Journeys - SF10

by Meagher, Susan X

  "I think it's a shame that our first time together was such a frantic, clandestine coupling. Wouldn't you like to have another chance to do it right?" He leaned even closer and began to place tender, moist kisses from the tip of her bare shoulder all the way to her sensitive ears.

  "You can't rewrite history, Jim," she reminded him. "We made our choices."

  "Perhaps," he said softly as he nibbled lightly on her ear lobe, "but I think we could start off the second act of our relationship by reliving that night. We're sober, we're in a nice, comfortable place, I have a nice, comfortable bed, your sorority housemother isn't waiting up for you, and we don't have to worry about you getting pregnant."

  "We didn't worry about that the first time," she reminded him.

  "We did from then on," he protested, as though that made a difference.

  "Yes, we did," she chuckled. "I guess we have the benefit of knowing exactly when our child was conceived. Most people don't know that."

  "May the fifteenth," he recalled. "I've always been partial to that day." He tilted his head as his body shifted closer, his lips meeting hers in a tender kiss. "We could christen our new beginning on November the tenth."

  She placed her hands on his chest and pushed him away just an inch or two. "I'm partial to that May anniversary," she smiled. "I want to try again, Jim, but I won't let you break my heart. I have to know that you will be faithful to me, and that's going to take a lot of convincing. It's just too soon tonight."

  "I understand," he said softly, laying his head against her shoulder. "I really do understand, Catherine. I haven't given you any reason to trust me."

  "No, you haven't, Jim, but I still love you. I very much want this to work out. Can we just date for a while?"

  "Sure." He smiled, and she felt his mouth move against the skin of her shoulder. "Do you remember what we did on our first date?"

  "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. We went out for hamburgers, and then you walked me back to the sorority house and we made out like we were on fire, sitting on a stone bench in the yard."

  "You had my heart racing that night," he sighed. "I thought you were very experienced."

  She laughed softly and said, "No, just desperate to grow up. I had been so closely supervised at home…I went off the deep end a bit at college."

  "You didn't go far enough to please me," he chuckled, "but you could kiss like no one I'd ever been with. That kept me coming back for more."

  "I was so amazed that this mature law student wanted to go out with me that I'm sure I was a little more forward than I would have normally been. I didn't want you to think I was a child."

  "Oh, you were no child," he murmured. "You kissed like a woman."

  She shifted under him and moved her head until she was gazing into his eyes. Her lids fluttered closed as she leaned forward and kissed him, letting the embrace go on for quite a while. As she moved away she sighed and asked softly, "Do I still kiss like a woman?"

  His slow, sly smile assured her that she did, and she leaned in for another. They cuddled and kissed for a long time, not going any further, even though she knew he badly wanted to. There was a part of her that was testing him-seeing if he would honor his promise not to push her. He behaved admirably, letting her lead the dance, responding immediately, but never pushing her. She pulled away at one point when her breathing began to grow ragged. Taking his hand in hers, she placed it over her breast and whispered, "You have my heart racing tonight, Jim. I'm going to go to bed while I still have some control."

  "Control is highly overrated," he protested mildly, letting just one finger slip inside the bodice of her dress. With a sultry smile, she just leaned over and gave him one last kiss, this one the hottest of the evening.

  His eyes were glazed as she pulled away and patted him gently on the cheek. "Good night, Jim. I had a fantastic evening."

  "G'night," he murmured, wanting to walk her to her door, but knowing his knees would not hold him up. As he watched his wife glide down the hall he marveled, We haven't kissed like that in years! Maybe dating isn't such a bad idea!

  After a leisurely lunch in the Senate dining room, Jim walked Catherine all around the Capitol, smiling inwardly at the vast numbers of people who already knew him by name. They were standing next to one another, overlooking the rotunda, when she reached down and grasped his hand. "Hard to imagine that the earnest young man I feel in love with would one day be a United States Senator," she said softly. "I'm proud of you, Jim. Your hard work has really paid off."

  He shook his head slowly, gazing into her deep brown eyes as he said, "I'd trade it all to have your love and Jamie's respect once again. I mean that, Cat. I swear I do."

  She reached up and brushed a tear from his cheek, then stood on her tiptoes and kissed the spot. "We'll work together to get there, Jim. I'll support you in any way that I can."

  "That's so much more than I deserve," he whispered while he hugged her close to his chest, his feelings for her welling up until he thought his heart would break.

  "I think the star of the game deserves a nice long backrub, don't you, Boomer?"

  "Not a bad idea, Jordan," Ryan smiled, starting to tug off her T-shirt.

  "Uh…Boom?" Jordan said as she extended the bottle of moisture lotion. "I think even a casual observer would give the MVP nod to me, don't you?" She was batting her eyes at Ryan in her trademark style, and the dark-haired woman acceded to her wishes.

  "I can't argue with your logic," Ryan agreed. "You did rock tonight."

  "Kinda sucks not to have our women here, doesn't it?" the blonde asked as Ryan started to work on her.

  "Our women?" Ryan chuckled. "I don't tend to refer to Jamie as my woman. Don't think she'd appreciate it."

  "I'd never say that to Mia's face," Jordan agreed. Ryan saw the satisfied smile settle onto her features as she admitted, "I do think of her like that though…as mine, I mean." Twisting her head around so she could see Ryan she said, "That's silly, isn't it?"

  "What could be silly about that?" Ryan asked. "It's hard not to feel like that about someone that you're growing close to, Jordan."

  "I just wish I knew how she felt about me," Jordan mused as she rested her chin on her linked hands. "I still don't know if this is just a fling for her, or not."

  "You know, I've only known Mia a little over a year, but she's doesn't seem like the type to spend this much time with you if she was just playing around. I think she likes you a lot, Jordan. She might even be falling in love with you," she said, feeling Jordan's body flinch when she said that.

  Ryan didn't think she had ever heard a more hope-filled voice as Jordan asked, "Do you really think that could be true?"

  "Don't say it with that disbelieving tone of voice," Ryan chided. "You're an extremely lovable person."

  "Maybe," Jordan muttered. "But I don't think that's how she feels, Ryan. I mean, look at how she behaved on Halloween. Mia's so open about things, and she doesn't care what people think about her. If she were in love with me, she'd tell me and everybody else in her life. No, I think she likes me-a lot-but I think she's planning on just being friends when we're done with the affair."

  "When are you going to be done?" Ryan asked gently.

  "I don't know," Jordan mused, her voice quiet and laced with sadness. "I guess whenever she says we are."

  Ryan was reticent to go to sleep, since Jordan seemed so down, but she was just not able to keep her eyes open a moment longer. Her lethargy was really irritating to her even though she was now confident that she wasn't seriously ill. She fell into a fitful sleep, her mind racing while her body collapsed.

  She wasn't sure how long she'd been asleep when a muffled sob woke her. "Jordan?" she mumbled, her eyes too heavy to open. "Jor?"

  A very quiet, very shaky voice said, "Go back to sleep. It's okay."

  She heard the bed creak when Jordan got up and a moment later she heard the fan in the bath, but even over the background noise she could hear muffled sobs. Tossing the covers back, R
yan padded over to the bath and knocked lightly. "Jordan? Come out and tell me what's wrong."

  "It's all right, Ryan. Don't worry about it. I'm just having a rough night."

  "When you have a rough night, I have a rough night. Now come out here and tell me why we're upset."

  Something about that statement struck Jordan as funny and Ryan heard a short bark of laughter. "You're a kick in the head, O'Flaherty," she said when she opened the door.

  Ryan tucked an arm around her waist and led her back to bed, then went back into the bath and wet a cloth with cool water. Jordan's eyes were swollen and red, and she gratefully accepted the soothing cloth. "Thanks."

  "No problem. Now tell me what's got you so upset."

  "I had another one," she said quietly, dabbing at her eyes.

  "A nightmare?" Ryan asked gently.

  "Yeah. First one in a long time."

  "I know you've told me that you don't want to talk about them, but it really might help. Is there a recurring theme?"

  "Yes, Ryan," she said tiredly. "It's always the same damn dream, and I've been having the fucker since 1987." She looked at Ryan and shook her head. "Are you sure you want to hear it?"

  "Yes, I'm sure."

  "Fine." She lay down on her back and stared at the darkened ceiling. "I'm a little kid and I come home from school one day. I walk into the house and my dad is gone. Only no one else knows he's gone, because no one else knows he exists. I'm the only person who knew him. None of his stuff is there, and my mother's stuff is arranged in the closet like nothing had been moved or taken away. I'm afraid to ask where he is, because I know it'll make her mad." She sucked in a breath and finished. "I go into my room and everything looks normal, just like I'd left it that morning. All of a sudden the whole house starts to shake, and the house rips apart. There's this gaping chasm right in the middle of my room and the shaking is so bad that I start to slide across the floor. I'm grabbing onto anything I can get my hands on-the bed, the rug, my desk chair-but it all slides into the hole. I scream bloody murder and slide in too-knowing that I'll be dead in just a second--and then I wake up."

  "Wow," Ryan muttered. "That would scare the piss out of me."

  "It's done that a time or two," she admitted. "I'm just so sick of it."

  "Do you have any idea of what it means?"

  Jordan sighed heavily. "I'd damn well better, after more than ten years of therapy." She rolled over onto her side and gazed at Ryan's darkened form. "It's nearly factual, Ryan. I came home from school one day and my mother told me that my father was gone. There was no real explanation, and the look in her eyes told me I'd better not ask for one. I went into my room and sat down on the floor and started to bawl. I cried for hours, but she never came in to check on me.

  "I must have fallen asleep right where I lay, because I was still on the floor when the Whittier earthquake hit early the next morning. It wasn't even that bad of an earthquake, just a 5.8, but we lived in an old house and we were very close to the fault line. Everything in my room started to dance around on the floor, and I got pinned against the wall by my bed. I still don't know how long I was there, but I screamed myself unconscious. After that, all I remember is getting yelled at by my mother for scaring her and Gunnar when I didn't run outside with them."

  Ryan didn't have a thing to offer in response to Jordan's story. She just got up and sat next to her on the bed while she held her in a warm, comforting embrace. She rocked her for a long time, intent on giving the poor, fractured woman as much sympathy as she was able. Jordan finally spoke. "Thanks. A few of those hugs would have knocked a couple of years off my therapy tab."

  "Does Mia hold you like this?" Ryan asked softly.

  "Yeah." Jordan let out a deep sigh and revealed, "She hasn't had to do it much. I've been pretty secure since we've been together."

  "We were talking about a few things that might have shaken your moorings right before we went to sleep," Ryan reminded her.

  "My therapist calls that my 'loss nightmare'," Jordan said. "I have it whenever I feel that something important is going to be taken from me."

  "Jordan, there's no reason to think that Mia's gonna give up on your relationship. You're really just speculating."

  "It's what I do," she mumbled.

  "Well, you can just as easily go the other way," Ryan declared. "Roll over."

  "What?"

  "Roll over on your tummy."

  Jordan did so and waited until Ryan shifted to sit next to her. "I'm gonna rub your back and I want you to focus your mind on how it feels to hold her and be held by her. I want you to think of every little comfort that she gives you and how it makes you feel when she does. Think about kissing her and holding her when you sleep. I forbid you to have one glum or negative thought. Do you hear me?"

  "I hear you."

  "Good. The next sound I want out of you is a snore."

  "I do not snore!"

  "No, you don't," Ryan chuckled. "Guess that means you're done talking for the evening, huh?"

  Ryan got to work, and after a surprisingly short time Jordan was sound asleep, her breathing deep and relaxed. Ryan bent over to give her a kiss on the head and was pleased to see a warm, gentle smile on her face.

  "This would have to be the day that our flight gets canceled," Ryan grumbled as the volleyball team sat in the Phoenix airport waiting to learn if they could be accommodated on the next flight. The student manager, Coach Placer, and both assistant coaches were engaged in a long-running discussion with airline personnel, but from the expressions on their faces, it didn't look good.

  "I guess I'd better call Jamie and tell her not to bother coming to the airport. I hate to have her waiting around for us."

  "Doesn't she ever have class?" Jordan asked. "How is she available on a Friday morning?"

  "Yes, she has class-and she attends all of them, as a matter of fact. She just scheduled Friday as a very light day since she had a lot of Friday golf meets during the early part of the fall."

  Ryan was dialing as she spoke, and she reached Jamie as her partner was already on the way to the airport. "You might as well go home," Ryan advised. "I'll go back to Berkeley with the team."

  "No, I'm almost there," she insisted. "I'll go hang out somewhere and study. Call me when you know what flight you'll be on, okay?"

  "Okay…if you're sure."

  "It's easier this way, and since we're going to the city, this will save time. Talk to you later. Be safe, sweetie."

  "Do my best," Ryan smiled. "I'll call later."

  The coaching staff somehow managed to convince the airline to squeeze another 20 people on the plane, and they were able to board the next flight, making them only one and a half hours late. When Ryan called Jamie, the smaller woman told her that she'd meet her in the international lounge; she was a member due to her frequent flying on Alitalia and she loved the espresso they provided.

  "You guys going to Berkeley?" Jordan asked as they exited the plane.

  "No. We've got to go home and help get set up for the wedding. What time do you guys think you'll come down?"

  "The reception starts at two?"

  "Yep."

  "Then I guess we'll be there at two," she smiled. "Jamie's mom gives great parties-I don't want to miss anything."

  "Bring some casual clothes," Ryan advised. "I have a feeling this party is going to run late-and wild."

  Part Five

  Jeez, Jamie, could you make this more inconvenient? She didn't have a lot to carry, just her gym bag and her backpack, but she didn't really appreciate having to traipse all over the airport just to snag a ride home. She didn't mind that Jamie was concerned for her own comfort, but she wished she had been able to get comfortable somewhere in the Southwest Airlines terminal. Come on, Ryan, she reminded herself, there is no place comfortable in these terminals. She deserves to stretch out and drink an espresso with her paisans in the international terminal. Don't be such a baby!

  It took her twenty minutes to make the long
trek, and she had to go through security again…opening her backpack and booting up her laptop just to make the ordeal take longer. She was wrestling with her mood for the last ten minutes, and she thought that she had a pretty authentic smile pasted on by the time she got to the lounge. Of course, she wasn't able to enter, since she wasn't a member. The uniformed man at the door actually sniffed when he saw her, attired in her volleyball warm-ups with a backwards Cal baseball cap on, but he agreed to test her claim that she actually knew a member of his little club. Moments later, Jamie came out and wrapped her in a big hug, immediately dispelling Ryan's bad mood. Her mood lightened even more when she saw the look of outrage on the doorman's face, and she gave him a wink as she grasped Jamie's hand to leave.

  "Come inside for a minute. I just ordered a cappuccino, and my stuff's in here."

  Forcing herself not to roll her eyes, Ryan did so, breezing past the doorman, who continued to glare at her. "Can we get going soon?" Ryan asked, just a note of anxiety in her voice.

  "Yes, love. I just have to get something very important that I left here. Then we can go."

  "Why would you leave something that was important?" Ryan groused as they made their way through the sumptuously appointed lounge.

  "Because we wanted to surprise you," she announced as they rounded a corner and came upon a small, auburn-haired woman sitting at a table sipping a cappuccino.

  "Aunt Moira!" Ryan gasped, collapsing heavily into a chair as her knees betrayed her.

  "The one and only," the older woman smiled, tossing her arms around Ryan and enveloping her in a hug.

  "How in the world…?" Ryan looked from her aunt to her partner and back again, clearly confused as well as totally delighted.

  "This young woman of yours certainly knows how to get things done," Moira smiled. "I still don't know how she convinced me to leave my family and sneak off to America…but here I am."

  "She has that effect on people." Ryan smiled at her partner fondly, still shaking her head in surprise. "Was your mother involved in this little caper, Jamie?"