19
Addy called Selena the next morning, after breakfast and getting Troy started with Zavi in class.
“Hi, Selena? I need to go out today.”
“Where are you going? I’ll need to clear it with Kit.”
“I have a doctor’s appointment.”
“Are you sick?”
“No.” Addy felt embarrassed saying it. Best just spit it out. “I want to be checked for STDs. In all the testing that was done on me, I don’t think they ever tested me for those.”
“Oh. Sure. What time and where?”
“It’s this afternoon. Two o’clock. At the clinic in town. I already made the appointment.”
“Copy that. I’ll make it happen.”
“I’d rather no one else knew why I’m going to the doctor’s.”
“No worries. That’s need to know only.”
When the time came to head to the doctor’s, Addy was glad that Selena didn’t ask any questions. Addy filled out the extensive paperwork, feeling more and more freakish as she did. She didn’t know anything about her family history. Those were the sorts of things she might have learned had she had a normal relationship with her parents.
A few minutes later, the nurse called her back. She stood. Selena didn’t.
“Want me to go with you?” Selena asked.
Addy nodded, but the nurse said. “Just the patient at this time.”
Selena stood. “I’m her bodyguard. If I don’t go with her, she doesn’t go.”
The nurse asked, “That okay with you, Ms. Jacobs?”
“Yes,” Addy replied.
After the standard check-in, Addy and Selena were taken to a small exam room. Selena waited outside until the doctor came in. She gave Addy a quick glance, introduced herself, then sat on a stool by a computer. “Ms. Jacobs, I understand you’re here for an STD exam.”
“Yes.”
“All right. I have some questions that I need to ask.” She flashed a glance at Selena. “They’re of a personal nature. Maybe your friend would like to step outside?”
“I’m not shy. And there’s nothing I have to hide,” Addy said.
“Okay. Let me just take a moment to read over your questionnaire.”
Addy felt her nerves tightening up. Selena was going to learn things Addy hadn’t even told Owen.
“All righty then. I have a standard list of questions I ask of all my patients prior to doing STD tests. I want you to be comfortable and as forthcoming as possible. If you’re ready, we’ll get started.”
Addy nodded. Her hands were clasped tightly together. She drew a couple of long, slow breaths.
“These are standard questions. There are no right or wrong answers. No one’s judging you. I just need to make an assessment of what type of tests we’ll be doing. Are you in a relationship now?”
“No. Maybe. I don’t know.”
“Are you sexually active currently?”
“No.”
“When were you last active?”
“A few years ago.”
“Have you ever had multiple partners?”
“Yes.”
“Did you ever have unprotected sex?”
“Yes.”
“Were your partners male or female?”
“Male.”
“Which of the following sexual practices did you engage in? Oral? Anal? Vaginal?”
“All of them.”
“Are you having any symptoms? Discomfort? Discharge?”
“No.”
“When we’re finished here, would you like to discuss birth-control options?”
“No.” Addy didn’t want a hormonal treatment—that might really mess her body up with everything else she was going through. She and Owen would have to stick with condoms for the time being…if they decided to move to the next step.
“Are there any questions you have for me? Any other topics you want to cover?”
“No.”
The doctor began her physical examination. Selena stood near Addy’s head. During the pelvic exam, the doctor looked up at Addy, shock on her face. Addy met her gaze unflinchingly. She knew what the doctor had seen. Scars. From the day she hemorrhaged after one of Cecil’s punishments that included being gang-raped.
Addy wiped away a tear. Selena was watching her. Her eyes went wide. She whipped her sunglasses off her head and handed them to Addy. “I think the lights are bothering your eyes again. Put these on.”
Damn it! Addy had forgotten all about her eyes doing their thing. She quickly threw the sunglasses on. The doctor finished her exam, removed her gloves and washed her hands. She came back over to Addy, who was sitting up on the exam table.
“Your eyes are bothering you?”
“Oh. No. I’m trying out a set of fad contacts. They change colors like a mood ring.” She tried to laugh it off. “I should have taken them out before I came here.”
The doctor nodded. “Never heard of that.” She sent Selena quick look, then put her hands in her lab coat pockets. “Addy, I saw signs of sexual trauma when I examined you. They appear fully healed.” The doctor sighed. “Are you still in the same situation that led to those injuries?”
“No. That’s over.”
“I would be happy to recommend a counselor. There are resources available to help you—”
“Thank you. Really. But that situation is over.”
The doctor nodded, not looking convinced.
“Will I… Will the scars affect my ability to have more kids?”
“I don’t know. They may. I would need to do a more complete exam before I can answer that question. Are you thinking of becoming pregnant?”
“No. I just wondered about the future.”
“When you’re ready to tackle that, I’ll be available. In the meantime, I’m going to have my nurse come in to draw your blood and take these swabs down to the lab. We’ll have the results in a few days.”
“Thanks, doctor.”
“Good day, ladies.” The door closed behind her.
Addy handed Selena back her glasses.
“Good cover with the mood contacts,” Selena said. “They should really make such a thing.”
Addy nodded.
“Does Owen know?” Selena asked.
“No. I’m not sure I’m going to tell him. I’m not sure he needs to know.”
Selena leaned back against the counter. “Some burdens are lighter when they’re shared.”
“He’s already carrying more than his share. He doesn’t need mine added.”
“Okay. Your call.”
The nurse came in and was startled to see Addy’s eyes. Addy threw out the mood contacts excuse again, which sparked an entire discussion about pop culture and fads. Addy had to promise to send her the link to the site where the nurse could buy her own. When she left, Selena stepped outside again so Addy could get dressed.
She heard a man Selena greeted as Doc Beck stop by. The convo was almost finished when Addy stepped out of the exam room. “Doc—this is Addy. Addy, Doc Beck. He’s seen almost all of us at one time or another.”
Addy was about to shake his hand when he gasped. He caught her chin and tilted her face this way and that. “How are you feeling?”
“Fine.” She pulled free. “It’s just fad contacts. I shouldn’t have worn them today. Sorry to startle you.”
“Mood contacts. That’s good. You sure you’re feeling well?”
“I feel great.” Which was true.
“We’ll be seeing you, doc. Take care.” Selena grabbed Addy’s arm and drew her out of the clinic. They didn’t talk until they got to the SUV. “Doc was weird today.”
“How so?”
“Not sure. Can’t explain it.”
“I guess the eyes set him off.”
“Maybe.” She looked at Addy. “Any other errands you need to do before we go back?”
“No, that was it. Thanks for coming with me today. I felt safer having you with me. I didn’t want to be alone with people I don’t
know.”
Selena grinned. “Sure.”
Selena went straight down to the bunker when she got back from Addy’s appointment. She came out of the elevator and crossed through the weapons room to the ops room. Only Max and Greer were in there.
Greer looked up. “Hiya.”
Selena nodded at them. “Yeah. Got a question.”
He grinned. “We got answers. So I guess that works out okay.”
“You checked out Doc Beck, right?”
Max exchanged looks with Greer, who answered. “Yeah. He was on a list of potential dates that Ivy was going on before she and Kit hooked back up—’bout the time you started with us. He had us check him out. No red flags.”
“Before they got together?” She smiled, thinking that drama would have been something to see. “I was busy with Casey then. When I started, there was none of this Omni shit. We were tracking foreign and domestic terrorists. Did you recheck Beck after that all started?”
“Why do you have a sudden issue with the doc?” Max asked.
“I just took Addy in for her lady checkup. Ran into him. He acted funny when I mentioned her name…like he knew about her.”
Max shrugged. “Well, Owen’s big news in this town. His girl would cause a stir.”
“I never mentioned Owen. None of us talk about him with civilians. Addy’s never left the house. How would he know she was his girlfriend? Unless…”
“Unless?” Greer prompted.
“Unless he’s Omni. When he saw her eyes, he was all over her, examining them, asking her how she felt. Addy said they were fashion contacts, but he immediately knew they changed with her mood. How would he have known that? Maybe from the GYN who examined Addy, but I doubt they’d had a chance to chat so soon after her exam.”
“Fuck. Me,” Max snapped.
“Yeah, we’ll dig into him more,” Greer said, turning back to his computer and clearing the screen.
Owen had been gone forever, Addy thought, though she knew it had just been a few days. She and Troy had settled into a nice routine with his classes. She’d been reading and rereading Owen’s letters. They were both sword and panacea. It hurt her to read how much he hurt after losing her. As recently as a few weeks ago, in his most recent letter, his emptiness was as great as it had ever been.
One of his letters had mentioned Selena. He’d kissed her, then set her free. His words had seemed sad to acknowledge that after Addy, no woman could quite measure up.
Part of her wished he’d found comfort, somewhere, anywhere. Mostly, she was glad he hadn’t—and how unfair to him was that?
She thought about how he’d behaved at her house, kind despite her standoffishness. Patient, too. The exact opposition of Cecil. Addy packed the last of his letters away and left her room, wandering absentmindedly into Owen’s. She didn’t have an open invitation to go there, but it wasn’t locked, and she needed very much to be near him just then.
It was the first time she’d been in his room. His space didn’t look like the rest of the household. Its furnishings weren’t Western influenced at all. More like Eastern. His bed was a simple platform style. Single floating bamboo shelves flanked either side of it. Both had lamps. One had a Bonsai tree. Instead of the dresser, armchairs, and table set that her room had, the only other furniture in his room were a pair of mid-century teak chairs that were angled for a person sink into the upholstered cushions.
The walls were painted in a soothing shade of pale green. There was no carpet in his room. The floor was oak. A large, white rug of woven cotton was on this side of his bed. On the wall above the bed was a large piece of art that looked to have been made from shells and stones and other media, giving it a three-dimensional appearance.
Addy had had no idea that Owen liked the clean lines of Asian decor. Truthfully, she knew very little about him at all.
She needed to get some air. There was a set of doors near the stairs. One led into the gym, the other to a portico that ran alongside the gym building.
She went outside. The morning was bright, and though it was cold, the sun was warm. She saw Eden and Angel come from the corner of the gym building and go across the lawn. They waved to her. Looked like they’d just come from a run. At the end of the portico, she stopped. Leaning against one of the support pillars, she crossed her arms, admitting how wretched she felt. How long had it been since she’d known any joy at all? Any not shadowed by fear.
Maybe it was her recent visit to the doctor that had stirred things up in her. She knew she’d sustained scars from her time with Cecil. It was like a bit of him would always be with her.
“Hey!” Rocco said, startling her as he came around the corner of the gym.
“Hi. Sorry. I didn’t see you there.”
He waved that off. “We just finished our run. I was doing some cooldown exercises.” He frowned. Maybe her eyes were some weird new color. “You okay?”
She nodded, then shook her head. God, she didn’t know Rocco at all—she didn’t want to break down in front of him. “Just thinking about things.”
“You know, sometimes it helps to talk about stuff.” He gave her a sheepish grin. “I learned that the hard way.”
“How?” She’d much rather hear his story than tell her own.
“Stuff happened in Afghanistan, over a lot of years. I lost a wife and an unborn baby. I wasn’t dealing with it very well.”
“What did you do?”
“I gave my son to Mandy, then I took a gun out to the field to kill myself…and her horse.”
“Oh, God. Rocco, I’m so sorry.”
“For real.”
“What happened?”
“Mandy’s horse had been through traumatic times too. I felt sorry for him. He was just like me. I think he knew why I’d come out to the field. The horse screamed at me. Then I screamed. And it felt so good that I kept screaming. I fired those bullets I’d brought up into the air. Then something broke loose in me. I cried. The horse kept everyone away for a while. We both mourned. That night, I decided to live the rest of my life. I’ll tell you it’s not without sorrow. But I’ve learned to appreciate the fact that my sorrow shows I have a soul, shows I’m human and alive. I thank God every morning for the new day I have and the chance to know good things that balance out the bad. I’m a miracle, Addy.”
Addy tried to blink away her tears.
“I think you could be one too, if you choose to be. Owen sure could use one.”
She nodded. “He wrote me letters. All the years he thought I was dead, he wrote to me.”
“That what he was doing?” Rocco smiled. “We all saw him writing his mysterious notes. I’m glad he was writing to you. So you’re out here trying to figure out how you’re going to leave the past behind and move on?”
She nodded. “I don’t know if I can.”
“Haven’t you given Edwards enough?” Rocco asked.
“I haven’t given him anything,” Addy said.
“That’s right. He took from you. He took everything.”
“I didn’t even give him hell.”
“Continuing to punish yourself means you’re still letting him steal your power. End it. Cut off the feed.”
“How?”
“By being present,” he said. “Right here, right now…it’s not a bad place to be. Don’t live in the past. Don’t live in the future. Live this very moment. Here, where people love you. Where you and your son are safe. Owen is going to find Augie.”
“What if he doesn’t?”
“Lion’s pride and the other groups he’s been in taught Augie to be resourceful. Don’t underestimate your son’s strength—or Owen’s determination.” Rocco straightened. He squeezed her shoulder and smiled at her. “Let a little hope in. I learned that one, too.”
20
Addy heard the commotion in the foyer later that afternoon. Her heart jumped, hammering out a beat that was too big to hold inside her chest. She pulled a deep breath as she stepped out into the sitting room connecting th
e suite of rooms near hers. Had Owen come back with the group? Or, at the very least, was there news from him?
She started down the long hall, afraid but hopeful. Her son and Zavi joined the group, followed by Zavi’s tutor.
Oh, God. Owen was there. With his friends, but alone. He saw her. She stopped. He went still.
The others turned to see what he was looking at. Seeing her, they parted, leaving her a direct path to him. He didn’t turn from her. No. He faced her, leaving himself open and vulnerable. She saw in his face everything she was feeling. Everything.
She’d read his letters, listened to his heart, learned he’d suffered every bit as much as she had. Her heart had died early on in her hell, but his had died again and again.
A tear slipped down her cheek. So much time had passed. So very much time. She wasn’t going to waste another second of it. Her pace quickened. She ran the last few steps before throwing herself at him. He caught her up in the tightest hug she’d ever known, tight enough that it warmed her heart.
Her arms were wrapped around his neck. She lost all awareness of the world around them. She didn’t know where she ended and he began. She filled her lungs with his scent.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
He bent and lifted her legs, draping them over his arm. He tightened his hold until she was face to face with him. “Not as much as I am.”
She caught his head in her hands, looking into his eyes as she said, “I love you.”
“I love you.” His mouth came down on hers.
She lost herself in his kiss, only becoming aware that they were moving when the light dimmed in the hallway.
Angel looked around at the group clustered in the foyer, and slowly grinned. “About freaking time.” Troy was frowning as the two went down the hall. Angel tousled his hair. “Don’t worry about your mom. She’s in good hands.”
Rocco called down the hall, “Troy’s with us, so have a good…talk.”
Zavi snorted. “My parents always have a talk after my mom kisses Papa.”
Rocco laughed and tightened his hold on Mandy, whose cheeks had turned pink.
Forsaken Duty, The Red Team Series, Book 9 Page 19
