“I promise I will meet you back there,” pointing to the back of the pub where everyone is waiting for her.
Apprehensively I walk out of the bathroom, knowing I did the best I could to freshen myself up by calming down my soaked, curly hair and putting on some lip gloss. As I approach the back I can hear all the loud laughter coming from their group. Abruptly I stop when I recognize a low, yet smooth voice speaking up.
“Aye, today was a mess during our lecture. I was about ready to bloody throttle my partner. Thank God she decided to storm out of the classroom instead.”
A high-pitched female voice chimes in, “What was Professor Bramble thinking when he bloody put you two together?”
“It had to be because of our last names,” he utters, with a twinge of an unexplained emotion looming within the statement.
Silently I watch from the background as this berating dance takes place. Complete irritation and disbelief collides within me. Out of everyone in the school Olivia’s friends have to be the jerks from my class. Instantly the urge to run consumes me, no matter the possible repercussions from Olivia when she confronts me later.
Quickly I turn to leave, when I hear Olivia’s voice cut through all the rumbling echoes within the pub.
“Back here!” she shouts sharply with a commanding tone in her voice, as if she is aware of what I am about to do.
Slowly I turn around, noticing Callum’s wide eyes and frozen expression as he picks up his bottom jaw off of the floor. Mustering up every little bit of confidence I have within me, I stand erect, walking with an air of self-assurance towards the now stunned group.
Olivia stands up to greet me, turning to her friends she utters, “This is my friend from America, Bre…”
“Breanna,” Callum interrupts.
“Yes. How did you know, Callum?”
I stand with my chin erect, staring deep into his eyes, as if daring him to continue with the criticizing conversation he has been entertaining. Olivia begins alternating her gaze between Callum and me, taking in our visual battle. Her eyes narrow with a sudden realization of something, “Let me guess, Breanna, the arse in your lecture today is my one and only sod of a brother.”
Callum turns hastily, gazing angrily up at Olivia, “Who in the bloody hell are you calling an arse? This girl,” he nods his head aggressively, gesturing towards me, “was being just as much of an arse as I was.”
“Excuse me, but I am standing right here, and I am going to defend myself. You were passing judgments on me in class that you had no right to do,” I snap, while my body stiffens in reaction towards my accuser.
“Judgments, you say? I think you were doing fairly well at passing your own judgments,” Callum remains comfortably reclined in his chair as he surveys me with scrutinizing eyes. His lackadaisical attitude towards me and my feelings infuriates me. My eyes bore deep into his caramel eyes as the rage swirls within me.
“Callum, don’t get your knickers in a twist. She is just Miss Emotional.”
“Sod off Emily, you wanker! You don’t know anything,” Olivia breaks in.
“On the contrary, Olivia, I was there. I know a lot more than you do,” Emily snaps back. Emily’s sharp, clean voice balances nicely against her thick British accent. Her long, dark hair blends perfectly with her smooth olive complexion. Every detail of her has been flawlessly put together. Not a single strand of hair is even out of place. It appears to be that way with everyone here, but me and Olivia. Olivia’s natural beauty, however, supersedes all of the girls’ plastic made up enhancements. Though Olivia and I are products of the recent weather condition, Olivia still looks as if she belongs on the pages of a magazine. When an English woman’s features are exquisitely put together by her maker, her beauty is unmatched. This is definitely the case with Olivia. She is absolutely stunning on the outside and on the inside.
I watch as Olivia and the others begin arguing back and forth. They are speaking so fast and with such thick accents, I can only understand a few words here and there. Several swear words are thrown into the mix of British derogatory statements. I feel like I am in another country that does not speak English. There is no way for me to even defend myself, because I can’t even understand enough to join in. As I turn towards Callum I notice he is just staring at me in an amused sort of fashion. His eyes glisten with sheer enjoyment as he watches me fidget in my uncomfortable situation. A coy smile creeps into the outer edges of his full lips. Staring at me with an air of arrogance, he reaches over, patting the seat of the empty chair next to him.
My eyes narrow with mere curiosity, stating flatly, “Why?”
“Why not? I won’t bite,” a slight smile appears as the words roll off his tongue, “This time.”
Gazing back at him I decide to challenge his game of poker. Sucking in my internal strength I proceed to walk over to the illustrious awaiting chair. Turning the chair in his direction I sit directly across from him, trying to match his nonchalant attitude as I meet his gaze head on. His face reveals a slight amusement towards my parallel response and my ultimate wager I am placing on this obvious game he is playing. Throwing my bet into the pot, I utter in a smooth voice, “I am not afraid of getting bit.”
His eyes widen as a sly smile lifts the corners of his mouth, “Really, then what are you afraid of? I know you are not here for the bloody weather.” His smooth voice gets deeper, causing the inflections within his brogue to increase. I am not sure if this is a reaction caused from nerves or by his sheer delight over the fact that he has just raised the bet. His gaze never leaves mine, locking me into his penetrating eyes. I try to match his as I fight back the anxiety rolling within me. An uneasy twinge in the pit of my stomach turns, causing the baby to kick me violently. For just a brief moment I had forgotten that I am pregnant, but this sudden movement instantly brings me back to reality. Callum has raised the bet, but I am not about to play my hand. No matter how much I try to bluff, this is a game I will ultimately lose.
Trying to fold my hand in this game, I state flatly, “I am here to go to school, that is all. Why is it such a mystery that an American wants to come to a University in England?”
He suddenly leans forward, placing his elbows on his knees while resting his chin on his knuckles. His strong, masculine features cause my heart to race as his stimulating eyes bore deep into mine. His face is now just within a foot or two from mine, causing me to nervously push myself further back in my chair. “That’s bollocks. There is more to you than meets the eye.”
His statement sends a competitive wave throughout me. Though his features are perfectly put together, like his sister’s, his is heaving with intense masculinity and sexual confidence. His immediate proximity to me causes an unexplained uneasiness to quiver within the pit of my stomach, slowly consuming me. Trying to retain my poker face, I breathe in as I call his bluff, leaning forward to meet his gaze. Our faces are now just within inches of each other. Embracing my competitive edge I look deep into his caramel eyes with my hazel green eyes, stating flatly, “And don’t you wish you knew?” A slight satisfied smile spreads across my face.
“Yes, I do,” he adds resolutely. Instantly he grabs hold of the back of my head, pressing his lips firmly against mine, tightly holding me against him. Mere shock vibrates through me as his warm lips move passionately over mine. His kiss has an unfamiliar edge to it, as his lips move with tender speed, like this is his only way to discover my secrets. At first, the touch of someone’s kiss on my lips sends a wave of pleasure through me, but the moment does not last long. Rage begins pulsating within my core, superseding the sensation of pleasure. How dare he throw himself on me like this! Instantly I push him away, slapping his face with great force. The palm of my hand tingles with a numbing pain where it connected with Callum’s skin. Turning towards the group, I notice everyone staring at us in complete shock.
Fervently I push my chair away from him, “Don’t you ever do that again!”
“Callum, you bloody wanker!” Olivia snaps.
“What in the hell were you thinking, kissing her like that?”
Gently massaging the side of his face he glances over at Olivia, “I wasn’t thinking, obviously, or I wouldn’t have gotten bloody slapped across the face.”
“I wouldn’t have just slapped you, you sod.” Olivia turns towards me, “Are you alright Breanna? I am so sorry about my brother. He’s not usually like this. He must be completely pissed.”
A feeling of nausea washes over me as a swarm of mixed emotions overpowers me. One part of me is flattered by the attention and the feeling of someone desiring me again. I have missed that intimacy towards me. At the same time a feeling of betrayal rips through me, tainting everything within me with a vile taste. I need to get out of here, “Don’t worry about it Olivia. I think I am going to head back to my flat though.”
“Okay. I will go with you.”
“No, I will just catch a taxi.”
“No, really, I am going with you and you are not stopping me,” she firmly adds.
As we start to leave Callum yells out, “I am sorry Breanna. I didn’t realize.”
Turning towards him, I utter questioningly, “You didn’t realize what?”
The side of his face still burns a flaming red color from the slap I inflicted upon him, “I didn’t realize that you are queer.”
Shock instantly washes over me. I have had enough of his arrogant attitude for one night. I don’t care if it is because he is, as they say, pissed.
“You think I am gay just because I didn’t respond to your forceful kiss?”
Olivia, who has been standing next to me in utter astonishment towards her brother, couldn’t hold in her anger any longer, “Sod off you bloody bastard! You have no idea what you are talking about. I love you Callum, but right now I don’t like you very much.”
“Stay out of this Sis. You know nothing about her. As far as you know she may have a thing for you,” Callum chimes in.
“She doesn’t have anything for me other than as a friend. She is here all by herself. And besides, you bloody idiot, she can’t be queer. You have to like having sex with men in order to get pregnant.”
A still silence takes over the room as everyone’s mouths fall wide open. Instantly my heart drops as I look down at Callum’s face. His eyes widen to the size of silver dollars as he stares at me in total disbelief. An uncomfortable wave rushes over me and I feel as if I am standing in front of everyone completely naked. Their eyes bore right through my clothes, trying to see this mystical baby bump which has eluded them. Instinctively, I wrap my arms protectively around myself, trying to hide my virtual nakedness. Callum’s eyes drop down to the floor as if it is made of glass, allowing him to see to the center of the earth. His eyes will no longer meet my gaze, as if embarrassment has consumed him. He just silently sits staring at the floor as everyone else visually rips my clothes off, causing me to feel sick.
“Shit, I am a bloody idiot. I am so sorry, Breanna,” Olivia’s voice is a soft whisper, full of regret.
“It’s alright. Like you said earlier I won’t be able to hide it much longer, at least the cat’s out of the bag now.” As I turn to walk out I notice Olivia is still attempting to follow me, “Please don’t come with me. I need to be alone.” She starts to resist, when I gaze into her eyes, uttering softly, “Please.” Reluctantly she nods, agreeing to my request.
As I walk away I can hear one of the guys say, “Well, Callum now we know she’s a slapper, not gay.” A thunderous rumbling noise ensues behind me, followed by a loud shout from the same obnoxious guy, “Bloody hell, Callum! What did you hit me for?”
As I open the pub door and walk out into the damp fresh air, I instantly am aware of how alone I really am. Now that everyone knows I am pregnant, how are they going to treat me in class? Will I be alienated even more?
Don’t Let Go
Winter slowly loses its grasp on the cooler weather. Warm air now begins to invade the outer edges of the breeze, leaving everyone to slowly start shedding the bulky layers once covering their bodies. I am no longer able to hide my fully formed baby bump. Everywhere I go I receive stares from all directions. Since everyone in my class already knows my predicament, either from that embarrassing night or the rumors flying around about me, I now care less about what I wear to my lectures. The stares and low vibrating whisperings have become an everyday occurrence. The onslaught of daily attacks is something I have now learned to embrace with a sense of familiarity. This is the only stability I have here. Everything else around me feels like a constant changing roller coaster. Olivia has tried talking to me, but I can’t let her in any more. This is something I have to endure alone, that way I am less likely to get hurt again. By keeping my shell thick and not allowing anyone to penetrate it, I am able to not fall apart. There is only so much I can handle before I become a useless mother for my future child. I have already had to endure more than any other eighteen year old, and I still have more I have to suffer through.
Unlike all the mud-slingers in my class, Callum has been eerily quiet. His eyes never turn in my direction. It is as if I have never existed to him. I don’t know whether he is embarrassed about kissing a pregnant woman, or just the plain fact that I am without a doubt having a child and there is no way he can get involved with someone like me. Getting involved with anyone is the furthest thing from my mind. I wish I can at least talk to him, explain that I will not ever be interested in him or anyone else. And whatever guilt, regret, or even disgust he has over the situation, he shouldn’t worry about it, I am a big girl. My biggest concern, though, is that he needs to patch up whatever ravine has been formed between Olivia and him. Olivia is a great person and doesn’t need to feel the burden from my situation. Having a family who cares about you, even if they piss you off, is something that should never be taken for granted. Every time I have tried to talk to him he has scurried out of the room like a rat running from a pouncing cat.
As I walk into my lecture today, the roaring sounds of everyone talking instantly comes to a halt. I go about my routine, heading back to the corner seat I have inhabited the past two months. Everyone’s eyes follow me as if I am a bride walking down the aisle. The sudden outbursts of derogatory comments such as, “slut” and “slapper” rip through the silence, slashing right to my core. I have asked myself so many times lately, why did I decide to come here? But as soon as my mind utters the question, I instantly recall my promise and the hell I would have to confront if I were home. I am not ready to face that reality yet. I’d much rather deal with this situation than have to face my world back home, yet.
Quietly I stare straight ahead trying to ignore all the berating comments, when suddenly I catch sight of Callum. His head snaps straight up, glaring out at everyone with fiery darts of chastisement. The class instantly silences, other than a few snide remarks directed towards Callum. His eyes briefly lock onto mine as he gives me a half smile. Returning his sentiment I nod my head in a grateful gesture. Then I resume my traditional position, gazing straight ahead, waiting for Professor Bramble.
A sharp pain tears through me again as I grip the edges of my binder and try to ignore the Braxton-Hicks contractions I have been having all day. The stress I have been going through lately has not helped in this situation. They seem to be coming with more intensity and frequency. The muscles around my stomach harden, causing intense pain to hastily roll up in intensity. Slowly my stomach relaxes slightly as the pain begins to decrease back to a normal level. Trying to hide what is going on, I breathe out slowly, gazing right through the table until it all washes away.
Thankfully, Professor Bramble walks in. He is carrying a large stack of papers. Placing them on his desk he turns and faces us, “We have gone through a variety of subjects and now it is time to pull it all together. I want each of you to write a thesis about your favorite fictional protagonist.” The moaning and deflated sighs vibrate throughout the room. “I am so pleased that you are all excited,” he adds sarcastically. “But that is not all. I want yo
u to take your character and do a comparison to the tragedies of your partner’s.”
Instant shock rolls through me as I close my eyes tightly in reaction to the horrific news. A sharp tingling sensation forms in my chest then drops, like a heavy rock into a still pond, causing a brutal contraction to develop within me. Doubling over in agony I grip my fists tightly under the table, as I hold my breath and wait for the intense pain to pass. Gratefully no one notices me, they are too busy whining and moaning over the apparent thesis we all have to do. Slowly the tight contracting of my stomach eases up, allowing me to open my eyes just in time. Mr. Bramble turns his attention toward me, “Miss Hayes and Mr. Hughes, I need the both of you to stay after.”
Callum remains facing forward. From the look of his frozen and erect posture he is in as much shock as I am. The grumbling voices slowly subside, transforming into an air of mocking and bantering back and forth. Most give comments on how they feel bad for him, while others state how he may just get something out of this situation. One chimes in stating, “You may be able to get your willy off mate, if you don’t hurl first.” Laughter begins to fill the room, while Callum’s body remains motionless.
“Mr. Beddows, you twit. I have had just about enough from you. Please exit my class.” Mr. Bramble’s tone, which is usually flat and reserved, is now firm with a cutting edge to it.
“What?” the rude guy I have come to know as Gavin Beddows, one of Callum’s friends, utters in surprise.
“I am hoping you are smart enough to understand what I mean. I don’t want to have to ask you again.”
Gavin grabs all his things and starts walking out. As he walks past me he looks in my direction and purses his lips together, simulating an insulting kiss. Meeting his gaze head on I raise my hand lightly off the table, giving him the universal crest with my finger. A low, rumbling laugh comes from the front of the room, as if whoever this person is approves of my gesture towards Gavin. Angrily he pushes the door open and stomps out of the room.
Never Forever Page 3
