And if she were honest with herself, she wanted to spend the evening with Maria, not with just anyone. Dana dialed her voice mail and listened to Maria’s message from the night before. She’d lost count of how many times she’d played it. I miss you. Dana wanted to know what that meant. She took it at face value because she had no other choice. “She misses me, you guys.” Dana watched her fish totally ignore her as she finished her meal and began contemplating what she would wear to the bar. She worried about seeing Leanne again, but sitting home on a Saturday night pining away for a woman she couldn’t have wasn’t an option. She opened her laptop to check her e-mail just as her phone rang. She thought it was Lucy calling back and answered without checking the caller ID.
“Hello?
“Hi, Dana. This is Maria.”
“Hi.” Dana’s voice sounded weak to her own ears.
“Did you get my message about the choir?”
“I did get your message. Congratulations. You have a beautiful voice. Of course they wanted you in the choir.”
“Are you home now?”
Dana’s curiosity piqued. “Yes. I’m sort of waiting for Mom to get home later. Why?”
“I wondered if you wouldn’t mind meeting me at the little family dining place where we went before. I want to ask you something, but I don’t want to do it over the phone.”
“Okay. Sure.”
“It’ll take me about fifteen minutes. See you there.”
“Well, so much for staying away from the straight woman. She wants to meet me and talk.” Dana looked at her fish, but they were fully engrossed in their evening meal and ignored her. “Fickle fish.”
Dana decided on a pair of low-cut faded jeans and a long-sleeved black denim shirt. She grabbed her brown leather jacket on the way out. Maybe she could hit the bar after meeting Maria.
After going inside and looking around, Dana assumed she’d arrived at the little restaurant before Maria. Several couples sat at the booths, and a few people with children took up the tables. She waited in the lobby for a few minutes, but it wasn’t heated, so she went back inside to look around again. Maria likes to sit next to the window. Dana made her way to the small table at the back of the restaurant next to a window. It was as intimate a spot as there could be in a Coney Island place. Maria stood and turned to face her. Her breath caught and yearning clouded her mind. She couldn’t utter a word.
“There you are. I’m sorry I didn’t meet you out front, but it was busy, so I thought I’d grab us a…you look really great in that jacket.”
Maria regarded her intently. Dana had seen that look in women’s eyes before, but never with such a muddle of emotions. She saw raw desire mixed with fear and uncertainty. She was positive Maria focused on her breasts, and she was glad she’d left an extra button on her shirt unbuttoned. Dana decided to return the appreciative gaze and nearly swooned at the pink blush rising on Maria’s smooth cheeks. She took in her tight black jeans and red silk blouse, covered by the softest looking black leather jacket she’d ever seen. It fell perfectly across the swell of her breasts.
Finding her voice, Dana spoke. “I think that’s my line. You look great in that leather. It suits you.”
“Thank you. It was time for me to buy some new clothes, and I’ve always wanted a black leather jacket. I saw this and had to have it. I’ll be paying for it for months, but I think it was worth it. Let’s sit before the waitress thinks we’re leaving.”
Dana took off her jacket, folded it, and set it next to her on the bench seat, using the moment to steady her nerves. She lost herself in a fantasy of standing face-to-face with Maria and reaching her arms inside that jacket to brush the sides of her full breasts with her fingertips. In her mind, she moved her lips to Maria’s neck and nibbled her way around as she slid the jacket off her shoulders and down her arms. She wrapped her arms around Dana’s shoulders and pushed against her. Their lips met and passion burned…
“Dana? Dana, are you all right?”
Dana wrenched herself back to reality just in time. At least she hoped she hadn’t been moaning yet. “Yes. I’m sorry. I spaced out there for a minute. Did you ask me something?”
“You sure you’re feeling okay? You look flushed.”
This wasn’t going to work. If she lapsed into a fantasy world every time she was with her, she’d make herself crazy. “I’m fine. I just have a lot on my mind. We’re getting busy at the school now. I’m sorry, again.”
“Well, I have something important I want to ask you.”
Dana took a moment to collect herself while their waitress took their orders. She didn’t tell Maria she’d already eaten. As bad as the idea was, she wanted to spend the time with her. She gripped her coffee cup and asked, “What’d you want to ask?”
Maria moved her silverware away from her and then back toward her plate. Then she took a sip of water and unfolded her napkin. After she refolded it and placed it in her lap, she sat up as if gathering courage.
“I want to ask you out on a date.”
Maria was looking directly into her eyes, and Dana saw no pretense. She could see the conviction she was using to cover her insecurity.
“A date? A date as in we go out as a couple, kind of date?”
“I know.” Maria deflated into her seat. “Jaylin told me that the difference between just going out as friends and going out on a date is that a date means you’re attracted to each other. Anyway, I figured out that I’m attracted to you. I like you and want to get to know you better, so I’m calling it a date.”
“You went on a date with Dr. Meyers?”
“No. No, that’s not what I meant. We just went to the Oktoberfest celebration together and we talked. I found out I like beer.”
Dana paused, recognizing that this wasn’t the time for teasing, good-natured or not. She squelched a stirring of jealousy. Maria was obviously being honest and serious. She had a death grip on the table between them and she didn’t want to cause her more anxiety.
“I was kidding.” Dana reached across the table for Maria’s right hand and winced at the force with which Maria squeezed. Yeah, she was scared. “Remember when I told you that I’d have asked you out if I thought you were a lesbian? I meant it. Now you’re asking me out, knowing I’m a lesbian, and I have to tell you, I’m hesitant.” Dana jumped at the swiftness with which Maria withdrew her hand. “Wait, listen a minute. I’m very attracted to you. I think you probably already know that. That kiss we shared was incredible. I want to do it again. Many times. And that scares me. It scares me because I can’t help but wonder what would happen if you met a nice man who treated you the way you deserve to be treated. Would you choose him over me? I’m not sure I can open my heart to that kind of pain.”
“I’m not asking you to marry me. I want to find out what it feels like to go on a date with someone, not just anyone, but you, whom I like and I’ve figured out that I’m actually attracted to. I enjoy your company. I feel things when I’m with you that are new to me. I’m still learning to define these feelings, but I know for sure that they feel right. Our kiss was incredible, and I want to do it again too, but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I can tell you for certain, I have absolutely no desire to see any man. I’ve been told I was beautiful and attractive, and that’s from two women. No man I’ve ever dated or married made me feel so special. I think I’m done trying with that gender. I’m not playing games, Dana. I don’t play games.”
“Yeah. Life’s too short for games. I’ve learned something in the thirty-four years of my life. I can’t say I always stick to it, but for any major decision, I’ve learned to take a day to think about it. To sleep on it, if you will. I think I’d like to do that with this one. Can I call you tomorrow?” Dana saw the swift disappointment that Maria tried to hide, but she liked her too much to make a hasty decision.
“Of course. I understand. I’ll be at church tomorrow morning. Poppy’s introducing me to the rest of the choir, and it’ll be my first time singing with
them. I should be home in the afternoon though. I hope you say yes.”
Dana fell into the depth of Maria’s eyes but had no reply. They finished their meal in silence with Dana’s thoughts on Maria’s soft lips and all the emotions kissing them had stirred up. Desire and a primal need rolled through her core. A need that threatened to cast away her shields, leaving her heart defenseless. Yes was a word shrouded in fear.
Chapter Eighteen
Maria rose earlier than was usual for her on a Sunday morning. Her excitement at starting in the choir had her awake most of the night. She knew well the few hymns they’d be singing. In fact, she’d composed her own rendition of a few of them at her father’s church. She looked forward to this new chapter in her life. The other issue that kept her tossing and turning was her feelings for Dana. She hoped she hadn’t made a mistake asking for a date. She knew she wanted to spend time with Dana, and her now nightly self-induced orgasms, with Dana in a starring role, were a good indication that she was attracted to her in a way she’d never known before. She didn’t know what she would do on the date, or where it would lead. That was something she would take a step at a time. She thought of Dana and her calm directness and maturity. She didn’t play games and neither did Maria. If they were to remain friends, and nothing more, Maria knew their relationship would be an honest one. She just wasn’t convinced that all she wanted was Dana’s friendship.
She took Frankie out, then took her time getting ready. She wanted to look good on her first day with the choir, and she hoped that Dana might show up.
*
Dana parked her SUV in the small parking lot and sat for a moment before heading inside. She knew her decision to show up today might be translated into an acceptance of Maria’s request for a date. She hadn’t made a definite decision yet, but she wanted to hear Maria sing.
“Dana. It’s good to see you here today.” Poppy was standing at the entry to the sanctuary greeting everyone who walked in. “I’m looking forward to Maria singing with us today. I hope you enjoy the service.”
Dana looked around the room in hopes of seeing Maria. She took a seat in the pews at the back of the church and watched as people entered the room. She hadn’t been sitting for more than five minutes when a young man walked in looking slightly lost. Dana recognized him as Maria’s son. “Justin. Hello.” She stood and waved him over to her pew. “My name’s Dana. I met you with your mom at Amigos a couple of months ago.”
“Dana. Yes, I remember you. Can I sit with you?”
“Of course. I was looking for your mom, but she’s probably in the choir room.”
“Yeah, probably. She was so excited when she called to tell me about the choir that I had to come today. She’s doesn’t know I’m here.”
“She doesn’t know I’m here either. I guess we both get to surprise her. I’m glad you made it. How’s school going?”
“Great. I’m enjoying my classes. I don’t go back until Tuesday, so I’m hoping I can spend some time with Mom. She didn’t expect me back until Thanksgiving.”
Poppy stepped up to the altar to begin the service, and Dana sat back into the wooden pew. She doubted Maria had talked to her son about her new feelings, and Dana didn’t feel it was her place to say anything to him. She hoped he’d accept any decision Maria made, especially if she and Maria ended up dating. Whatever that means. She knew what it would mean for her, but indecision roiled in her gut when she pondered what that would mean for Maria.
There were four women and three men in the choir. Maria stood in the middle of the group, completely absorbed in her music, and her voice harmonized beautifully with the rest of the choir.
After the service, Dana and Justin waited for Maria to emerge from the choir room. Justin stood and waved.
“Mom, over here.”
“Justin! When did you get here? I thought you couldn’t get away until Thanksgiving.” Maria grabbed him in a hug and smiled at Dana over his shoulder. “And Dana.” Maria released her hold on Justin and reached for her. “I’m glad you came today,” she spoke softly, intimately, sending shivers of pleasure skittering up Dana’s spine.
“I didn’t want to miss your first choir service. You looked good up there. Comfortable.”
“Thanks.” She looked like she wanted to say more, but a quick glance at Justin stopped her. “So. Is it Amigos time now?” She looked between them, the invitation clear.
“Good idea, Mom. I didn’t have much breakfast.”
“Yeah. That sounds like a wonderful idea. I didn’t have much of a breakfast either,” Dana said.
“Come on, I want to introduce you to Poppy, then we can go eat.”
Dana watched as they exchanged pleasantries, but she hung back, her nerves on edge. One touch from Maria had sent her body into overdrive. Her son was nice, but she wished it were just the two of them going to lunch. When they finished talking, she waved to Poppy and they headed to the parking lot.
“I can drive if you guys want to ride with me?” Dana said.
“I’d kind of like to ride in Mom’s new car.”
“I’ll drive. Come on, Dana, you can check out my new ride too.”
Dana followed Maria and Justin and watched as he rushed to open the door for Maria and then scurried around to open the passenger side front door for Dana.
“I can get in the back, Justin. You sit up front with your mom.”
Justin just grinned at her without moving and Dana knew she wasn’t going to win the argument.
“Okay, kid. You’re making me feel like an old lady.” Dana shook her head and laughed.
“My boy knows respect. Just get in the car.” Maria’s blazing smile took the edge off her command.
After a pleasant lunch, Dana suggested they head to the water and check out the Blue Water Bridge.
“I’d like that, Mom. I haven’t been to the water since you caught The Hog last year.”
“The Hog?” Dana looked at Maria for an explanation.
“Let’s go.” Maria started her car. “I’ll tell you about it on the way.”
Dana directed Maria to the park where she spent most Sundays watching freighters. Was it just a couple of weeks ago that close to this spot, she’d held Maria in her arms and they’d kissed? She needed a distraction. “So tell me what The Hog is.”
“It’s a nice fall day. Let’s walk by the water and I’ll tell you.”
“Thanks for showing us this park, Dana. After Mom married Pete and we moved to the area, we came to the bridge to check it out, but we never got this far north. But we’ve been fishing a lot on the boardwalk in Saint Clair, south of here. Tell Dana about winning that tournament.”
“That’s it. Spill it.”
“Every year in May, there’s a Marbleye Classic Walleye fishing tournament on the St. Clair River. I told you I’ve always loved to fish, so I started entering a few years ago. Last year I won. For some reason, the winning fish, the biggest one caught, they call The Hog. I have a picture in my shop. I’ll show it to you.”
“It was nearly eight pounds.” Justin puffed with pride when he spoke of his mother’s winning.
“You’re full of surprises. I never would have thought of you baiting your own hook.” Dana locked eyes with Maria and wondered what else she would uncover about her.
“I don’t bait hooks.”
Dana resisted the urge to touch Maria’s cheek when she offered a sheepish grin, but she refrained. Barely.
“I use a jig. You can catch walleye with worms and minnows, but you’re right, I don’t like those slimy, squishy things. Do you fish?”
“I’ve certainly been fishing before, with slimy worms.” Dana wiggled her hand pretending to hold a night crawler. “But it’s been for pan fish. My dad and I used to catch bluegills and crappie. Sometimes we went perch fishing on Lake St. Clair. I wouldn’t know where to begin in a tournament like you’re describing.”
Dana enjoyed Justin’s enthusiasm at the freighter making its way toward them, but she knew their
time together would end soon. Maria didn’t often get a chance to spend time with her son, and Dana didn’t want to intrude. She could talk to Maria about their date the next day.
“Are you two ready to head out? I didn’t mean to highjack you for the day.” Maria looked puzzled and uncertain, so Dana instinctively grabbed her hand. “I know you don’t get to spend much time with Justin. That’s what I meant. You probably have better things to do than sit and watch freighters.”
She let go of Maria’s hand and stepped back when she caught Justin’s glance at their clasped hands.
“Whatever you want to do, Mom. I’m just happy to be away from homework for a couple of days. I did want to check out your new laptop though. Do you still want me to set up a website for your salon?”
“Actually, I’d like you to show me how, so I can maintain it. I can offer specials, like you do, Dana.”
“I’m glad you got yourself a computer. I’ll give you my e-mail address, and when you’re ready, send me a note.” Dana looked forward to having more contact with Maria than a telephone.
“I will. I have Skype, too. I talked to my mom and dad on it the other day.”
“Cool. Maybe we can try that too, one day.”
“Okay, Mom. Let’s go get that done.”
Dana said good-bye to Justin when they arrived back at the church parking lot, and the strong hug he offered surprised her. Maria was a hugger; it shouldn’t surprise her that her son would be too. She gave Maria a hug and took the opportunity to whisper in her ear. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow. About our date.”
She barely noted the landscape sliding past as she drove home. Her mind swirled her thoughts around like puzzle pieces thrown into the air. When they landed, would she have her answer? She’d slept fitfully, abandoned by her dreams. Was a date with Maria so different than the time they were already spending together? Maria had said she was attracted to her. Dating implied the possibility of a more intimate relationship. Did Maria know what she was asking? She tossed her keys on the counter and pulled out her phone.
Edge of Awareness Page 14
