by Cheryl Howe
Wayland stepped between him and Jewel. He looked her over, and then turned back to Nolan. “Jesus, boy. You do need help. You got it half right. You’re supposed to take your clothes off, but she’s not supposed to wear them. What were you doing with that whore on Tortuga, anyway—throwing dice?”
Jewel gazed at Nolan, her brow furrowed. “When were you on Tortuga?”
Nolan glared at Wayland, and then turned to Jewel. “It was a long time ago. It doesn’t matter anymore.”
He’d been a saint during the five years he was in Boston. He wasn’t going to feel guilty about an event that happened in his youth. Not even when Jewel turned those wet green eyes up at him. There could never be anything between them. If he kept reminding himself, maybe the rest of his anatomy would start to believe what his head already knew.
Wayland sighed with exaggerated exasperation. “I guess it’s up to you, chit, like I said it would be. First off, get rid of that coat. And that gown.” He grabbed a handful of white fabric. “This makes me think of me nana, and that’s nothing to get a man’s co—”
“That’s enough,” interrupted Nolan.
Jewel grabbed the fabric of her gown and yanked it from Wayland’s grasp. She shoved past him. “Nolan, what’s he talking about? I thought you said he could help us.”
Wayland rubbed his chin. “This is worse than I thought. Have either one of you ever spent any time on a farm?”
Nolan put himself between them. “If I intended to seduce her, I wouldn’t require your help,” he snapped.
Wayland crossed his arms. “If you think you can do it, I’d like to see it.”
Jewel mimicked Wayland. “Me, too. All you’ve ever done was give me the sharp edge of your tongue. I’d like to see you woo a girl.”
Nolan stared at her as if Wayland weren’t in the room. “I said seduce, not woo. There’s a difference, and I hope for your sake you know it.” He didn’t take his eyes off her.
Obviously flustered, she stared at her feet. Her cheeks colored. He doubted if she had ever been properly kissed—except by him, of course. And that was nothing compared to the kiss he wanted to give her. He blinked hard to clear his head. When he opened his eyes, he avoided glancing at Jewel. He squeezed past her to stand beside the desk. “Wayland, look at this map.”
Wayland whistled once he caught sight of which map Nolan spoke. “So, this is it. Never thought I’d get a look. Bellamy kept the bugger stashed away once he snatched it from you.”
“I think these words make the shape of the island, and the drawing hides something called runes.” Jewel turned the map sideways and traced the letters with her finger.
Wayland scratched his head. “I’ll be damned. It’s runes, all right. Haven’t seen nothing like this in a while. Give me something to write with. This might take sometime to figure out. If it gives the latitude and longitude, the numbers will have to be figured by the order of the alphabet.”
Jewel handed him the sheet of paper with the tracing. “This is the outline of the island created by the words. Nolan thought he recognized it, but he’s not sure.”
Wayland glanced at Nolan briefly, a hard glint in his good eye. “Well, chit, you’re in luck, because the only one on this ship who knows the waters where Captain Kent sailed better than Nolan is me.”
Nolan’s mouth went dry. The fact that Wayland, an uneducated pirate who no doubt couldn’t read a newspaper, would know so much about ancient alphabets didn’t surprise him. What had started the fierce pounding at his temples was the certainty that Wayland had already figured out which island they spoke of. He backed toward the door. Jewel glanced over her shoulder at him. She was happier than he’d ever seen her. He smiled back, despite the necessity of keeping his distance. He had never met a woman who could make him angry, make him crazy, and make him smile all with a single glance. And what she did to his body in her chaste nightgown was best left unexplored. When Wayland confirmed Nolan’s fears, Jewel wouldn’t smile at him again.
“Hmm. If this is the island I’m thinking of, it’s in the Caribbean. A stretch of sea that has nary a speck of land. That be the island you’re thinking of, Nolan?” Wayland turned and stared, as always delivering up Nolan’s darkest fears right on schedule.
Nolan rubbed his temple. “That’s what I’m thinking.”
“Damn, who would have thought—”
“Are you sure, Wayland? You need to be sure. I don’t want your imagination swaying your judgment.”
Jewel glanced at Wayland, and then him. “I can’t stand it! Tell me. Do you know where we can find the treasure?”
Wayland stood up. “Not sure, chit. I’m going to take these scratchings I made and study them. Wouldn’t want to be wrong about a thing as important as this. I could use your help, Captain,” he added to Nolan.
“I’ll be along shortly. I have something to discuss with Jewel.” Nolan’s heart had stopped beating. Wayland had already located the island where they would find the treasure, and it was the same one that served as Bellamy Leggett’s grave. Why else would the man call him Captain and be so serious?
“Don’t go,” Jewel called to Wayland. “Decipher the map here. I can’t wait to know the location.”
“I need to talk to you alone, Jewel,” Nolan said. He picked up the book and handed it to Wayland. “This might help.”
The old seaman glanced at the book’s contents, and then tossed it back to Nolan. “Don’t trust no book. Neither did the Brethren. I’ll be up half the night figuring this one out.” He paused to wink at Jewel. “You did good, girl. Your papa would have been proud.”
Actually, the irony of the situation would have killed Bellamy if he weren’t already dead. Nolan’s nemesis probably learned the truth—having been left to die on the island that held the very treasure he sought—when he went to Hell. The man had likely sent Jewel as retribution.
Wayland shut the door behind him as he left. The cabin suddenly seemed to close in. The air grew heavy and thick. Jewel stared at her toes. Nolan did too. She was barefoot. He could only imagine what lay beneath the hem brushing the top of her feet. He thought of finding Bellamy’s skeleton on their quest for the treasure, and it sobered him considerably.
This was his opportunity to tell Jewel the truth. He should do it, and permanently banish her yearning glances. “There’s something I need to tell you. You’re not going to like it.”
Jewel sat on the bed, looking at Nolan with wide eyes. “You’re not thinking of taking me to Boston again.”
Nolan shook his head. “You discovered the map’s secret. You deserve to go with us to find it. I won’t try to deny you that any longer.” Though he hadn’t been wrong about the perils in bringing her on this voyage, and he was sure he’d regret it in the end.
Jewel brushed a strand of dark hair from her eyes and tucked it behind her ear. “Thank you. I appreciate that more than you know.”
But he did know how much his words meant to her. The emotion showed in her clear green eyes. He held her gaze, unable to break away. What would it be like if fate had not put them at such odds? Bellamy was dead and his daughter was better off without him. Why should Nolan be forced to cause either of them any more pain because of a coldhearted bastard whose memory was best forgotten?
He shifted, forcing himself to look away. “You and Parker seem rather fond of each other.” He hadn’t decided to veer from his plan to finally tell Jewel the truth about her father’s death until the words left his mouth. Once they had, he relaxed unexpectedly. His easy justification was that his original purpose tonight had been to cross the battle lines that had been drawn between them with a white flag. Telling her about her father wouldn’t accomplish that.
Jewel shrugged, but a hint of guilt shadowed her averted gaze. “He’s easy to get along with.”
Meaning Nolan wasn’t? He swallowed, not feeling as relieved as he had a moment ago. A part of him had eagerly anticipated her denial. She was so honest with her feelings, he’d half expected her to
blurt out that she’d only been using Parker to make him jealous. He didn’t want to believe there was a romance brewing between the two.
He cleared his throat and tried to sound fatherly. His stomach lurched at the idea. Definitely not fatherly; detached, then. “I’m only asking because I am concerned. I know you’ve had experience with men while working in the tavern—”
She held up her hand. “You can stop there. You’re not the first man to assume me a whore,” she said, the hard edge in her voice heartbreaking even to Nolan, who didn’t think he had much of one.
“I didn’t assume…” He let his words drift off when she shook her head, partly because he feared anything would sound crass and partly because he had suspected the worst of her.
“You did.” Her sad smile pierced his heart. “So maybe now you see why I so desperately wanted to go with you to find the treasure. My choices were limited in Charles Town. It was marry a man I didn’t love or be constantly at the mercy of men who think little of me.”
Every instinct Nolan possessed surged at the idea of being Jewel’s protector. He couldn’t let himself succumb to the urge because it went hand in hand with a darker desire. He needed to leave the cabin immediately. “Good. Then you’ll stay away from Parker.”
Her eyes narrowed and, for a moment, Jewel reminded him so much of her father that he felt at a disadvantage. “That’s Parker’s choice,” she said.
Not if Nolan could help it. “Wayland told me about your conversation regarding men. That’s why I originally came to speak with you.”
Jewel sat back on the bed. She turned her head and stared out the dark window. There was nothing to see in the inky night, but she obviously would rather look at nothing than him.
“Well, was he right?”
“Wayland?” Nolan was no longer sure what he had hoped to accomplish. He feared no matter what he said, it would push her in a direction he didn’t want her to go. Suddenly, Nolan wondered if he had ever had anything other than a superficial exchange with a woman.
Jewel nodded. “Don’t make me ask you outright. Since you brought it up, just tell me. Was Wayland right?”
“If you wished to be bedded, you’d reach your goal in short order. Is that what you want, Jewel?”
She gazed at him with such intensity, he held his breath for a moment, both fearing and hoping she would say yes.
“No.” She looked down. “I want to be loved.” Her voice was so quiet, Nolan had to strain to hear her words. She stared up at him again, transfixing him with her honesty. “Is that too much to ask? I don’t know. I’ve never felt loved before. Have you, Nolan?”
He swallowed hard. He didn’t have the courage to answer her. His parents had said they loved him, but he’d never felt it. He’d felt the sharp bite of a strap while his father beat him for every minor indiscretion. From impulsively lifting a single peach from a merchant’s cart to bloodying the nose of a boy who’d taunted him in front of a girl he fancied, everything had required immediate and fierce punishment in order to save Nolan’s wayward soul. His father always claimed the severity was out of love, and Nolan didn’t doubt him; he’d just never experienced this emotion attached to the sentiment. “I’m sure your mother loved you…and your father.”
“Maybe my mother did love me, but she was too bitter to ever show it. Love hurt her. My father hurt her. I can see that now. But my father—I always dreamed he would make it up to me. Now I’ve begun to doubt he was anything like I imagined.”
Oh, he was never telling her his part in the fact she’d never know her father. A little white lie to appease his tremendous guilt at the moment wouldn’t hurt anything. “Bellamy cared for you a great deal. He spoke of you often.”
Jewel stood and walked toward Nolan until they were toe to toe. The desperate candor in her gaze held him immobile even when she laid her hands on his shoulder. “What about you? Could you love me?”
The lie that he found himself about to tell surprised him—not because he opted not to be honest with her in return, but that doubt played a part in his answer at all.
“No.” He gently encircled her wrists and put her arms by her side. The shocked hurt that narrowed her pupils disturbed him more than he’d imagined. Never had he been confused about his relationships with women, and up to this point, even with Jewel, he’d assumed any feelings that plagued him had more to do with a healthy dose of lust than anything else. He should keep his mouth shut, his point made, but he found himself unable to tolerate the shadow he’d caused to settle on her features. “I don’t believe in love, Jewel. I’m almost sure I’m incapable of the emotion.”
She stepped back. “Don’t you want a wife and children someday?”
“I suppose I do. But it will be a marriage of convenience, nothing more. I’ll take a wife who will be financially and socially well-connected.”
Instead of sinking further into her obvious hurt, she straightened. “I understand. Needless to say, I’m neither of those things. And besides, I see the way you look at me. Having any real feelings for a woman makes you uncomfortable. What are you so afraid of, Nolan?”
Himself, but he’d never tell her that. She had no idea how close to the brink he teetered, and if he fell, there would be no stopping his descent into carnality. He couldn’t be the man he’d come to know too well while serving on a pirate crew. A man who, when he found himself slightly troubled by what was going on around him, would merrily help himself to the captured ship’s stockpile of rum. He refused to be that man again. He feared that if he stepped over the line he’d drawn with Jewel, he’d step over another, and then another.
“If you insinuated yourself aboard my ship to find your true love, you’ve made a serious miscalculation,” he gritted out. “I don’t care what’s between you and Mr. Tyrell, but it better not come to fruition until we’ve found the treasure and I’ve deposited you at the destination of your choice.”
Jewel lifted her chin. “Once we do, then maybe I’ll try Wayland’s suggestion. Parker may enjoy it.”
An image Nolan had earlier suppressed rose with stunning force. He reached for Jewel and pulled her firmly against him. He kissed her hard, all his pent-up lust unfurling like a sail catching a fierce wind. She gasped, but he only took that as an invitation. His hand drifted down to cup her buttocks. Her soft curves felt so much better than his imagination. He tightened his grip as he maneuvered her against his growing erection. The contact flooded him with a wave of desire he knew he would soon be helpless to control.
His impulsive action obliterated the thought of Parker permanently, but it brought more vivid images that disturbed Nolan more. Never had he needed a woman this urgently. He pulled his mouth away, realizing he gripped the back of her head and that his other hand dug into her soft bottom. She panted for breath. Her fingers were curled in his shirt, and he was suddenly unsure if she had been trying to push him away or pull him closer. He struggled to take in air.
He gripped her shoulders and peeled her away from him. “That’s what Wayland’s advice will get you. I said I didn’t love you. I never said I didn’t want you. I hate to see you flirting with Parker, but only because I can’t stand the idea of him taking you to bed when I want to. You’re the only woman on this ship. It’s a dangerous position for a naive girl.”
“I’m a grown woman.”
“I know, and ripe for seduction. You ooze with longing—but women want love and men want sex. If you don’t want to be hurt or follow in your mother’s footsteps, you’ll walk a careful path.”
“But no matter how carefully I walk, I’ll never reach you.”
Nolan nodded. “I think we understand each other. If you get yourself with child, I’ll set you on the first inhabited island we come to. No discussion.”
She disengaged herself with a violent jerk. “I understand. And, of course, if I did wind up in the family way, it would be all my fault.”
Nolan folded his arms over his chest to stop himself from touching her again. “I won’t
blame one of my men for taking bait that’s dangled in front of them. I’d say right now you’ve got Parker practically hooked. Watch yourself, and I’ll watch my men.”
“Is that all, Captain?”
“Do we understand each other?”
She nodded stiffly. She took off his coat, as if it offended her, and flung it at him. “Please go.”
Nolan turned to leave, not sure what he’d just accomplished. The kiss he had stolen burned to his toes. Jewel was angrier with him than she’d been when he entered. As for keeping her away from Parker, Nolan was sure he’d just driven her into the lieutenant’s eager arms. And now, to top it off, they were going to the island where he had left her father to die. Bellamy must be laughing through his rotten teeth.
He stopped before he shut the door. “By the way…”
Jewel turned and glared at him.
“Good work tonight.” The pillow left her hand before he finished his sentence. He jerked the door closed before it hit with a thud.
***
He found Wayland in the galley, looking more industrious than Nolan had ever seen. Not wanting to interrupt such a rare occurrence, he retrieved a key hidden in a loose panel and unlocked the pantry. Each crewman had a ration of watered-down rum. After his conversation with Jewel, Nolan had decided to take advantage of being the captain and increase his own share. He dipped two mugs in a barrel of grog. One he set in front of Wayland, the other he brought to his mouth, swallowing its contents in one long gulp.
Wayland glanced up briefly with a nod of gratitude. A map of the Caribbean was spread out before him, capturing his full attention. The spot Wayland had marked made Nolan take another long, hard gulp. He needed it. He would have to face his ghosts after all.