“It has been apparent since I walked into this house that Aaron has a certain level of wealth. Look at this place – the furnishings - everything. I never asked who had what or how much, because it wasn’t my business. I know you are retired from the military, so you get a monthly check, just like I do, and you own a large piece of land. That’s fine with me. If you didn’t have any of that, I think you know it wouldn’t matter a damn to me. I hope you know that,” she said pleadingly. “I had no idea that you were a man of means. I thought that whatever wealth there was in this family, was mostly Aaron’s. It wasn’t my place to ask. I do know that you are a man of substance – the best kind. You are a good man, Blaze, and I love you for that.” She stopped to draw a deep breath.
“I’ve had to work and scratch for everything I have, or ever hoped to have. That’s one reason I purchased the condo. I couldn’t afford the log cabin, so I got the next best thing, but I got it up here in the mountains, so I was satisfied. I’m used to compromise and I’ll try to meet you half, or more than half way, whenever possible. But, I have nothing financially to offer you. All I have is me…”
Blaze moved in his seat to say something, but she shushed him.
“I’m used to supporting me and mine. I don’t know how to let anyone take care of me, Blaze. It is a weakness, and Clare and I have discussed this over the years ad nauseum! How do I walk into your life, and all of a sudden you’re keeping me – no, that’s not the right word. Oh, shit, this is so hard to get out in an intelligible way,” she stammered.
“If I’d been your wife from your early years, I’d say I deserved part of what you have, whatever it is, but you amassed whatever it is on your own, and I don’t feel comfortable just walking into your world and your money and saying, ‘Ok, take care of me’. But, see Clare would say that I give so freely of my time, money, resources and I expect nothing in return. She would point out that others want to give to me – but Blaze, I don’t know how to receive,” she said, her lips quivering with emotion. “I have done nothing to merit having any of what you have.”
She stopped as though an idea had crossed her mind. Her eyes moved down to the tile on the floor. She looked up at Blaze.
“Maybe you could do a pre-nuptial agreement to protect all your assets...” and he stopped her in her tracks. Sternly he said, almost angrily.
“There will be no damned pre-nup. You get me, you get all I am, and all I have.”
She looked at him, trying to understand his words - trying to understand his tone.
“You have three children, or two, however you want to count them. You must pass some of what you have on to them, it’s only fair. I’m really in uncharted waters here, Honey,” she admitted. “If you didn’t have anything more than that tiny little cabin over on the reservation, I’d still want you. I’d say let’s live in the condo, and it would be ours, and we could visit the cabin and stay in it whenever you wanted, for as long as you wanted. I have a home for us. Some place we could live until we decided what we want to live in later. What you have is not worth a hill of beans to me, it’s what you are that I love, do you understand what I’m trying to tell you?” she asked, but she didn’t give him time to reply.
“And by the way, I’ve had a partial hysterectomy. I can’t give you any more children.” She was finished. She sat there with her hands in her lap. She didn’t sit back in the chair, nor was she sitting on the edge of it. The chair was just holding her in place. He was fighting back the lump that had risen in his throat. She was so honest, so sincere, and he wanted now more than ever to move her world totally into his.
“Let me tell you what I’ve been thinking about,” he started. “First, I honor you for what you believe. And I honor you for your commitment to your mother. I wish I had one to take care of, but I don’t, so your mother becomes my surrogate mother, and I need to help you meet her needs. I will have the bank deposit $2000 a month into your personal checking account, wherever it is, so you can do what you need to do for her. I will have another $7500 a month deposited anywhere you want to compensate you for any lost revenue you might have by not working, or not working very much, let’s put it that way. I will provide a home for you, - no - I will build you that cabin, for us – you can decorate it anyway you want out of our bank account and use that account for household needs, vacations, your personal expenses, you name it, the money is yours to spend. If you come to me at any time and say ‘Blaze, I need this or that,’ you can be assured you’ll have it. And, I’ll buy you things, things that I want you to have. I don’t know what they are right now, but if I see something that I even think you’d like, I will buy it for you. If you don’t like it, you can take it back, it won’t hurt my feelings. But I’m going to dedicate my life to making you happy, to making you a good husband; to giving you a safe place to lay your head, and security from want. In so many words, already in so many ways, you have made that commitment to me. That’s all I ask of you. I ask you to love me. To be with me. To share my world. I know we can’t have anymore children between us. I’m fine with that. I guess I’m getting too old to deal with anything else but grandchildren,” he laughed. “No more babies.”
There was a long silence. Lynette was pressing her palms hard against her stomach. She was so uncomfortable, she felt mildly sick. He was bringing her really, into every aspect of his world. It was strange and unfamiliar ground. She would accept it because she loved him with all her heart. She would never take advantage of him. She respected him too much.
“Is this business meeting over,” she joked, trying to lighten the atmosphere of what had been the most serious talk of their two short, committed weeks. She rose and walked into his arms. She hugged him tightly around the waist and laid her head on his chest. She wanted to hear the heartbeat of the man with the biggest heart in the world.
“Where are the donuts and coffee,” she teased.
CHAPTER 16
¤
Let’s Get Married This Summer
Lynette lay in Blaze’s arms occasionally watching the flat screen TV. It sat next to the Navajo-red, painted Kiva fireplace which she enjoyed so much. She liked to lay an arm across his chest and drape a big leg over his. If she wasn’t in that position, then he was. They just liked to be touching, to be wrapped around one another. Both were very tactile and sensual people, which made them, among other things, great lovers for each other. On this night, she’d donned a slinky, very low cut, pink satin night gown, with a split all the way up the side of the garment to just below the waist. The slippery fabric slid along Blaze’s body as she moved next to him. She could feel his hand fingering the fabric almost unconsciously. She could tell he liked it. When Blaze was making love to her, he was full out, totally into the act; no false modesty, no reservations, no holding back, as close to primal as a normal human can be. He responded to her every wish, every need, and generally instinctively knew what she was asking for. In turn, she enthusiastically allowed herself to access all the wantonness that resided within her; she let go of all inhibitions. She felt him, read him, and provided answers to any questions his body asked. They were both wanton lovers, and they had each found their worthy partner. For a man of 49, Blaze was incredibly virile. He could match her need generally more than once a day, usually more than once, every day if it came to that. He often initiated the act, and he always responded to her invitation. She couldn’t imagine ever saying no to him, no matter how exhausted she might be. If nothing else, she would give herself to him and let him do what he wanted with her. And if that ever, happened, and it surely hadn’t yet, she would let him enjoy taking advantage of her.
She must have been here in another life, because she understood things that no one ever told her. She understood men’s fantasies and believed they should be able to play them out with their lovers, so long as there was no harm done. She had her own fantasies, but mercifully, Blaze fulfilled most of them. She had difficulty understanding how prudish and selfish some women are, who only allowed their husb
ands to have sex, in the missionary position, and then only once a week! She surmised that may be one of many, many reasons why some men cheated though if truth be told, that would fall somewhere down on the list, certainly not at the top. It was good to be in the superior position, to control the action, to do more of the work than just lie there and moan. It was good to change positions, to tease and fondle and manipulate one another. Skin upon skin feels delicious. Lips don’t just belong on lips, they belong anywhere the consenting partners want to put them. Teeth are not just for masticating food, they can nibble and tease. There was so much they had already experienced together and they both looked forward to all that they would experience as the days rolled into months and they grew into their aged years together. What Lynette knew, and Blaze intuited, was that they would keep the spark alive and aflame in their relationship. They would wake each day thinking how to make the other’s day special. Not just in the bedroom, but minute by minute during the day.
Health reports from the clinics had arrived a few days before, and they were clean, no STDs. Somehow, each of them knew that was the case, but now they were sure. They’d taken a chance with each other, out of love and a bit of foolishness, but there was now no regret. Blaze was positive that he hadn’t contracted anything from any of his temporary partners. After what he’d endured with his ex-wife, he kept condoms with him wherever he went, and he kept a fresh set at all times. No accidents, no reasons to expose himself to anything. With his carefulness, there were things he missed; things he’d had to stop doing with his partners for fear of transmission, but now with Lynette, there wasn’t anything they couldn’t do together. It gave him a tremendous sense of freedom. Lynette hadn’t been to bed with a man since she and Roger broke up over five years ago. She’d been in for regular physicals, and when she came down with a bad case of the flu, she had blood tests run to rule out anything systemic. She’d been certain that the relationship she had with Roger was monogamous, and he’d been tested, so there was little chance that she carried anything. But now, they were both sure and she, too, felt sexually free to explore whatever their desires and fantasies could conjure.
“Let’s get married this summer – soon!” Blaze blurted out from nowhere. Lynette thought he was watching TV, but he was instead, thinking. As always, thinking. It was already June, so summer was just a few weeks away.
“Clare and Aaron aren’t going to, how do you say, jump the broom, any time soon, so we’re not preempting their event. Let’s get married this summer. Take a long honeymoon somewhere, anywhere you’d like to go. If you want to, you can lease out your home in Austin. That way you wouldn’t feel pressured to sell it right away, or at least until the market rebounds. You know what I mean?” he asked.
“Oh, heavens, that sounds wonderful,” she responded. She was pensive for a moment. “We need to visit with our children, Blaze. There are introductions to be made. It wouldn’t be right to just show up one day and say ‘Hi this is your new step-dad, or this is your new step-mom’. We need to let them in on this, let them have an opinion about us, and voice those opinions,” she said now stirred from her totally “boneless cat” position.
“You’re right. As usual, you’re right,” he agreed, kissing her on the forehead.
“You have a three-day class beginning next Monday, right?” he asked.
“Yep,” and for the record, this is the last class I’ve scheduled so far during the summer,” she replied.
His mind was working. “Why don’t I fly back with you on Saturday, so I can meet your daughter…?” Lynette cut him off.
“Sweetie, for this class, I’m going to have to turn into a whirling dervish, and I can be really one-tracked when I’m in that kind of work mode. It wouldn’t be much fun for you sitting around all day while I work, then watching me fall through the door in the evenings,” she rationalized. “These three-dayers are killers. I have to almost go into athletic training to keep up my stamina for these marathons.”
“But I wouldn’t be just lolling around. If her schedule permits, I could meet her on Sunday – we could take her to dinner, that’s always an informal way to meet. Then on Monday, I could drive on down to Galveston and spend a couple of days with my daughter. You know she’s at UT Medical Branch down there. You could fly into Houston on Thursday, spend a couple of days down there with us getting to know her and visa versa, then we could drive back to Austin, spend a little more time with your daughter, Clare and whomever, then head back up here. What’d you think?” he asked, purely out of courtesy, because he had it all figured out. It made sense.
“Let’s do-o-o-o i-i-t-t-t-t,” he shouted loudly, like Ty Pennington, the host on Extreme Home Makeovers.
“Ssshhh, you’re gonna wake Aaron and Clare”, she chided.
“Oh, hell. They’ll just think you’re forcing me have another one of those screaming orgasm,” he laughed from way down in his belly.
“Dirty ol’ man that you are,” she pinched him.
“And you love it, don’t you?” he replied, rolling over onto her, finding the place where the pink satin gown separated.
LYNETTE CALLED HER YOUNGER daughter and spent about an hour on the phone telling her what these two or three weeks had brought into her life. Janette already knew she’d met someone, when Lynette gave her another phone number to use, in case she couldn’t get through on the cell phone.
“You sure about all of this?” Janette questioned. “It’s only been a short time, Mom. What do you really know about this man?” she asked rightfully. Lynette assured her daughter that this man was special, the most special man she’d ever met; that he was a good man, kind and considerate and she’d fallen deeply in love with him. She never mentioned that he was a man of means until Janette asked, late into the conversation.
“He’s done well for himself, Janette. He’s invested wisely over the years, and he’s done well,” she replied, purposely down playing his apparent wealth. “That’s not even a factor in my coming to love him,” she added. “You’ll come to love him, I know you will, in time. We’ll see you on Sunday,” she said happily, and hung up.
Then the sadness crept in. Lynette had two daughters. Janette, who owned her own home in Austin, even though she wasn’t in it much because of her job. But it was always there when she dropped in out of the friendly skies. She and Lynette were extremely close. And Veronica, her older daughter, who for two traumatic years, lived with Lynette. There had been a terrible scene, and Veronica, moved back to West Texas where her father and step-mother lived. At about age 20, she was stricken with a terrible, misunderstood and often misdiagnosed disease. It was a painful disorder and brought with it extreme depression – the debilitating kind. Additionally, the doctors determined that Veronica also suffered with bi-polar disease. Her depression and manic episodes drove Lynette to distraction, but she tried to nurture her as best she knew how. Lynette understood much about these disorders, having started her state career as a social worker, but to have to live with someone who turned her world topsy turvey several times a day, began to take a toll on her, physically and mentally. She never knew how her daughter would wake up on any morning, and her mood swings were terribly unsettling. She wasn’t violent in her manic phases, but she drove Lynette almost crazy – literally. Her deep, dark week-long depressions spread a smothering pall over the house. Her home was no longer her sanctuary, it was Veronica’s to mess up, dirty up and demand constant attention. Lynette went deeply into debt trying to keep her daughter going until she could begin drawing her social security disability checks and have the benefit of Medicare to take care of some of her health issues. She paid off Veronica’s truck, bought medicines, paid for doctor and dentist visits, made sure there was plenty of food to eat, and even brought Veronica her meals in bed, on the days that she didn’t feel like coming out of her room. Friends said she did too much for her daughter, but the caretaker in her said that what she was doing was right. After all, Veronica was her daughter. She helped her get into couns
eling but each time she seemed to make a breakthrough, Veronica stopped going. So when on a hot July day, Veronica screamed at her and told her she hated her, that she was no longer her mother, that she was no longer her daughter, that she wasn’t even a part of her family anymore; that she was a despicable human being, Lynette snapped. She called Veronica’s father and told him even though Veronica was mentally and emotionally ill, she couldn’t have this ungrateful person, who hated her, living in her home anymore, and Veronica would have to go live with him and his wife. It broke her heart to do that, but she was at the breaking point herself. Her blood pressure was raging, she had begun to have headaches again, most nights of the week she suffered from insomnia, her stomach stayed upset and she could see the deep circles under her eyes and the lines of tension creeping all over her face. So she let her go, and, since her daughter disowned her, she had almost no contact with her from that time on. She never understood how Veronica could hate her when she was the only person who was willing to take her in, when she hit rock bottom because of her several illnesses. She accepted what she could not change, and the prayer of St. Anthony helped her to cope with the loss.
Thunder In Her Body Page 18
