by Lucy Gordon
‘Fourth—appliances?’ she said. ‘The fourth was always fruit and flowers. And the fifth was wood, but here it says silverware.’
‘I see what’s happened,’ Lysandra said with a forgiving smile. ‘You’re thinking of the old list, but we work from the one that came in about fifteen years ago. The tenth anniversary is diamond jewellery. Naturally Mr Clayton will be giving you diamonds. In fact, we’ve already selected some pieces for your approval.’
‘We?’ Faye asked.
‘Mr Clayton relies on me for everything,’ Lysandra said coolly. ‘I was able to suggest some diamond pieces that might be suitable, since you were—er—unavailable for consultation. Perhaps you’d care to inspect them now.’
Too dazed to protest, Faye looked on as Lysandra produced several black velvet trays on which sparkled earrings, necklaces, rings and bracelets. They were beautiful, but she felt no pleasure. They seemed like the very essence of everything that had gone wrong between herself and Garth.
‘They’re lovely, aren’t they?’ Lysandra cooed. ‘So much better than tin, so I’m sure you’ll feel you’ve gained by the exchange.’
‘But I don’t,’ Faye said defiantly. ‘I just think it’s sad to throw away the old traditions.’
‘Old traditions are so sweet,’ Lysandra said, ‘but not very functional.’
‘And your list is very functional, isn’t it?’
‘Oh, it’s been an immense help to people like us in the construction industry.’
People like us. She was talking about herself and Garth.
‘But it’s so false,’ Faye said helplessly.
‘False?’
‘Artificial. This isn’t the real anniversary list. It’s just a way of selling more washing machines.’
‘The modern customer demands appliances already installed in a new house—’
‘Fine, then do that. But don’t pretend it has anything to do with wedding anniversaries. I’m sorry, this just isn’t what I agreed to help with.’
For the first time Lysandra was nonplussed. ‘Well, if you’ll—excuse me.’ She hurried away, and returned a moment later with Garth.
‘It had better be something important for you to have dragged me away from that meeting,’ he said and, although he was speaking to Lysandra, Faye felt the words were directed at herself.
‘We’ve got a problem,’ she said, speaking pleasantly. ‘I’m afraid I misunderstood why you wanted me. My fault, I dare say.’
‘Well, I’m sure we can sort it out,’ he said, also speaking with determined pleasantness.
‘To me the tenth wedding anniversary means a gift of tin or aluminium, not diamonds. I didn’t even know there was another list.’
‘Well, surely you don’t mind having diamonds?’ he asked, frowning, and she knew he didn’t really understand.
She shouldn’t have started this, she thought. Why not just keep quiet and play her part? But some core of her, which had kept quiet too often in the past, insisted on standing firm.
‘I do mind. If we’re going to tie your new range in with our tenth wedding anniversary, then I think we should do it properly.’
‘You’re surely not suggesting that I give you tin?’
‘It’s what you’re supposed to give,’ she said stubbornly.
‘Only from a sentimental point of view, surely?’ Lysandra said. ‘But this is a business decision. Mr Clayton and I have explored the matter from every angle and this decision offered optimum results.’
‘Tin is the right thing,’ Faye persisted. She met her husband’s eyes, silently pleading with him, Don’t take her side against me. Say at least that you understand my point of view.
But she knew Garth didn’t understand a thing when she saw the anger flare in his eyes. He took her arm and drew her away from Lysandra, speaking in a soft, furious undervoice. ‘If we’d still been living in a two-room flat it would be the right thing. But we’ve moved beyond that, in case you hadn’t noticed. I’m a successful man, marketing a range of luxury houses for successful people. I can’t celebrate that range with a tin plate. It would make me a laughing stock.’
‘I’m sorry you feel that my standards make you a laughing stock, Garth, but that’s the way I feel. I think you should do this without me.’
‘You’re a vital part of this promotion—’
‘So why didn’t you explain it to me properly?’
‘I explained everything I thought needed explaining. I didn’t know you were going to go off on this sentimental flight of fancy.’
‘Thank you very much.’
He gritted his teeth. ‘We’ll talk about this tonight.’
‘Tonight will be too late. I’d like to talk about it now.’
‘Faye, don’t do this to me, please. I’ve got a million things on my mind—’
‘If I’m such a vital part of this, perhaps one of those things should be me.’
‘All right, all right! I handled it clumsily. I’m sorry. Now can we just get on with this?’
‘Without me.’
He was pale. ‘You’re not serious.’
‘Garth, it never was a very good idea to out me in the press show. You and Miss Bates will handle everything perfectly together.’
Without another word she turned and walked out. Her head was up and she seemed calm, but inwardly she was seething with anger. As she reached the lift she heard a pattering of footsteps and turned to see Lysandra. When the lift doors opened Lysandra followed her in.
‘What an unfortunate misunderstanding,’ she said, smiling brightly. ‘But I can assure you, Mrs Clayton, Garth didn’t mean to upset you in any way.’
‘I beg your pardon!’ Faye said in frosty outrage.
‘He doesn’t always understand things the way we women do. Men aren’t sentimental, are they? I promise you, Garth would be devastated to think—’
‘How dare you?’ Faye interrupted her fiercely. ‘How dare you presume to explain my husband to me?’
‘I assure you, I’m only—’
‘You know nothing about him. Nothing!’
The lift had stopped. Faye stormed out and immediately pressed the button to make the doors close again. Her last view was of Lysandra gaping with astonishment.
Her fury sustained her all the way home but once there it began to seep away, to be replaced with weariness. The expensive silk clothes felt like an actor’s costume for a role that was all wrong for her and she hurried to change them for dark green trousers and a pale yellow shirt. It was a lovely day and, with a linen jacket about her shoulders and flat shoes on her feet, she was ready for a stroll in the grounds.
‘Come on,’ she said to Barker. ‘You’re missing the children, aren’t you?’
He padded amiably after her as she wandered into the trees. Faye threw the ball and was cheered to see him bound after it, obviously not in pain. But neither did he move with the vitality of a young dog and it brought home to her again how old he was. It was another reason for being angry with Garth.
‘We’re the same, you and me,’ she said, sitting by the stream and fishing in her coat pocket for a biscuit. ‘He’s making use of us both to get what he wants. Underneath all his clever talk, that’s the bottom line.’ She stroked his ears. ‘How’s that for a mixed metaphor? What am I talking about? You wouldn’t know a mixed metaphor if it jumped on you, not unless it was offering titbits.’
As if by a signal Barker began to sniff her coat. ‘All right, here’s a biscuit. Leave my fingers behind! What an idiot I was to make an issue of it! What else did I expect? We made a business deal and that’s the only reason I’m here. Who cares what list he chose? It’s all over between us, anyway.’
She settled herself more comfortably on the grass and stroked the furry head that was resting on her leg.
‘You know who I was really mad at, don’t you?’ she mused. ‘That woman. She acted as though she owned him. And she actually dared to explain him to me. To me’t To his wife. I know him better than anyone. Oh, what does it mat
ter? I’m not really his wife any more.’
She gave a sudden chuckle. ‘But you should have heard me getting on my high horse with Lysandra. I’ve never done that before. Didn’t know I could. That showed her. If you ask me, she sees herself as the next
Mrs Clayton.’ Barker woofed agreement and eyed her coat significantly.
‘OK, one more! But don’t you dare suggest I’m jealous! She’s welcome to him. It was just her being so rude that bothered me. Hey, I said one!’
They lingered together, enjoying the beautiful afternoon, until the sun began to set.
‘Time to go in,’ she said reluctantly. ‘I’ll bet he’ll be home early tonight, and he’ll have plenty to say to me.’
She was right. Garth arrived half an hour later and came looking for her. ‘Can we talk?’ he asked in an edgy voice.
‘Yes. I’m sorry. It shouldn’t have happened.’
‘Whatever got into you to leave me with egg on my face like that? Everyone was expecting my wife to be there. I had to say you’d been taken ill. Are you going to do that on the big night?’
‘No, of course not. The whole thing took me by surprise. I’d never heard of this other list. Why didn’t you warn me?’
‘I left everything to Lysandra. Besides, what difference does it make which list we use?’
She shrugged. ‘None at all, I suppose.’
‘You made a fool of me and I can’t stand that. We had a bargain and you’re not keeping it.’
‘Garth, I’m sorry. What I did was—unprofessional, and I regret it.’
‘Why, for heaven’s sake? Why?’
‘I told you, I was caught on the wrong foot. And that new list is horrible. You’re only dragging me in because you think you’ll sell more houses if you can make people feel warm and good. But there’s nothing warm about washing machines. It’s all so cynical.’
‘I think I know best about marketing my own product.’
‘You don’t know much about families and these are supposed to be family homes—sorry, “product”, since you have a problem with the idea of homes. You want to sell them to couples with children, people who love each other. Well, most wives and mothers would rather have a piece of tin given with love than all the diamonds in the world in this calculating way.’
‘Tin! For Pete’s sake!’
‘I can remember when you didn’t despise tin.’
‘I can’t.’
‘Then it’s your loss. When we were first married we ate off tin plates that we bought at a second-hand camping store. In fact, we didn’t even buy them. You mended that man’s boiler for free, and he gave us some things for the flat.’
‘Oh, yes, and I felt ashamed because I’d started our marriage by failing you. I wanted to give you the moon and we ended up with stuff that nobody else wanted.’
‘But I didn’t care,’ she said wildly. If only she could make him understand, even now. ‘I was happy just to be with you. I thought you felt the same.’
‘I was never happy until I could give you the nice things you deserved. I worked like a Trojan until I had enough for my own little builder’s yard, and then a big yard. And then the sky was the limit. I did it for you and all you can do is hark back to the days when I had nothing to give you, because I was nobody.’
‘You were somebody to me,’ she cried. ‘And to the children. But that wasn’t enough for you. You’ve turned into such a different man.’
‘Thank goodness!’ he said abruptly.
‘I’ll never say that. I’ll never stop mourning the man
I lost. He was all the world to me, but he went away and never came back.’ She could see by his face that hi didn’t understand. They were strangers shouting in the dark, and a sudden burst of anguish made her cry, ‘Oh, Garth, don’t you remember?’
He was silent awhile before answering. ‘Maybe my memories are different to yours,’ he said at last, seeming to speak with difficulty. ‘We obviously didn’t find the same things important.’
‘We thought we were together,’ she said with a sigh. ‘And we were travelling separate paths all along. And now here we are, in sight of the end.’
‘Don’t,’ he said sombrely. ‘Don’t look back, Faye. We both know that’s a mistake. We’ve each chosen our lives.’
There was a sadness in his face that she hadn’t seen before. Suddenly she leaned over and kissed him. It was an impulse. She wasn’t even sure what she wanted to come of it, except perhaps to evoke the old Garth, even if only fleetingly.
For a moment she thought it was happening. After a brief surprise he kissed her back, with a kind of yearning ache. She could feel him trembling, though whether with passion or emotion she wasn’t sure. She tightened her arms, seeking to reach the part of him that lived behind the proud barrier. Her strong resolutions vanished. If only she could still touch his heart…
‘Garth,’ she whispered in a pleading voice, ‘try to remember…’ He lifted his head to search her face. She could see his eyes and read their trouble and confusion. Then he tensed and broke free from her.
‘This isn’t a good idea, Faye. You were right all along about it being over.’
‘Yes,’ she stammered. ‘Yes I was…’ ‘There’s nothing for us now but to see this through to the end and say goodbye.’ A shudder went through him. ‘So, for pity’s sake, let’s get it over with quickly.’
CHAPTER EIGHT
With a clash of cymbals the orchestra brought the symphony to an end. The conductor turned to receive the well-earned applause. Faye came out of her happy trance. The music had been magnificent and she was reluctant to return to reality with all its problems and confusions.
It was late in the evening, but while the children were at camp she needn’t rush home. For their sakes Garth had often managed to return early, but during their absence he’d reverted to staying late at the office. It was as though he and Faye were holding their breaths in this delicate situation.
Daydreaming, she left the concert hall without looking where she was going, and collided with someone. ‘I’m terribly sorry, I— Kendall!’
‘Hello, darling.’ He kissed her cheek.
‘Where did you appear from?’ she asked, smiling.
‘I was at the concert. Come and have a drink with me.’
It was a fine evening and they found a pub with tables outside in the garden, and coloured lights hanging from the trees. Kendall bought cider for himself, orange juice for Faye and hot dogs for both of them.
‘Fancy you going to a classical concert,’ Faye said. ‘Where were you sitting?’
After an awkward pause Kendall said, ‘All right, I didn’t actually go to the concert. I knew you’d be there because I was with you when you bought the ticket, ages ago. I waited outside.’
It was nice to know that he was so eager to see her, but the little lie troubled her. Then she determinedly pushed it out of her head.
‘I’ve missed you,’ Kendall said.
‘And I you.’
‘Well, there’s always the television,’ he said, speaking apparently lightly but with a significant edge.
‘Television?’
‘Last night. What did you think?’
With a gasp of dismay she remembered that Kendall had been on a talk show, due to be broadcast the previous evening.
‘It’s all right,’ he said, reading her face. ‘I don’t suppose you could watch it with him around.’
She wasn’t fooled by his easy tone. Kendall had a touch of vanity about his media appearances. Faye had always found this slightly endearing and had fondly made much of him, while he basked in her admiration. She knew she ought to make amends now by inventing a convincing excuse, but suddenly she was too tired for white lies and the truth came out before she could think properly.
‘Kendall, I’m sorry, Garth wasn’t even in last night. But I’ve got so much on my mind just now—’
‘That you didn’t give me a thought. Fair enough.’ He spoke with a kind of determined brigh
tness that set her at a distance.
‘Kendall, please—’
‘Forget it. I’m sure you’re having a very difficult time. Is your husband making life hard?’
‘Not really. He’s behaving well to the children. It’s lovely to see him with Cindy. She just basks in his attention. And he’s doing better with Adrian, too. But I worry that he’s just using them.’
‘I suppose he might have honestly seen the light. Perhaps he’s afraid of a lonely old age.’ Kendall shrugged. ‘I should think he’s certainly heading for one.’
‘Garth’s not afraid of anything. He’s got too much self-confidence. He’s— Oh, I don’t how how to say it—’
It was useless trying to define Garth. The more she tried, the more he slipped through her fingers. She could describe his manner and his infuriating behaviour. But there were no words for his sudden grin, full of devilment and charm, or the wild wonderment of his dreams. Once he’d shared those dreams with her and it had been like watching shooting stars. But that was a long time ago.
She gave up, remembering that it irked Kendall to hear too much about Garth. ‘Tell me how things are with you,’ she said.
‘There’s not a lot going on in my life at the moment,’ he said. ‘I work, and I think of you.’
‘Have you finished your book yet?’
‘I told you I had, at the football match.’
‘Oh, yes, you did. Sorry, I forgot. Are you happy with it?’
‘I’m never happy with my writing, you know that.’
‘Yes, you were always changing things until the last minute.’
She persevered with the theme of his writing, conscientiously asking all the right questions, until the subject was exhausted. She searched for another one then realized, with dismay, what she was doing. She and Kendall had always found plenty to talk about. Yet tonight something was wrong. The air didn’t vibrate with excitement as it did when Garth was around.
But she wasn’t her usual self at the moment, she remembered with relief. When things returned to normal everything would be well between them again. But try as she might, she couldn’t find the elusive spark that would bring her alive in Kendall’s company.
