Brennan snorted. “I can see why you and Cash get along then.”
Cash had been watching me the entire time, but with his brother’s words, he smiled widely. He seemed to be the unknown factor in his family. He didn’t have his life planned out any more than I did. The only difference being that I had enough money to wander until I figured it out and he had to work hard for it.
After we finished eating, everyone helped clear the table, but Lisa wouldn’t let us all in the kitchen to clean up, so she told all the guys to go set things up outside, whatever that meant.
Before they filed out, Cash grabbed my hand and pulled me into the hallway.
“You all right with staying in here with my mom?” he asked.
“Why? Does she bite?”
He barked out a laugh. “No. I don’t think so anyway. I wanted to make sure because you’ve just met them all.”
“I’m fine. I even know how to wash dishes.” Another smile and he leaned in, giving me a quick, soft kiss on the lips. “Hey, what’d you guys do to Dalton and Dante earlier?”
He shook his head. “You don’t want to know.”
He gave me another quick peck, then headed out the front door.
Lisa and Haley had already started loading the dishwasher when I came back in. They were laughing about something I hadn’t heard because I was out of the room.
I took a deep breath and began scraping plates into the trash.
“Are you guys staying for the movie?” Haley asked.
“Movie?”
“Yeah, it’s movie night.”
“Oh, uh, I don’t know. Cash didn’t say anything.”
“He’ll do whatever you want tonight. If you think we’re crazy, he’ll take you home. If you want to stay, he’ll do that. That boy is smitten.” Lisa didn’t turn around as she spoke. Her tone was a happy one, so at least she didn’t hate the idea of Cash being smitten. She remained with her back turned because she was washing dishes nothing more.
What surprised me the most was how much I actually like all of them already.
“Sounds fun.”
About twenty minutes later, we were done; the dishwasher was running but we hadn’t left the kitchen. Mrs. Waterford told me about the time that the older brothers pushed the younger ones out of the loft in the barn. Luckily, there had been hay at the bottom so no one had gotten hurt. Apparently, Cash was pretty lucky being in the exact middle. He could be an older brother or a younger, wherever he wanted to fall.
It was surprising to find that so much time had passed with us chatting in the kitchen. It was almost seven already.
When I stepped out the back door, there were a couple of old-fashioned metal tubs on the back porch filled with tons of bottles of water, beer, what looked like hard lemonade, and some soda.
I had no idea what was going on.
“Are we ready?” Aiden came around from the front.
“Everything’s all set,” Haley said back.
Suddenly, all the guys appeared. Aiden and Brennan each took a side of one tub while the twins did the same with the other and everyone headed out toward the barn.
I followed and thought I might be about to witness my very first hoedown or something.
“What’s going on?” I asked as soon as I saw Cash.
“Movie night. We don’t have to stay.”
“Yes, you do.” Dakota gave him a push as he walked back by us.
“I’m good with staying. I like your family,” I said.
His eyebrows went up in surprise. “They’re crazy. But good people.”
Cash folded my hand into his and led me toward the others.
Chapter Eight
Coming around the far side of the barn, I found Cash’s family, mostly paired off. Even the twins were sitting together on a tree they were using as a bench. All were facing the side of the barn and a projector sat behind them.
“Movie night?” I asked, looking up at Cash with a cocked eyebrow.
“Yup. We do this once a month.”
He brought me over to a thick blanket already laid out, offered me a drink, and retrieved a water when I asked.
Once we were all settled, someone switched on the projector, which looked more like a spotlight attached to a DVD player. An old movie about a kid growing up in 1930s New York with his Jewish parents started up. At least that was what I made of it in the first fifteen minutes.
I started out sitting next to Cash with my legs folded in front of me. But they tingled like they were about to fall asleep, so I stretched them out, which led to me lying down with my head in Cash’s lap.
I didn’t even know how that happened.
Yet there I was lying perpendicular to him, my head on his thigh as he leaned back against a tree stump and gently ran a finger along my hairline.
I liked this.
Loved being with his family, loved spending time with him, and for another first, I allowed myself the idea that I could one day love him.
I’d steeled my heart so long ago that I didn’t think I’d ever be able to open myself up to anyone and there I was thinking I might be able to do that with him.
I… fuck… I wanted him.
I’d had lots of sex and a lot of different kinds of sex, but I actually wanted to be with him that way. Have him touching my body.
I squeezed my thighs together as a jolt of electricity shot through me just thinking about it and I shivered.
Cash leaned down close to my ear. “Cold?”
“Just a little chilly. I came unprepared.” Which wasn’t at all true. Well, a little. I had begun to feel the cool air, but it was the idea of him causing me to quake.
“Here.” He gently pushed me up. “I’ll be right back.”
He hopped up and jogged toward the house, which gave me the chance to take in his family once again. I also took the opportunity to slip my sandals off. They were comfortable but barefoot was better.
Lisa and Len sat in lawn chairs, close, side by side, their arms linked. They looked like a picture of an old married couple, which obviously they were, but they looked the part. Although I didn’t think they were that old.
Aiden sat back against a tree, much like Cash had been, but he had Haley tucked between his legs, her back against his chest. They were so comfortable with each other, I wondered how long they’d been together.
Brennan and Dakota were both lying on their stomachs next to each other. As I glanced over, Dakota whispered something to Brennan, who laughed silently, then leaned over for a soft, lingering kiss. It was the picture of a loving couple and it warmed my heart that no one seemed to notice or care.
If one of the three of us had been gay, our parents might’ve disowned us.
I couldn’t actually see where Dalton and Dante were and thought that could be dangerous. But then I caught a glimpse of them coming out of the house with Cash. Cash looked kind of annoyed, then shoved one of them (because no way could I tell them apart from that far away). The twins stumbled, but their laughter hit me before they got close enough for me to hear what was being said.
There was a lot of laughter and a lot of love in this family.
A lot of everything I’d never had before. I could get used to being around that type of feeling.
“Here ya go,” Cash said, wrapping a hoodie around my shoulders, then pulling me snugly into his side and tossing a blanket over me. The soft gray cotton was warm and smelled of him. I was going to do my best not to give this back.
Once the movie was over, we all worked together to get the yard back in order, then Len and Lisa said they had to get to bed. Farmers didn’t get the weekends off.
Dalton and Dante were the first to leave, off who-knew-where, Cash said. We pulled out of the driveway at the same time as Aiden and Haley.
Apparently, Brennan and Dakota were staying the night at their parents’ house before heading back to the city in the morning. This time when I was given several hugs goodbye, I didn’t cringe. I hugged back.
I learned something about myself that night. I could be me, the me I thought I actually was, and people would accept that. It was like turning over a new leaf. We didn’t talk much on the way back to my house.
I slid over into the middle spot on the bench seat in Cash’s truck so that I could hold his hand and lay my head on his shoulder. It wasn’t much, but it was more intimate than I’d ever been with someone.
“Did you have fun?” he asked when we turned onto my street.
I nodded my answer, punctuating it with a yawn.
“Good.” He released my hand so that he could put the truck in park.
Still, I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want my stupid mouth filled with stupid rambling words to ruin the night. I took a deep breath and then pushed myself up so I could reach his lips. I didn’t think I’d initiated a kiss even once, but I wanted to now and I was doing it.
I pressed my lips to his, sucking and coaxing him to open up so we could take it to the proper level. It didn’t take long for him to get the hint and respond appropriately.
As he held my face in his hands, I maneuvered my way around and climbed onto his lap. No shoes made this whole thing a lot easier.
As soon as I settled in, Cash grabbed a hold of my hips tightly. We stayed like that for a few minutes, kissing each other, but he groaned into my mouth when I moved against him.
I wanted this with him. Could feel that he wanted this with me.
Then he pulled away.
Fucking hell.
“What are you doing?” he asked, leaning far enough away to search my eyes for answers.
“I think you know,” I said back, moving my hips to accentuate the words and leaning back in to kiss him again.
He pulled away.
He fucking pulled away from me. Again.
That was something I was completely unprepared to handle. Now I knew how he felt all those times I’d done the same thing. And I hated it.
“Gemma,” he said softly. “I can’t do this.”
I gave him a little smirk, then rolled my hips against his hardness.
“I think you can.”
“That’s not what I meant.” He pulled back a little farther, turned his head slightly so I couldn’t reach his mouth, and pushed on my hips with enough force that I had to climb back over to the other side.
What the hell?
“Cash.” The burning already started behind my eyes. I could feel the tears filling them but hoped I could keep it together until I was inside the house.
Rejection sucked.
“Gemma, I don’t want to have a quickie with you in my truck.”
“Oh,” I said quietly, looking anywhere but him and kept those tears at bay. I hadn’t read the signs wrong. I hadn’t. I was the queen of sign-reading when it came to sex. So he was confusing the hell out of me.
“No. You don’t get to read into that,” he snapped. “I don’t want to have a quick fuck in my truck in front of your house like we’re in high school, Gemma.” He paused. Then he licked his lips and took a deep, calming breath before starting again. “I want you in a bed. Somewhere we don’t have to rush or worry about anyone else.”
Well, that was different. I always thought guys wanted sex anywhere and everywhere.
“I don’t want to fuck you,” he continued. “Not the first time at least. I want to make love to you, Gemma, because I’m thinking by the time we get there, I’ll be completely in love with you. Fuck, I’m halfway there already. You deserve more than this fucking truck. We deserve more.”
I heard the words he was saying, but all my brain took in was “No” and “Love” and “More.” All good words and he said them perfectly.
Just hours before I’d let myself imagine what it would be like to love him. But as he told me he’d been thinking about the same thing, this heavy weight settled on my chest. The one that I used to know intimately yet had become somewhat of a stranger to in the weeks since I’d met Cash.
The weight was back.
Anxiety and fear and everything my parents had done to me.
And it was taking over.
“I want to have sex with you,” I said because if I could get him to do that with me right then, I didn’t have to worry about the other stuff.
“No, Gemma,” he said softly.
“Fine.” I slid off him, grabbed my shoes, and hopped out of the truck before he had a chance to move.
I wanted him to drive away. But of course he didn’t. Of course he didn’t. Instead, he followed me up the steps, grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him.
“Gemma, come on.”
“No.” I cut him off. My brain was shorting out. This was all too much for me. “Just go, Cash. You’ve made your point, so go.”
“Something wrong here?” Sal asked from the sidewalk that ran in front of my house.
“Everything’s fine.” I glared at Cash, hoping he’d know to keep his mouth shut and leave.
Why wouldn’t he leave?
“Doesn’t look fine to me.” Gio suddenly appeared beside Sal.
I groaned and closed my eyes. Apparently, my entire life was meant to be on display.
Sal and Gio had never truly seen me out of control and I wasn’t even there yet, so I had no idea why they were acting weird about this.
This was between Cash and me.
“Look,” I said, bringing my face and voice back to the me they knew. Schooled. Controlled. “Everything’s fine. Cash was just leaving. You can all go back to your happy fucking lives.”
Yet Cash hadn’t let go of my arm. Gio noticed at that very moment and climbed the steps to stand closer to me, trying to be all intimidating. Which normally he was, but apparently, Cash was over that or didn’t care in the moment at least. Gio didn’t scare him away.
“Let go of her arm,” Gio said, as if Cash were a minor annoyance, then he folded his arms across his chest.
I rolled my eyes, but I doubted either of them saw it. The porch light was on, but it wasn’t very bright and neither of them were looking at me any longer. They were glaring at each other.
Yet I was becoming annoyed with my audience. Sal, Bianca, and Bailey were still on the sidewalk while Gio, Cash, and I were on the porch.
I wanted this over.
“I got your point, Cash. I understand. Fine.” I pulled my arm out of his grasp. He didn’t try to stop me. He never would’ve tried to stop me. “You don’t have to worry about me anymore.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” He tried to take a step forward, but Gio made it clear that wasn’t a good idea by shouldering in between us.
“What’d you do to her?” Gio shuffled closer to Cash.
“Gio, you’re being an ass,” I snapped. “Look, it’s not a big deal. He doesn’t want to have sex with me. Fine, I get it. I wouldn’t want to have sex with me either. Now everybody, go home.” I’d gotten my door unlocked as I spazzed out and opened it.
This was ending.
“That’s not what I said, Gemma,” Cash called in after me.
“I’m so confused.” Gio sighed.
I slammed the door without looking back but could still hear them and didn’t understand why they couldn’t all go away. That was what I wanted. That was what I needed.
“What happened, Cash?” This time it was Bianca’s much more calming, not-at-all-intimidating voice.
“Yeah, you’d better start talking pretty fucking fast,” Gio growled.
“Gio, calm down.”
“I’ll calm down once this asshole explains why he was manhandling my sister.”
“Manhandling?” Cash yelled back with outrage.
“Both of you stop,” Bianca yelled. “Cash, you should probably start talking.”
“We had a great night with my family,” he said. “I was driving her home.”
“That’s not what it looked like on the porch,” Sal interjected. “What happened?”
Sal’s voice was suddenly closer. I assumed he’d joined the other guys o
n the porch.
“I swear,” Gio said roughly. “If you hurt her—”
“Hurt her? Me not fucking her in my truck isn’t hurting her.”
“What?” Gio snapped.
“Gio, calm down,” Bianca urged. “Let him speak.”
There was some more shuffling, then Cash began again.
“She wanted to have sex in my truck. I didn’t. I don’t want that. I want to make love to her, not hit-it-and-quit-it type shit. I turned her down; she freaked out.”
Who tells a girl’s big, scary older brother not only that he wanted to have sex with said brother’s sister but also how?
My legs didn’t hold me up inside the house anymore. I slid down the door until my ass hit the floor.
“Fuck,” Gio muttered, still loud enough for me to hear.
“I didn’t do anything to her. I was trying to stop her from running. Now maybe I shouldn’t have tried, but I am falling in love with your sister and wasn’t about to let her slip through my fingers.”
Gio was going to back off because I was the one in the wrong. Hearing Cash say those things to Sal and Gio without any shame or hesitation and with a little distance from the rejection and even I knew I was wrong.
They all thought it. I knew it. Yet I couldn’t stop what was happening inside me.
He’d tried to stop me from running, which meant I’d run again, even after I’d told him if I got the urge, we’d talk instead.
I was so stupid.
This angry, scared swirl of self-consciousness and doubt was becoming a crushing, debilitating feeling of rejection and sadness.
Their voices muffled like they were finally walking away so I couldn’t make out what more they said. I dropped my head into my hands. The one time I actually wanted something and this is what happened. My feelings were all over the place with anger at myself, annoyance with my upbringing, just everything and all at once.
It fucking sucked.
I was about to lock up and crawl into my bed with the plan to hide out for the rest of my life when someone knocked on the door above my head. I froze and couldn’t bring myself to look out the window because I wasn’t sure I wanted to know if it was Cash.
So instead, I ignored it. Like a grown up.
Love by the Rules (Harbor Point Book 3) Page 8
