by Amanda Berry
She nodded in Natalie’s direction. “I must find Bill. We’ll catch up at the after party.” She kissed the air again and sauntered farther down the aisle.
Chase sat down as the lights began to dim. Natalie’s hands were clasped on her lap. He reached over and plucked one of them. He folded his fingers in with hers and listened to the opening act.
“Have you worked with Shannen Matthews after If Only?” The tentative whisper tickled his ear.
“Yeah, we’re supposed to do something in the future. Some sort of period romance,” he whispered without taking his eyes off the stage, where they were announcing Actor in a Supporting Role nominees.
“Oh.”
He glanced over at her, but her eyes remained riveted on the stage. What had that been all about?
The ceremony continued. Natalie clapped and watched along with the rest of the crowd, but something was off. Something in the way she smiled alerted him that something was wrong. Her fingers restlessly pinched at her satin dress. Her cheeks were stained pink and her lips were drawn tight. Had he done the right thing by bringing her? Was it too soon?
Becca had been a teenager when she left him. Natalie was a grown woman. Her shyness was one of the things he’d fallen in love with. Her reluctance to be brought into the spotlight charmed him. She made him happy, and she was trying so hard.
She’d taken everything he’d thrown at her this week. He’d stopped worrying that today would be the day she’d leave him. He’d begun to hope that they could make this last. That he could make a life with Natalie even though she wasn’t an actress.
Maybe he could make it up to her by skipping the after parties and just going home. They could cuddle up with some chocolate ice cream, and he could show her once more how much he loved her.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Natalie laced her fingers together. Chase loved her. Would that be enough? They hadn’t talked long term, but she couldn’t begin to imagine a life without him in it. But to have to brave this scrutiny every year…every month…every day….
Her normal, boring life would change. Not that it hadn’t already. After all, she sat next to Chase Booker at the Oscars. Never in a million years would she have imagined being here. She would have never considered it a possibility or wanted it.
The goals she’d set for herself had nothing to do with fame. A good career, a solid man, a few children, retirement. Nowhere in her future had she wished for cameras intruding on all the moments in her life. Strangers wouldn’t have wanted to know what she was doing. But as long as she was with Chase, her life would be open season for reporters and so would her children’s lives.
Her eyes drifted to Alexis’s beautiful profile. Chase had dated Alexis. The woman personified sex, from her lush curves to her to-die-for lips. When Chase went to his next movie set, a woman as gorgeous as Alexis would be waiting for him.
They’d kiss passionately because Chase always got the woman in the movies. How would Natalie’s kisses measure up? How would he feel coming back to L.A.? To her? Natalie Collins, petite brown-haired wallflower. How would they ever have a private life? Chase’s life was public. Had always been public, would always be public.
His smile was radiant as he watched the next presenter. He did look like Prince Charming. Unfortunately, she didn’t qualify as Cinderella.
He reclaimed her hand. Her traitorous body tingled in reaction to his touch. His eyes met hers. How long before he realized he’d made a mistake? How long before he wound up in someone else’s bed because she wasn’t cut out for this kind of life?
“Are you all right?” Chase ran his fingertip down the side of her face, leaving a trail of bittersweet desire behind.
She tried to steady her wayward thoughts. All relationships were built on trust, and she trusted Chase. Even though she preferred a quiet life, she loved him.
“Natalie?”
The crescendoing music kept time with her pulse as an Oscar winner left the stage.
She smiled at Chase and touched his cheek. “I’m fine.”
His eyes narrowed, but the next presenters began their speech for Best Picture. Chase and Robert’s faces appeared up on the big screen as Night Blooming was announced.
“And the Oscar goes to Chase Booker and Robert Addler for Night Blooming.” Applause sounded all around them.
Chase’s face cleared of all the concern in a heartbeat as he flashed his winning smile at the camera. He leaned close to her. “We’ll talk when I get back.”
He moved to the aisle and strode toward the stage with Robert. The music had stopped, and Chase and Robert were getting ready to deliver their speech.
“We’d like to thank the Academy.” Chase’s voice filled the auditorium. “There are so many people who were part of this film and helped to make it happen.”
He continued congratulating the whole cast and everyone involved in production, and she’d never felt more proud in her life. Her heart filled with love and warmth for Chase.
At the end of his speech, he turned to face her and gave her that smile that was hers. When he smiled at her like that, she was willing to give up everything, just to be with him. She cheered with the rest of the crowd as he was ushered backstage. Everything would be okay.
Alexis leaned over the empty seat. “They’ll be a few minutes backstage. We can head out if you’d like.” Her smile was predatory, but Natalie assumed it was always that way.
“Sure, but I’d like to find the restrooms first.”
An usher happened to overhear her and escorted her to the bathroom.
The doorman opened the door, and Natalie swept into the relative emptiness of the foyer. Natalie froze at the landscape beyond the doors of the theater. Though it was night, the exterior of the Kodak burned as bright as if it were noon. The rich and famous posed and paraded outside.
Alexis hadn’t waited for her out here either. Breathing deeply, Natalie moved toward the doors. It couldn’t be any worse than before. Except then she’d had Chase with her. Being next to Chase made her feel more beautiful, made her feel like she belonged.
She stepped out onto the red carpet and stopped to scan the crowd for Chase. Her gaze flowed over the other actors and zeroed in on Chase.
Her smile froze as she saw Alexis curving into his side as the camera flashed. Suddenly everything clicked into place.
Alexis wanted fame and attention. She didn’t need coaxing to get into the spotlight. Someone like Alexis would be there for him and look beautiful doing it. She didn’t mind the attention. She didn’t want a quiet life. She didn’t want simplicity. She’d fit in Chase’s life, where Natalie was a square peg trying to shove into a round hole.
Tonight she felt gorgeous with the dress, jewelry, makeup and shoes, but tomorrow she’d go back to being just Natalie. How long would just Natalie be enough?
No, that was stupid. Chase loved her. Natalie trusted him. He’d said he didn’t want anyone but her, and she believed him. For now, she was who he wanted to be with, but what about a month from now? Six months? A year?
Alexis turned and pressed her lips to Chase’s cheek for the next photo.
Natalie spun as her heart plummeted. This wasn’t who she was. She wasn’t strong enough to watch her man pretend to be in love with someone else. She wasn’t strong enough to walk toward him and claim him from Alexis. But somehow she’d find the strength to walk away.
She jerked open the doors and went back into the theater. There had to be a back exit. She picked up her skirt and hurried across the tile floor.
The door slammed open behind her.
“Natalie?”
Oh, hell, all he had to say was her name, and she wanted to stop and let him convince her she was wrong. That she deserved to be with him. That she could take the pressure of being his girlfriend.
His hand closed over her shoulder. She squeezed her eyes shut at the warmth in his touch and the feelings that swirled around inside her.
“Natalie, are you all right?” Chase di
dn’t spin her around or move in front of her, and for that she was grateful.
She couldn’t say what she needed to say if she lost herself in his green eyes. Opening her eyes, she stared at the red exit sign that would lead her back home.
“Who are we kidding, Chase?” Natalie’s eyes filled with unshed tears. She kept her voice steady. “You don’t need me. You need someone like Alexis. We don’t make sense.”
“I don’t want Alexis. I want you.” He slowly turned her until she faced him.
She kept her eyes on his tie knot. “For how long?” she whispered.
His fingers tensed on her shoulder. The pain was slight compared to the hurt curled up in her chest.
“Natalie…”
What was going on in his head? Was he going to thank her for calling it quits because he hadn’t wanted to hurt her? An unchecked tear slipped down her cheek. She drew in a deep breath and waited for his reply.
“This is who I am. It won’t go away. The Alexises will always be there. The cameras will always be there. The speculation will always be there.” His fingers fell from her shoulder, leaving her cold. “I thought you trusted me.”
Another tear escaped down her cheek. She had moments before the floodgates opened. “I can—” Her eyes connected with the paparazzi outside the window. A small crowd had gathered. Nothing was private, nothing was sacred. Life with Chase was life in a fishbowl. If she walked away now, her life would go back to what it had been before, quiet, unassuming, boring, safe.
He could go back to his fabulous women who wouldn’t feel like hurling on the red carpet. Who wouldn’t need so much reassurance to get through one evening.
His finger caught one of her tears.
She took another deep breath and stepped back. Her heart shuddered. “I wish I could, but I can’t, Chase.” Her voice trembled and the words barely left her lips. “I just can’t.” The tears welled unbearably. Before he could say anything, she spun on her heels and raced toward the beckoning exit sign.
She almost wished she’d fall, but when she reached the door, she turned for one last look. He stood where she’d left him. She couldn’t let him hurt her. She had to be the one to leave. The door slid shut behind her.
Chase let her go. What else could he do? He couldn’t force her to stay. He couldn’t change who he was, who he had become. The box in his pocket weighed heavily on his mind.
He’d wanted to share forever with her, but it looked like their fifteen minutes were up.
A hand clapped over his shoulder. “Tough break.” Robert moved to stand beside him. “We’ve got pictures to take.”
Chase watched the door she’d vanished behind. Every second it stayed closed, the hollowness in his chest grew. He’d known better. He’d known it would end this way.
Knowing didn’t ease the tightness. “I’m going to take that role.”
Robert nodded. “The last-minute replacement.”
It had sat on his desk for the past two days as he debated whether their relationship was strong enough for him to leave for a few months. Apparently, it hadn’t been strong enough.
“Yeah, I’ll fly out Monday morning.” Chase turned back toward the theater doors. He’d do what he did best, lose himself in a part.
“Do what you need to do, my friend.”
“What are you going to do?” Rachel tucked her feet up on the couch.
“I can’t quit my job. I haven’t even been there two months. We can’t afford not to have my paycheck.” Natalie swept through the room with a pile of pillows and sheets. She’d remade the bed, but his scent still stubbornly clung to a few things. A trip through the washer should solve that problem.
It was well past midnight, but she didn’t think she’d ever be able to sleep again. Rachel had waited up for her when she used the phone in the limo to call and blubbered in Rachel’s ear. The tears were gone now. Just an emptiness remained, and no amount of crying or ice cream was going to fill that hole.
“He probably won’t be at work tomorrow. All the after parties last well into the morning.” Rachel clicked on E! and hit mute.
Natalie headed for the DVD player and hit the eject key. “You’re right. It’s not like he’s around that much. I’m sure he’ll start work on something soon, and I don’t have to work late anymore since the new CFO starts Monday. I’ll just sit at my desk and do my work.”
She lifted If Only out of the player and pushed it back into its case. She’d walked away from Chase Booker, and even though her heart was broken, she felt like she could do anything. She opened the freezer.
Rachel glanced over her shoulder. “Are you sure you want to do that?”
“Yes, I’m sure.” Natalie put the DVD case with Chase’s face in the freezer and took out a carton of chocolate ice cream. Even though she’d gone back to her boring life, not everything could stay the same. She dropped the ice cream in the trash and rubbed her hands on the back of her sweats. “I’ll get by.”
“You’ll do fine. Even if you see him, I’m sure everything will be okay.”
For a week, Natalie’s heart jumped every time someone walked past her desk. No one really talked to her, which was par for the course. Robert had called her into his office to make sure she wasn’t quitting and restated that they both thought she was good to have on their team and would hate to lose her.
She’d reassured him that she wasn’t going anywhere. After all, where could she go? She had two months of experience, right out of college. She sighed and tabbed back over to the spreadsheet. Chase was in London for the next month or so, which should give her plenty of time to get over their short affair.
Why did it feel like more than just a month had passed? Why did her bed feel empty? And her heart ached for what? A month? She shook her head. There was no room for such thoughts anymore. She’d get over Chase Booker and act as if nothing happened.
Her phone had been turned off to external calls, which had been a blessing. Everyone wanted to know what happened to the flash affair between Chase Booker and his lowly accountant. She brought her lunch and only left with Robert walking her to her car.
An e-mail pinged in the background. Natalie automatically flipped over to the e-mail. It was from Jared Anderson. Her mouse hovered over the delete key, but curiosity got the better of her.
If you need to talk to someone, off the record, give me a call. I’ve been following Chase for years and have some information that might help.
Might help what? Make him not famous? Make her not shy? Make her trust in him beyond the tabloids? The dull ache stayed in her chest, constantly reminding her that she’d lost the only man she’d loved. Not because of who he was, but because of who he was.
The reporter couldn’t tell her anything that would change her mind. This was the life she’d chosen. She hit the delete key.
Chase guided Amanda Rogers into the dining room.
“It really has been a pleasure working on this film with you, Chase.” Her finely manicured nails pawed at his suit jacket.
“It’s a great movie. I was glad the lead dropped out.” He smiled down at her. After years of acting, he would have thought he’d learned to hide his true feelings, but he could feel the cracks on the edge of his smile. Hopefully no one else could tell.
He held out her chair and took the one beside her. The rest of the cast and crew were already seated around the table at the old castle where they were filming. The period piece wasn’t exactly helping him get over his relationship with Natalie.
He played a hero trying to save the heroine from the clutches of an evil sorcerer. Every time he stared down into Amanda’s beautifully overdrawn face, he saw Natalie’s pert nose, wide brown eyes and constant blush.
“Do you think you’ll stay in London after the filming ends?” Amanda had been dropping hints all week about starting an affair or a flirtation or anything.
He was confident Natalie was probably hearing that he and his costar were involved in a tawdry love affair. When in reality, he
lay in bed at night staring up at the ceiling knowing Natalie was awake and wondering what she was doing. Robert had told him that Natalie had decided to stay on at Pandora Productions.
“I’m not sure what my next move will be.” Chase waited for the wine to be poured. “We still have a few months of filming.” A few months for him to get over Natalie. Then he could get back to dating women who were used to fame.
“To getting to know each other better.” Amanda’s red lips curved into an inviting smile. She held up her glass of white wine.
He wished Natalie were here as he tapped his glass against Amanda’s. He would have loved to show her England and Europe. They could have escaped up to Scotland for a weekend. Maybe he should take what Amanda was offering. Maybe then he could get Natalie out of his head.
“Chase?”
He lifted his eyes to Amanda’s bright blue ones.
“You aren’t over her, are you?” Her usually plastic face was soft and knowing. “It’s okay, you know. If you want to talk about it?”
Chase glanced around the table. Everyone was involved in their own conversations, enjoying the wine and the food.
“Look, Chase, we need to stick together here. You can’t go all moony-eyed on me every time someone mentions her.”
“I don’t go all—” He turned to catch Amanda’s teasing smile.
“I’m not above stealing a man from another woman, but not when he’s desperately in love with her. So why don’t you tell me about it?” She stabbed a piece of carrot and chewed on it with her attention completely on him.
“She’s not one of us.” Chase took a swallow of wine.
“You mean she’s an alien or something.” Amanda’s eyebrow rose.
“No, she’s not used to being in the spotlight.”
“Oh.” Amanda chewed another piece of carrot before responding. “So, she’s like me before I became an actress.”
“I highly doubt that. You probably loved attention. She’d prefer to stay in the background.” Chase smiled softly, remembering Natalie’s shyness.
