Colin tried to picture what he would look like in that much time. Could he keep Catrina alive, alongside him? Would Jasper still be alive then? What would the world look like in a few hundred years? Everyone he knew would be dead… could he keep more than one person alive, with him?
“What about Meghan?” he wondered. He was still angry with her and could never forgive her, but would he allow her to grow old and die? How did one decide whom to allow to grow old, and whom to save?
Jasper is alone...
Colin wondered why.
Had he failed to save the ones he loved? Had they not wanted to live so many years? Had he decided to live alone on purpose?
Colin leaned his head between his hands suddenly feeling ill. The sway of the boat did not help. I don't want to be this... there has to be a way to stop this from happening... I don't choose this life...
Jasper appeared in front of him, climbing the stairs from below deck. Upon seeing Colin's face, he stopped.
“I may be too old for my own good, but I remember that face as clearly as the day it first happened to me.” His voice held nothing but sympathy.
CHAPTER 46
“Don't forget curfew,” warned Juliska, seeing Meghan about to leave through the front door. Ivan stood nearby, serving as the Banon’s assistant for the afternoon. Pantin Hollee was needed elsewhere.
“Yeah, no worries. Just wanted some fresh air before bed.” Meghan ignored Ivan, seeing as that is all he had been doing for the last two weeks. On a couple of occasions, he had opened his mouth to speak to her, but either nothing came out, or he was interrupted and unable.
“How are the plans coming along for tonight's arrival?” asked Meghan, hoping she sounded interested. Although she would not be attending this one, nor would anyone else, as it was past curfew. Juliska had refused to risk lifting curfew even for this special event, especially after the unexpected visit from Jurekai Fazendiin, one of the immortal Grosvenor, during the last one.
“I feel confident we are ready,” Juliska told her. “We have taken every precaution we can,” she clarified.
Meghan nodded, again noting Ivan avoiding her, and left the house. She did not go far, just down the street to a small park where she plunked down on a bench, watching those still out and about hustle around, trying to finish their business before curfew. The weather was unseasonably warm, which she wished would stick around.
Footsteps approached and she twisted to see Ivan nearing. Without a word, he sat down on the bench next to her, close enough so they could speak in hushed whispers. Not that he did so. He attempted to speak, again, to no avail.
“Shall we play twenty questions? Or charades?” Her tone was mutedly caustic.
“I know you're upset, Meghan,” he spoke low.
“Try pissed.”
“I don't know what to say right now, because what I have to tell you is… frankly, I’m not sure I can utter the words.”
“Utter the words,” she mocked irritatingly. “I am so sick of you right now.” God, if only she could shout and scream and… punch him in the face! Nice… let’s have a tantrum like a child why don’t we…
Ivan stood to leave. “Have you seen Bird today?” he asked softly.
Meghan shook her head. Half in answer to his question, and half in frustration over the fact that Ivan was never going to tell her... anything!
“No,” she told him pointedly. “I have not seen Bird today. Wait, why do you ask?”
“I haven’t seen him all day,” he admitted.
Meghan sat back in dismay. She had been so wrapped up in her own drama she had not even thought about Bird. “Me neither,” she told him, hating herself for not noticing sooner. “Should we be worried?”
Ivan plunked back down with a heavy sigh. “He's probably just lying low, but I’m a bit worried about it.”
A curfew announcement echoed over the island. “Fifteen minutes until curfew is in effect. And let this serve as a reminder that anyone caught out after curfew tonight will be detained! You will be permitted to welcome home the new arrivals tomorrow.”
Ivan stood to leave again, when Meghan blurted out impulsively, “I have reason to believe that Juliska Blackwell might be my mother...”
At first, Ivan just stared blankly. Slowly, he sank back down and turned to her. “Um. Wh-what?”
“I had a vision, Ivan. I might have it wrong, but I don't think I do.”
He just gaped, no response to this shocking revelation she just landed on him.
“Don't close down on me, Ivan. Not now. Please.”
“I just... I just don't know what to say. I mean, to my knowledge she's never had any children. That's a pretty hard thing to hide.”
“I was hoping you might know different,” sighed Meghan. “I've been doing research and I found nothing to indicate otherwise, but my vision was pretty clear. She was talking to an infant, or infants, like they belonged to her. And I was in that crib. There were two other babies, I’m sure one had to be Colin of course. But…”
“Yeah… kind of clear.” And didn’t that suck. Ivan leaned back and scrunched his face, thinking hard. Was this possible? Moreover, if somehow true, how would he ever tell Meghan what he (and Bird) needed to tell her? This fact, whether true or not, for the moment stalled everything. This was one heck of a blow.
He let out an exasperated breath, a perplexing thought leaking forward. Meghan could see the change in his expression.
“What?” she demanded.
“It is probably nothing, and even going through it all in my mind, I don't see how...”
“What?” she asked again in an impatient whisper.
“When Juliska was twenty-five she was part of a quest, off the island.”
“Um, yeah, I remember reading about that. They were searching for a possible new location for the Svoda to call home. They were afraid they might be outgrowing the island. That's actually as far as I got, I haven't had a chance to read anything beyond that yet.”
Ivan turned and looked at her. “During the quest, there was an ambush and Juliska was kidnapped. Held captive and escaped about six months later.”
“That's not long enough,” returned Meghan, feeling like she was striking out again.
“No. It’s not. But...” he stopped, his unspoken words shouting fear at her again. Meghan winced, his demeanor biting like she’d been stung. He talked to himself for a moment, trying to sort together many details.
“Ivan, you're killing me,” she declared.
He pinned her with a gaze that was more an act meant to ready her for some terrible revelation.
“This isn't how I wanted to do this,” he stated. “Meghan, Juliska was kidnapped by the Grosvenor.”
“Oh. Okay,” she said, instantly petrified. “And...”
“Bird told me something. Something I didn't want to believe and something he didn't even know was actually truth, only speculation.”
Another announcement rang through the air. “Five-minute curfew warning.”
Meghan's heart raced, she didn't care about the consequences, she needed to know the truth.
“Meghan,” Ivan breathed out uneasily. “Do you know that the Grosvenor can smell blood? They can smell your blood and tell you how old you are, what diseases you have, and… what family you come from...” he put additional emphasis on the final words. “Especially if it’s their own family, their own blood.”
She recalled the night that Fazendiin had come to the island, weeks before. She shuddered at the memory of his eyes meeting hers. That look of discovery she had seen wash over his face. Him sniffing the air... “Smelling blood,” she mumbled under her breath. Her head shot up, her eyes drilling into Ivan’s.
“No,” she said, standing. “No.”
“He smelled your blood, Meghan. The moment Fazendiin arrived I feared if what Bird told me was true, he would smell you. And… he would know who you are, and where you are.”
She turned and started toward home. Ivan tried to sto
p her but she shot him a look that said don't even think about it.
“This isn't how I wanted to tell you,” he spoke insistently. Ivan did not need to hurry like she did. He had permission to be out after curfew in order to assist with tonight’s arrival. Nevertheless, curfew was just a minute away and Meghan had to get home. She ran away from Ivan, her mind a rush of uncontrollable thought.
Nona waited for her on the stairs, aware of what had transpired. Meghan stood in front of a window for a moment, to allow Juliska to see she was home. Sitting on the porch was permitted after curfew so she stayed there, having no desire to go back inside. She went to a chair off to the side and plunked down. Mind racing hard to sort through what Ivan had just revealed to her. No wonder he’d barely been able to utter the words.
“So what? The Grosvenor kidnapped Juliska and forced her to have a baby? Maybe she was pregnant before she was kidnapped and knew she had to escape to save Colin and me? Maybe we're not the children of those things at all!” Her coarse whispers rambled across the thoughts like water crashing onto the shore as tide rushed in.
“I mean, who's to say I'm right about my vision? I might be seeing things all wrong. I suppose this is the real reason we were in hiding all those years with Uncle Arnon, to keep us hidden from... our father,” she spoke creepily.
She went silent after that, breathing heavily. She took out her journal and wrote: I told Ivan. Mistake. Big Mistake. He's an idiot! I hate him!
Nona jumped onto her lap. “You are right,” she spoke cautiously. “We do not know the truth, and sometimes we can get things wrong, even things that at first glance appear clear.”
“This one has to be wrong, Nona. It just has to. And poor Juliska, I mean, can you imagine what she went through? If she was pregnant and kidnapped, or forced to get pregnant by one of those things? That must have been terrifying. No wonder she would have kept it a secret.”
“Another secret I think best kept for now,” Nona suggested.
“I am so tired of keeping secrets,” breathed out Meghan. She longed for Colin to be at her side. To be able to help her decipher all this information. To hear it for himself. If it was true and they were the children of this Grosvenor, what did that mean? She thought of her vision in which she murdered her brother and Catrina. Perhaps that vision had nothing at all to do with Catrina being a Projector, perhaps Colin just turned evil, because he was born from evil.
“Don't jump ahead,” warned Nona, hearing her thoughts. “We will do as we always do, take one day at a time.”
Meghan gathered herself together and headed inside. Her acting was getting worse, but thankfully, Juliska was under the impression that it was due to a different reason.
“You look dreadful,” Juliska said upon seeing her enter. “Other than you're not soaking wet, this reminds me of when you arrived at the Up and Comer’s Dinner.”
“I'm just really tired I guess,” Meghan said. This was a partial truth. She was very tired. She wanted so badly to just bust out and ask Juliska if it were all true.
“You know, if there's one thing I am worse at than being a mother, or a sister, it’s probably with relationships,” Juliska said, catching her off guard.
Meghan gawked at her rather than reply.
“Don't think I haven't noticed you and Ivan spending quite a bit of time together,” she winked.
“Oh, um...”
“Don't worry,” Juliska interrupted. “I couldn't be more thrilled.”
Nona sent a thought to Meghan, which actually cheered her up some. At least she just thinks you're in love... with Ivan Crane, and nothing more.
It actually made Meghan smile. Mostly, the ridiculousness of the claim. She decided to go with it seeing as it was keeping Juliska off the trail of what she was really doing.
“From the look on your face, things are not going so well?” Juliska questioned.
“Argument, but then, that's what Ivan and I seem to do best.”
“Well, as thrilled as I am, you're in no hurry, Meghan. You're still young and there is plenty of time.” She smiled and admitted, “I had a boyfriend once. A fiancé actually.”
Meghan's eyes perked up, maybe too much.
“I was in my twenties, nearing the end of my apprenticeship with my mentor. My fiancé was kind, handsome, and a liar,” she declared with no flux in emotion. “It was the first and last time I ever fell in love. Well, nearly the last. There’s more than one kind of love.”
Meghan thought for a moment that she saw a longing in Juliska's eyes, but it vanished in the next moment.
“As you can see though, still single. So I might not be the best at giving out advice on this sort of thing.”
“No, um, thanks, it’s actually nice to know. Honestly, you're so...” Meghan searched for the right word, “larger than life, amazing, someone I could never dream of being equal to. I guess it’s kind of a relief to know you're not perfect either.” Meghan made a face that said hope I didn't cross any lines.
Juliska laughed. Heartily. For a long time. “Oh my dear, Meghan,” she said after a moment. “I haven't laughed like that since I can remember. I knew having you around would be a good thing. Now listen, whatever your opinion of me, which is rather grandiose I have to say, don't be like me. You must at all costs be true to yourself.”
Meghan nearly blurted out immediately, “Are you my mother,” but Nona jumped onto her toes to stop her. Instead, she just nodded that she understood. “I guess I'd better go get started on my schoolwork.”
“Okay then.”
“Um, hope everything goes well tonight, with the arrival,” Meghan added while climbing the stairs.
“I'm sure it will all be perfectly fine,” Juliska said. Meghan was pretty sure she was trying to convince herself as well as everyone else though. She climbed up the stairs feeling better with each step. With each new height reached, the terrible night getting lighter. Whatever happened, whatever was thrown at her, she could handle it, as long as she had someone like Juliska Blackwell on her side. And Nona. And even Ivan.
Nona sauntered up the stairs more slowly, pretending to follow Meghan. Something about Juliska seemed off to her. The conversation topic, planned. Timely. This had been happening a lot lately. Things Meghan had on her mind coming up in conversation out of nowhere soon after.
Meghan, as Colin always said, was really quite terrible at telling when someone she cared about was lying to her when it came to someone she didn’t want to believe ever would.
Nona stopped to lick her paw and out of the corner of her eye caught a grin. Something behind Juliska’s grin insinuated gratification, but the catawitch could read no more into it. Juliska made a funny sound and Nona watched as Pajak, Juliska’s pet spider, made its way into the room with its glass-like legs clinking across the floor, crawling onto her foot, up the side of her dress, and coming to rest atop her shoulder.
Juliska swept away and Nona shuddered at the sight of the two of them seemingly having a conversation, and decidedly rushed up the stairs into Meghan’s room where she was pulling out her school books and assignments.
“Up to something or not,” hid Nona from Meghan, “at least Juliska has calmed her fears a little.”
After finishing her school assignments, Meghan slammed down her pen glad to have them finished. She let out a relieved sigh, pleased that she had successfully drowned out the questions swirling in her head, screaming for answers that seemed not to exist. Upon overhearing this, Nona thought of something. Something that might just get them some answers.
“Meghan,” she spoke softly, gaining her attention. “I know today has been overwhelming to say the least, but...”
“What is it, Nona?”
“I think I figured out a way to find some answers, but it’s not a very practical way, unfortunately.”
“How so?” asked Meghan.
“Juliska is going to be gone tonight, for the arrival. She will be gone for at least a few hours. Perhaps…” Nona paused, and pushed out in
a rushed suggestion, “Perhaps we can sneak into her room.”
Meghan messed up her face at the thought. At first, she was disgusted by the idea of foraging through someone’s personal belongings, but quickly surmised it might be the only way to find the information she needed.
“It might be the fastest and safest way to get some of your questions answered. I know it is not the best idea I’ve ever had, I just thought…”
“No, it’s not the best idea, Nona, but it’s the best we’ve got right now,” agreed Meghan. “She will be busy, and I want, no... I need to know. If she is my mother.”
Nona nodded in agreement.
Meghan breathed out apprehensively. They were going to break into Juliska’s bedroom. “We’ll have to be really quiet,” warned Meghan. “I’m sure Juliska will be leaving Jelen and Jenner to guard the house again. Juliska told me that she keeps, or at least did keep, her own journals. If we could luck out and find them, maybe we might actually get some answers.”
Nona jumped over to the window, watching for Juliska to depart. It did not take long, but they waited, watching, to be sure she did not return home unexpectedly. Once they both felt confident she was away, Meghan tiptoed with Nona at her heels out of her bedroom and to Juliska’s bedroom, which was about twenty feet down the hall from her own.
She twisted the doorknob but it did not turn.
“Drat! Locked!”
“I think I know a way in,” said Nona. “Start a fire,” she told Meghan.
“Yes, of course.” Meghan snapped her fingers and a small fire ignited in her palm. She dropped it from her palm, controlling its movements with her hands, forcing the fire to float down to the floor and slip underneath the thin crack under the door. She repeated the move, except this time, she grasped Nona’s back and the catawitch jumped into the flame popping out into the bedroom by way of the flame Meghan had sent underneath the door. Meghan doused the flames with one squeeze of her hand, plunging them into darkness.
They stood, silently for a moment, listening to make sure they had not been found out. They took a quick peek through Juliska’s window and saw nothing out of the ordinary, plus heard nothing unusual from downstairs.
The Map, The Dagger, and The Vampyres (Fated Chronicles Book 2) Page 41
