by Nikki Sloane
“Stop.” The word was powerful, but not mean, and his voice made me freeze. “This is about trust, Addison.”
Anxiety tightened my muscles painfully, making escape almost impossible. I knelt with my knees buried on the carpet and watched him slide the end of the belt through the buckle, creating a loop. There was no air to breathe when he placed the loop over my head, positioned the buckle at the base of my neck, and tugged gently on the end. It cinched the belt tight, collaring me.
“No,” I pleaded on a broken breath. Not that it mattered. He’d been clear my desires were irrelevant.
“I get pleasure,” he said, firm, “or you get choked.” The belt tightened just a fraction of a degree, making sure I was aware of his control. “Repeat it.”
Oh, shit. How? I couldn’t think once the leather had descended on me. “You . . . get pleasure,” I whispered, struggling. “Or I get choked.”
He jerked his hold and the belt became so tight I could feel it restricting my airflow. “Again,” he said. “Louder.”
It was uncomfortable as the leather strangled me, and humiliating kneeling before him, so I blurted it out quickly. “You get pleasure or I get choked.”
The hand not holding the belt moved to undo his fly, and it was down a half-second later. “Hands behind your back. Open your perfect mouth.”
It made more sense now. He was about to be vulnerable. I’d allowed him to put the belt on me, and he was trusting I wouldn’t use teeth.
I’d touched him last night, but I hadn’t been up close with Luka’s anatomy before. He was already hard. Watching me come must have turned him on, or perhaps it was the image of me kneeling at his feet with his belt restraining me. The head of his dick was fat, and the shaft long and thick. A vein protruded, and in spite of how terrifying it was to have the makeshift leash on me, I stared, intrigued.
He wanted me to take him inside my mouth. I’d gone down on another guy before. It’d been sloppy and fumbling, and over in less than five minutes. I couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like with Luka. Maybe his directions would make the experience somewhat enjoyable, and I wouldn’t spend the whole time wondering what the hell I was doing.
What would he taste like?
Would he let me trace the tip of my tongue along that vein?
I crossed my wrists behind my back, licked my lips, and parted them, hating myself for wanting this. I hated myself for wanting to please him after he’d fucked me until I was sore. He’d fucked me as I’d asked him to stop. What the hell was wrong with me?
His fingertips traced a line on my temple, pushing my hair out of the way, and they trailed down to curl under my chin. I welcomed him inside my greedy mouth, sucking on the fleshy head of his cock. It elicited a sigh from him, one which was coated in pleasure.
Unexpected heat blasted down my spine.
I inched further along on his hard dick, licking and sucking, and I reveled in the noises of satisfaction he made. How was it possible I felt power on my knees, with his belt wrapped tight on my neck? Was it his vulnerability? I could cause him extreme pain, but the belt was a strong deterrent, and . . . I sort of enjoyed it. I wasn’t in control, but I wasn’t powerless either. I felt more like a partner than a victim.
His skin was so soft, silk wrapped around stone. The deep, shuddering breaths he took fed into my satisfaction. Luka fisted his hand in my hair, tugging painfully at the strands as he guided me to take him deeper and faster.
I’d lost my virginity to Luka, and now I was blowing him with a belt wrapped around my throat. Somewhere along the way, I’d lost control of myself. He’d taken over, and part of me didn’t care. I was even a little thrilled to shed the conformity of my good girl status. I could be a slut.
I could be whatever I wanted beneath him.
Fuck, I liked my lips on him. I swirled my tongue and he jerked, growing harder inside my mouth.
“Shit, yes,” he moaned. “Suck that cock.”
I did.
I kept my hands locked behind my back, but I increased my speed. He was too big to take completely in my mouth, but I skirted the edge of my gag reflex and pushed as deep as possible. The tip of him bumped the back of my throat.
What would happen if I used teeth? The belt around my neck was like a challenge, and since I no longer felt like myself, I wanted to push. He’d proven in the bathtub he had plenty of darkness, and he’d make good on his threat, I was sure.
But I wanted to know what his absolute domination felt like.
There was a sharp hiss from him as I gave him a hint of what I was about to do, dragging the edge of my teeth over his skin. Up to the tip, and then as he plunged back inside, I let my bite go razor sharp.
“Fuck.”
The belt constricted and made me a slave. I could barely breathe, and even though the control was exerted only where the leather looped on my neck, it blanketed every inch of my body. My pulse roared beneath the belt, pounding against it.
And then it went so tight, it was no longer a corrective action. This was the Luka from last night when he’d held my hands over my head and forced his way inside. The Luka from this morning who’d pushed me under the water, my need to breathe be damned.
I slapped my hands on his thighs, trying to get him to ease up, but instead he shoved his hand on my head, forcing his dick deep into my mouth.
I gagged loudly, but he didn’t relent. The belt was tight, so fucking tight. Behind closed eyelids, my eyes began to water. What did we look like? The dress shirt was down off my shoulders and bunched at my elbows. My hands were pressed against his knees, and my lips wrapped deep around his dick. Almost all the way to the base. Blood rushed loudly in my ears.
The harsh hand on the back of my head was gone. The belt loosened and I retreated all the way off, gasping for air.
“What the fuck was that?” His eyes were twin volcanoes of fury.
I wiped saliva from my bottom lip and stared up at him, not sure how to explain my actions, because they made no logical sense. My lips had lost some sensation so I mumbled it, my voice meek. “I wanted to know what it felt like.”
“To cut my dick with your teeth?” He wound the end of the belt around his fist, pulling it taut.
I yelped and shook my head quickly. “No.” I was so fucking stupid, I deserved his wrath. “I meant the belt.”
A shock visibly went up his spine and his expression emptied of anger. It went blank. He bent at the waist, grasped my cheeks between his fingers, squeezing my mouth together, and brought his nose right to mine. “You wanted to know what my belt felt like choking you out?”
Coming up with an answer was the scariest thing I’d ever faced. He’d said no lies, but confirming was like telling Luka I was okay with . . . anything.
“Yes,” I whispered.
He blinked, possibly evaluating me for deception. “Why?”
“I don’t know.” It was the most honest response I had.
When he released his grip on my face, he straightened and looked down his straight nose at me. The corner of his mouth lifted in his evil half-smile, and he shook his head, pleased surprise lighting his eyes. “You’re so fucking perfect. It’s like you exist only for me.”
I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea.
He let go of the belt and the end dropped down between my breasts, and it hung loosely around my neck. It was so he could grab the bottom hem of his t-shirt and peel it up, revealing his chest. I watch with awe as he cast the shirt aside, and then pushed down the sides of his jeans and underwear.
Now he was more naked than I was. My gaze slid over his hips, up the subtle notches of his abdominals, and to the smooth, perfectly-shaped pecs. Luka wasn’t overinflated muscle. He was long and lean. Toned arms gave way to broad shoulders. He was in great physical shape, and the basic woman in me couldn’t help but appreciate his look.
There wasn’t time for appreciation. He snatched up the belt and yanked the loop closed, while his other hand fisted my hair and jerked
my head back.
“I control every part of you. Repeat it.”
I was trembling in my core. Instinctively I wanted to fight against him, but I also wanted to please. I wanted to succeed. I stumbled over the words. “You control every part of me.”
He released my hair, wrapped his hand at the base of his dick, and yanked me forward with the belt. I barely had time to open my lips before he shoved himself deep inside. I opened my jaw wide to accommodate him, and allowed him to saw his dick in and out of my mouth in long, unhurried strokes.
Luka abruptly pulled out, holding himself less than an inch from my lips as if teasing me. Like he was keeping what I desperately wanted just out of my reach. “Again,” he barked, ordering me to repeat it.
This time I had more confidence. “You control every part of me.”
“Do you understand what you’re saying? Let’s make sure.”
Again, the hard tip of his cock pushed past the seam of my lips and intruded. Only this time, he didn’t stop when I began to back away, signaling I couldn’t take him any deeper. The hand he used to hold himself steady moved. It went to the back of my head and pushed.
I gagged loudly, and my palms flew to his knees, trying to push off, but the belt and his large hand wouldn’t allow it. My fingers spread out in discomfort as I fought the urge to gag again. The tip of his dick was down the back of my throat and I groaned against the unpleasant sensation. The belt was so tight, I could barely breathe, and my face felt hot and stiff.
I choked on him, fighting for air and fighting against him.
“I control everything,” he said darkly, hunching over as he forced himself further in. “Even when you get to breathe.”
The belt went slack as he let go, and then he pinched my nose shut with his thumb against the side of his hand, cutting off my air supply completely.
11
LUKA LEFT ME WITH NO CHOICE but try to take him all the way in. Logic was shoved aside by panic, which was willing to try anything to find air. My terrified sound was muffled under his flesh, and I dug my nails into the meaty parts of his thighs, scrambling to earn his release. My eyes teared up in a physical reaction.
There was certainly no doubt in my mind who was in control.
It lasted only a few seconds and a lifetime before Luka stepped back. I fell forward onto my hands, gasping and choking in air as I stared at the carpet. I shook with both fear and adrenaline, and everything was buzzing as oxygen poured into my lungs. I’d never felt more alive.
“Look at me,” he ordered.
I snapped my head up and found him waiting for me with a strange emotion like concern edging his eyes. It was fleeting, and gone so fast I might have imagined it. We locked gazes in a wordless conversation, at least, it felt like it. He wanted to make sure I could handle what had just happened, which was so different than the aftermath of the bathtub. This was a check-in. A visual evaluation, and it looked like I’d passed.
“Get over here and suck my cock.”
He controlled every part of me, so I followed him without hesitation. It was stunning how quickly I’d surrendered, and how exciting this new feeling was. Giving my trust and control over to this beautiful monster was so very wrong, but . . . shit, I liked it. He quirked his mouth in a smile as I crawled to him and sat back on my heels, readying to complete my task.
He undid the belt from my neck and dumped it to the floor, which announced there was some sort of trust between us. I told myself I was happy about it because it meant I was a step closer to escape, and for no other reason.
Luka’s commands made it easy. I went faster when he ordered me to. I used my hands, and increased my grip as he instructed. I flicked my tongue on the sensitive underside where I knew there were the most nerve endings. When he groaned in satisfaction, pleasure washed over me as well.
“I tried to find you once,” he whispered. “Right after finals, but I was looking in the wrong place.” I paused as I considered his words, but his voice went severe. “Did I tell you to slow down?”
I resumed my steady pace. He’d looked for me? Why did that make me feel warm? He’d told me he wasn’t a nice guy, I reminded myself, and had proven it more than once. I should have been glad he hadn’t found me when I was younger. I’d grown up a lot in the last two years, and although I wasn’t tough, I was stronger now.
“You were the smartest one in the class,” he said. “So I assumed you were a math major, but no one knew you.”
Of course they didn’t. I didn’t make many new friends my sophomore year, and definitely not in my math classes. I wanted to ask why he hadn’t tried harder to find me. Luka’s personality was all type A. He wouldn’t give up easily if he wanted something. But he’d also changed since I’d seen him last, and I wondered if whatever had happened to him might have occurred at that time.
“I would have asked you out, and when I found out you were a virgin, I’d have taken you back to your dorm and fucked your smart brains out.”
My heart skipped at a hurried tempo. This was my fantasy, only in it he’d been patient and sweet. He’d been safe and comfortable and . . . maybe a little boring. I thought I wanted safe and comfortable, but what if I needed this aggressive, dominating version more?
His rapid, uneven breaths told me he was close, and I was anxious to see his release, this time with me being a willing participant. I tightened my grip, twisting it down his length as I slid my mouth up and down on him.
It rolled from his lips, loaded with sin. “You look so goddamn good like this. I’m gonna come in your innocent, little mouth. Would you like that? Huh?” He guided me to bob on him faster. “If I filled you up with my hot cum?”
His obscene words riled, but thrilled. I had no self-restraint. Like a kid who suddenly discovered a room full of toys, I wanted to play with everything, all at once. Now that I had dipped my toe into the dirty pond, I jumped in and was eager to get filthy.
Luka’s chest was heaving. He’d stared at me last night as he’d gone down on me, so I forced myself to do the same in return. His expression was intense and primal. He looked like a man on the edge of madness.
The muscles along his frame hardened. A growl ripped from his chest and he burst on my tongue. Hot, thick liquid pooled in my mouth in spurts, and from above, he rained down filthy words that were moaned as compliments.
He was still pulsing as the movement of his hips slowed.
“Swallow,” he said breathlessly, still recovering.
I did, and as I sat back, I wiped a finger over my damp lips. Did he notice my hand was trembling? I was sure he did. It felt like he saw everything. Yet he said nothing as he bent and tugged his pants and boxers up. He did the zipper, but not the button, and didn’t reach for the belt or his shirt. Instead he reached for me.
I stared at his offered hand, spinning. Given what I’d just done, this was nothing. So why did it feel like it was everything? As if I were crossing a threshold with him? Taking his hand was another huge step as we tried to forge trust. I slipped my hand into his, and although he didn’t smile, I knew he was pleased.
He didn’t speak as he helped me to my feet. When I was beside him, his hand on mine shifted. His long fingers curled around my wrist so he could lead me along toward the bathroom. He could have easily held my hand with our fingers linked together, but no. This wasn’t a partnership, and we weren’t equal. This was just another way for Luka to exert his control.
He scooped up the duffel bag, and once we were in the bathroom with the door shut, he set it on the counter and unloaded the contents. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but it was surreal to see my things in his hands. My makeup bag. My shower caddy. My birth control pills.
I gripped the edges of my shirt and wrapped them around myself, crossing my arms over my chest. I was still shaky from the intense scene that had played out, and now I was cold and awkward. He turned the dial on my birth control pack and punched out the pill for today, then handed it to me. My fingers trembled as I took i
t from him, popped it in my mouth, and dry-swallowed.
Satisfied, he put a hand on my arm and guided me deeper into the room, herding me to the glass door of the shower.
He opened it, turned on the water, and then set his dark gaze on me. It was clear what he wanted. I let out a shuddering breath and peeled the shirt down my arms, dropping it to the tile. The silence from him was stifling, and I ached for him to say something.
But he said nothing.
Instead he turned me and pressed my back to the cold glass, which made me inhale sharply. He leaned over, setting his forearm on the glass over my head, and his other hand slipped down the front of my panties.
My lips parted so I could pull in air. His touch had purpose. His fingers closed around the vibrator still lodged in me, and slowly pulled it out. It was tossed into the nearby sink.
The glass at my back was beginning to warm with the heat of the shower, and I felt feverish as Luka set a hand delicately on my cheek. At first I thought he was going to kiss me, but his gaze wasn’t on mine, or on my mouth. His thumb brushed my cheekbone. It took me a second to place what he was doing. He was evaluating me for injury from the belt. Broken capillaries, or bloodshot eyes, or signs of ligature.
My voice was quiet. “Did you leave any marks?”
“No.” His gaze clicked with mine and my knees wanted to buckle under the weight of it. “Did you want me to?”
I pressed my lips together and shook my head.
Stubble darkened Luka’s jaw and I studied it up close. He looked sculpted. Flawless skin covering high cheekbones and a strong jawline. And, God, his mouth was sexy with its cruel, wicked lips. He must have noticed what I was looking at, because he gave me a hint of a closed mouth smile.
His fingers dipped below the waistband of my panties again, and his kiss swallowed my gasp. My skin seared from his touch, and burned as his hard body pressed against mine. I didn’t know if I was allowed to touch him without permission. He’d always had me pinned down, or had ordered me to put my hands behind my back. So I risked it. I set my palm flat on his chest, over his heart, and noticed its steady beat. Even his heartbeat was controlled.
