by Nicole Falls
“Aw. C’mon, Devvy. You must cut mama some slack on that one. You told me y’all were a sure thing. How was I supposed to know the boy couldn’t stand a couple few questions?”
The last man I’d seriously considered serious relationship material, Mark, was to whom she was referring. He and I had been dating monogamously for about six months when he asked about meeting my mother. I wasn’t too keen on the idea, but he had it in his mind that we needed to go to “the next level” and in order for that to happen, he had to meet my mother. We planned to have brunch at her place after church. Church wasn’t really my thing, but she somehow convinced me that she needed to see how Mark “comported himself in the house of the Lord”, so church it was. Because he was a good sport, Mark went along with it. We met my mother for an early service and then headed to her house to chow down on the brunch spread she had awaiting us.
We were having a good time, or so I thought, eating and making pleasant conversation. Mark entertained my mother’s off-color commentary about the pastor’s wife’s new wig and various other inappropriate comments about random church members. At some point, conversation turned to more personal questions about Mark and his familial history. She started off innocently enough, but soon crossed the line into asking preposterous questions about his virility and how soon he wanted to knock me up. Mark handled himself well for the most part, but when she asked if he had any nuts in his family tree—he left abruptly.
I later found out that his mother was actually in a mental health institution, dealing with issues related to bipolar disorder and schizophrenia that left her vacillating between manic peaks and ocean deeps lulls. My mother’s ten-minute rant about “Looney Lucy” from her old neighborhood did me no favors. Turns out that was Mark’s mom. Needless to say, I was cool on bringing anyone else around Mama anytime soon. Not that I was bringing Ellis around her soon anyway. I could see it now; she’d be calling me all sorts of harlots and jezebels for “knowing both of Randi’s boys biblically”. I didn’t want or need that kind of stress in my life.
“Ma. C’mon. You know good and well a couple questions weren’t why Mark dumped me.”
“I’m sure your little attitude had something to do with it as well,” she trailed off.
“Nope, not doing this with you. Love you, mama. Talk to you later.”
I hung up the phone knowing that she’d call me back immediately. Sure enough, my phone rang instantly, flashing her face across the screen wearing her favorite Sunday go to meeting hat.
“I don’t know where you get this rudeness from. Must be your daddy’s side of the family.”
“You called me back to—”
“I called you back to say I love you too, lil miss rudeness,” my mother said and immediately clicked off the line.
Laughing, I placed my phone back on the charging station on my breakfast bar and continued cleaning the kitchen. Cadence was supposed to be coming by later. She and Geoff had an obstetrician appointment today to find out the sex of the baby. Ellis and I had a bet on the sex of the baby that I was desperate to win because it meant he’d have to cook my favorite meal that he prepares—his gumbo. I don’t know who taught that man how to make a roux, but it’s the basis for a ridiculously addictive dish. It was almost comparable to some of the gumbo I had on that trip to NOLA for AdTech that started this whole damn shebang.
That seemed like a lifetime ago. I can’t believe that Ellis and I were still…dating. If you want to call it that. Honestly, I couldn’t believe he stuck around with my ridiculousness for this long. I was sure he’d be bored of me now and moving along to the next flavor, while I mended my broken heart, but nope. He’s been hanging in here patiently. Cade said that I should trust his intentions, but I don’t know. It’s only been a few months of us seriously trying to be together. If I gave in, the thrill of the chase would be gone with him right behind it I’m sure.
“So remember when were at Cluck and I told you to trust my mother’s intuition? In ya face, sucka!”
Cadence barely made it through the door before thrusting the sonogram photo in my face.
“Sis, what am I supposed to be seeing in this Rorschach blot? You wanna hold your hands still, perhaps?”
“Your niece, heffa!” Cadence said, snatching the photo back.
“You’re having a girl?”
“Yes, Devorah. Keep up. I told you this weeks ago.”
“Your faulty intuition also tried to convince me that Ellis and I were meant to be and that yet remains to be seen, so…”
Cadence rolled her eyes as she strolled past me toward the kitchen. I closed the door that she’d left wide open and walked into the kitchen to see her rooting through my fridge.
“Sis, where is the food? I know you’ve got to be eating well. It certainly looks like it from here. And I know El doesn’t play that eating out every day shit you’re normally on…”
Did this heffa just call me fat?
“And who’s to say he’s here every day?”
Cadence turned from the fridge and leveled me with an amused look.
“Don’t get cute.”
She pointed to my breakfast bar, where a charger was still in the plug.
“Android charger, when you’re a slave to the Cult of Jobs. Size 13 Js near the doorway aren’t yours unless your feet have had a sudden growth spurt in your thirties. And finally, this damn craft beer I see in your fridge when you don’t even drink beer like that. Bet if I went into your bedroom his draws have their own drawer and there’s a soft bristled toothbrush in the holder next to yours in the en suite. So…”
“En suite? Really, Cade. You’ve been watching too much HGTV.”
“And you aren’t a masterful seguer, so…like I said…where’s the food?”
“Seguer?” I said, arching a brow.
Cadence walked over to the cabinet, grabbing a glass to fill with water from the refrigerator. She said something I couldn’t hear over the whirr of the ice machine, so I asked her to repeat herself.
“I said…sis, you’re the wordsmith working in advertising. You sure that ain’t a word?”
She walked over to the kitchen table, sitting down, looking at the sonogram picture again.
“I’m a graphic designer, I don’t even do words and I know that ain’t a goddamn word.”
“Stop taking God’s name in vain in front of my baby, you heathen. Seriously though, Bee, what’s up with that food, though? How do you invite me over here and not have anything for me and my child to snack on?”
“A—you invited yourself over here. And two, there’s fruit in the crisper.”
“Devorah, you think I can see down that low?” Cadence deadpanned.
“Sis, you’re not that pregnant. Cut it out. We haven’t had a chance to go food shopping this week. It’s been kinda hectic with the engagement and everything,” I said, purposefully timing my statement with Cade’s sip of water.
She sputtered, nearly spitting water all over my table before catching herself. I tried holding back laughter as she gathered her composure, but failed.
“En-who-ment now?”
Still laughing, I replied, “Trey and Demi got engaged the other day. Ellis helped Trey set up the surprise and had been running around with him all week in preparation.”
“I was about to be hot if you suckas got engaged and I wasn’t included. I’m the reason y’all are even together!”
Just then my phone rang. I walked over to the counter to see who was calling and saw Celena’s sunny smile flashing across the screen. I immediately swiped to answer it.
“Hey, boo.”
“Hey chick, what you up to today?”
“Not much, Cade just came by with the sonogram results. We’re chillin’. Likely gonna order in some food depending on her damn cravings.”
Cadence piped up, “Who the hell you giving my life story to on the phone over there?”
“It’s Celena, calm down.”
“CellyCel, your friend is stressing me out,” Cade called out
in the background.
I switched the phone to speaker so Cade wouldn’t have to keep yelling like we were in a damn barn somewhere and walked back toward the table where she was sitting.
“Y’all having bestie time or can I intrude?” Celena asked.
I rolled my eyes at the question, as Celena was a welcomed figure in our friend circle on many occasions. Hell, there were times when those two got together without me to do their whole sportsball thing. Both of them were avid basketball fans where I could take or leave it. They got frustrated with me pointing out who I thought was cute instead of being focused whatever ball needed to go in what hole.
“Girl, if you don’t bring your ass over here. Preferably with a gyro with extra tzatziki sauce from Opa! Ooh and those butter garlic fries. Ooh and a chocolate shake, extra thick.”
I laughed at Cade’s fat ass antics and chimed in, “Come on through.”
“You want food, too?” Celena asked.
“Sure. You can bring me the same as Cade, sans the shake.”
“Aight, see y’all in a bit.”
“Bye, babe.”
An impromptu girls night was overdue. Ellis monopolized a lot of my time these days and I’d been neglecting my friends. I mean, I saw Celena at work daily, but we hadn’t really had the time to catch up with everything that’s been happening over the last few weeks. I knew she was still reeling from the JP situation and that bleeding over into her professional life. Work had been extremely stressful; with Tom openly critiquing Celena at every juncture as if it were her fault that Jake’s raggedy ass played us. I knew for a fact that she never let their relationship affect her quality of work nor did she treat Parker & Associates any different than any other high revenue client we had. The blame for us losing that account laid squarely on the shoulders of that cowardly ass Jake Parker and no one else.
“So when are you gonna finally let him take you outside within a fifty mile radius? Or you still scared of your mama?” Celena asked.
She’d arrived a little over half an hour ago. She and Cade had been drilling me nonstop about Ellis since she arrived. Perhaps inviting her over wasn’t such a great idea. Not if these two heffas kept on putting me under the hot lights of interrogation.
“We do go outside.”
“Picnics in either of your backyards don’t count, sis.”
“We got coffee the other day. At Starbucks. Together. Outside.”
“Yep and he told me that as soon as he tried to hold your hand, you freaked the fuck out,” Cadence piped up.
I rolled my eyes at her. I’d been trying, but with so much of our family living in the immediate area as well as their large network of friends; it was difficult for me to completely give in. The last thing I needed was the news of Ellis and I being together to get back to “the grownups” before I could find a way to bring it to them myself.
“He can take me outside in town with PDA as soon as you admit to your little crush on Josh in IT.”
Celena quickly averted her gaze. I’d had a hunch about her feelings, but this reaction just confirmed it. I noticed he was in her office fairly often and she just got a brand new MacBook Air; so I knew it didn’t have nothing to do with troubleshooting.
“Damn CellyCel with the quick bounce back! Who’s Josh?” Cadence crowed.
“Joshua is…a friend,” Celena replied, still blushing, “But who he is ain’t got nothing to do with the fact that you’re treating your main like a side, Devvy. Don’t try to deflect!”
Just as I was about to reply to her, my text tone went off. I got up to retrieve my phone from the kitchen and left Cadence teasing Celena. Picking up the phone, I saw it was a message from El. It was a link to a video on YouTube. He had taken to sending me a link daily, with a movie trailer he said reminded him of me or us. During all of our Netflix & Chillesque dates, I feel like we’d watched every cheesy ass romantic comedy out there. And not by my choice. Quiet as kept, Ellis had a serious romcom addiction. Anything starring Sanaa Lathan, Nia Long, or Jennifer Lopez and he was all in. At first I thought he was only into the movies because of the fine female costars, but he knew these damn movies line for line. Even those low budget, straight to DVD films. We’d seen them all...good, bad & ugly. As cheesy as it was, I actually began to look forward to the trailers every day. Who knew he was a big old manwhore softy? Certainly not me.
Brown Sugar? Seriously?
You denying the cinematic greatness of Taye Diggs and fine ass Sanaa Lathan? – Baellis
Gotta be two greatnesses…
So I guess me telling you you’re the perfect verse over a tight beat won’t get you wet? – Baellis
I don’t like you right now.
What about, “you’re my air”? All the sistas in the theater lost their minds when Taye said it. – Baellis
;-* – Baellis
What the hell is this face?
“Cade…what’s a winky face with a asterisk mean?” I asked, strolling back into the den where Cadence and Celena were deep in conversation. They quickly stopped talking as I walked back into the room, something I’d bring up later on. For now I needed to know what the hell this face was.
“What are you talking about?”
“This,” I said, thrusting my phone in her direction.
She quickly glanced at it and said, “Oh. Girl, that’s a kissy face. What are you seventy-two? How do you not know emoticons? You were on AIM with the rest of us in the late 90s, right?”
“Now you know my mama thought the internet was a tool of Satan. Why is your friend stuck in the days of dialup?”
“That’s your man.”
“He is not–”
“Don’t finish that lie. I want my baby to make it out of the womb and not killed by way of the lightning strike that’s sure to follow such a bold faced lie.”
I rolled my eyes and flopped down on the sofa between Cadence and Celena.
“Anyway. You know him better than I do.”
Cadence shrugged, “The better question is why does he refuse to use emoji like he doesn’t have a phone equipped with them?”
“Actually the best question is…Baellis? Really, friend?” Celena laughed.
“For the record, he did that shit. Not me.”
“Sure, friend.”
I sat in my car in Devorah’s driveway for a few minutes before getting out. I had come up with a game plan. Now all I had to do was convince her to go along with it. I got out of the car and before I made it fully up to the walkway, her door opened.
“Hey, pretty.”
She blushed at the compliment.
“Hi, you.”
I walked into the house, hauling her against me as I shut the door.
“And how are you tonight?” I asked, pressing her back into the door as I leaned in for a kiss.
Not waiting for an answer, I lowered my mouth to hers. I pressed a series of soft kisses to her mouth before nibbling on her bottom lip, drawing it into my mouth. She gasped softly, her mouth opening just enough for me to slip my tongue between her lips. Our tongues danced briefly before I tried pulling back. Bee’s hands moved to the back of my head, holding me close, taking over the kiss until she got her fill. Drawing back slowly, she surveyed me with a wicked grin.
“Great, now that you’re here.”
“Is that right?”
Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, she nodded.
“Come on, I have a surprise.”
“Oh yeah?”
She just nodded again, grabbing my hand, and leading me to her office. She motioned for me to sit down at the computer and she sat down on my lap.
I nuzzled her neck and said, “Oh, I like this surprise already.”
She giggled and opened the lid of her MacBook. When it opened and I saw what she had been looking at I stayed quiet. She had been looking at a website advertising flights to New Orleans at a ridiculously low price.
“So. I was thinking. I know you’re being incredibly patient with me about this whol
e no local outside dates thing. I realize I’m being utterly ridiculous, so I want to propose a compromise.”
She went on to tell me how she has been looking at getaways for us and how this NOLA one crossed her desk earlier today and she saw it as a sign that maybe we should take a trip together. She rambled on and on until I began laughing.
“What’s so funny?”
“I think we spend too much time together.”
“What?” she huffed and tried scrambling off my lap.
I held her firmly in place as I tried to explain. “Hold on, hold on…don’t you even try it. Let me finish.”
