Cerulean (One Thousand Blues)

by Anna Kyss

  I carry my plate over to where Sydney sits, overlooking the crater. “What’s next? Do we all head down?” I sink next to her, on the rock-laden ground.

  “At night?” She laughs. “No, we camp tonight, so we can view the sunrise in the morning. Then we head back.”

  “Is the sunrise as incredible as the sunset?”

  “Some would say sunrises are even better.”

  People work together to clean up the meal and spread out blankets. Without the sun, the air has grown bitter cold—chillier than even the Deep. Jesse tosses me a warm sweatshirt and some soft pants and socks. He spreads out two sleeping rolls next to Sydney and Danny.

  “Thanks.” I feel better already, as my toes and fingers warm from the extra layers.

  “Just like Sydney to dress you pretty without thinking about warmth,” Jesse mutters, sitting next to me.

  Did he say I was pretty? I am not sure how to respond. In the sea, the apathy keeps us from caring. Our relationships were with our dolphins. People had Joining ceremonies when they reached adulthood, but they were often more a requirement than a desire.

  After an awkward pause, I change the subject. “I still cannot figure out how this place saved your ancestors from the poison?”

  A skinny boy, no taller than me, crouches upon his blanket. “My name’s Sammy. They were saved completely accidentally, to be honest.”

  Jesse and Sydney roll their eyes at one another. Sydney groans. “You had to get him talking about science.”

  I do not care who gives answers; I just crave the information. People living upon Land is such a new idea—something I was taught could never exist—but people have been on this island all along. “Accidentally?”

  “Sure. They were expecting bombings, but instead, a mist of toxins was sent around the world.” Sammy indicates the poison spreading. “It was a specially designed sort of thing, made to be weighted down.”

  “Weighted down?” This is new information. I lean closer to Sammy’s mat.

  “Yep, they didn’t want it rising up, where it wouldn’t do no harm. So it was specially engineered to float along at lower levels, where most of the people lived.”

  Jesse joins in. “So our people were all hunkered down in the visitor’s center, and they realized there weren’t any bombs. But the others never returned, so nobody was sure if it was safe.”

  “When food started dwindling, they sent a volunteer to scout out the island. He never returned. The next volunteer they sent with a bright lantern. He made it right below the cloud line; the lantern kept glowing and glowing, but its light never moved.” Sammy shakes his head. “The diaries kept then are mighty grim.”

  “What did people do?” I wrap my arms around my knees, trying to ward off the infringing cold.

  “They rationed the food. They began to hunt out native roots and berries that grew above the cloud line. Some fashioned bows and hunted the Nene goose. Water was the most rationed commodity; rain rarely falls above the cloud lines.” Sammy hangs his head at the end.

  I imagine the small group of people, hungry and thirsty, shivering at night and sun-scorched during the day. Did witnessing the beauty of the sunsets bring them any solace? I hope so.

  “They made an agreement. Every three months, a name was drawn. That person volunteered to track below the clouds.” Sammy lies back on his sleeping roll. “After a full year, someone finally went below and then returned. They waited six more months, for safety’s sake, then descended.”

  How incredible that they were able to survive. In Maluhia, all of our basic needs were provided for. But when mental distress set in, so many just gave up. The fortitude needed to suffer through hunger and thirst and the never knowing if the land would be safe, if they would make it… Yet, they endured.

  A tiny voice whispers through my head, While your family and friends did not.

  “Are… are there others who survived as well?” I ask.

  Jesse shrugs. “It’s a possibility in the other high-up places.” He points across the edge. “On clear days, you can see another peak on that island. I’ve always wondered.”

  Danny and Sydney lay back on their blankets. Danny pulls Sydney close and kisses her forehead. My sleeping things have been arranged next to Sydney’s, and I settle into the warm coverings. Jesse lies on my other side.

  Sleeping outside of my capsule is still a novelty. Stars twinkle above me.

  Slowly, the whispering and talking fades. Flames from the fire still send orange and red fingers into the night, hissing and sparking.

  Captain’s voice breaks the silence. “Completely different situation. Let me remind you: the platform was empty.”

  “I still think it would be best. Kin belongs with kin.” The rich voice is hard to place for a moment, until I recognize it as Rachel’s.

  “Well luckily, you’re not our authority.” Captain’s voice sounds angry now.

  Jesse grabs my hand in the dark and squeezes.

  ~Surf~

  16

  The winding path from Sydney’s hut dead-ends onto a cliff overlooking the ocean. A group of dolphins jump gracefully, spinning in unison through the air before falling back into the waters. I miss Haku. Her absence leaves a terrible hollow, like someone has ripped my heart right out of my body. I have thought about her betrayal—not telling me about the Surface—again and again.

  Yet I kept Jesse a secret from her. To protect her, but also for selfish reasons: I wanted to see Jesse again.

  The others who have made mistakes pop up, haunting me: my mother and my father, who tore out their gills and abandoned me to the seas; ’Bow, who knew of this loss and still left me all alone. Would I forgive them, if we had a second chance? Absolutely.

  When everyone else left, Haku supported me… loved me. I must find her and make amends. Haku said she would wait at Black Rock; if only I knew where to find it…

  “Spot any whales? You can often see them this time of year.” Jesse sits next to me. He does not know about my aptitude for Whale-song. If he was startled by Dolphin-speak, Whale-song would really surprise him.

  “Do you know Black Rock?” I ask.

  “Sure, it’s a good swimming place after a supplies run.”

  “Do…” I think carefully before deciding to trust Jesse. “Do you ever see dolphins swimming in the waters there?”

  He places a warm hand on my shoulder. “Did you decide to forgive your Pairing?”

  All I can do is nod and whisper, “She promised to wait at Black Rock.”

  “Captain’s actually organizing a supplies run today. Want to come?”

  “Yes!” I only hope that Haku will be there. If she is not waiting, I do not how I will forgive myself for throwing my whistle—my connection to her—into the waters.

  *

  Captain pulls up in a rusty old vehicle. The back is open like the Camaro, but without any seats, while the front seats are enclosed. “All aboard for Old Town.”

  “Our truck,” Danny explains. “There’s good space in the bed for supplies.”

  Jesse and Danny hop into the open back, but Sydney scrambles into the front, next to Captain. “The ride’s rough in the back,” she warns.

  I try to choose between squeezing next to Sydney and braving the back. The scent of the ocean wafts by, and my decision is made. I cannot bear to enclose myself when the water beckons. I climb up the tire and into the truck’s back, next to Jesse and Danny.

  We head down a bumpy road, filled with holes and debris. The truck bounces and jolts with each slow mile.

  To my left, the ocean changes color; in some sections, the blues are lighter, and in others, a few hues darker. The glimpses of cerulean remind me of the beauty of my former home.

  The ocean seems more powerful above the Surface. Waves crash against the land, white foam mixing with the blue sea. I have not set foot in the waters since Jesse saved me. They call to me now. I yearn to swim.

  The conversation atop the House of the Sun still bothers me. This i
s the first chance I have had to speak with Jesse about it. “When we overheard your mother and Captain talking, what did she mean by ‘kin belongs with kin’?”

  Jesse exchanges a long look with Danny. “My mother is a bit protective of me, is all. She worries about me…”

  Memories of my mother’s worry come rushing back. How nervous she was when I went for my first unaccompanied swim… Her hesitation to let me explore the pod complex with my Pairing… Now, no one is left to worry about me beside Haku.

  “A mother’s concern is not so bad…” If only I had my mother back.

  Jesse opens the little window leading to the truck cabin. “Captain, can we go to Black Rock and Whaleside after getting supplies?”

  Captain glances back at me and nods. “We don’t need to be back on the boat for a few days, so we could make a night of it.”

  “How often do you go out on the boat?” I ask.

  “Every single week. We leave on Thursday and return on Saturday,” Jesse says.

  “What are the weekly sailing trips for? Do you catch fish?”

  Jesse looks away.

  Captain turns his head toward me. “If we’re lucky. Sometimes, we just pull up li’l mermaids though.”

  After another hour of jolting and bumping, buildings begin to appear; not circular constructions, like in Maluhia, but squat rows of rectangles. The pale pastel walls are chipped and peeled, and the… town… is abandoned.

  A squealing noise resounds from the bottom of the truck, and it slams to a stop, throwing me into Jesse.

  “Darn brakes,” Captain mutters. “Everybody okay back there?”

  Jesse wraps his arms around me to prevent me from being shaken any further. “I’m okay.” He smiles down at me.

  “Let’s get some supplies!” Danny jumps from the truck’s back.

  Captain leads the way to a nearby building. The door leans precariously, only attached at the very top. We enter, one by one.

  Dim light flows through the large windows, highlighting shelf after shelf of… things.

  “What is this place?” There is so much to look at. I pick up item after item, to look closer. An entire shelf contains plastic hemispheres, filled with water. Tiny plastic people and images are inside; when I pick one up to peer closer, sparkles dance in the water.

  “Used to be a store,” Captain explains. “Before the Disaster, people would pay money for these items.”

  Professor S.’s lessons replay in my mind: the importance of objects and currency in the A.W.; how the wars began because of the inequalities among the countries, some having plenty and others having nothing. I pick up the small, water-filled plastic hemisphere again, shake it once more. Were these silly sparkles really important enough to precipitate the Disaster?

  “We come, once each month, to gather supplies,” Danny says.

  Captain pulls out a list and begins reading items off to the group. Jesse and Danny grab the backpacks he holds out and begin searching.

  Sydney pulls me in a different direction. “We should find some clothes for you. There are a few dresses left over here.”

  The small rack contains the same kind of dresses Sydney has loaned me; they flow to the floor, leaving one’s arms and shoulders bare. The dresses come in many different colors, but all feature flower patterns.

  “Clothing is rationed. You are allowed to pick out three, but pick carefully. You only receive a new one when the old’s completely worn out.”

  I imagine fighting against the fabric to kick in the water. Sundresses will not work if I am going to meet Haku. “Is there anything besides dresses?” I point across the store to Jesse. “Can I choose shorts and a shirt?”

  Sydney laughs. “Nope. After all these years, the stores are running low on clothes. We have to be real careful with it. The rule is three sundresses for each girl; the last of the shirts and shorts are saved for the male kin.”

  “How do you swim with dresses on?” I ask finally.

  Sydney giggles more. “That’s a whole different store.”

  What? “There’s more than one?”

  “There were hundreds across this island. Most of them are out of supplies by now, but this section of the island is hard to get to without a motor.”

  Sydney helps me pick out my dresses, then quickly gathers up the other items on her list. She pulls me to the door. “Captain, I am taking Chey to the swim shop across the way.”

  Outside, we walk down the street to another store. The pink and yellow exterior is pitted with salt. Sydney opens the double doors carefully, and we enter.

  There are walls of empty shelves. Metal racks lie abandoned throughout the middle of the store. Sydney leads the way to the very back. A small wall of fabric pieces remain. They look only big enough to cover my most private areas.

  “The one-pieces were used up long ago. There’re still two-pieces to choose from though.” Sydney picks out a bright orange one, covered in ruffles, and holds it up to me.

  A teal two-piece catches my eye. The same hue as my old Skin, the color reminds me of my home. These bright splashes of color have no place in the ocean. The waters are the realm of one thousand blues.

  Sydney shows me to a little rectangle, about the size of my sleeping capsule. She draws a hole-ridden curtain across the entrance. “Well, try it on. Make sure it fits. You only are allowed one suit.”

  I feel absolutely and completely exposed. While the stretchy teal covers the important pieces, my stomach and legs remain completely bare. How I wish I had a suit like Jesse’s, which encloses his entire body.

  At least I will be able to swim.

  I can search for Haku. My heart soars at the thought of returning to the waters.

  *

  The truck rolls further down the hole-ridden road, the town long behind us. I sit in the cab now, between Captain and Sydney. The back is stuffed with supplies; each kin member has given a list of necessities, and the group found as many matching items as they could. Jesse and Danny ride atop the pile, checking to make sure nothing topples out.

  From time to time, glimpses of the ocean can be seen on the left, making me more eager to arrive.

  As we round a final corner, giant buildings appear—not the cute pastel stores of the town, but enormous structures that dwarf our truck as we pass by.

  Captain pulls off the road and onto a large, paved square. Fading yellow lines mark the square, each the width of the truck. Like the town, this area is completely abandoned. I step out and look at the faded letters cut into a large wooden board: Whaleside.

  Danny grabs a few items from the back. “We are heading in to set up camp.” Sydney fishes her backpack out and follows Danny.

  Captain tosses Jesse the sunscreen bottle. “I will see you at dinner, li’l mermaid.” I can hear the unspoken question in his words: will you return?

  Jesse leads the way to the water. He pauses at the sand to remove his shoes, and I copy his movements. The sand sinks beneath my footsteps. The sun has warmed it, and as we walk toward the water, the grains crunch under my toes.

  Gentle, rolling waves lap along the length of the beach. While the giant buildings form a row behind the beach, all I have eyes for is the water. I pull off my sundress, still wearing my two-piece, and run into the ocean. Warm water covers my feet, my legs, my waist, until I am far enough out to dive into the water.

  “Wait for me.” Jesse grabs for me before I disappear. “Eager? I can barely keep up with you.”

  His hands still wrap around my waist, and I am more aware than ever of the absence of my Skin. He lifts one hand to tuck my wet braids behind my ear, but keeps the other at my side. Jesse wears only his shorts, and tiny droplets of water run down his chest.

  For a moment, I forget about Haku. I forget about our separation. I think only of Jesse and his closeness.

  He rests his forehead against mine, his brown eyes boring into me. “I like you, Chey. Please don’t swim away from me.”

  He fears I will return to the seas.
>
  His lips brush mine, and I am not sure if I ever want the moment to stop.

  A large wave douses us and pulls us beneath. We emerge, still holding one another, and laugh.

  “Black Rock is at the far end of the beach.” He points out the giant lava rock overhanging the ocean. “Do you want to swim or walk?”

  I have never gotten to choose before. Here, along this abandoned beach, the best of two worlds collide. The freedom of gliding through the waters and the joy of running across land; the wonders found within the ocean and the warmth of the sunshine.

  “Both,” I decide. We could run down the long stretch of beach, soaking in the sun, then dive into the cool waters while I seek out Haku. Is it greedy to want it all?

  “Can I help you ‘screen up so you don’t burn?” Jesse holds the sunscreen.

  I nod, shy again. Touching is so commonplace above the waters. Hugs freely given, dancing and snuggles and handholding as plentiful as the fish in the seas. Isolation is not an easy thing to recover from, but I am trying.

  Jesse rubs my shoulders with the warm lotion. He smoothes his hands down my arms and over my back. The aroma of coconut hovers. His fingertips swirl around and around my cheeks, along my nose.

  When it feels as though I have forgotten how to lung-breathe, he closes the bottle and grabs my hand. “Now?”

  I smile. “We run.”

  Hand-in-hand, we run through the little waves licking at the shore. Water splashes against our ankles, and Black Rock grows near. When the rocky cliff faces us, I turn and pull Jesse into the waters.

  Finally, I release his hand and dive.

  The waters are still shallow here, but reefs line the bottom. The colorful reef fish swim all around. I dive closer to watch my favorites, but choke as I breathe in. I push my way to the Surface and cough again and again and again.

  Jesse wraps his arms around me, supporting me as I keep coughing. “What’s wrong?”