“No, you aren’t.” She turned away and sat on the edge of the love seat, suddenly too weary to continue the argument. “Deck, I can’t do this. I can’t—”
“You don’t have to.” Before she could evade him, he was behind her, his big body warm against her as he put his arms around her and drew her back to lie against his broad chest. “Let me take care of you, honey. Marry me and let me worry about everything.”
She lay against him, listening to the steady beat of his heart beneath her ear, her body warming to the touch of his hands on her even as she resisted relaxing into the comforting embrace. “How can I trust you?” she whispered in an anguished voice.
His arms tightened around her. “I can’t answer that one. All I can do is promise you that after we’re married you and the baby will be the most important things in my life.”
She was silent, her mind a swimming jumble of disconnected thoughts. She loved him so much. Having his arms around her again, trying not to think of his offer of marriage, she thought that this must be her personal punishment for all the bad things she’d ever done in her entire life.
Could she marry him knowing that he didn’t love her? He made no bones about his interest in the baby—she’d be playing second fiddle to this child and others that came along in the years to come. It wasn’t supposed to be like that. Could she do it?
She froze as she realized what she was thinking. More children? She could see them learning to ride as they learned to walk, children who looked like Marty’s beautiful little charmer, Cheyenne.
She didn’t want to be married for the child she carried any more than she’d wanted to be married for the money that came with her family name. But as she looked into the days and weeks and years of the future, she couldn’t see another man ever taking Deck’s place in her heart. Would it be enough to share his life and his children, to know that he would never love her the way she wanted, needed him to?
The answer, when she set aside her wounded pride and her feelings of betrayal, was simple. She’d rather live with him than without him. Period. No matter that she wasn’t the most important thing in his life. She would have part of him, a vital part, and they would share something special and irreplaceable in the family they would create together.
“All right,” she said quietly. “I’ll marry you.”
His muscles bunched as her words penetrated, and she thought he held his breath for a moment. Then his big frame relaxed again, and the arms around her tightened. He bent his head and kissed her temple. “You won’t regret it. I promise.”
Then his hands slipped to her waist, lifting and turning her until she lay across his lap, her head cradled in one of his arms. He bent his head to hers, muttering, “I went crazy when I found out you were gone. Don’t ever do that to me again.”
And as Silver opened her mouth beneath his purposeful kiss, her heart shattered into even smaller pieces. His words were bittersweet, because she knew the only reason he’d gotten so frantic was because he’d learned she carried his child.
Ten
She was too quiet. Ever since she’d agreed to marry him she’d been like this, he thought. It was nothing he could put his finger on, exactly, nothing he could pinpoint. But Silver lacked some vital spark that she’d had before.
Was she having second thoughts? Deck had to admit that if he were Silver he’d think twice about giving up the obvious wealth her father had. Although the Stryker outfit did well, he would never be able to give her the things her family could…the things that the “right” kind of socially acceptable man could. Was she sorry she’d be losing all that?
He sure as hell hoped not, because there was no way he was letting her go. He hadn’t come after her only to lose her again. He was pretty sure she loved him, pretty sure that even if she hadn’t loved him the first time he’d made love to her, she’d fallen in love with him soon after. A woman couldn’t fake something like that. Could she?
She’d thought for a long time before she’d finally agreed to marry him, and he’d wondered what was going on behind those beautiful eyes of hers. As the silence had stretched without an answer, he’d been halfway to panic for fear she would refuse.
Right now another pair of eyes as beautiful as Silver’s were assessing him with frank thoroughness across the dining room table. Silver’s mother—and Cal’s mother, too, he thought—had invited him to come to dinner that same evening after Silver had broken the news of their impending marriage and parenthood to her parents. Her father had offered surprisingly little resistance, though Deck was sure the man considered him little more than another opportunistic gold digger out for his daughter’s inheritance. Well, time would take care of that misconception, so he wasn’t going to worry about it.
What he was worried about was Mrs. Jenssen. Silver obviously cared a great deal for her parents; their opinions would be important to her. And though she certainly knew him well enough to discount her father’s fears, she might listen to a mother who didn’t consider him a suitable husband. After all, this was the woman who’d hated life on the prairie so much she’d left behind her husband and infant son when she’d decided to leave and go back East. No, he wasn’t going to feel comfortable until Silver wore his ring on her finger and he had her back in South Dakota with him where she belonged.
“So, Mr. Stryker, tell us about your ranch. I remember your mother, but I didn’t live in South Dakota long enough to make many lasting memories.” Mrs. Jenssen took a bite of her meal, set down her fork and folded her hands in her lap, looking at him in inquiry. Hell. He’d never liked being the center of attention. This was going to be one long damned meal.
“My brother and I run an Angus cow-calf outfit in southwestern South Dakota. We’re on the edge of the Badlands, about an hour from the eastern edge of the Black Hills.” He paused, but Silver’s parents waited expectantly. “There’s plenty of room for two families on the land. Silver and I will probably build our own place.”
Silver tilted her head at that, and her eyebrows rose. He realized they hadn’t even discussed elementary issues like where they’d live, and he shut his mouth with a snap. He was done explaining things.
“Silver hasn’t told us how you met,” said her father.
Great. He guessed he wasn’t done explaining. But before he could begin to tell her parents what he’d done, Silver stepped into the silence. “Deck and his brother grew up with Cal. Cal’s ranch adjoins Deck’s.” She smiled across the corner of the table at him, and he wondered if he was the only one who could see the shadows clouding her bright eyes. “Actually, we ran into each other in the literal sense in the grocery store the first time we met.”
Silver stopped speaking, and her parents both nodded, apparently satisfied with her brief version of events. He cleared his throat and reached across the table, determined to erase those shadows in her eyes. “I knew the moment I saw her that I wanted her to be mine.”
But her eyes didn’t lighten. Instead she dropped her gaze to her plate. If he didn’t know better, he would think he’d embarrassed her.
“Well.” Her mother daintily dabbed her napkin at the corners of the perfect lipstick on her lips. “Have you decided on a date for the wedding? There’s a lot to do in a short amount of time. I’ll have to contact the caterer, the florist and find some suitable musicians. Invitations will have to go out this week. We can have the reception here. I suppose we could even have the wedding here if we can’t find an appropriate church. I wonder if there’d be any chance that the university chapel would be free on a Saturday or even a Sunday…. I’ll call over there and find out—”
“Mother. We don’t want a big wedding.” Silver spoke quietly but he detected a note of desperation in her voice. It matched the way he felt at the prospect of a huge formal affair like the one her mother obviously had in mind.
“Of course not, dear, given the circumstances. We should be able to keep it under one hundred and fifty. Will anyone from your family attend?” She looked expect
antly at Deck.
“No, Mother. You don’t understand.” Silver clutched his hand, her fingers digging painfully into his palm. “Not a hundred and fifty. Not even fifty. No elaborate plans, no reception. We could even be married at the courthouse.”
At the courthouse? He wasn’t thrilled at the thought of a fancy wedding, but the idea of a civil ceremony didn’t sit well. He turned to her mother, whose mouth was opening and closing soundlessly, quickly jumping into the breach before the woman could get wound up again. “Silver and I need to talk about this before we make any plans. Excuse us.”
Surging to his feet, he kept his grip on Silver’s hand. She rose, still avoiding his eyes, and allowed him to lead her toward the kitchen door. He towed her through the kitchen, nodding to Lyddie, the maid—the maid, for God’s sake—and moved right on out to the steps that led off the patio into a quaint little formal rose garden. At least the gardener wasn’t around. There was a small stone bench at the far end, and he took her to it, pulling her down beside him. “All right, talk.”
For the first time since he’d told her parents he’d wanted her, she met his eyes. “What is there to say?”
He nearly exploded. “How the hell should I know? You’ve been acting funny the whole day since you agreed to marry me. Is it that terrible a prospect?”
“I’m facing some momentous changes in my life,” she said with quiet dignity. She linked her fingers together in her lap, and he could see the tension in her tight grip. “Marriage, motherhood, moving halfway across the country…”
He heard the quaver in her voice, and he’d never felt more helpless in his whole life. Because of him, she was dealing with all of those things. At once.
Not knowing what else to do, he put his arms around her and drew her to him, resting his cheek against her silky hair. “You don’t have to do any of those things alone. This marriage is going to be a partnership all the way.” He was distracted by the light, gentle fragrance that emanated from her warm body, the softness of her curves beneath his hands, and he slid his palms up and down her back soothingly, enjoying the contact.
“Deck—” She hesitated, then drew back from his caressing hands. “I’m not sure this is a good idea. I know you want to be a father to your child, but marriage is a big step—”
Panic rose up and grabbed him by the throat faster than the words could leave her mouth. He gripped both her upper arms and held her so she couldn’t walk away from him. “We’re getting married. Period.”
“No.” She shook her head, and he could see tears pooling in her eyes. “I don’t think we are.”
“Why not?” he demanded, and he could hear the panic in his voice. “I already told you that if you can’t live out West we can stay here. And I know you love me, so that’s not the problem.”
“But that’s exactly the problem.” She wrenched herself away from him and scrambled to her feet, and the tears she’d been fighting made silver rivers down her cheeks. Her voice trembled and broke. “I know you want me now, but what happens when the sex isn’t enough? You won’t always feel like this about me. What will happen then?”
He stared at her, wondering what in hell she was talking about. His stomach twisted into a tight knot at the thought of losing her; she had to marry him. “Of course I’ll always feel like this about you. Why wouldn’t I?”
She raised a hand and swiped a tear from her cheek, her agitation visible. “Oh, don’t be so dense! I’m not going to be pretty about seven months from now when I resemble a hippo more than a woman. And eventually I’m going to age. Wrinkles, stretch marks maybe, gray hair.” She made wild gestures with her hands, and he rose, snagging her flailing fists and holding her still.
“Will you still love me when I go gray?” he asked.
She gazed up at him blankly. Then she said quietly, “The way I feel about you isn’t going to change with age.”
“Exactly.” He drew her in and pinned her against his chest when she would have struggled away. “So why do you think I’ll love you any less?”
“I—what?” She stopped struggling and went dead still beneath his hands. The color left her face, and he had a serious moment of fear that she was going to faint right in front of him.
And then it hit him.
She’d been his since the first time he’d seen her. And once they’d made love, she’d worn her feelings on her sleeve. Though she hadn’t said it aloud until this evening, he’d known she loved him, had accepted the precious gift without a second thought. He’d been so sure of her love that he’d hopped on a plane for the first time in his life and come after her, even though he’d taken her heart and trampled it beneath his heel only days before.
No wonder she didn’t think he loved her! What had he done to let her know how much she meant to him? He wasn’t big on romantic gestures, hadn’t ever spent a moment reassuring her the way he knew women needed. Remorse peppered his conscience with relentless force.
He still was holding her between his hands and she still was staring at him as if he’d grown a third eye. Gently he slipped his hands from her arms up to cup her shoulders.
“I said I love you,” he told her. “I’ve never been good with words, and I should have told you before. I will love you for the rest of my life. Our lives,” he amended. “Why the hell else would I offer to live here if I didn’t?” He drew her close, wrapping his arms around her and aligning her body with his in the familiar position that made her purr deep in her throat. “Now will you please marry me?”
She slid her arms around his neck as her face began to glow, and he watched the sparkle come back into the eyes he’d been unable to forget since their very first meeting. “I’d be happy to marry you,” she said with a catch in her voice. “Will you say it again?”
“I love you.” He grinned, feeling like hooting and hollering and imagining her mother’s shocked reaction if he did. “I wouldn’t mind hearing it, either.”
She looked startled. “You know I love you. Don’t you?” She blushed. “After the way I was with you…didn’t you know?”
“I was pretty sure.” He shrugged. “But it’s nice to know for sure.” He bent his head and found her lips, murmuring against her mouth, “No more tears, now. We have something better to do.” Then he tore himself away from the kiss that threatened to flame out of control, looking over her head at the big house with its wide windows at the far end of the yard. “Is there any place on this property where we can’t be seen from those damned windows?”
Silver laughed aloud as she slipped from his arms and drew him farther into the garden. “I imagine we can find something if we look hard enough.”
Two weeks later Deck moved into position at the altar of the little stone chapel on the campus of the University of Virginia. The strains of some lilting piece of music swelled as Cal took his place beside him and they watched one of Silver’s cousins make her way to the altar at a measured pace.
Silver’s mother had compromised, and the guest list had numbered less than fifty, all immediate family. And all hers, since his couldn’t be there. But he’d refused to wait any longer than two weeks, and when she realized he was serious about flying back to South Dakota and marrying there, Mrs. Jenssen had stopped cajoling and started planning.
A motion at the rear of the church caught his eye, and he looked back to see his bride coming toward him on her father’s arm.
She was so beautiful he couldn’t believe she was going to be his. Her gown was simple, baring her smooth ivory shoulders and brushing the floor with each step she took. Around her neck she wore her mother’s pearls and in her ears were the pearl-and-diamond drops he’d given her the night before. She glowed with a special inner light that came from either love or pregnancy, he wasn’t sure which.
Thinking of the night before made his mind leap ahead to the night to come. The past two weeks had dragged. He’d gone back to South Dakota after agreeing upon the details of the wedding and the date of the ceremony, working with Marty to get t
he ranch in shape so that he could take some time for a honeymoon in a few weeks.
He’d come back East yesterday for the wedding rehearsal, bringing Cal along to be his best man, since both he and Marty couldn’t leave the ranch at the same time. When she’d realized that he and her brother had truly reconciled their differences, Silver had been visibly touched and openly thrilled.
He was less exuberant, but he felt pleased with the peace that had settled into his mind since he’d let go of his misplaced anger and self-hatred. His anguish over Genie’s death had gentled, as well, to aching regret and sad acceptance. And there was another balm to soothe his heart, as he thought of Lyn. He’d played a part in saving her life, and she was doing well. Silver had conned Cal into hiring her as his housekeeper and she would be staying at his ranch once the doctors felt she was strong enough to resume normal activities.
And as his silver-eyed bride, the instrument of his salvation from himself, left her father and took his hand before the minister, he knew he owed his peace of mind to her. Silver had come into his life and forced him to confront himself. She’d healed the raw places inside him and filled every corner of his being with her love—a love that would be his for the rest of his life.
He turned to speak his vows and had to clear his throat on a sudden surge of emotion, and Silver looked up at him and smiled. In her shining face he saw his future, and he held her gaze with his as he began their life together.
“I, George Deckett Stryker, take you, Silver Anne Jenssen, to be my wife…”
ISBN 978-1-4603-1113-4
SEDUCTION, COWBOY STYLE
Copyright © 2000 by Anne Marie Rodgers
All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the editorial office, Silhouette Books, 300 East 42nd Street, New York, NY 10017 U.S.A.
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