“Get up! Take the coffee with you” she snapped. “You just don’t know how to be decent do you,” she said as a statement, not a question. He rose slowly and appeared to follow behind her but stopped briefly in the living room, looking toward the bedroom hallway. “No, goddamnit, this door, the exit door” she insisted. “You’re taking your sorry ass out of my house now, and keep the damned cup. How dare you bring your drunken ass back in here with that same ol’ shit,” she shouted. “You have no respect for yourself, and very little for me!”
Roger measured her attitude, but started for the hallway anyway. “If you go down that hall, I’m calling the police. This is my house, and I want you out of here, now!” her voice raised in an ominous pitch.
“All I want to do is take a piss, bitch, then I’m outta your fuckin’ face,” he spewed. “I’m so glad I don’t have to listen to your damned noise every day,” he snapped as he rounded the corner to the hall bathroom.
Lynette opened the front door wide and stood holding the hot cup until she heard the toilet flush. She listened for Roger’s footsteps on the carpet to hear which way he walked. Slowly he came back into the living room and walked toward her. She knew that he would reach for her breasts – he always did whether he was drunk of sober. It was his way of saying hello or goodbye. Once it had been a gesture of intimacy and endearment; now the thought repulsed her.
“If you even think you’re gonna touch me, you’ll wear this goddamned hot coffee outta here,” she exclaimed.
“Yours ain’t the only pair of titties in this town,” he laughed as he shakily took the cup of coffee from her outstretched hand. “I’ve sucked bigger ones than yours, but I bet you remember how good I was at it, don’t you?” he asked sarcastically, as he stepped out onto the porch.
Lynette slammed the front door so hard that it jarred the lid off the jade ginger jar on the entrance hall table which subsequently crashed onto the hard tile floor breaking into several pieces.
Roger stood out in her driveway for a minute or so drinking most of the coffee, then he pitched the cup onto the thick grass as Blaze’s rent car pulled up in front of the house. Blaze exited the vehicle, grabbed his suitcase, all the while staring at this unknown figure in Lynette’s yard.
“Who are you?” he immediately asked as he approached Roger in the driveway.
“An Indian! She’s gone an got herself a damned Indian,” he laughed out of the side of his mouth as he sidestepped Blaze and moved more quickly toward his car, without answering the question.
Blaze came through the front door with a rush, his feet grinding noisily on the broken glass. He caught Lynette walking across the living room.
“Lynette, who the hell was that man out on the front?”
“That was Roger,” she replied dispassionately, not even looking up at her husband.
“What was he doing here, especially with you still in your night clothes?”
Lynette looked over at Blaze for a long, silent second. She was trying to understand the accusatory tone in his voice.
“I’m still in my night clothes because he woke me out of a sound sleep. I thought it was you coming back early, though that wasn’t in our plans.”
Blaze finally dropped his bag on the floor.
“Why was he here?” he asked again sternly.
“Because he’s an ignorant, self-centered drunk who thinks he can just come and go in and out of another person’s life on a whim.” There was a pregnant silence.
“I smell coffee, and you don’t drink coffee, why was he here long enough to drink coffee,” Blaze asked insistently, jealousy raging all through his body.
Lynette turned to him, now even angrier than she had been at Roger and she glared at Blaze through hateful eyes.
“You haven’t asked me if I’m all right, if he hurt me in any way. You just want to know if I fucked him, don’t you?” she growled at him. The vehemence with which she spoke caught him off guard, and he could find no quick answer.
“Lynn, I come back here unexpectedly early, find a man casually drinking coffee in the driveway, and you in a state of undress,” what am I supposed to think?” he asked matter-of-factly.
“How about is my wife all right, has there been some trouble in the house?” she retorted. “Instead, you come in here like gangbusters, apparently assuming that I’ve done something dishonorable. Look at you, standing on the other side of the room like I’m dirty or something. Ordinarily when you walk into a room, you come over to me. So what the hell is this attitude?” she snapped. Before he could reply, she continued, “Are you going to turn out like him after all, and think you’re going to make me walk on egg shells every time I’m around some other man, because of what some other woman did to you? Is that it? Cuz if that’s the case, we’d better sit down and rethink this whole situation before we take a step further. I’m not going back to that life, Blaze. I thought we had a committed relationship? I thought when we bound ourselves together at the little cabin, that we were one with each other. One in love, one in trust! So ask me Blaze, ask me the question that’s burning in your head.”
Blaze caught his breath, but he could not remove the frown from his face.
“Lynn, look at it from my point of view. If you came home and found some woman leaving just as you arrived unexpectedly, especially an old flame, what would you think?” he tried to justify his jealousy. “I’m human Lynn, and I’m so goddamned in love with you that the thought of another man’s hands on you or even near you, cuts me in my gut.”
“Unless I saw you climbing off the top of her with your penis dripping wet, I’d wait for you to explain what just happened, but you’re not giving me that same courtesy are you!” she said defiantly. Without letting Blaze answer, she continued, “Do you really think just because my legs are open to you 24/7 that I’d let another man take your place when you weren’t with me! Do you really think so little of me?” she yelled, tears welling up in her eyes. “I’ll ask the questions: Lynette did you let Roger touch you? Did he hurt you in any way. Why is there glass on the floor? Are you all right? Or did you go to bed with your old lover behind my back? It seems that the first questions aren’t relevant, only the last one,” she sputtered through her anger.
Blaze’s jealousy subsided quickly as he realized the gravity of the situation. By his body language and his tone, he had challenged Lynette’s integrity in a way that deeply wounded her, and he knew that he had gone to a place in her life, better left dead. He sensed that something very precious was about to be torn, like a piece of delicately woven tapestry, and it would be disastrous to let that happen.
“Lynn, I know better. I trust you. I love you so much it makes me crazy, but I didn’t mean to insult you. It was just the circumstances, everything all at once.” Blaze crossed the room with only a few steps and he threw his arms around his wife. “I admit that jealousy was my first reaction. He had you long before me. I didn’t mean to question your behavior. It just didn’t seem right for him to be here. Lynn, I’m sorry for that tiny instant of doubt. I own that. That’s my fault. God forgive me, I’m so sorry Baby,” he said in all earnestness.
Lynette rested uneasily in the comfort of his arms, but she knew where her instant anger came from, and she too needed to apologize to him, for she too had let her past baggage interfere with her instant and angry response to his jealousy. She was armed for a fight. One that would have destroyed what she thought they had together. She was close.
“We can’t let this happen again,” she finally said quietly to Blaze as she separated herself from his hold. Looking up into his face she said seriously, “There are going to be too many times where something might not seem right, but we must look at the circumstances, not our personal fears. We’ve both got baggage – that just comes with living. Trust, Blaze. Trust may be the only thing we have sometimes. Without it, we can have no future. I trust you with my life. Don’t make me pay for something I never did to you.”
For the next two days they talke
d again – a lot – like before. She had to make him understand that there was pain somewhere deep inside her, a pain she thought his love had squelched. As she had told Roger when they broke up, she would not pay for the damage other women did to him, and she needed Blaze to understand that too. Though she loved him more than life, she would walk away from him and the life he offered her if she had to put up with any mistrust. She said these words to him, and he knew she meant it.
For his part, Blaze again bared his soul, telling her how he let his ex-wife strip him of his dignity and his sense of trust. He vowed to trust her, to believe in her as he would himself. She touched her fingers to his lips, silently affirming their pact.
Blaze wanted to make the giving of the engagement ring a private event – maybe up on the hill where their house was being built, especially since the past two days had been a bit uncomfortable for them both. But, unbeknown to Lynette or Blaze, Clare had other ideas. She asked them to take her to dinner before they flew back to Albuquerque on Sunday. When they arrived at the restaurant, there sat Trapper and Janette with about a dozen of Lynette’s closest friends. Merrilynn couldn’t be there because of her hospital duties, but Janette put her cell phone on speaker with pictures and let everyone say hi to her. Blaze was embarrassed. He didn’t know any of these people, though he’d heard some of the names from Lynette. He was immediately inducted into her close circle of friends, guys and gals, with hugs and welcomes. A few of the single women did feel the need to inquire if there were any more men out in New Mexico like him, and if so, when could they come to visit!!
With dimmed lights in the side dining room of the Olive Garden, and for the benefit of the gathered friends and family, he got down on one knee, pulled out the gorgeous ring, and asked Lynette if she’d marry him and grow old with him, bathed in the warmth of his love – and trust. Well, all of a sudden there was sniveling and boohooing, before the group erupted in applause. And, of course, she said yes. The pain earlier in the week was not erased altogether for either of them, but it had been put in its place in their book of life as they now freely moved forward without doubts.
CHAPTER 18
¤
Planning The Cabin
On Sunday afternoon, the melded family of flyers arrived at the airport together. Trapper was off on an American flight back to New York, Janette was on her way back to Portland, Oregon and Blaze and Lynette were leaving on the 11:50 flight to Albuquerque. The waiting time at the airport gave the two newest, about-to-be siblings, a little more time to talk. Janette and Trapper had spent precious little time visiting, with all the festivities and an incredibly short weekend. It also afforded Lynette some time to make Trapper feel a little better about what his dad was about to do. Not that he was against the marriage, he wasn’t. He just never thought his dad would marry again after all that happened with his mother. She destroyed an entire family, and he was still paying a painful price for it, with his unresolved anger.
Trapper, like Merrilynn, had few features to tie him to Blaze. His hair was a medium brown, his eyes were grey, he was short and stocky but he was unmistakably white. It was very possible that he and Merrilynn also had different fathers. Did Blaze have no biological children after all, Lynette wondered. It struck her as so tragic.
After the young adults departed, Blaze took Lynette’s hand and said, with such pain in his voice, “at least I’ll have one child that looks like me, even if she’s your daughter – my step-daughter.” How ironic it seemed. Lynette squeezed his hand and leaned over to kiss his cheek.
In the air, over the barren southwestern desert of west Texas and eastern New Mexico, Blaze asked Lynette to set a wedding date. The sooner the better. They looked at the calendar on her check book and decided on Saturday, July 15. There was much to do before that date. Let’s keep it simple they both agreed, but it wouldn’t be a quickie courthouse wedding. They’d get married at home with a few friends and family. Lynette’s first wedding was a huge church event. Been there, done that, don’t need to anymore.
“Where would you like to go for our honeymoon?” Blaze asked Lynette as they drove back toward the ranch.
“Have you ever visited Alaska?” she asked.
“Not exactly,” he replied.
“Would you like to go to Alaska?” she asked.
“But you were just there last year. Why do you want to go back to Alaska with all the places there are in this country – this world?” he asked curiously.
“Because it’s the most beautiful place in the world,” she replied with a big smile on her beaming face.
“I want to take you to another place that I’ve fallen in love with. You think New Mexico is beautiful, and of course it is, but it doesn’t hold a candle to the immenseness and majesty of Alaska. I want you to share what I’ve seen, and there are still so many places I’d still like to see up there. How about Alaska?” she implored.
“If that’s what you want, you’ve got it,” he smiled, rubbing her thigh.
“Do you still have any of the brochures and stuff,” he inquired.
“Sure do, and you’ll be amazed at how much information and photos are on the internet,” she said quickly.
“Then let’s put our heads together and whip up a once-in-a-lifetime honeymoon for the Snowdowns,” he said happily.
“Mrs. Snowdown. It sounds so nice,” she said. For all intents and purposes, it was spiritually accurate.
Back at home, Blaze went back to working in his office. He had a variety of construction people coming in and out from time to time, and he did a lot of business over the phone and on his computer.
He was gone all one evening, which was unusual. When he returned, he had the walk of a satisfied man.
“I went to discuss this marriage with a few of the elders of the tribe. They want to see the photos of your father. Can you get Clare to bring them up when she comes this weekend?” he asked.
“Sure, but what’s that all about?” she asked.
“They want to see, if what you suspect is true, that’s all,” he replied patiently.
“They’ll just see what I came to see. It can’t tell them much. I often thought that my dad was part Asian because of the slant of his eyes. It didn’t dawn on me until I was in my late thirties that the shape of the eyes and the high cheek bones, plus his lighter skin might have come from Native ancestors,” she said.
“It might tell them something. They have wise old eyes; eyes that have seen many things,” he answered.
“Blaze, there’s a team of earth movers and trucks down the road,” Lynette announced with concern.
“Oh good. They’re here,” he exclaimed. “Throw something on Lynn. Let’s go meet them,” he said excitedly.
It was strange how the two ranches were laid out. From Aaron’s deck, you could see some of Blaze’s land, but you couldn’t get over to it easily in a vehicle without driving out onto the highway and turning left after about a short mile. There was a gravel road that turned in at that point, and that was the entrance to Blaze’s major property. It didn’t have a name on it, but the entrance had short stone pillars on either side of the turn-in. Blaze liked to keep things simple and he never thought to put up an iron gate with an overhead marker for his ranch. If you drove far enough out on Blaze’s land, you could see Aaron’s house and the out-buildings in the distance. One night Blaze drove Lynette over to that part where you could see the house. They parked on that same rise and lay in the back of the pickup truck looking up at the millions of stars. It was a beautiful night, and other than the howl of a lonely coyote, - why are coyotes always lonely? - there was absolutely no sound. The lights in Aaron’s house glowed brightly, like a photo out of a Santa Fe Homes magazine. It was the only light anywhere around. It was beautiful and yet surreal.
“I’m building your house right here, Mrs. Snowdown; your log cabin,” he said sweetly, “on this rise, overlooking much of what I survey, near the horses, and far away from worry,” he told her.
He was
quiet for a long while. “Let’s call it Satellite Hill,” he said, and she couldn’t see the smirk on his face.
“Why Satellite Hill?” she asked, clearly intrigued.
“Remember that bright, sunny day not too long ago, when we rolled around with our bottoms to the sky, and you joked about a spy satellite overhead?”
“Yes,” she replied, looking sideways at his image.
“Well, we gave them a day light show, let’s give ‘em something to wish for tonight,” and he turned to her and began to fondle her tenderly.
The blanket in the cab of the truck softened the hardness of the floor on the back of the pickup truck, only a little. Neither of them minded. They made love with the stars and a partial moon turning their bodies an eerie blue. Afterward, they lay totally naked looking up at a brilliant sky. “Wonder if they got a good shot,” Lynette laughed in that wicked way she had.
“They’ll have plenty more times to try to perfect the camera angle on the satellite,” Blaze laughed, as he laid his arm across her full breasts, teasing one of her nipples with his index finger as he intertwined his legs with hers.And that’s how the place where their new home was going to be built, got its name.
“So, are you all ready to build my wife’s new home?” he laughed, shaking the hand of the project foreman. He’d known this fellow for several years. In fact, it was his father’s company who built the addition onto the big house.
“Didn’t know you got married,” the fellow said.
“Well, it hasn’t happened yet, but the date’s fast approaching,” he said as he introduced Lynette to Alberto Montoya. The man took off his hat in a very gentlemanly way and shook her hand.
Thunder In Her Body Page 20
