by Raine, Alice
The problem was, I was starting to fear that I needed her. I had no fucking idea how it had happened, but during the two week gap where I hadn't seen Stella I'd pretty much figured out that as well as wanting her physically, which I did almost constantly, that I had most definitely started to need Stella too. I needed her to keep me stable when work was shit, needed her to flash me those shy smiles reserved only for me, but most of all, I needed her to keep on making me feel like I might actually have a chance of being somewhere near normal for a change.
Glancing across at her now it occurred to me that Stella was probably feeling pretty confused right now, not only had I all but demanded that she join us for dinner tonight, but I'd not given her any further guidance at all. Grimacing I shook my head at yet another failure on my part. God, I was such a prick. If I had any hope of making something more of my relationship with Stella I needed to get my hopeless arse in gear and start thinking about her feelings for a change.
Stella
As it often did, my breath caught in my throat when Nathan entered the room. It was like his unfair handsomeness somehow sucked my breathable air away and left me floundering like a fish out of water, an effect that thankfully he seemed to be completely unaware of. His ego was no doubt big enough already, he didn’t need me and my pathetic swoons adding to it.
Tonight Nathan had gone for his smart-casual look, which meant navy suit trousers and a pale blue shirt but no jacket or tie. That was just fine by me; his tailored shirts looked glorious without any other trimmings, and showed off the tautness of his shoulder and chest muscles to absolute perfection.
I loved the shirt he was wearing too, it was secretly one of my favourites, in a pale blue almost the exact same shade as his eyes; it made his blond hair seem to glow and his striking gaze even more intense than usual. In fact I'd had many a fantasy about that particular shirt, mostly featuring me wearing it, and nothing else, whilst he made love to me for hours on end. Giving myself a mental thwack on the forehead I rolled my eyes, who was I kidding? We didn’t make love, we fucked, and if I wore anything during that process it would be at Nathan's request and would usually involve lace suspenders or high heels, and certainly not his shirt. Sighing, I glanced at him again; it might only be a fantasy, but it was still a nice one to have.
Great, I was drooling already and our guests hadn't even arrived yet.
A frown settled on my brows. Guests. Christ, I was nervous. Nathan had invited his brother and his girlfriend, Rebecca I think, around for dinner tonight and he had requested – demanded – that I join them. This was a first for us. Nathan had had dinner guests before, all business-related, but he'd always told me I could have the night off or make use of the gym or home cinema to keep myself busy. I wasn't entirely sure what to expect tonight, or why he wanted me there, and Nathan hadn't really given me any indication of how he expected me to act either. Hence my fully-fledged nerves.
Just as I was plucking up the courage to ask Nathan what I should expect from the evening the doorbell rang. My eyes closed in frustration. Great. I was out of time now and would officially have to wing it. From our brief introduction the other week I knew Nicholas was aware of the type of relationship I had with Nathan, and from the snippets of conversation I had heard from his brother’s visit I also suspected Nicholas might be involved in the domination scene himself, but would his girlfriend be a sub too? Making my way towards the sofas I exhaled a long, calming breath. Sod it, I'd just keep quiet and see how things panned out, go with the flow so to speak.
Just a few seconds later Nathan returned with his guests. As Nathan hadn't told me otherwise I remained standing and kept my eyes mostly averted, but on one of my quick, curious glances I noticed that Nathan's brother looked a whole hell of a lot better than he had when I'd last seen him. Crikey, he was actually very handsome; in fact, back in the day before I'd developed a thing for blonds, specifically those called Nathan, Nicholas would have been exactly my usual type; tall, dark, broad, and handsome as sin. It was funny how a few months could make such a difference to my outlook, before Nathan I'd never even dated a blond, now I couldn't imagine why.
My reverie was broken by Nathan who appeared by my side and did the introductions. ‘Rebecca, this is Stella,’ Nathan said smoothly, indicating between the two of us with a swift hand gesture and thankfully sticking to my name and not referring to me as just his sub.
Glancing up briefly I saw that Rebecca was taller and probably skinnier than me, if I'm being honest, and rather pretty in a girl-next-door kind of way. Nicholas nodded to me in greeting and I flashed a small smile, but it died on my lips as I then watched him give Nathan the oddest of looks. What had that been about? It was almost as if he’d asked ‘What’s Stella doing here?’ and to be honest I was now wondering the same damn thing.
After handing Nathan a bottle of wine Nicholas and Rebecca moved further into the room and took a seat on the black leather two-seater next to the fireplace. Nathan sat opposite on the white couch, but after Nicholas’s strange look I was frozen to the spot, my stomach lurching and I felt off-balance and flummoxed as what to do next. It wasn't like Nathan ever made me sit on the floor by his feet or anything, but we never exactly sat on the sofa and had a cosy chat together either. In fact, come to think of it, the only times I'd ever been on this sofa was when Nathan was in a sexual frenzy and screwing me until I screamed his name.
Great, so now as well as standing here like a complete loser I was also bright red from thinking about our amazing sofa sex sessions. God, I wished I could escape to my room and the stack of good books I'd selected from Nathan’s reading room earlier. What I wouldn't give for a bit of quiet time and Jane Austen right now.
Staring at my entwined fingers was getting quite boring so I flashed a quick glance at Rebecca again. She was sat close to Nicholas, their thighs touching intimately, looking like a regular girlfriend, so perhaps she wasn't a sub then – or if she was she was a lot more used to social gatherings than me. All of a sudden she gasped quietly and her head flicked up to look at me with wide eyes that showed a sudden and complete understanding of the situation. Somehow from that one shared look I suspected that Rebecca now understood the dynamics of my relationship with Nathan. Not only that, but from the look on her face – like she had swallowed some week-old fish – she didn’t agree with it either.
This really was rather unfair, between them Nathan and Nicholas could have had the decency to let Rebecca and I in on the whole story before we all got together, at least then I wouldn't be standing here feeling like a complete prat and she wouldn't be looking like she wanted to vomit all over Nathan's expensive rug. The only small saving grace was that at least we were both feeling uncomfortable, I suppose.
My awkward stance was broken as I heard Nathan speak to the right of me. ‘Sit’ he ordered softly, patting the seat next to him and looking up at me with a hint of a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. My attention was firmly distracted from Rebecca as I tilted my head curiously at Nathan’s request. This was certainly different, but then this whole evening was feeling fairly experimental so I might as well just run with it. Sitting down I perched myself on the front of the soft leather sofa and once again joined my hands in my lap and averted my eyes. Well, if nothing else came of this evening I was at least going to demand a reward from Nathan later for my exemplary submissive behaviour.
Taking me completely by surprise I felt Nathan's hand rub my shoulder before gently pulling me back so that I was leant against the cushions of the sofa with his arm lightly draped around my shoulders. Crikey, I gasped in surprise and then only just managed to hold back a small giggle – I felt like I was a teenager on a first date where the guy pretends to yawn just as an excuse to put his arm around a girl’s shoulders. Not that that had actually ever happened to me, but as a girl I'd been reliably informed by the playground gossips that it had been common practice amongst most teenage boys in my school.
‘Eye contact is permitted,’ Nathan whisper
ed in my ear, his breath hot on my sensitive skin, making me want to lean into him. But hang on, eye contact was permitted? That was incredibly uncharacteristic for Nathan and I immediately raised my eyes to his and found him gazing straight back at me with his big blues. A sigh slipped past my lips at just how stunningly blue his irises were. Like a clear sky on a beautiful summer day. I suddenly felt a little breathless. Full-on eye contact. Crikey, this really was new. Nathan never liked eye contact, not with me, and from the little I'd experienced of him outside his apartment, not with anyone else either. I had no idea why, because his eyes were just stunning, but clearly there was a reason, he'd even hinted as much himself.
After the best few seconds of my life though, Nathan flashed the briefest of winks and then looked away again, loosening his shoulders with a roll as if the extended contact had be immensely difficult for him somehow. Perhaps he had meant that my eye contact was permitted with our guests, and not him.
Did he really just wink at me? Mr Cool As Ice Bad Boy Jackson, winking? Wow, another first. I should probably be making a list of these so I didn’t forget the momentous occasions. Blinking several times I tried to clear my head and refocus on the evening ahead of us, after all, we had guests sat opposite us and I was totally ignoring them and instead practically swooning over Nathan. Normally at parties I was quite a chatterbox, the centre of attention probably, especially after a few glasses of wine, but tonight in these unfamiliar circumstances I was more than happy to sit back and observe.
‘So how was the traffic on your drive over today?’ Nathan asked his brother with a smile. The casual chatter started easily and I felt myself relax slightly into my unusual situation of sitting with Nathan’s arm around me. Whether it was a conscious action or not I don’t know, but his fingers were gently rubbing circles on my exposed shoulder and as my skin heated from his attention I decided that, actually, I quite liked this position. Trying to strengthen my resolve I took a deep breath. I better not get too used to it, no doubt once his brother had left we'd be back to business as usual.
Rebecca seemed nice, she was quiet like me for the most part, but every now and then I would catch her flashing Nathan and I odd glances as she obviously tried to work out what was going on between us. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed that Nathan was also watching Rebecca very carefully, and for a few seconds I felt the stirrings of an ugly green-eyed monster rise within me, but the more I looked, the more it appeared that he was looking at them as a whole, a couple, rather than at Rebecca herself. Perhaps Nicholas’s relationship with this woman was quite new and Nathan was sussing it out to decide if he deemed her good enough for his precious brother.
Nathan and I might not sit and converse regularly in our weekends together, but in the times we had talked, Nathan's love and protectiveness for his brother had been quite apparent and I suspected that if he saw Rebecca as unsuitable in any way, then Nathan would be quite forthright in telling Nicholas so, and probably Rebecca too.
My throat tightened briefly as I tried to imagine what it would be like if Nathan felt that protective of me. I suspected given my growing attachment to him that I'd quite like it. He’d had his little freak-out in Claridges a few weeks ago, but I didn’t really count that as being protective of me, it had more likely been a display of his possessiveness, marking his territory, and claiming what was his, perhaps. With a small sigh I quickly dismissed the stupidly fantastical thought of Nathan ever truly ‘caring’ about me and looked back at Rebecca just in time to see her turn rather pale.
Something had obviously upset Rebecca, her face was now white as a sheet, although seeing as we hadn’t eaten or drunk anything yet to upset her stomach I couldn't think what might be the cause.
Suddenly stumbling to her feet Rebecca looked distinctly like she might pass out, or throw up, or perhaps both. ‘Can I use your bathroom, please?’ Rebecca asked urgently. Gosh, poor thing she looked dreadful. Perhaps she'd eaten something bad at lunch? But then seeing the brief flicker of her gaze as it moved between myself and Nathan and narrowed I realised the cause of her discomfort could well be us.
‘Of course. Stella, show Rebecca the bathroom please, and bring back some drinks for us all afterwards,’ Nathan instructed me.
Standing up quickly in case Rebecca vomited like she looked like she might at any second, I led her to the guest toilet and was about to say a few words to help relax her, I don't know exactly what, something like ‘Yeah I'm his submissive, but it’s what I chose and he's amazing in the sack so it’s all good …’ but as it turned out I didn’t get the chance because after flashing me a quick watery smile and a mumbled ‘thanks’ Rebecca practically leapt into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her.
Poor woman. What I had with Nathan wasn’t exactly your usual run of the mill relationship so I could see why it would make her uncomfortable. I was sure that if she just knew the facts she would no doubt feel much better about things, but I didn’t feel I knew her well enough to interrupt her in the bathroom, so reluctantly, I made my way back to the lounge. As I arrived at the sofas again I frowned. Nathan was still reclining casually, but Nicholas now looked on edge and nervy, sat forwards on his seat and chewing on the inside of his lip in a look I knew oh so well from his brother. Barely ten seconds later, Nicholas stood up and without saying a word strode in the direction of the bathroom, presumably to check on Rebecca.
Blimey, it seemed that both the Jackson brothers came with drama in their lives. What a family. Rolling my eyes I headed to the kitchen and popped open a bottle of chilled white wine from the fridge which would act as a perfect palate cleanser before our dinner. Then pouring four glasses I carried them back into the lounge and retook my seat beside Nathan who was staring out across the darkening London skyline, seemingly lost in his own thoughts.
Once again his arm snaked out and slipped around my shoulders, and once again I found the move incredibly amusing, but also rather endearing. He didn’t say anything, but to be honest, given Nathan’s lack of skills in casual conversation it was probably just as well as it may have spoilt what was a lovely moment for me. Instead I enjoyed the silence and lost myself in my girlish fantasies and simply enjoyed him being just a teeny-weeny bit romantic for a change.
‘Are you unwell, Rebecca?’ Nathan asked directly as Nicholas and Rebecca re-emerged into the living room a few minutes later. It was probably just as well they had come back when they did, because the way Nathan had been casually running his fingers from my shoulder to collar bone in a teasing trail had had me melting and desperate for him to throw me down and take me, regardless of how socially inappropriate that might have been with a house full of guests.
‘I was a little dizzy,’ Rebecca murmured in what sounded to my highly tuned girl’s ears as an out and out lie. ‘But I feel much better now, I’m probably just hungry,’ she concluded with a smile aimed at me which was a little more convincing. Perhaps Nicholas had worked some Jackson magic on her in the bathroom, I thought with a smirk, knowing that sexy time with Nathan certainly always left me feeling more relaxed.
‘Well it’s just as well dinner is served then,’ Nathan replied giving my shoulder a quick appreciative squeeze and making me smile shyly. ‘Stella’s been working very hard to prepare us a nice dinner,’ he added as we all made our way to the dining table and the floor to ceiling windows with my favourite view over London and the River Thames.
I wasn't going to admit it to Nathan, but I'd had a bit of help with dinner. Actually quite a lot of help … when he'd headed into the gym this afternoon I'd known he'd be busy working out for at least two hours and I'd snuck Kenny in to help me prepare the food. I can cook, but I'm talking spag bol or chilli con-carne, not dinner party stuff meant to impress. Kenny on the other hand is a like a non-cook’s dream – he doesn't even need recipe books to prepare the most amazingly tasty dishes. After he arrived and I'd picked his tongue up from the floor – he was rather impressed with Nathan's apartment – Kenny had dumped down three carrier
bags of shopping and with me as his sous chef had whipped up a beef Wellington, creamy mashed potatoes, broccoli, and deliciously rich gravy before whizzing from the apartment making me promise to give him a full tour next time. All I'd really had to do tonight was keep an eye on the beef whilst it cooked and steam the vegetables just before serving. All that was done now and I had to say it really smelt superb. I owed Kenny big time.
Once the table was laden with enough food for a small army my awkwardness suddenly returned again. What should I do? Serve everyone? Serve Nathan? Just sit down and stuff my face? I really had no idea. When Nathan and I ate together at his apartment I always served him first, then myself, but it wasn't a submissive thing as such, it just made sense because he usually cooked and started a quick clear-up whilst I served, then we would sit and eat together.
Thankfully it seemed that Nicholas was better at reading people’s emotions than Nathan because he suddenly piped up to help me out, ‘Shall we all just dig in?’ he enquired, flashing me a smile, apparently well aware that I was stuck about what to do next. It hit me again how handsome he was, not only that, but how easy he was with eye-contact, the complete opposite of Nathan. How strange that they grew up together and yet had such different habits. Once again I wondered why Nathan averted his eyes, but sadly I guessed it was one of many stories I would never find out.
‘Excellent plan, brother,’ Nathan agreed, but I still decided to play it safe and allow everyone else to serve themselves before I took any. Blimey, Kenny had excelled himself, even the cooking temperatures and times he’d given me were spot on because the beef looked amazing, pink on the inside with the pastry a delicious golden brown around the edges. I definitely owed him a drink or two in way of thanks.
