by Matt Shaw
“Where is she?” said Jackie. Her eyes welled up once more.
I shrugged and put my arms around her.
Unlike my mother she didn’t pull away from me and we stood, for a moment, comforting each other. I have to confess, I didn’t want the hug to end. For the first time since losing my brother... I felt good. I felt safe. I felt as though everything was okay. When she spoke I felt my world come crashing down around me once more, “Do you think it was the clown?”
I didn’t answer her. I didn’t know. It was strange finding the balloon here but... it didn’t mean anything. Another child could have been given it earlier in the day. They could have left it in here without thinking. And the clown... was the clown even in here? It looks as though it could have been his foot but... no... I couldn’t say for definite. Maybe we just saw what we wanted to see... no... if that were the case, we wouldn’t have seen a clown. A shame the security guard couldn’t zoom in to get a closer look.
“You aren’t answering,” she said.
“I don’t know,” I said. It feels as though that’s all I’ve said today.
“But who else would have taken them?”
“We haven’t seen anyone take them,” I said - stepping out of our comforting hug. “Lewis wandered off and....”
“... and Lisa just vanished.”
“We should get back to the security office. See if anything showed up with the other boy.... and the police might be there. They’ll want to speak to us.”
Jackie nodded and turned towards the door.
I looked at the balloon.
I don’t need to take that.
I was glad to get out of the ladies toilet. The balloon reminded me of the clown. Reminded me of the way he looked at Lewis. Fine, there was no firm evidence he did anything but - he was still a creepy-ass clown.
Jackie and I walked back to the security office in silence. Silence because we’d both run out of things to say to each other or silence because we both hoped we may have heard Lewis or Lisa calling out for us.
“You didn’t find her?” the security guard asked.
Jackie shook her head.
“Anything?” I asked mum.
She also shook her head, “The camera didn’t show inside the shop.... and....” she looked at the brunette, “couldn’t pin point a time she went into the store so we haven’t spotted them going in or out...”
I glanced over to the brunette lady. She was just looking at the monitor. Her eyes red-raw. She didn’t say anything.
Jackie asked, “Have the police arrived?”
“I’ve just called them again,” my mum said.
Jackie turned to me, “Tell them about the balloon....”
“Balloon?” asked the security guard.
“We found a balloon in the toilet.... the same type that the clown tried to give Lewis.... I mean, it doesn’t mean anything... someone else could have taken it into the toilet....”
“But we saw his foot... in the video,” said Jackie. She was clutching at anything. The slightest thing to hint at where her daughter was. But then, maybe she was right. Maybe it was his foot in the video.
“He’s right,” the security guard said as he nodded in my direction, “it doesn’t mean he took your daughter.... we didn’t see her leave with him... or Lewis... we didn’t see him leave with the clown...”
“We should still call the company,” said mum. “I want to know what he said to my son!”
“We should wait and let the police investigate this!” said the security guard.
“Nonsense.... find their phone number..... the police will only want it anyway... the clown is a potential witness...” mum continued.
“She’s right,” I said.
“Fine. We’ll call them... as you said, the police will want to talk to them anyway...” The security guard crosses the room over to the other side where there are some filing cabinets against the wall. He pulled open the top drawer of the first cabinet he came to and pulled out a diary. “The name of the company will be in here, under today’s date. Should have the phone number....” He flicked through the pages, until he got to today’s date, and frowned. “That’s strange.”
“What is it?” asked Jackie.
“There’s no one booked in here...”
“What does that mean?” asked mum.
“It means we shouldn’t have had any entertainers walking around.... they shouldn’t have been here...” said the guard.
“Maybe they just showed up off the cuff...” I said.
“They wouldn’t have been allowed - they would have been asked to leave.... if people come in and want to sell things in the centre, or put on shows or displays... they have to pay a fee.... this clown hasn’t paid. He shouldn’t have been here...” He closed the diary.
“But you would have seen him on the monitors.... why didn’t you ask him to leave?” Jackie was getting angry now. Like my mum, she was working her way through the emotions.
“I don’t look at the monitors - I was working in the loading bays for most of the day.... signing in the different deliveries!”
“Then who should have been looking at the screens!” shouted Jackie.
“It was supposed to be my colleague!” said the security guard. Again, I started to feel sorry for him. We were all in the same position. Other than the guard - we had all lost someone. He was only working there but he was coming under fire from all directions.
“And where are they? Where are your colleagues?” asked mum. She too started to raise her voice.
“I don’t know!”
“Do you know anything?” asked Jackie. “My daughter....”
“My son,” mum chipped in...
“Our children,” continued Jackie, “are out there somewhere and you can’t even find your fellow work colleagues... what use are you?!”
“Maybe our children are with the security guards.... probably all sat around somewhere having a laugh at our expense!” said mum.
The security guard raised his hands, “Look, this isn’t helping... I’m trying my best here. You know I’m new. You know I haven’t been at this post today. I was working out the back... I’m not trained for this... I’ve told you that... the police.... they’re on their way... let’s just see what they have to say...”
“He’s right,” I said. I felt as though he needed someone on his side but it just reminded mum I was here.
“You should never have let him out of your sight!” she hissed.
I should have stayed quiet.
“This is your fault,” she finished.
“Look, let’s all calm down.... we’ll look at the screens again, see if we can see anything we may have missed.... until the police come, at least... There’s nothing else we can do.”
He was right. There was nothing else we could do. There was no point walking around the centre looking around for the missing children or the security guards. Not when the police were on their way. It was best just to stay put. Wait for the police and let them take charge of the situation.
“Can we have another look for my son?” asked the brunette - the only one who hadn’t stepped away from the screens. The whole time, since Jackie and I got back from the bathroom, she had sat there - staring at the screen which showed the front of Evans, the store where she lost her son.
“Certainly,” said the security guard. He pushed his way back to the desk with the monitors - thankful for the opportunity to get out of the corner where mum and Jackie had backed him.
Jackie glared at him as he stepped around her.
My mother, meanwhile, was just staring at me.
Was that hate in her eyes?
8.
With the tension building in the cramped office - we hadn’t noticed the brunette lady was crying again until she was in proper hysterics. Immediately mum and Jackie turned to comfort her, putting aside the fact that their children were also missing. The security guard did his best to ignore the wailing of the lady so as to concentrate on the s
hop. He had his work cut out for him - not even knowing an approximate time she had originally ventured into the store meant he had to keep his eyes peeled and refrain from blinking. I did my best just to stay out of their way. I’d proven I wasn’t the best at comforting people and I was still hurting from the look mum had given me.
I never meant Lewis to run off. I watched him against the window and it looked as though he wasn’t going anywhere. Just looked like he was throwing his usual strop. Of course I would have left the store sooner, to run after him, had I noticed him get up and wander off. I would never have let him leave like that. Never. Why wouldn’t mum believe me, though? She had looked at me as though it’s what I had wanted, right from the start. Like I had planned to lose him as soon as we were away from her. But that’s not the case. Lewis and I had been out together on numerous other occasions - always without incident... with the exception of once or twice where tears were concerned but... that’s normal when you go out with someone of that age. Especially given his condition.
Will she ever believe me?
If Lewis never comes home...
... will mum realise I didn’t do it on purpose?
Will she ever forgive me?
I couldn’t live like that - knowing she hated me.
And what will dad say?
Will he think I did it on purpose too?
They have to find him.
They have to.
I’m not leaving.
Not going home.
Not until they find out where he is.
The brunette lady was telling her story through sobs of tears, “I have to find him... we had an argument... I don’t want me telling him off being the last thing he heard from my mouth....” she turned to the security guard, “.... please find him....”
The security guard didn’t answer but he heard her. His eyes visibly straining as he watched on the monitor for signs of the mother and her son. Part of me just wants to leave the office - carry on wandering around the centre on the off-chance I could see Lewis. Or even Lisa, Jackie’s daughter.... or the other lady’s son... I felt like a spare part just standing there... towards the back of the room.
“I could go down to the clothes shop?” I offered. I already knew the security guard wouldn’t allow it. The shop would be shut now. If the lad was there, the store’s staff would have spotted him and phoned through already.
Mum flashed me a look, “You can stay there - the police will be here soon enough.”
The police.
Feels like they were phoned ages ago.
I guess three missing children - potentially snatched - aren’t high on their list of priorities today. No wonder the police are always under-fire for not doing a good enough job. The police come under-fire first.... and then the government for not offering the police more resources. Same old, same old...
I sat back, on a chair, at the other side of the room and stared at the top row of monitors - unlike the ones the security guard was playing with, these were showing the centre as it was now. With the exception of a few staff members finally being allowed to leave their closed shops - it’s near enough empty. If Lewis and the others were here, they would have been found by now. They aren’t here. They can’t be. I felt my eyes well up.
No.
Give them a wipe.
Don’t cry.
Although, if I do... maybe mum will come and comfort me. Maybe she’ll see, finally, that I didn’t want for this to happen. I just wish I could turn back the clock. Wish I could start the day again.
My mouth reacted quicker than my brain, “Look!” I pointed to the far left screen, across the top row. Dancing his way down the escalators looked to be the same clown who had spoken to Lewis earlier. A load of balloons on strings clutched together in his gloved hand. “That’s him!” I don’t know why I said that. There hadn’t been that many clowns wandering around, after all.
“I’ve got this,” the security guard stood up and leaned in closer to the screen, “that’s the first floor....” he turned to us, “okay, wait here for the police - I’ll go and have a word with whoever the hell that is...”
I stood up too, “I’m coming with you.”
“No, wait here!” the security guard raised his voice.
I stood firm for what felt like the first time, “No, he might remember Lewis if he sees me... I’m coming and you’re wasting time. Let’s go!”
“I’m coming too,” said mum.
The security guard didn’t argue anymore as we all quickly filed from the room. He realised there was little point in arguing. The more he argued - the more chance we had of losing the clown.
I never once thought I’d be running through a near-deserted shopping centre, looking for a clown...
The security guard was running at full speed and I struggled to keep up with him. My mother and the other two ladies were left behind but we couldn’t wait. They’d catch up with us when we caught up with the clown. We couldn’t afford to lose him. Sure, he might not have known anything. What he said to Lewis may have no bearing on what happened to him. It looked as though he had been in the bathroom but - if he had been in there – how had he got out? And the fact he was seen on the screen, clutching a fistful of balloons... well, that just proves he’d been giving them out all day - even if he didn’t have permission to be there.
I nearly stumbled as we ran down the escalators. I always struggled with keeping my balance on escalators after they’d been turned off. Like my brain struggled to cope with making sense of them because of the lines on each step... you look down at them, when they’re stationary, and they don’t resemble stairs... instead, they just look as though they’re a slope. Copying the security guard I jumped down the last few stairs.
“You! Wait there! I need a word!” the security guard called out.
There, in the distance, about to disappear down the stairs towards the car-park was the clown.
“FREEZE!” the security guard shouted again.
The clown froze - over exaggerating his movements - mid-step.... one leg high in the air, the other leg at a funny angle... one arm, with the hand still clutching the balloons, stretched far in front of him and the other arm stretched out behind him. A manic grin on his face.
It wasn’t long before we were stood next to him.
He didn’t look at us.
He just kept staring dead ahead as though he were literally frozen to the spot.
“Who are you?” asked the security guard.
The clown mumbled through his over-stretched smile, “Can I unfreeze?” He didn’t wait for an answer, he simply stood up straight and slowly turned to look at the security guard. His grin remained fixed in place.
“Funny, you can stop smiling too....” said the security guard - obviously put off by it. I couldn’t say I blamed him. It wasn’t the nicest of smiles.
“If only I could....” growled the clown in his deep voice, “... industrial accident.... acid.... the smile stays.... but trust me.... I’m crying on the inside...”
I looked at the security guard. He simply looked nervous.
The clown laughed, a high-pitched squeal of a laugh which didn’t suit his outward appearance, “Not really...” he stopped smiling and, for the first time since I’d originally seen him, looked semi-human. “I just prefer it.” He smiled once more and fixed it in place. “Smile and the world smiles with you... a smile brightens up the day for you and those around you.... don’t you think?!”
“Can you just be serious for a minute...”
“Give it a go,” he hissed.
“Some children have gone missing today....”
The clown did an over-exaggerated ‘shocked’ face. “Oh no!” He stopped when he realised the security guard wasn’t laughing.
“I need you to come with me. Give a statement to the police...”
I butted in, “It was my brother... the one who swore at you...”
The clown adopted a serious voice, “I remember him. Short. Needs to sm
ile more.”
I continued, “He’s gone missing.”
Another ‘shocked’ expression.
Again I ignored it, “And you were the last person to talk to him...”
Mum, Jackie and the other lady showed up behind us. The clown gave them a look and then turned back to me.
“I’ve spoken to lots of children today. I kind of attract them.... I mean, I am a clown....”
