by Cara Dee
Sometimes he was funny.
Regardless, I was soaking it up. Skin-on-skin—there was nothing better.
I didn’t have to worry about Shay pretending he wanted to leave either. He’d agreed to stay until Thursday morning, partly so River and I could monitor him in case he experienced a drop. The scene had been…intense, to put it mildly. To a lesser degree, it was still affecting him today.
His defenses were down.
He groaned as he stretched out and hiked a leg over mine. At the same time, River yawned and shifted closer to press a kiss to my neck. Given the snarl I heard from his stomach, I had a feeling we would save poolside sex till later.
“Hungry?” I murmured.
“Mm.” He dragged himself up to a seated position and scrubbed his hands over his face. “I could go for a burger and a shake.”
Shay immediately perked up and lifted his head from my chest. “I like both those things.”
I smiled at him and wove my fingers through his hair. The boy drove me crazy already. Over breakfast, I’d told him about Littles and Middles and how it never had to be a constant thing. His only comparison seemed to be Kit, and Shay had admitted he’d never hung out with Littles before joining our community. And yeah, sure, Kit was more of a clear-cut case. In fact, they were each other’s opposites in the way that Kit was a Little exploring his masochistic tendencies, and Shay the other way around.
River leaned over me and met Shay in a sleepy kiss. “I suggest we actually leave the house for a bit.” Not a bad idea at all. “There’s a good place in Mclean, or if you wanna go to Silver Diner at Tysons Corner.”
I preferred Tysons. Mclean was a good little town, but everything was overpriced to cater to all the diplomats and government officials who tended to shack up in Mclean McMansions. It wasn’t a coincidence that we’d found a house this big in this area.
“I like Silver Diner,” Shay said. “I usually take my brothers there, because it’s like the only place they both can find something they want.”
River chuckled. “Silver Diner, it is.”
I wanted to know more about Shay’s brothers. It made me happy to hear him mention them, but I felt River and I should put our cards on the table before we prodded any further. It was time. Everything had changed. It was no longer just about protecting a community member from himself.
I brushed my hand over the faint welts on Shay’s back. “So, we’re not staying here all day?”
He narrowed his eyes playfully at my smirk. “We eat, and then we come right back for more naked snuggles.”
I smiled widely and pulled him down for a hard kiss. “It’s a plan.”
“And plans never fail,” River drawled.
Oh, hush. My brother was just too anal.
Despite the insanely extensive menu, we’d ordered our drinks and food within five minutes of getting seated in the packed diner. Shay had found it funny when River and I had received a “Welcome back” from our server.
“I guess you come here a lot,” Shay teased.
I side-eyed River with a wry smirk.
“There are three options for me if Reese doesn’t have the time to cook,” River said. “Ramen, the pizza we had the other day, and Silver Diner.”
Shay snickered.
He looked happier. Maybe my brother’s theory would prove to be correct, that Shay was desperate for someone to save him from himself and that it wouldn’t take that much work to achieve it. We’d been on our way to crack that part of the boy open yesterday before River had called the scene off. Shay had sunk too deeply into a vulnerable state that we didn’t want to push further. But I was more determined than ever to get additional chances.
Our sodas arrived, and the server gave Shay’s T-shirt a quick, amused look. He was back in his own clothes that I’d washed, and I supposed the “Masochistic Tendencies is an Understatement” text stood out.
“So, what’s the plan for today?” Shay pinched off the wrapper from his straw and stuck it into his Coke. “Poolside laziness first, obviously. Then what? Can I maybe get a grand tour of the haunted playhouse?”
I’d noticed his curiosity when four kinksters had arrived around the same time we’d left. They knew their way around the place and followed the rules, so we didn’t need to be present.
“You’re welcome to check out the club area,” River allowed. “The playrooms, you can see when we use them.”
I took a swig of my iced tea.
“I should have expected such a sadistic response.” Shay sniffed.
I smiled and gave River’s thigh a squeeze under the table.
“I don’t think we have any other plans for the day.” I returned to the topic. “I have to finish the inventory of cleaning supplies and talk to Ivy about this month’s maid service schedule. That’s about it.”
Today was reserved for aftercare and talking. River and I were giving Shay till this afternoon to bring things up at his own pace, and we’d covered some issues already, like his confusion about Littles. We’d also discussed degradation a bit to make sure the boy didn’t believe any of those terms—that we’d used—outside of playtime. It’d been River’s most pressing worry to tackle.
“Tomorrow will be busier.” River poured a packet of sweetener into his iced tea. Why he didn’t just order it sweetened was beyond me. He didn’t even like artificial sweeteners. “We kinda need your thoughts on the group play we’d planned before taking you hostage. Is that something you’re comfortable with?”
Hell, I needed to ask myself if I was comfortable with it at this point. The short answer was yes, but I wouldn’t mind some boundaries.
Shay rested his forearms on the table and drank from the straw as he thought about it. “It’s a straight-up orgy?”
“More or less.” I shifted in my seat and cracked my knuckles absently. “We hang out at the pool and throw some burgers on the grill, drink, and shoot the shit. Then someone usually does something to deserve a beating, and it snowballs from there.”
“Naturally.” Shay smiled stiffly, only to lighten up with a laugh and a shake of his head. “I’ve never experienced anything like that.”
“It’s pretty chill,” I assured him. “No one does anything they’re not comfortable with.”
He hummed. “Who’s attending?”
I exchanged a glance with River before I responded. “Macklin, Lucian, a partner of his… I think Tate is heading out too.”
“Cam,” River added with a quirk of his brow. “He confirmed this morning.”
That was interesting.
“That’ll be something to keep an eye on.” I scratched my forehead, hoping there wouldn’t be drama. “Oh, and a buddy of ours from the community who hosts the White Rose parties. Everyone calls him Santiago.”
Shay coughed around a mouthful of soda and reached for a napkin.
My radar went off at the first sight of…something…in his eyes. Something akin to embarrassment or awkwardness.
River tilted his head. “Do you know him, pup?”
“No.” Shay wiped his mouth and the small spill he’d made on the table. “I know who he is, I guess. The night I talked to you—I was gonna approach him if y’all weren’t interested.”
I see. There was a twinge of discomfort in my chest, but it faded quickly.
“If wax play is your thing, you should talk to him,” River said.
I shot him an irritated look. Why was he giving away our boy before he was even ours? Couldn’t we establish a goddamn dynamic first?
I couldn’t stay silent. “Before you make any decisions on tomorrow,” I told Shay, “I’d like to talk about the three of us establishing an arrangement. Otherwise, I won’t be able to relax tomorrow.”
The surprised but sweetly shy look in Shay’s eyes was a good sign, but River’s fingers suddenly digging into my thigh weren’t.
“What?” I frowned at him.
River gave me a pointed look that, for once, I couldn’t read.
“Um, our f
ood is here,” Shay said.
Perfect timing, because while he focused on being polite to the server, River could lean in and speak for only me to hear.
“Wise up, Reese. We can’t start anything before we’ve come clean.”
Goddammit.
He was right.
A burst of frustration bolted through me, because suddenly everything felt like it had been handled in the wrong order. My MO was to spit it all out and go from there, but we were in a crowded diner, and Shay was a flight risk. On the other hand, I wanted to believe he would see things from our side too.
After the server left, I stared at my burger plate and listened with one ear as Shay circled back to the topic of tomorrow and admitted that he was interested. It sounded hot, he said. And then he confessed that while he wouldn’t mind exploring with others, he wanted something that was just “ours,” and I probably shouldn’t find such a confession sweet as hell, but I fucking did. It gave me hope and made me want.
I wanted to own that boy.
There was an insane chemistry between us; Shay had to feel it. As did River. Or they were both fucking blind.
“I like that,” River admitted with a nod. “We can relax and have fun, but we’ll save something that’ll only be ours.”
“Are you sure?” Shay bit his lip. “I don’t want y’all to feel restricted by me.”
“We wouldn’t—we won’t.” The words tumbled out of me, and part of me wanted to slide out of this side of the booth and join his. Jesus fucking Christ, I didn’t know how to act anymore. I’d known I was a Daddy Dom for over fifteen years, yet this young man drew it out of me in a way I couldn’t describe.
“Reese.” There was a hint of warning in River’s tone.
I didn’t care. He knew I couldn’t hold back. He knew I was going to open my big mouth.
I knew just where to begin too. “Shay, do you remember yesterday during the scene when we told you we knew about your family?”
River sighed.
Shay furrowed his brow and picked up his burger. “Um…I think so. It rings a bell.” He bit into his burger, then cocked his head. “How do you know about them?”
We’d been expecting that question yesterday. When it hadn’t arrived, we’d known he was too far gone.
“We looked you up,” I replied honestly. His chewing slowed down, and I went back to the beginning. “As the heads of our community, we have a responsibility. Our options were to exclude you to protect our members, or to help you and—hopefully—protect you too. We chose the latter.” I cleared my throat and leaned back in my seat. “The fire where you lost your parents and sister was one of the first things we came across in our search.”
He dropped his gaze to the table and set down his burger.
“I didn’t dig any deeper than that,” River went on. “I noticed that you didn’t have many friends listed on your social media accounts and that your activity ceased almost overnight two years ago.”
Shay flinched, and his jaw ticked with tension.
It was to be expected, but it didn’t stop me from worrying. A rock of unease fell into the pit of my stomach.
“You, uh…” River made a face. “You have a very Google-friendly name. The articles about the fire popped up right away.”
“I understand this might sound unbelievable right now, Shay,” I said, “but we tried to be mindful of your privacy. We didn’t extract any of the information you gave us when you signed up to be a member.” Not only because it was illegal. “We just used your name, and our only goal was to see if we could get a glimpse of why you would seek out pain for the wrong reasons.”
Without looking up from the table, he muttered, “Why didn’t you just confront me?”
I lifted a brow at River, and he nodded for me to answer.
“We did.”
At that, Shay glanced up and narrowed his eyes at me.
“Not so much confront as we offered our help,” I amended. “Penelope tried to talk to you, remember? She informed you of the infractions you’d made. She said we were here if you needed someone to talk to. She reminded you of our terms.”
“If we had confronted you…” River humored the boy. “Can you honestly say you would’ve opened up to us?”
“No.” At least Shay went with the truth.
“So you believe we should’ve banned you,” I stated.
He didn’t have any response to that, and he averted his gaze again.
“There’s more,” I admitted. “The night we met wasn’t a coincidence. The attendance list is public online, so we knew you were going. Oh, and I’m not actually a cage fighter. We followed you there once, and I decided it would be something to lure you in with.”
“For fuck’s sake, Reese,” River snapped under his breath. “Pace yourself.”
Well, I didn’t know how to do that.
Shay stared at me incredulously.
I cleared my throat and smiled uncomfortably. “I’d rather apologize for crossing the line than take a step back and not do shit.” On that note, there was one other thing I had to say. “Before I shut up and let River talk you through things at a more, uh…normal pace? I want to defend Isela’s role in everything. She’s genuine, Shay. She cares for you. And she wants to talk when you’re ready.”
“All right, that’s enough.” River slid out of the booth and pointed toward the exit. “Go take a fucking walk or something. You can’t go balls to the wall with everything in life.”
I’d fucked up. One glance at Shay told me as much, and it did something to me I couldn’t describe. But the hurt and anger in his eyes would haunt me for a while.
So I obeyed my brother.
What the fuck was this pressure in my chest for?
I opened the door to the passenger’s side of River’s truck and grabbed his spare pack of smokes and a lighter from the glove box. The sun was brutal, and there were too many people around. DC folk could fucking stay in DC. After shutting the door, I slid on my shades and lit up a smoke.
I hadn’t felt that pressure since…Christ, probably when River almost got shot in Moscow. But I hadn’t lost my nerves back then, so I didn’t see why I’d act this way now.
It would be okay. River would handle things. He may not be the talker among us, but once he put his mind to something, he didn’t mess around. He’d once talked a corrupt diplomat into giving up the location of his double agent wife. Knowing exactly what to say at the right time was just one of the tools River had used to get the information he needed.
I took a deep drag from the smoke and grimaced at the strength of it. Then I exhaled and stubbed it out under my shoe.
Sometimes I missed having something that provided an instant calming effect.
I checked my watch.
I needed a distraction, having a feeling it would take a while for River to put out the fire I’d started.
It was that goddamn boy. He’d stirred up a bunch of shit inside me, and it was possible that I wasn’t the best at reading into my own emotions. To be frank, there was rarely anything there to read. I had my life settled. I had River. We had friends, casual arrangements from time to time, and a few recurring partners like Ivy who we could play with nonsexually. She and I had great chemistry for pain sessions.
It was rattling to realize I’d become too comfortable. To think I’d had all the answers to everything.
If I’d kept my mind more open, maybe I would’ve seen that Shay was different sooner.
I blew out a breath and ran a hand through my hair. It was too hot to stay out here.
I pulled out my phone and sent River a text.
I’m gonna head over to the mall and pick up some shit quick. I’ll be back in 30 minutes.
The lunch rush was over by the time I pulled into Silver Diner’s parking lot half an hour later, not that it mattered; I didn’t have to fight someone for a parking spot. River and Shay were standing outside smoking.
By all means, take your time…
I stood t
here, curbside, idling, while they talked and smoked.
They knew I was here. Kind of impossible to miss this gas-guzzler.
I was gonna keep my cool. No pressuring Shay for information—or for anything about going forward from here. I was slowing my roll. There was no kinky relationship to speak of, so no talk about rules and boundaries either.
I drummed my fingers along the wheel and watched River stub out his smoke. Shay nodded curtly to whatever my brother told him, and even a blind person would be able to tell that the boy was royally ticked off.
It was bittersweet to be sorry but not remorseful. The last thing I wanted was to hurt Shay, but I didn’t regret anything that’d led us to here. I couldn’t.
He rolled his eyes at something River said. My brother’s smirk followed, so maybe not everything was lost. There was a glimmer of hope. Then Riv nodded at the truck, and I read the “come on” on his lips.
They both aimed for the back seat.
As soon as River opened the door, I had my eye on them in the rearview.
Shay jumped in first and didn’t say a word.
It was okay. I’d expected this.
“Hey.” River grunted as he got in and closed the door. “We shared your burger. It was great.”
All right. Good for them.
“We going back to the house?” I asked.
River glanced over at Shay.
“Yes,” Shay muttered.
Thank fuck. As the relief washed over me, I pulled away from the curb and did my best to contain the shit-eating grin that threatened to split my face. Too soon. He was still upset.
“Shay has requested some space today,” River told me. “Because of the circumstances, our intentions, and because he sees the role he’s played in all this, he’s agreed not to go anywhere and base any decisions on anger. But we won’t bother him today—we’ll let him process things.”
I nodded, and something loosened in my chest. He was staying. “Of course.”
“Wait,” Shay said abruptly. “I wanna buy smokes.”
