“But you said you found me when I was young, why wasn’t I killed then?” asked Test.
Lauren placed her face in her hands and let out a deep sigh. “We didn’t know that you were a child. When I arrived and discovered that you could barely walk, I couldn’t bring myself to harm you. It was one thing to dispose of someone who could defend themselves, but to harm a child….” A sudden softness had come over her. “I always turned killing someone into a sort of twisted game. When I realized it was you that I’d been sent after, for the first time since I was—human—I had a conscience. I couldn’t go through with it.”
A heavy silence had taken over the room. Test watched painfully as his mother, her form not completely solid, cried in her seat as she watched the flames in the fireplace lap into the air.
Lauren stood and walked to her and held out her hand, the faint pulses of red light flickering down her arm. Maggie reached out and, with the energy Lauren offered, became solid once again.
“I watched the two of you for a while,” said Lauren, fighting back tears of her own. “I know how hard it was for you, how crazy it made you to know that something was different about your son and not being able to tell anyone. I know this because I lived it myself. No human can understand what we are.” She glanced to Alyssa. “Well, almost no one,” she said with a smile. She turned back to Maggie and continued. “I know it was a hard choice, putting Test on medication at such a young age, but it saved his life.”
With Lauren’s last words Maggie broke down completely. With her elbows perched on her knees, she sobbed heavily into her hands. Lauren caressed the back of her head gently.
“I left Nebraska after Test’s powers faded, and told Anil that I had disposed of you. I knew what this could mean if your powers ever reemerged, but I had no other choice. I lived a life filled with internal conflict for many years. The conscience that had returned upon the sight of you seemed to hang around long after I’d left Lincoln. Anil noticed this, began to question my dedication, and forced me to take even more lives—which I did—just to save my own.” As she spoke, the pain was apparent in her words. “More so than ever before, my life had become a tortured existence.” She paused and looked to Test with a painful expression. “And then the day came that your powers resurfaced.” She watched as Test hung his head in shame. “Never before had I been as scared as I was that day. I was summoned by Anil to the home of Isaac. It was a rare occasion to be invited to his home, and something in me knew that I shouldn’t go—so I didn’t. Instead, I phased to the other side and disappeared to where we now sit. I’ve lived a quiet existence looking over my shoulder for the last year, waiting for them to come for me, and not caring about what would happen to you.”
Test stood and walked to the window that looked over the back of the property. “So what made you change your mind?” he asked somberly.
“You showed up again,” replied Lauren. “The fact that you were so close to me, just a state away, only served to intensify my fear. Fact is, I had grown to resent you.” She paused as he turned and looked at her. “When I saw the news about the possibility of a meteor crash just outside of Saratoga, something in me knew it was you. It only took a day for me to decide that I was going to finish what Anil and Isaac had intended for me to do so many years ago.” Maggie gasped while Alyssa sat stoically in her seat, in awe of all that she was hearing. “I went to Saratoga that night. When I arrived, I saw all of the military vehicles and knew that I was right—it was you. I phased to the other side and listened in on what their plans were. I learned where you lived by eavesdropping on the man named Dawson.
“I immediately went to the hotel, entered your room and, discovering you weren’t there, waited patiently for you to return. I sat at the window for an hour or so until I saw a station wagon pull into the parking lot and park in front of the hotel lobby. The last time I’d seen you, you were just a toddler, but I remembered the scar on your cheek. As you stood and watched the car drive away, you pulled your hair behind your ear, exposing the scar for me to easily see. When I saw your torn clothes and bloodied arms I knew it was you, and not a meteorite that crashed at the lake.
“I phased and left the room, walking slowly towards you in the parking lot, until I sensed a presence in the area. You were looking across the street and I turned to see what it was that you were staring at. It was then that I saw the youthful version of Cliff.
“With your attention elsewhere, I began towards you, ready to end your life, but after two steps, Cliff appeared before me. Before I could say or do anything, he greeted me by using my name. It confused me.” She turned to Maggie whose eyes were as big as saucers. “My first thought was that he was another Reaper sent to get Test, and that I would be an extra catch that would earn this small black man some rank with Isaac. I turned from him and, with the speed we possess on the other side, ran a couple of blocks to get away. When I stopped, Cliff was right beside me. I stared at him fearfully, and watched as he changed into his older self. An instant wash of relief came over me as it was then that I realized he was only a ghost and not a Reaper.
“He began to talk to me and told me that he had seen me before, in a vision while he was alive.” She turned back to Test who continued to lean heavily on the window. “He told me of his relationship with you and how he had tried to help you.” Her voice began to break up. “He told me that he knew why I was there.” The tears began to stream down her face. “He told me that it didn’t have to end this way. I didn’t have to be a murderer anymore.” She looked to the ceiling and took a couple of deep breaths. “Without saying anything back to him, I phased back to the world of the living and pulsed high into the air. I landed just outside of town on a dirt road that led to nowhere. I walked for what must have been miles, hearing his voice repeating in my head, over and over the same message.
You don’t have to be a murderer anymore.
Emotionally exhausted, Lauren knelt down in front of Maggie and placed her hands on the older woman’s knees. “That little old man reminded me of who I was and who I wanted to be. I decided that I was going to help Test in whatever way I could. I went back and found Cliff hanging around the hotel. We talked for hours. It was then that he learned what Test really was. I told him my story—how I came to be the monster I’d become.” She turned her head slowly and looked to Test who was watching her with a pained look of his own.
“We came up with a plan. You didn’t yet know he had even passed away, and he was afraid that if we both came to you at once that the shock would be too great. I agreed to disappear for a day or two and let Cliff contact you.” With a giggle she glanced to Alyssa. “If only he’d known about your gift sooner, things might have been a little easier.” She stood and walked to Test’s side. “I wasn’t here when the humans came to the hotel for you. In fact, when I returned the next day, you had already been captured. I never in a million years thought it possible for a human to capture a Shadow.”
Test turned and spoke in a slightly defensive manner. “It wasn’t the humans that…”
“I know, I know,” giggled Lauren. “I was just trying to liven’ you up a little.” She smiled at him playfully.
Test rolled his shoulders, his muscles having grown tense from the whiplash of moods that Lauren had presented in the last hour.
Maggie stared lovingly at Test and realized just how much this girl reminded her of her son.
“Anyway,” Lauren continued, “the rest is history and here we are.”
Test turned away from the window and sat back in the chair by the fireplace. He thought for a moment, and then asked, “So, why didn’t they come after me in Lincoln?”
Lauren walked firmly across the hard wood floors, her steps echoing in the room, and regained her seat on the couch. “I don’t know,” she replied. “With you as public as you were, and with all of the military involvement, my guess is that they let you go in hopes that eventually you would do something stupid.” She grinned. “Which you did.”
Test dropped his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. “So they waited for me to hide, and then waited for me to lose it?”
“Pretty much, that’s my guess,” replied Lauren. “Most Shadows are cursed with a lack of self-control. It kinda comes with the package.”
From her chair, Maggie began to laugh. The sound of it cut through the heaviness of the room like a wrecking ball through a brick wall.
“What’s so funny, Mom,” asked Test.
“Nothing, honey, nothing at all.” She leaned back in her seat and rolled her head towards Alyssa.
Through all of it, Lauren’s speech and Maggie’s laughter, Alyssa remained motionless in her chair and stared blankly at the fire.
With a smile still on her face, Maggie asked Alyssa, “You alright, hon?”
Alyssa shifted her eyes from the fire and rested her gaze upon Test. “How is this all going to end? I mean,” she paused, choosing her words carefully, “I thought that all of this was over. I thought that even though, I’m…” she choked. “I thought that even though I’m not—alive—that we could settle down and be at peace.”
Lauren let out a ‘humpf’ sound. “That’s what you get for thinkin’”
“Shut the fuck up, Lauren,” shouted Test as he jumped from his chair.
An immediate shockwave of energy shot towards Lauren, causing the coffee table in front of her to slide into her legs. She quickly stood.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” she yelled with her palms held up towards Test. She turned to Alyssa. “I’m sorry, seriously I am. I’ve lived by myself long enough now where I think the filter between my brain and my mouth is broken.” She held a faint smile on her lips, hoping that she would see it reflected back to her on any of their faces. Seeing that her hopes wouldn’t come to fruition, she continued to speak as she pushed the coffee table away from her legs. “Look you guys, the fact is that none of us can know how this is going to end, least of all me. I’m truly sorry for what happened to you, Alyssa. Unfortunately those closest to a Shadow tend to get the short end of the stick.” Her eyes dropped to the floor.
Test then remembered the story Cliff had told him about Lauren’s brother. She’d already lived everything and more that Test was going through. He let his anger fade and took a deep breath. He tilted his head from side to side, stretching his neck in another attempt to relax himself.
“Look, we’re all in this together,” he said and then glanced to Alyssa, “none of us by choice. Lauren knows things that none of us do. She can help me stay alive.”
As soon as the word ‘alive’ left his mouth, an enormous wave of guilt washed over him as he saw Alyssa fade from view.
“Alyssa!” Test shouted, but she was gone.
“She’s gone, Test,” said Maggie in a loud voice as she stood from her chair. “Let her go. I think she just needs some time alone.”
The guilt within him was crushing, and any thought of saving himself took a back seat to somehow comforting Alyssa.
Lauren pushed the coffee table away from her a short distance more. With a shaking voice, she spoke. “I know I come off as a heartless bitch, Mrs. Davis, but the truth is that I want to make things right. I’ve lived most of my life as a Reaper; I honestly couldn’t say how many I’ve killed.” Maggie looked up to her with a blank expression. “I know just saying that sounds heartless, but I can’t change what I’ve done or who I was. The only thing I can do, going forward, is to help your son become what the Reapers think he was meant to be.”
Maggie looked to Test and then back to Lauren. “And what is that?” she asked softly.
Lauren inhaled deeply and with a serious voice replied. “The one Shadow that could destroy Isaac.”
The mood of the room, already suffering from a tremendously heavy weight, suddenly became even heavier. Test stared blankly out the window, Lauren’s words barely registering within his mind.
With a sweet motherly voice, Maggie replied to Lauren. “I think we could all use a breather.” She walked towards Lauren and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. “We can talk more later.”
Having felt the first ounce of compassion that she’d felt in a lifetime within Maggie’s touch, Lauren nodded her head gently and returned a smile.
Chapter 6
Test walked out the back door and rested his palms on the porch railing with his head hanging low. Though it always seemed that his emotions were in a constant state of flux, he felt that at any moment he could just close his eyes and give up. He resented himself for his comment to Alyssa, but even more so, he resented himself for the fact that anyone he comes into contact with seemed to suffer.
A gentle rain began to fall and he lifted his head, holding his face to the sky so the drops pelted his skin. It was then that he felt the newly familiar tug on the front of his chest. For a moment, he’d forgotten what he’d learned just a short time ago, but then realized what it meant.
“Alyssa,” he called aloud.
As soon as the words left his mouth, he felt the sensation move across his chest and to his left side. He turned into it.
“Alyssa?”
This time the sensation moved to the right and once more he turned so that it centered on his chest.
“I know you’re there. Can we talk?” he asked remorsefully, but received no reply.
He turned, walked down the steps, and upon centering the sensation on his chest once again, began to walk in her direction. As he entered the tree line, he could feel her moving left to right, and each time he followed. The game of cat and mouse lasted only a minute and as quickly as he could take a breath, the sensation was on his back.
“How can you do that?”
Alyssa’s voice came from nowhere. Test turned and began to pulse lightly, offering his energy to her. He waited for her to appear, but she didn’t. He knew she was still there, the pull on his chest telling him that she hadn’t moved.
“Please, Alyssa. I’m so sorry about before. I didn’t mean…”
Before he could finish, the faint outline of her frame came into view. She stopped, midway between visible and not. Test’s heart ached at the look on her face. Her eyes were sad and her lips were turned down on the edges.
With her arms folded tightly across her torso, she asked once more. “How can you do that?”
“Do what?” asked Test, the urge to comfort her forcing the original question from his mind.
With her chin held low towards her chest, her gaze shifted between Test and the forest floor. “How can you follow me when I’m on the other side? How do you know where I am?”
Test hung his thumbs on his jean pockets as he replied. “I can feel you.”
Alyssa furrowed her brow in confusion.
“I get a feeling, like someone is pulling me. It centers on my chest and as you move, the sensation moves. As long as I keep it centered on my chest, I know I’m moving in the right direction.”
“When did you learn that trick?” she asked.
“This morning, with Lauren,” he replied. “I think it’s something I’ve always felt, for a while now anyways, but I never knew what it was. I just wrote it off as a byproduct of stress.” He grinned, hoping to see a glimmer of relief on her face, but it didn’t come. “With gho…,” he stopped himself but saw her cringe as he started to say the word. He rubbed his face and took a deep breath before continuing. “With people from the other side, it almost becomes as if there is a blank spot in a painting. I can feel the energy of the surroundings, and the hole that is the spirit is tugging at me.”
Alyssa shifted her feet and replied. “That’ll come in handy, huh?”
Test’s face twisted and he recoiled in confusion. “What does that mean?”
With a quivering voice, Alyssa replied. “I wouldn’t blame you, you know.”
“What are you talking about? I don’t understand.”
“If you wanted her—over me.”
Test took a step towards her, but stopped when she took a step back. “Who are you tal
king about?”
“Lauren.”
Test began to laugh. “You can’t be serious. Lauren?”
Alyssa instantly went invisible. “I don’t know what’s funny about that.”
“Oh come on, Alyssa,” he replied, feeling the tug on his chest that told him she still stood before him. “Lauren is—well—to put it bluntly, she’s a bitch. Even my moody ass can’t keep up with her.” Test heard her giggle softly. “The only person I want in this world,” he paused, “or any other for that matter, is you.”
He held out his hand, forcing the pulses to energize a little harder. The light from within shone dimly in the overcast light of the forest. He offered his hand to her, palm up, a warm red glow coming from its center. He felt her take it and watched happily as she came into view. With her transition complete, he marveled at how beautiful she was. Her dark skin and long sandy blonde hair looked as perfect as it ever had. He wrapped his hand around hers tightly and pulled her into him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and nestled her head into his chest.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, pulling away just for a moment to kiss his chest.
Test gripped her even more tightly. “Don’t say that. Never in a million lifetimes will you ever have to tell me you’re sorry.”
There was a moment of silence, and between the two of them they shared a moment of peace. With a deep cleansing breath, Test asked, “Are you cold?”
She pulled away and looked at him with a crooked smile.
Test rolled his eyes. “Jeeze. That was pretty stupid, huh?”
She nodded her head and gave him a pat on the chest. Stepping to his side, she took his right hand into her left and began to lead him deeper into the woods.
“What are we doing?” asked Test.
The Reverence of One: Book Three of the Shadow Series Page 4
