“Sorry, Ali, you’re right. I should have waited until you’d given him the seal of approval before I screwed everything up.” Melissa throws herself onto the couch with more force than necessary, taking up the same position she’s held the majority of the last few days.
“Exactly.” Ali’s response shows no sign of irony whatsoever. She collapses into an armchair opposite Melissa, looking at her intently.
“What?” Melissa shifts uncomfortably under her friend’s intense stare.
“I’m just wondering when you’re going to be done beating yourself up about this.” Ali shrugs, looking around the room as if she might find the answer somewhere—just lying around.
“Ali, we’ve been through this.” Melissa groans, putting her head in her hands. She can’t bear to have this conversation again. “I lied to him; he found out in the worst possible way. He didn’t give me a chance to explain, and I don’t know if he had if it would have made any difference. I betrayed him, Ali, and this is a guy who takes trust pretty damn seriously. I screwed up. End of story.” Melissa wonders if she sounds as miserable to her friend’s ears as she does to her own.
“You were doing a job, ‘Mel. A job that you’ve jeopardized to do the right thing by Hawk and his buddies.” Ali leans forward, as if she’s trying to get her friend to see sense purely with the power of her mind. “That has to count for something.”
“Not enough apparently.” Melissa shrugs, signaling she’s done with the conversation.
“It’s not like you knew you were going to fall in love with the guy when you agreed to write the article. You couldn’t have planned for this, ‘Mel. You get that, right?” Ali looks like she wants to shake Melissa into rational thought.
“I didn’t say I’d fallen in love with him.” Melissa grumbles her response, knowing that she’s zeroed in on the only thing she can disagree with.
“No, you didn’t.” Ali gives her a meaningful look, which Melissa dodges as best she can.
The silence stretches between them, and Cat jumps up onto Melissa’s lap as if she senses that her mistress needs some comfort. “So how’d it go with Vince’s new girlfriend? We never talked about it.” Melissa’s attempt to change the direction of the conversation isn’t exactly elegant, but it gets the job done. She’s fed up with talking about herself and about Hawk and about the many ways in which she had screwed everything up.
Ali gives her a long look, as if she’s deciding whether or not to let Melissa distract her. “She was…fine.” The way that Ali says it gives the impression that the new girlfriend was anything but that mediocre word. “You know his type, all moony-eyed with less than two brain cells to rub together. This one wanted to be an actress.”
Melissa snorts at the thought, just imagining the scene between the two women. “So what’s she doing in Portland?”
“She probably couldn’t find her way to LA.” Ali’s tone is bitchy, but she knows it.
“Meow! Saucer of milk for the blonde in the armchair!” Melissa raises an eyebrow, and they both laugh. It feels good; it’s the first time that Melissa has really laughed since her argument with Hawk. She feels the smile fade from her face and remembers how there is a reason she has decided not to think about him. “Well, it’s not like you were going to actually like any of the girls that you saw with Vince.”
Ali refrains from comment, but the wistful expression on her face says it all.
“Aren’t you supposed to be going on a date? You’re going to be pretty late if you don’t leave now.” Melissa gives her friend a pointed look, but Ali doesn’t move from her chair. “Ali?”
Her glazed expression fades, and she seems to be rejuvenated with renewed purpose. “I can’t leave you like this, looking all sad and heartbroken. What sort of a best friend would I be if I dumped you for a dude?” Ali shakes her head in consternation.
“Umm, the kind that actually has a life?” Melissa looks at her friend a little more closely. “You were looking forward to this up until about an hour ago. What happened?”
Ali rolls her eyes at the serious note in Melissa’s tone. “I changed my mind, that’s all. I’m just not in the mood for the all the first date getting-to-know-you crap.”
Melissa frowns at her friend, knowing that Ali loves first dates. It has been one of the running jokes between them: Ali would go on any number of first dates, she loved the fact that she could be whomever she wanted to be, that it was a blank page, full of possibilities. It was the dates after that when she usually lost interest.
Ali bites her bottom lip, looking cagey, and Melissa zeroes in on the action like a missile. “Ali, fess up.”
Ali sighs theatrically. “It’s no big deal. He seems like a nice guy and all, but I just realized the real reason I agreed to go out with him at all.”
Melissa waits for the punch line, but Ali is silent, looking at her hands knotted in her lap. Ali is the most outgoing, extroverted, full of fun person that Melissa has ever known, but the woman sitting in front of her doesn’t look like any of those things. “Don’t make me drag it out of you, Ali.” She gives what Ali refers to as her ‘Don’t fuck with me’ stare.
“He’s a friend of Vince’s.” Ali says the words so quietly that at first Melissa doesn’t think she’s heard right. However, the embarrassment on Ali’s face makes it clear that Melissa hasn’t misinterpreted her whisper.
“You agreed to go out with him because you knew that Vince would find out and you were hoping it would bother him, make him jealous.” There’s no judgment in Melissa’s voice—if anything she’s surprised that something like this hasn’t happened before.
“I know, it’s pathetic.” Ali barks a humorless laugh.
“That’s not what I was going to say,” Melissa chides her. “But Ali, don’t you think it’s time you just told him?”
Ali looks at her as if she’s just suggested that she jump out of a twenty-story window. “Hell to the no.” She shakes her head so hard that Melissa worries she might give herself whiplash. “And don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing…distracting me from your train wreck of a relationship to talk about my train wreck of a non-relationship. I see your game, Potter.”
Melissa holds her hands up in surrender. “You got me. We’re equally pathetic.” She wonders if that merits a high-five, probably not. “So are you going to let this guy down easy or just stand him up?” Ali shoots her a look, and Melissa makes an innocent face. “Either is good with me, I’m just asking. This is a judgment free zone!”
“I’ll text him and say that I’m not feeling well.” Ali shrugs, as she heads to the kitchen and opens the refrigerator.
“Does that mean we’re moving on to the ‘Death by Chocolate’ faze of our men troubles?” Melissa figures she could get excited about that particular part of the grieving process.
“You know it. I’ll hit the store for supplies.” Ali grabs her keys and pulls open the door brusquely to a buxom platinum blonde who looks as shocked as Ali does.
“I was just about to ring the bell.” She motions towards the doorbell, as if trying to prove that she wasn’t just hanging outside their house with no intention of coming in.
“Okaaayyy.” Ali gives her a dubious look, wondering who the hell this person is that’s turned up uninvited at their front door.
“I’m here to see Melissa.” The blonde folds her arms over her impressive rack and gives Ali a look that would have wilted a lesser woman.
Ali blinks a few times and then puts two and two together, taking in Felicia’s dye job, her eyes flicking over the intricate designs on her nails. “You must be Felicia.”
“Felicia?” Melissa squeaks the word out from the other room, scrambling to her feet and going to stand in the threshold of the living room.
Felicia takes in Melissa in her dressing gown and fuzzy pig slippers, rolling her eyes before she looks back at Ali. “So can I come in? It’s freezing out here.”
Ali steps back and Felicia takes that as enough of an invitati
on to walk inside, huffing about how cold it is outside.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
“What are you doing here, Felicia?” Melissa gives her a curious look and then looks past her, as if she’s expecting to see someone else.
“He’s not with me.” Felicia shakes her head, clearly reading Melissa’s mind.
Melissa nods sadly, as if that was more or less what she had been expecting. The three women stand awkwardly, staring at each other. “If you’re here to give me a hard time over the article, then you’re wasting your time. I don’t need to hear all the reasons why I’m an asshole again.” Melissa crosses her arms over her chest, wishing that she were wearing something a little more impressive than her pajamas.
Felicia rolls her eyes again, as if her patience were wearing thin. “You got anything to drink?” She directs the question at Ali, as if Melissa hadn’t even spoken.
“Umm, sure.” Ali shrugs, leading Felicia through to the kitchen. Traitor, Melissa thinks to herself.
Once Felicia has popped the cap on her beer, she takes a deep drink and settles herself on a stool at the breakfast bar, making herself comfortable. Ali gives Melissa a ‘What the hell is going on?’ look, but Melissa just shrugs, knowing that Felicia isn’t here on a social call. Sure, they were getting along fine when things ended between her and Hawk, but it wasn’t as if she and Felicia were best friends. There is no reason for her to be here unless something has happened. The thought makes Melissa’s blood run cold. She knows that the kind of business that the Kings are in isn’t exactly the safest.
“Is Hawk alright?” The panic in her voice is plain for them all to hear, but she’s too worried to care about looking like a desperate ex-girlfriend.
Felicia’s eyes soften, as she looks at Melissa, reading the fear on her face. “Physically he’s fine.” Her tone is reassuring, and Melissa feels all the muscles in her body relax. She hadn’t even realized she was so tense.
“Good. That’s good.” Melissa lets out a breath of relief, absently wondering how it was possible for her to care so much for someone who had blown her off so completely. “So what are you doing here, Felicia? If the Club has sent you to check that I’m not writing the article, you can tell them they don’t have anything to worry about.”
“The Club hasn’t sent me. No one knows that I’m here.” She looks pointedly at Melissa. “I’m here because of you and Hawk.”
Melissa laughs mirthlessly. “Then, it looks like you missed the memo, because there is no me and Hawk—not anymore.”
Ali watches them both, keeping far enough out of it to let them talk but close enough to weigh in if she needs to.
Felicia raises her eyebrows and takes another swig of her beer. “You’re both as stubborn as each other.” She says the words under her breath but loud enough to be heard.
Melissa tries to clamp down her tongue, but she just can’t resist asking the worst possible question. “How’s he doing?” She aims for breezy, but she’s not naïve enough to believe that’s how it comes out.
Felicia gives her an appraising stare—from her fluffy slippers, flannel pajamas, and terry cloth dressing gown to her red-rimmed eyes and hair that she’s just piled on top of her head in a messy bun. “About as well as you.”
Melissa flushes, wishing again that she didn’t look like she’d spent the past few days moping around the house—which was exactly what she’d been doing.
“Has he asked about me?” Melissa tries not to sound too hopeful, but it’s an impossible task.
“Not really.” Felicia’s words are to the point.
“Yowch, let her down gently, why don’t you?” Ali shakes her head at Felicia’s lack of subtlety.
But Melissa knows better. Felicia is blunt and to the point, and Melissa knows it’s nothing personal, it’s just the way she is. “It’s fine, Ali.” She makes a calming gesture to her friend. The last thing she needs right now is a face-off between Ali and Felicia. They are both feisty, and Melissa wouldn’t like to have to bet on one over the other. “It’s not like I really expected a different answer. When he left here, he said he couldn’t stand the sight of me. I’m pretty sure that hasn’t changed.”
Felicia sighs deeply, like she’s explaining something patiently to a four year old. “Hawk has a quick temper. He says things in the heat of the moment that he doesn’t mean.”
“Is that what he told you? That he didn’t mean it?” Melissa’s eyes flash, as she starts to lose a grip on her own patience. “You didn’t see the way he looked at me!”
“No, but I’ve seen the way he’s been moping around for the past few days.” Felicia looks nonplussed at Melissa’s outburst.
“If that’s true, then why hasn’t he called? It’s not like he doesn’t know how to find me!” Melissa throws her hands up in exasperation.
“Umm, because he’s a guy.” Felicia gives Melissa a look as if to say, ‘Don’t you know anything about men?’ “And not only that, he’s a biker. He’s proud—and he’s not all that good at admitting it when he’s wrong.”
“He doesn’t want to see me, Felicia. He made that pretty clear the night that he left here.” Melissa looks down at her feet, not wanting to remember the way he’d looked at her as if he didn’t even know her. She’d never known what it was like to utterly disappoint someone until she’d seen it in his eyes. She doesn’t have any plans for a repeat performance.
“Oh for Christ’s sake!” Felicia slams the bottle of beer that was halfway to her mouth back down onto the counter, making both Melissa and Ali jump. “Hawk has been round the block a few times. I mean, he’s been with a lot of girls. A lot.”
“And you’re supposed to be the one helping here?” Ali looks at Felicia as if she has grown two heads.
Felicia ignores her, focusing on Melissa, which just makes Ali more frustrated with her. “He’s been with a lot of girls. But I’ve never seen him act like he does around you. As soon as you turned up on the scene, he seemed happier, like the black cloud that seems to follow him around all the time had gone.”
“Nice save.” Ali’s commentary is muttered, but there’s grudging understanding in it.
“Since your little argument or breakup or whatever the hell it was, the cloud is back, and that is never a good thing—not for Hawk, not for the people that care about him, and not for the club.” Felicia takes a sip of her beer, as if she’s all talked out.
“Why? What’s with the cloud?” Ali voices the question that Melissa can’t quite manage to articulate. There are too many thoughts and emotions spinning around her head.
Felicia ignores the question, focusing on Melissa. “The Club doesn’t know about the article.”
Melissa frowns in confusion. “Hawk didn’t tell them?”
“No, the only ones who know about it are Hawk, Josh, and me.” She fiddles with the label of her beer.
“Why? Why didn’t he tell them all?” Melissa’s voice wavers, as she realizes how relieved she is that not all the Kings know about her betrayal. “I thought there weren’t any secrets between them; that was part of the whole brotherhood deal.”
“What do you think, Melissa?” Felicia levels her with a no nonsense glare, and Melissa swallows hard. “He knows what the club does to people who cross them. I don’t think he wants to see you get hurt.”
Melissa lifts her chin. “If that’s all that he’s worried about, then you can tell him that I can handle myself. I don’t need his protection.”
Felicia looks at her, and Melissa sees a little admiration creep into her eyes before Felicia shakes it off. Clearly, she’s not finished. “The club has always been the most important thing to him, at least until you showed up.” Felicia doesn’t quite manage to keep the bitterness out of her voice at that, but she at least tries. “Him not telling the club about you being a reporter—that’s a big deal, whether you’re willing to see it or not. And Hawk’s the protecting type, so if you two are going to be something, then you’re going to have to get over that whole ‘I can
take on the world on my own; I don’t need anyone’ thing that you’ve got going on.”
Melissa blinks at her, momentarily speechless. “Felicia, what are you saying?” There is too much going on right now in her brain for her to take on board everything that’s just come out of Felicia’s mouth.
Felicia huffs an exasperated sigh. “Seriously? I thought she was supposed to be smart!” She looks to Ali for an answer.
Ali just shrugs her shoulders. “Don’t look at me! Women get all stupid when a guy’s involved.” She holds up a hand to stop Melissa before she makes a comment about Ali’s own love life. “This isn’t about me, ‘Mel. This is about you.”
“Felicia, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. The last thing I heard from him was that he doesn’t want to see me.” Melissa rubs her forehead, her emotions giving her a headache.
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