
Four years ago, she helped me get dressed on one of the most important days of my life. Now, it’s a tradition I won’t ever break.
My first official job.
When my conditional release ended.
When we got married.
When we met Billie & Bowie, our twin girls.
Their christenings.
Dakota’s graduation.
And now my brother’s wedding.
She places her hands on my shoulders and kisses my neck. “Sometimes, I forget how sweet you can be.”
Turning to face her, I cradle her stomach and lean over our son, comfortably nestled between us. l indulge in the taste of the woman who is the keeper of my world.
“I can’t believe my younger brother is getting married.”
“Don’t let him hear you say that.”
“That he’s my younger brother or I didn’t think he would get married?
“Well, both if we’re being honest.” She straightens my lapels and does up the button on the suit jacket.
“It’s not like it matters. In theory he’s always been my older brother, the one I go to for advice.”
She skims the back of her hand down my scruffy cheek.“But he’s never been a husband.”
“No. I guess he hasn’t.” It’s silly but I smile at the thought of finally being able to impart wisdom on my brother
“What will you tell him?”
“What I wish someone told me.” I sweep her fringe to the side of her face, and stare into the eyes that set me free. “No matter how bad things may seem, time moves and so do we. We’re always learning. We’re always loving. We’re always living.”
REVIVE
A Redemption Novel
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About the Author
Marley Valentine comes from the future. Living in Sydney, Australia with her family, when she's not busy writing her own stories, she spends most of her time immersed in the words of her favourite authors.
Marley Valentine is also half of Remy Blake; a male and female author duo, paired up to have some fun writing steamy, short reads with insta love/lust and a HEA. You can expect twice the debauchery in every novel they write.
Other Books by Marley Valentine:
Devastate | Deviate
Smuttily Ever After (A Bloggers Anthology)
Find Marley
Facebook | Facebook Reader Group | Amazon Author Page | Goodreads Author Page | Twitter | Instagram | Website | BookBub | Newsletter
Prologue
Courtney
“Are you kidding me right now?” Evie asks. “How do you not realize that your period is late?”
“It happens.” I huff loudly.
“Yeah, on Teen Mom.”
“For the love of all that is holy tell me you are not watching that show now.” Evie and I have been sitting in her bathroom for about half an hour, pregnancy tests scattered everywhere. Evie is the closest friend I've had in a long time, and the first person I called to talk me through my meltdown.
I have my phone in my hand, the stopwatch speeding past the two minutes required for the results to show. It looks exactly like a scene from the movies, and everything you dread about real life.
“Don’t try and change the subject, are you knocked up or not?” She tries to lean over and grab one of the numerous sticks sitting on the edge of the sink, but a loud, “No” erupts from my mouth, before I can even think of how rude I sound. Taking a deep breath she steps back, giving me the space I need.
“Okay, let’s start from the top. What’s on your list of pros if the test is positive?” I stare at my friend in awe. She’s the epitome of selfless and she doesn’t even know it. With buried memories, and scars that never heal, I wonder how hard this conversation is for her to have. Having survived multiple miscarriages and the death of a child, her life was stripped of choices that most people take for granted. Evie will never bear children. Yet here I am, having reckless sex with an unavailable man, and toying with the idea of being a single mom.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
“Evie, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called you,” I say honestly. “It was really insensitive of me.”
“Fuck you,” she blurts out.
“What?” My eyes feel like they’re about to pop out of their sockets at her outburst, especially since her harsh tone is directed at me. Normally I would be encouraging her to find her backbone, but the build up of tension between us right now is unexpected and unsettling.
“I’m not made out of glass you know, and this isn’t about me. I’ve spent years unintentionally making things about me. But this isn’t.” She makes her way to the row of pregnancy tests, picking one up, she hands it to me. “You’re my best friend, Court. No matter what, I’m going to be here for you, so what’s it going to be?”
The tone of her voice has softened, and I know she's only trying to help. Reluctantly I take the test out of her hand and let my eyes search for the life-changing results.
Negative.
An unexpected tear falls down my face as relief mixed with disappointment settles over me. My legs weaken, and I feel myself slowly sinking to the floor. The cold from the tiles shoots right through me, and I pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around my legs for warmth. Soon enough Evie is crouched down next to me.
“Want to tell me what’s going on in that head of yours?” I try and process my thoughts.
“I’ve never thought of having a family, well not recently anyway. Husband. House. White picket fence. That hasn't been my dream for a very long time, but when I didn’t see the two pink lines…” I let the truth sit between us while the silence is filled with more unanswered questions.
“It’s okay to change your mind, you know? Wants and needs change,” Evie explains, attempting to comfort my confusion.
“You know I can’t do that. I live my life this way for a reason. Responsibilities that I can’t just turn my back on, there’s no room for wants and needs.”
“And what if you were pregnant, huh?” She challenges. “You can’t keep putting yourself last.”
“That’s not what I’m doing,” I argue. “I’m very happy with the way things are.”
“Are you?” She stands up and walks toward the bathroom door, her hand on the handle and head turned back looking at me. “Because from where I’m standing there’s a woman sitting on the bathroom floor, crying and wanting more.”
Her words hit me hard. I watch her walk out and let the unhappiness consume me. I
know this isn’t about just the baby. Elliot and I are fuck buddies at best, there’s no room there for long term, even if he were interested. And being a single mom isn't what I want for my child. But I’m a junkie. I’m addicted to an endless pattern of poor decisions, unmet standards, and unexpressed ambitions. I’ve been everyone’s punching bag for far too long, and I’ve forgotten about me. Everything is a quick fix, an instant high to change up the monotony of my life. Wanting to run away from the sadness, and feel a momentary sense of euphoria. But Evie is right; I don’t want to be that person anymore. I deserve better. I just have to tell myself I’m going to break the habit. Start fresh.
My phone beeps and a message from Elliot appears on my screen
Elliot: Tonight?
Do I need to give up every bad habit?
Chapter One
Elliot
I run my hand down my face in frustration; this week at work has kicked my ass, and my second bottle of beer is proving to be ineffective at releasing the tension from my body. Tonight is a co-worker’s bachelor party. I hardly know him, but being the new guy in the office means I’m stepping out of my comfort zone to ‘fit’ in. Ever since leaving Cohen & Sons, I’ve been doing my best to find my feet and get to know my colleagues. It’s a lot different from my last job, and everyone is a lot older and more experienced, but career-wise, this was the best move for me. So with a fake smile on my face, I take a large sip of beer and suck it up.
My phone beeps with a message from Lior, telling me he’ll be here in five minutes. I chuckle to myself because he has no idea what he’s about to walk into. It’s a sectioned off private party, with the worst music known to man playing in the background. Combine that with scantily clad dressed waitresses, serving appetizers and drinks to a bunch of middle-aged men; his reaction will be priceless.
Lior and I met twelve months ago when he moved to the city from Colorado. Working for the same company meant we became friends quickly; your typical bromance the ladies in the office used to say. Now between my new job and him being unapologetically in love with Evie, his girlfriend, a boys night out is rare.
From the corner of my eye, I notice Lior stop and take in the atmosphere. He's undeniably confused and irritated. He doesn’t even bother looking for me, he grabs his cell out of his pocket and furiously taps on the screen. I reach for my phone anticipating the ribbing.
Lior: I’m going to fucking kill you.
Me: I’m sitting near the doors that lead outside.
I watch him walk with purpose. Our whole friendship is based on pulling one up on the other, and if I had to come here, he was suffering with me.
He sits down on the available bar stool next to me. “What the fuck, man?”
“What?” I retort, playing dumb.
“This place? Really? I’m not even sure Evie would like me hanging here with all the practically naked women.”
“Don’t try and get out of it using Evie, I already told her all about it.” Evie and I are basically family, so it isn’t unusual that we speak and have a relationship beyond Lior. Previously married to my half-brother, she and I got to know one another after he died a few years back. It hasn’t always been smooth sailing, but since Lior and Evie have been together, their happiness has had me setting my own “romantic standards” very high. High enough that I may have purposefully made them impossible and unattainable.
“So, why are we here?” Lior asks, just as a waitress holding a tray of beer stops next to us. He avoids eye contact at all cost, grabbing a beer for both of us. I leave more than enough for a tip on the tray. Just to make up for his awkwardness.
“Thanks,” I say as she walks away.
“Don’t you feel like a seedy old man being here? The more I concentrate on looking at their faces instead of staring at their boobs, the harder it is,” he admits.
I laugh at his revelation, even though he’s one hundred percent right. When you’re trying to be as gentlemanly as possible, you end up looking like a rude prick for not talking.
“It’s Joe’s bachelor party, but I think the waitresses are for everybody else’s viewing pleasure because I’m certain he’s marrying someone named David.”
“Couldn’t he just organize a golf day or something?”
“This feels more like a client schmoozing party if you ask me, he’s invited way more people than necessary. And I recognize a lot of them from our rather large company meetings.”
“I guess inviting all the top dogs is a sure way to get noticed. Free alcohol and food, who would turn it down?” he says sarcastically. “So how you been? Evie’s been worried about you.”
The quick change in subject catches me off guard. “What? Why?”
“She says you and Courtney haven’t been speaking.”
I don't know what irritates me more, that they're speaking about us or that Courtney is telling Evie things I want to know. “You guys know that we’re not together, right? And if we don’t feel like talking to one another it’s not really anyone’s business,” I snap. The mention of Courtney has the tension in my shoulders tightening to the point of pain. We haven’t spoken in weeks, and I don’t even know whose idea it was to stop. All I know is that what we do is between her and I, everybody else needs to keep their thoughts to themselves.
“No worries, dude,” he says, lifting his arms up in defeat. “Don’t shoot the messenger.”
I exhale loudly. “Sorry.” I concede. He doesn't need to cop the brunt of it, and maybe it would do good to speak about her. Maybe if I let the words come out of my mouth, I can free her from my mind.
It's eleven o’clock at night, and there's an incessant knocking at the front door. Evie and Lior are on a date tonight, and even if she isn't home yet, I know it’s not her because she has keys.
“Who is it?” I shout across the room.
“It's me, Court.” Her voice is jumpy and frazzled on the other side of the door. I reach the door and open it quickly. I see a usually poised Courtney standing there with streak marks running down her face.
“Court, what's wrong?”
“Is Evie home?” she asks, her eyes darting straight past me.
“No, she's on a date with Lior. At his place.”
“Fuck, I forgot.” Her body is literally bouncing, if she could come right out of her skin, she would. She turns to walk back to the elevator, but something pulls at me, pushing me to call her back.
“Court,” I shout across the hall. She ignores me. I'm not okay with her leaving like this. I jog up behind her, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Court, wait.”
Courtney has indirectly become an important part of my life. She’s Evie’s best friend. She’s responsible for helping Evie return back to the land of the living, even if right now she looks like she’s the one who needs saving.
She turns and her green eyes cut straight through me. They’re bloodshot. Red around the rims, enhancing the depth of her emerald irises. Tears filling up just as fast as they're falling, her sadness speaks to me. “You can’t leave. Not like this,” I tell her. “Evie would kill me. Come inside.”
She wipes her nose with the edge of her sleeve and shakes her head. “No, it’s ok. I should've remembered she had plans, I’m just going to go home.”
I reach out, stopping her from walking away. Her gaze drifts between our joined hands and back up to my face. Her eyes are a kaleidoscope of emotions. Fear, pain, confusion, and curiosity; each feeling stirring up shit of my own I’ve kept hidden. Memories I’ve been trying to bury deep. Looking at her, I want to hold and comfort her. I wish I could tell Courtney everything will be okay. More importantly, I wish I believed it.
Pulling her close, we’re finally face to face, near enough that our breaths are mingling and our chests are touching. I use my thumbs to wipe her tear stained face while my eyes remain focused on her lips. This is wrong, but for a split second, I drown out the truth and believe the lie. I need her to want this distraction as much as I do, I cup my hands on either side of her f
ace, and selfishly, I kiss her. When the seconds feel like minutes, I pull back, only to have her hands circle my neck and pull me toward her. Her kiss has fervor and purpose as she takes the lead. I let my tongue swipe the seam of her mouth. The salty taste of her tears, drives me to make her forget. It turns from hesitant to heady in no time, and I let my hands roam down her body to cup her ass. I push her into my hard length; she moans. Bending at the knees ever so slightly, I lift her up. Naturally, her legs wrap around my waist. I walk us back into the apartment, slamming the door with cause. Right here and now, it’s only us. Every painful secret is on the other side of that wall, and while she’s with me, that’s where it will stay.
We reach the bedroom, and I let her body slide off of me, slowly. Standing at the edge of the bed, with no expectation of finesse and romance, we begin to take off our own clothes. No longer glassy and sad, her eyes are filled with need and desperation. As each layer falls to the floor, we let our eyes wander all over our bare bodies. There’s no doubt she’s a showstopper, but when I first met her my head was in the clouds; preoccupied with life. I didn’t appreciate the full beauty that is Courtney. But now, with every inch of her available to me, there is nobody else I would rather share this moment of weakness with.
I resume our kiss from earlier, our tongues entwining at a faster pace; caressing and exploring. The adrenaline picks up, and I lower her onto the bed. The heat of our bodies surrounds us in a blanket of lust. I skate my lips down the length of her neck, nipping and licking. “Are you sure about this?” I ask.
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