Lindsay had always suspected the other woman’s feelings had been more deeply involved with Joel in the past than she had admitted to, and Cally had just confirmed it. But Cally had had four years to get over her love for him, while she only had as many days if she were to go to the other woman’s dinner party on Saturday and see him with another woman with any degree of confidence. The way her heart ached at the moment she didn’t think she was going to make it.
‘I’ll try,’ she nodded. ‘And I’ll call you about Saturday,’ she promised.
‘I really would like you to come,’ Cally encouraged before leaving to meet her husband.
Lindsay was engrossed in her work when Malcolm Reader left Joel’s studio an hour later, the older man coming over to talk to her as Joel took into his studio the model that had been waiting outside to begin her session with him.
‘Nice life if you can get it,’ Malcolm Reader mocked lightly, sitting on the edge of Lindsay’s desk.
‘I’ve heard that you have,’ she said dryly, looking up at him guilelessly.
He chuckled softly. ‘The beautiful Mrs Robin has heard of my reputation, hmm?’
Lindsay nodded. ‘And all of it exaggerated, no doubt,’ she mocked.
‘Very little, I’m afraid,’ he drawled derisively.
She had to laugh at his honesty, feeling humour when a few minutes ago she had thought she would never laugh again. ‘That’s interesting to know,’ she smiled.
‘Only interesting?’ He looked disappointed. ‘Most women are eager to find out the truth for themselves.’
‘I’ll be happy to take your word for it,’ she teased lightly, liking this man in spite of his outrageous sense of humour.
‘Pity,’ he drawled. ‘Did you give some thought to my dinner invitation?’ He quirked dark brows. ‘As I recall you hadn’t answered me when we were interrupted.’
Her amusement instantly faded. ‘It’s very nice of you to ask me, Mr Reader—’
‘When a beautiful woman calls me “Mr” then I know I’m going to be turned down!’ he grinned ruefully. ‘And I was hoping you would show me the highlights of London.’
‘I don’t know that many,’ she shrugged. ‘And I’m sure you’ve been to London before?’
‘Many times,’ he nodded. ‘It’s a fascinating place.’
‘Surely no more so than New York?’
‘In a different way,’ he replied thoughtfully. ‘And I find most of my enjoyment of London by seeing it through the eyes of other people.’
‘Women’s eyes,’ she teased.
‘Women’s eyes,’ he confirmed with a smile. ‘Have you ever been to New York?’
Lindsay shook her head. ‘I’ve never been out of England.’
‘Joel should have brought you with him, I would have enjoyed showing you my home town.’
If she had been invited by Joel to go on his business trip maybe she wouldn’t have left him. But although their last night together had been spent in a frenzy of lovemaking Joel hadn’t once suggested she accompany him. ‘Someone had to run the office while he was away,’ she said with forced brightness.
‘I guess so,’ Malcolm Reader conceded. ‘Although it seems a pity we couldn’t have met earlier.’
If they had met before he would now know her to be Joel’s ex-mistress. The two of them had never broadcast their living arrangements, but they had made no secret of it either, admitting it if asked directly. If they had gone to New York together then Malcolm Reader would know exactly what she was. And somehow she didn’t want him to know.
‘Is there already a man in your life?’ Malcom was asking her now.
Lindsay looked up with a start, having been lost in thought. ‘Sorry?’
‘Am I stepping on some lucky man’s toes by making the dinner invitation?’ he explained.
‘No!’ She blushed as she realised how sharply her denial had come out, almost guiltily. ‘No, it isn’t that,’ she said more calmly. ‘It’s just—’
‘It’s okay, Lindsay,’ he chuckled as he stood up. ‘I Can take no for an answer without putting you on the rack. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t making an absolute idiot of myself if I kept asking. And I will keep asking, Lindsay,’ he added seriously. ‘You’ll find I’m not a man who gives up easily.’
‘That’s okay,’ her own voice was light, ‘because I don’t give in easily either.’
He smiled his appreciation of her show of independence, little knowing that she was all the more determined not to be charmed by him because she had so recently been hurt by a man with even less charm than him. ‘Good girl,’ he straightened. ‘But I’ll be seeing you soon.’
It was a promise, not a threat, and Lindsay was left with the feeling that Malcolm Reader was a man with as much strength of will as Joel, that he wouldn’t give up easily either, although perhaps his method of getting his own way would be more subtle than Joel’s. But Cally had been right about one thing—Malcolm Reader certainly didn’t have a problem!
‘Planning to replace me already?’ Joel rasped harshly.
Lindsay looked up at him coolly, although her heart rate accelerated considerably, having been unaware of the model leaving and Joel watching her. ‘Hardly,’ she drawled. ‘Although Mr Reader seems a very charming man,’ she added challengingly.
‘Oh, he is,’ Joel scorned. ‘Maybe he could even charm you into living with him. But if you think I’m a bastard you should—God, I’m sorry,’ he groaned as he saw her pale. ‘I didn’t mean it that way. Lindsay? Lindsay—!’ he questioned sharply as she suddenly stood up to collect her jacket and handbag.
‘I’m going to lunch,’ she told him stiffly. ‘I know it’s a little earlier than my usual time, but I—I feel as if I need the break now. I’ll be back in an hour,’ she added firmly as she heard her voice begin to quiver with emotion.
‘Lindsay—’
‘An hour, Joel.’ She couldn’t even look at him as she rushed from the office and out of the building, not looking back once as she hurried down the street, not even sure where she was going, just needing to get away, away from Joel and his power to hurt her with every word he spoke.
Never before had Joel chosen to hurt her the way he was doing at the moment, seeming to hit out at her on purpose, something he had never done before today. Oh, he had a temper, a whiplash tongue at times, but his remarks had never been personal before; never designed to hurt and go on hurting.
She didn’t stop walking for the next hour, although she never afterwards knew where she went, only that she walked and walked, sightlessly pushing Joel to the back of her mind.
But finally she had to think of him, of facing him again, and if he was still in that cruelly hurtful mood when she did, when he could taunt the way she had loved him enough to move in with him, she didn’t know what she would do.
He was sitting at her desk when she got back, watching her warily as she woodenly hung up her jacket and smoothed her hair. ‘I’m sorry,’ he finally spoke, his voice husky. ‘I didn’t mean that remark about Reader.’ His eyes were a stormy tawny gold as he looked at her searchingly. ‘Do you believe me?’ he prompted at her continued silence.
‘Of course,’ she acknowledged flatly.
He stood up, coming round to the front of her desk, the warmth of his body reaching out to her in the confines of the room. ‘He did ask you out, though, didn’t he?’ his eyes narrowed.
She looked at him unflinchingly. ‘And if he did?’
Joel’s hands clenched into fists at his sides. ‘I could tell he was attracted to you,’ he ground out.
‘If I didn’t know you better, Joel,’ she taunted, ‘and luckily I do,’ she added hardly, ‘I would think you cared.’
His mouth tightened. ‘I care that because of the way we’ve parted you might find yourself involved when you don’t really want to be.’
Lindsay looked at him with dislike. ‘And since when did you become an expert on what I want?’ She knew it was the wrong thing to say even as she sai
d it, the soft colour flooding her cheeks. Joel knew exactly what she wanted, what she needed, when it came to making love! His eyes mocked her with that knowledge now. ‘I meant emotionally,’ she snapped.
He ignored the jibe. ‘Are you going out with Reader?’ he persisted in the subject of the other man.
Lindsay shrugged. ‘I might. But I doubt it,’ she added as his eyes darkened stormily. ‘I’ve learnt the hard way that mixing business and pleasure just doesn’t work out.’
His mouth tightened. ‘Which part of that applies to your relationship with me the last six months?’
She swallowed hard. ‘I’m beginning to think neither!’
Joel gave a deep sigh, closing his eyes momentarily. ‘God, I can’t seem to stop hitting out at you. Maybe you’re right to want to leave, after all,’ he shook his head. ‘I’m only hurting you.’
‘You have to care to be hurt,’ she sat down behind her desk, paler than ever, ‘and we’ve agreed that neither of us does that.’
‘Yes,’ he bit out. ‘I think I’ll go to lunch now,’ he added suddenly, leaving abruptly.
Lindsay’s shattered nerves relaxed slowly once he had left. This was so much more traumatic than even she had imagined, Joel reacting much more strongly than she had thought he would. She had seen the women come and go in his life for so long, and he had never been so bitter about it before. But then it had never been the woman’s decision to end things before. Joel seemed to have an inborn radar that warned him when a woman was becoming too emotionally involved with him, and at the first sign of that he would end things between them, usually with a bouquet of flowers and a carefully worded note. Maybe if she didn’t love him so much she would have sent him flowers and a carefully worded note!
* * *
The uneasy truce that existed between them over the next few days made the studio hell to go to, but Lindsay was determined not to show any sign of weakness by not going in. Joel had shown her all too clearly when she had almost admitted her love for him how much he deplored such human frailties.
But the strain showed on her as the week progressed, her days fraught with tension as Joel remained likely to explode at the slightest provocation, her nights no easier as she ached for his arms about her, his body filling her as they cried out their enjoyment of each other.
The tension between them wasn’t helped by the fact that Malcolm Reader was likely to call in or telephone her without warning. As promised, he hadn’t given up asking her to go out with him, and he was proving to be as persistent as Joel had once been. Malcolm’s frequent presence in his secretary’s office was viewed with anger by Joel, and she felt sure it was only that he was working for Malcolm that kept him from asking the other man to leave.
Joel returned the file of the models he had used during the last five years on Thursday lunchtime, his sigh one of dissatisfaction.
‘No luck?’ She looked up at him with a frown, knowing there were some really beautiful women in there.
‘No,’ he rasped.
‘But surely one of them is suitable?’
‘Suitable, yes,’ he bit out. ‘But I happen to want someone who’s perfect.’
If the strain of the last four days showed on her then Joel hadn’t escaped unscathed either. Of course he was going out every night, usually with a different woman, and apparently not getting in until the early hours of the morning, when undoubtedly he didn’t sleep alone. He certainly looked tired, with lines beside his eyes, the sharp sense of humour he had once possessed no longer in evidence. Even if he were now making up for lost time with an abundance of different women he certainly didn’t look happy about it.
But Lindsay felt no satisfaction from knowing that, knew such deep unhappiness herself that if Joel felt even one tenth of the misery she did then she pitied him.
‘Perhaps you’re being too critical, Joel,’ she reasoned. ‘After all, the make-up is surely meant for a number of different women, not just one type.’
He shook his head. ‘It’s an exclusive line, meant only for brunettes.’
‘But you’ve photographed hundreds of brunettes—’
‘None of them are suitable for what I want for this,’ he insisted harshly.
She could see he felt very deeply about the model he used. If there was one thing Joel did feel passion and fire for it was his work. ‘What is it you want, Joel?’ she prompted softly.
His eyes hardened. ‘A black-haired, green-eyed witch,’ he spoke with quiet vehemence, as if the thought didn’t please him at all. ‘The name of the new line is “Witchcraft”,’ he explained.
Lindsay chewed on her bottom lip. ‘I see.’
‘I doubt it,’ he dismissed scornfully. ‘You have no idea what it’s like to have a vision and know only that vision will do!’
She stiffened. ‘I have dreams too, Joel,’ she told him curtly.
‘This isn’t a dream,’ he rasped harshly, his face set in cold lines. ‘This is a reality, she’s a reality. A reality that haunts me day and night!’
‘Joel…?’
He looked at her as if he were seeing her for the first time, his eyes becoming emotionless as he realised how much he had revealed. ‘Forget it,’ he said curtly. ‘It isn’t important.’
It was obviously very important to him, this woman who still had the power to hurt and disturb him. Lindsay hadn’t thought there could ever be such a woman. ‘Joel—’
‘I said forget it!’ His fierce harshness had the effect of silencing her. ‘There has to be someone else I can use for this advertising,’ he spoke almost to himself. ‘I refuse to even think about using her.’
‘Why?’ she prompted, knowing he must have already thought about using this mystery woman.
His eyes flared deeply tawny. ‘Mind your own damned business!’ His face twisted angrily.
Lindsay flinched at this show of aggression, feeling pain that it was another woman who was causing him such torment. It seemed he hadn’t always been as insensitive to the emotion love as he was now, that a woman had once, painfully, shown him its exact meaning.
‘Just stay the hell out of my life!’ Joel told her savagely before slamming out of the office.
She had never seen him so upset, and she wondered who the woman could be who had once hurt him so much. She had known there had to be a reason for his derision of love, but had hoped it had something to do with the way he never talked about his parents, that perhaps an unhappy childhood had tainted the idea of love and marriage for him. It hurt to know that all the time she had been hoping for him to fall in love with her she had been fighting the memory of another woman he just couldn’t forget.
When he returned to the office a couple of hours later he was more subdued than Lindsay had ever seen him, a dull acceptance in his eyes. Her heart ached for the fact that he had never been able to share his pain.
He stopped in front of her desk. ‘Somewhere in the files you’ll find one on Marilyn Mills. Bring it in to me as soon as you find it.’
Marilyn Mills. So she even had a name for the woman now. And whatever had happened to separate Joel and the other woman in the past, he had obviously decided to see her now.
She had some difficulty finding the folder, finally locating it buried at the back of one of the older filing cabinets. But as soon as she opened it and saw the top photograph of the beautiful woman she knew the reason for Joel’s torment. Marilyn Mills was indeed a black-haired, green-eyed witch, an exquisitely beautiful one!
CHAPTER THREE
‘I ASKED you to bring it in as soon as you found it,’ Joel bit out tautly.
Lindsay met his gaze reluctantly, knowing she was guilty of prying, something he wouldn’t tolerate. If only he didn’t move so stealthily, she might occasionally have warning of his impending presence! ‘I was just checking that I had the right Marilyn Mills,’ she invented lamely.
The mockery in his eyes said he knew she lied. ‘Believe me,’ he scowled, ‘there’s only one.’
She moistened her
lips nervously. ‘Isn’t she a little old now? After all, you used her seven years ago.’
‘You have been busy, haven’t you?’ he drawled hardly. ‘And I wouldn’t call twenty-five old.’
Lindsay’s eyes widened. ‘She was only eighteen when these photographs were taken?’
‘Yes.’ His mouth twisted with bitterness. ‘Hard to believe, isn’t it?’
Difficult to imagine, was more like it. The woman in the beautifully alluring photographs looked as if she had never been anything less than a woman; there was not even a hint of innocence in the provocative green eyes.
‘She’s very lovely,’ Lindsay told him woodenly.
‘Very,’ he acknowledged abruptly, picking up the folder containing the photographs.
Lindsay felt a knife twist in her chest. ‘Why haven’t you used her for seven years?’ she asked recklessly.
He looked positively violent. ‘She stopped modelling for a while,’ he revealed through gritted teeth.
‘And now?’ she prompted.
‘Now she lives and works in the States.’ His eyes flickered over her coolly. ‘Why all the interest, Lindsay?’
She shrugged. ‘As I said, she’s beautiful—’
‘All my models are beautiful,’ he dismissed that excuse.
Her eyes flashed deeply green as she looked up at him. ‘Not all of them affect you in this way.’
Joel stiffened, white tension about his mouth. ‘What way?’ he asked tautly.
Lindsay moistened her lips, realising that perhaps she had gone too far. Joel had always rebuffed any intrusion into his past or private life, and he was hardly likely to welcome her interest in his past love. ‘Forget I said it,’ she told him briskly. ‘I have some letters here that need your signature—’
‘In what way, Lindsay?’ he persisted harshly, grasping her arm painfully.
‘Joel, you’re hurting me!’ she choked in a surprised voice, never having known him to be physically violent with her before. He had never had any need to be, not when physical seduction could be so much more enjoyable—for both of them.
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