by Rinelle Grey
Then something shifted. Taurian's heart skipped a beat, and then began pulsing in time with hers.
The pain in her chest eased and Karla breathed a sigh of relief. That was better. Except it still wasn't quite right. His breathing was still shallow and quick. As soon as she focused on it, she was aware of her own breathing. Her first instinct was to breathe faster herself, to ease the pain she’d felt in her chest the instant she’d focused on his breathing. But that wasn’t going to help him.
Karla deliberately focused on her own breathing, taking slow, deep breaths.
Taurian's own breathing echoed hers, slowing and deepening.
Karla had no idea if any of this was helping or not, but somehow, it felt right. In fact, it felt just like that moment immediately after sex, when she had felt that incredible connection to him. Her body warmed at the memory, sending tingles of feeling through every part of her.
If he died, she’d never feel that again.
Karla shook her head. Taurian’s best hope lay with her. She needed to focus. Their coupling had helped him finish healing. So the similar feeling probably indicated she was on the right track.
He seemed to be resting more easily now too, but something was still missing.
Taurian had said he was asleep during the Mesmer, and yet right now, he seemed more unconscious than asleep. How could she transition him to sleep?
Brainwaves. That's what was different about someone who was sleeping. Perhaps she needed to sleep for him to sleep?
Karla hesitated. What if she was wrong? What if this wasn't helping him at all? He could die while she was sleeping. And if she was asleep, who would protect him if Ultrima showed up?
The thought sent her whole body cold. She didn't even want to consider the possibility of him dying. If she did, she might give in to the panic.
Back in the bush, when he had needed her help to shift back into a human, she'd known exactly what to do, even though he'd never told her. What if this was something similar? What if he was somehow telling her what to do?
What if he wasn't?
Karla hung in an agony of indecision. No matter what she chose, there was a chance she'd be doing the wrong thing. There wasn't anyone around to tell her what she should do.
She stared down at Taurian's unconscious face. He was counting on her. He had no one else. Cupping his face with her hand, she stared at it, searching for some sign that would help her in her decision.
A feeling of warmth and safety enveloped her. Certainty, comfort, and complete relaxation.
All her doubts washed away.
Though the floorboards where hard and uncomfortable, it didn't matter. Karla lay down next to Taurian, wrapping herself around him, slipping her hand and leg under the blanket to touch him in as many places as possible.
Briefly, she considered calling Lisa and warning her of what she was doing, but she couldn’t even begin to figure out how to explain it to them. She’d just sound crazy if she tried.
It would only take a minute, anyway. She didn’t need to sleep fully, just have a really brief nap. It hadn’t taken long for Taurian’s heart rate and breathing to synch to hers, easing him into sleep wouldn’t take long either. She’d be done before the others even got back from their tasks.
Warm relaxation seeped into every pore of her skin, and she closed her eyes and let herself drift off.
Chapter 29
Karla opened her eyes and stared straight into the wide eyes of Bruce, her father, and Lisa.
Crap.
Her whole body flushed with heat. She was uncomfortably aware that she was still wrapped around Taurian's naked body. Thank goodness for the blanket.
The instant his memory returned, concern for Taurian forced itself to the forefront of her mind, blocking out the embarrassment. She focused on Taurian. His colour was good, his natural tan showing now, and his chest rose and fell in the natural rhythm of sleep. Karla let out a huge breath. It had worked.
He slept soundly, even when she edged away from him and sat up.
Bruce made a strangled sound, and turned and left the room.
Her dad cleared his throat. “Uh… I brought the bandages.” He held out some vacuum packed dressings. “Lisa said that Taurian’s wounds were pretty bad, and that you'd definitely need them.”
He hadn’t asked, but Karla felt the need to explain anyway. “I was trying to heal him.”
Lisa gave her a look that said ‘sure you were’ as clearly as words would have.
Her dad just kept holding out the bandages.
Karla took them and turned back to Taurian. She didn’t care what Lisa thought, but she needed to explain more to her dad, so he’d understand. That could wait though. Even if Taurian seemed better, his wound would surely need more care.
She pulled back the blanket a little to expose the wound on his leg, then did a double take. Dried blood was caked on his thigh, but the wound had shrunk as though the skin was pulling itself back together.
Lisa gasped, her eyes wide. “It's healing by itself.” She stared at Karla with new respect in her eyes. “Did you do that?”
For some reason, the awe in her voice was almost more embarrassing than them thinking she was cuddling Taurian. Karla shrugged. The intense connection she’d felt with Taurian was impossible to explain to anyone, let alone to Lisa.
Covering Taurian back up again, she handed the bandages back to her father, saying, “I think maybe we'd better not mess with it. He seems to be healing just fine on his own.”
Her dad nodded and took the bandages automatically. The look he gave her, surprise mixed with disbelief and amazement, made her even more embarrassed. And he hadn’t even seen the original wound.
The sounds of something being roughly moved came from the next room, where Bruce had disappeared. Her father glanced in that direction, then back to her. “That boy’s pretty cut up.”
Guilt twisted Karla's stomach, magnified by the fact that she no longer felt she could claim not to feel anything for Taurian. She and Bruce may have broken up, but rubbing his face in it was unfair, and not something she would ever have done without a good reason.
“I know,” she said quietly.
Her father looked at Taurian, then back at her. “I'll stay with him, if you want to go check on Bruce.”
Karla looked back at Taurian, but he hadn't stirred. Even so, she was reluctant to leave him. Although she had no idea how long he would be asleep, she was certain of one thing-she didn't want Lisa, who was watching the scene with bright eyes, to be the one to touch him when he woke up.
“How long was I asleep?”
Lisa shrugged. “A couple of hours, maybe more?”
Taurian had healed a lot in that time, but judging by his wounds, he still had at least that far to heal again. It should be safe to leave him for long enough to talk to Bruce. And either way, she knew he wouldn’t wake until someone touched him. Just to be certain though, she said, “I don't know how this healing magic works, so it's probably best if no one touches him while I'm gone.”
She looked pointedly at Lisa, who pouted, but nodded her head.
“That's okay, we’ll just watch him and call you if anything changes,” her father assured her.
Karla jumped as something crashed even more loudly in the next room. Bruce must be pretty upset for him to show such a display of emotion. She needed to talk to him. Not that there was anything she could say that would fix this, but she needed to try. With one last glance at Taurian, Karla left the room in search of Bruce.
She didn't have far to go. He stood in the next room, his back to her, stacking up a few dozen cans of food that had obviously fallen over. Or been kicked. They hadn’t been there before. Her father must have brought them.
“Are you okay?” she asked quietly.
Bruce spun around and stared at her, his eyes wide. Then he turned away just as quickly. “I'm fine. In fact, if someone can just drive me to the airport, I'll get out of your way. Or call me a cab. I seem to hav
e lost my phone somewhere.”
He hadn’t lost it. His words were a subtle dig at the fact Ultrima had taken it and tried to use it to trap Taurian.
This was all her fault. Well, partly Taurian’s, but mostly hers. This problem had been brewing before she’d even met Taurian. She hadn’t ever been the perfect girlfriend. She could hardly blame Bruce for wanting out.
“I’m sorry you were pulled into this, Bruce.”
He shrugged, still fiddling with the cans, pushing one a little more into line, then moving another. He straightened up and looked at her, his face a perfect mask. “It was my own fault. I shouldn’t have come without talking to you first. A simple misunderstanding that can be easily corrected now. You don’t need me here.”
She wouldn’t have blamed him if he’d been angry. The fact that he wasn’t just made her feel worse. “You're not in my way.”
A flicker of hope flashed across his face for a second. Then it fell. “Yes I am. You actually love him, don't you? I've seen the way you look at him. You've never looked at me that way before.”
Karla opened her mouth to protest, then shut it again. The look in Bruce’s eyes twisted her stomach. She couldn’t imagine a puppy who’d been kicked would look any less reproachful. Or understanding. Why couldn’t he just be angry? She wouldn’t feel half as bad if he’d just yell at her.
She couldn’t even deny what he’d said. She'd never felt the same things for Bruce that Taurian stirred in her. She’d cared for him, even loved him in her own way, but not with the same overwhelming passion that stirred in her when she looked at Taurian. She’d tried to deny it by blaming it on the Mesmer bond, but the feeling didn’t seem to have abated, even now it was gone. She didn’t know whether it was love or not, but it was something.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
She wished she had a chance to talk to him more, to finish this properly before sleeping with Taurian. The way things had happened had been far from ideal, but she’d had no other choice at the time.
Bruce shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Yes, it does,” Karla insisted. “You deserve an explanation. I don’t want you to think that any of this happened because of Taurian, because it didn’t. I don’t know what I feel for him, I barely know him. But I do know what I feel for you.”
Bruce’s adjusted the watch around his wrist, one of the few nervous movements he allowed himself. “You don’t have to do this, Karla. It’s okay. I understand. Really I do.”
He didn’t want to do this, it was clear from how he was avoiding meeting her eyes. That had always been part of the problem. Bruce hated to be emotional, and he avoided anything that might make him feel enough to pull him out of his rigid control. They’d never had a real fight.
Karla had thought that was what she wanted, that it was safe and civilised.
Now she realised she’d been avoiding it too.
“I do have to though,” she said. “I don’t want you to go away thinking that I cheated on you, or that I even wanted to. This isn’t about Taurian at all. I care about you a lot, and I always will, but you’re right. I don't love you in that way. I think that was why I couldn't say yes when you asked me to marry you, even though I thought I wanted to. But we've shared so many things together that it's impossible for me to just stop caring. I know you probably don't want to be around me right now, and that's okay. But I do hope that one day we can be friends?” Her voice wavered uncertainly on the last word.
This felt right, even though the haunted look on Bruce's face tore at her heart. It felt like she was finally being honest with him.
And with herself.
Bruce straightened up and squared his shoulders. “Since we're being honest with each other, I have a few things to say as well.”
Karla gritted her teeth and nodded. She probably wasn't going to enjoy this, but Bruce deserved to have his say too.
“I know you’re trying to spare my feelings with this whole ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech, but it’s obvious I’m lacking something that you need. I only wish I’d had a chance to figure out what it was before this.”
Karla opened her mouth to protest, to insist that it was the truth, but Bruce held up his hand. “Let me finish. I want to say that the fact that you’re trying not to hurt me tells me that you're a pretty amazing woman, one I would have been proud to make my wife. I can’t say I'm happy that I'm losing you, or that I think that man in there… dragon… whatever… deserves you either. Much as I’d like to say that this mess is his fault and he should get himself out of it, it’s obvious that he can’t. He’s in over his head, and he won’t even admit it. He’s obviously not capable of protecting you, so I intend to stay here and make sure that you're safe. I'm not leaving until this mess is sorted out, even if it is uncomfortable for both of us.”
Karla's eyes filled with tears, and she couldn’t speak for the lump in her throat. Why was he so damn insistent on being sweet and kind instead of rightfully angry at her? What was wrong with her, that she couldn’t just love him? It wasn’t that he wasn’t wonderful. It wasn’t that he hadn’t made her happy. Was a lack of chemistry really that important? The way she felt when she looked at Taurian flooded her mind, and her body reacted instantly. It was like a drug, one she couldn’t get enough of, and couldn’t live without.
The problem in their relationship was obviously on her end. She didn't deserve him, even as a friend. “You don't have to do that,” she protested. “Dad is here, and Taurian and Lisa. I'm not in any danger.”
“I know I don't have to, but I'm going to anyway. If I leave now, I won't be doing anything but sitting on a plane or back home wondering what you're up to and if you're okay. It's easier to just hang around until it's finished. I know I probably won't be much help, but you never know when you might need an extra hand.”
His selflessness overwhelmed her. She tried to justify it by saying she wouldn’t be able to walk away from this adventure at this point either, but she knew that wasn’t all that motivated him. He really did just want to be able to help her, despite all that had happened. She wished she had something to offer him as a thank you, something that would ease the pain she heard in his voice.
But she couldn’t ever offer him the only thing he wanted from her. Her love.
This was even harder than the moment he’d been carried off by a dragon. Then, she’d jumped into action. She had no hesitation in risking herself to save him. But there was nothing she could do for this kind of pain.
Hearing movement from the other room, she automatically turned in that direction. Was that Taurian waking up? As soon as she realised what she’d done, she winced. Here she was already hurting Bruce more. She’d said this wasn’t about Taurian, and yet she couldn’t take her mind off him.
“Go on,” Bruce said. “Don’t mind me. It seems like there's some sort of connection between the two of you, and I suppose you have to do whatever you can to heal him. Not that I’m sure how useful he’ll be if that dragon turns up again.”
Even with how understanding he was being, a defence of Taurian jumped to her lips. Karla swallowed. Bruce deserved to dislike Taurian. And it made her feel just a tiny bit better that he wasn’t quite as saintly as he appeared. Then she felt bad about her own satisfaction.
Bruce was acting far above and beyond what was expected of an ex-boyfriend in this situation. She had the sudden urge to explain everything that had happened to Bruce. To share her adventure with him as a friend. But given the subject matter, it probably wasn't appropriate right now. It probably never would be. Their days of sharing their thoughts and dreams were over. Even though she knew it was the right decision, it still felt bittersweet.
“We can chat more later, right?” she said.
Bruce nodded, and turned away to pick up the can that had fallen.
Karla bit her lip. She could see how much he was hurting, even though he was putting on a brave face. She wanted to find the perfect thing to say or do to make this r
ight again. And, she had to admit, she wanted to ease her own guilt. But she didn’t deserve to. She should feel it all. That pain was her payment for her own traitorous feelings for Taurian.
The best thing she could do right now was leave Bruce to deal with his pain in private. And she did need to check on Taurian.
As soon as she left Bruce, Taurian’s wellbeing took over her mind. What if he had woken? What if Lisa had touched him? What if he was worse? Her steps quickened, and she almost held her breath. But when she re-entered the room, her father and Lisa were sitting in an awkward silence, both staring at Taurian.
Karla let out a sigh of relief, and both pairs of eyes turned in her direction.
“How’s Bruce?” her father asked.
She was tempted to brush him off with a glib comment about Bruce being fine and change the subject, but before she could she stopped herself. She didn’t deserve to get off lightly. She needed to go through this, in all its pain and suffering, and then maybe it would be finished someday. “He’s being far nicer than I deserve,” she said quietly.
Lisa didn’t say a word, just listened with obvious interest. Karla tried to ignore her. There was only so far she could take this paying for her mistakes.
Her father raised an eyebrow.
Karla sighed. “He asked me to marry him a couple of weeks ago and I couldn’t say yes. At the time, I didn’t know why, but now I’ve realised that it was because I didn’t really love him.”
“And you do love Taurian?” her dad prodded.
His words sent a tingle up her spine. All the guilt was swallowed up in a cascade of delicious agony. Somehow, when applied to Taurian, the word ‘love’ took on a whole new meaning. Was the all consuming passion she felt for the dragon shifter love, or just lust?
Lisa’s expression turned sour. Karla wished she’d leave the room. This really wasn’t her business. But Lisa had put her own life on the line to come with Karla and help her. Excluding her at this point didn’t seem fair.
Karla took a deep breath. “I don’t know,” she admitted. Surely she wasn’t really in love with Taurian? The pull she felt for him was strong, but she barely knew him. They had none of the shared understanding she’d come to expect with Bruce. They didn’t know each other well enough for this to be love. Did they?
