Never Say Goodbye
By Angie Merriam
©Angie Merriam 2014
All rights reserved
Published by Entertwine Publishing
Cover by Entertwine Publishing
Smashwords Edition
Copyright Disclosure
Thank you for downloading this eBook. This book remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favorite authorized retailer. Thank you for your support.
All character, places, and descriptions come from the imagination of the author. All are fictional and any resemblance to real life persons or places is purely coincidental.
To readers out there that, like me, love a tortured rock star, this story is for you! To my friends and family thank you for putting up with me as I wrote this. To my girls, Xavier, LeAmbra, Krystin, Nina, Kim, Lisa, Kathy, Shelly and all my book world friends..I love you all!
Prologue
I stood in the corner of my high school gym waiting for her. The combination of nerves and the monkey suit was starting to make me sweat. What if she changed her mind? Chinda Miller was my date, only she was coming with another boy. Oh, God, what if she changed her mind? Her parents didn't approve of me, so to say. They were from money, lots of fucking money. And me? Well, both my parents worked hard to provide for my sister and me, but we were far from rich and just below middle class. Chinda was what one would call ‘out of my league’, only she loved me and I loved her.
We started dating a year earlier after she walked passed the music room where I was playing the piano. She claimed “the music captivated her soul.” I made it my goal to capture her heart. She was the most beautiful girl in the school, and every fucking guy wanted to be with her but cupid had other plans, and she chose me. We had so much in common. We both loved music and art and we both couldn't wait to get the hell out of our hometown.
She was already best friends with my sister, Elsie, and she was always at our house with either Elsie or me. There were many times that we went on double dates to the movies with Elsie and her boyfriend of the moment but my favorite times with Chinda were when it was just her and me. She loved the city lights, so I would drive her to a lookout point where we would talk, make out, laugh or I’d play my guitar and sing for her. She loved it when I sang to her. I loved the smile I put on her face. I could look at that smile every day for the rest of my life, and it still wouldn’t be enough. She wasn’t just my girlfriend; she was my best friend.
My parents adored her. We'd been dating about six months when she convinced me to meet her parents. I wasn’t what they hoped their daughter would end up with. At least that’s what I assumed they would think. I knew I couldn’t put it off much longer. “They will love you as much as I do,” she said and the way she said it convinced me that they would. Who cares that I wasn't born into money. I had dreams, and I loved Chinda, so they had to love me, right? Hell no, they hated me the moment I set foot in their 5,000 square feet house. The night was a disaster.
It began with her father questioning my intentions with his daughter, my future plans, and then what my parents did for a living. I thought my answers were right on until he set his fork down and stared pointedly at me, his clear eyes frightening. “You realize this is just some high school fling, right? The Miller family does not mix with your kind. Actually, I think you two have had enough fun.” He spoke harshly and with finality. He was ordering us to break up, but it was when he referred to my family and me as your kind, that I began to feel my blood boil.
“Does not mix with my kind? What exactly does that mean?” I questioned back, trying to keep my anger at bay. My mother and father are loving, kind, and hard working. I would not let him disrespect the life they had built. I knew, in that moment, I would much prefer a loving and happy family who lived paycheck to paycheck over the rich, judgmental family that had been handed to Chinda.
“The working class. The kind of people that work for me. Chinda will not be with a boy who will never be more than a minimum wage earning loser.” His tone was low and when he looked at me, I felt the hatred rolling off of his body. I repulsed him.
Before I could respond or defend myself and my family, Chinda left the table in tears, disappearing into the enormous house. Her mother just sat there, not speaking, not moving. She was almost as frightening as her husband without saying a word. I wanted nothing more than for my fist to meet her father’s smug face, but what good would that do? “I see your point. Thank you for dinner,” I said sarcastically before letting myself out. I walked away that night intending never to see her again.
We tried to stay apart. Well, I tried to stay away, but it didn’t work. I was in love with her and Jesus, she was persistent. We decided to continue dating in secret, waiting for the day we turned eighteen. Her parents wouldn’t be able to tell her who she could and couldn’t date, hence prom. I couldn’t do the boyfriend thing that night. I couldn’t show up with a corsage and flowers. I didn’t get to stand and pose for pictures with her for our families. No, I had to go alone and wait for her while she did all of those things with Terrence Smith III. He was from money and much better suited to date the Miller daughter.
Luckily, he agreed to be Chinda's fake date and would hopefully be bringing my girl to me any minute. The sweat volume increased as I waited and grew antsy. I was beginning to think she changed her mind when I finally saw her across the gym. I swear it was one of those moments you read in books, or see in movies. Our eyes met, and it was like time stood still. She was breathtaking. Her hair piled high on top of her head with honey colored waves falling down around her face, creating a magnificent frame for her green eyes. Her red dress hugged her curvy body in all the right places and made her flawless skin look porcelain. She smiled at me, and my heart melted.
I must have stood there like an idiot because she was walking toward me, laughter dancing in her eyes. I tried to move, but my legs were suddenly immobile. “Hey dumbass, go get her,” I heard behind me and recognized my little sister's voice. “Uhh, yeah,” I mumbled and gave her a quick thank you smile before I concentrated on making my legs move. I wanted nothing more than to touch her, to kiss her, but it seemed to take an eternity to reach her. When we were finally close enough she stopped just inches from me. “Hi,” she said with a steady voice. Her nerves must not be going haywire like mine were.
“Elijah, are you okay?” She asked, her happiness turning to worry. I shook my head, shook out the nerves, and reminded myself that this was my Chinda. Yes, she was super model hot that night but still my girl.
“Hi, baby. Yes, I'm okay. I'm better than okay. Have you looked in a mirror lately? Holy shit, you're beautiful,” I told her as I wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her close to me. Her arms snaked around my neck, and she kissed me softly on the lips. She tasted like cherry lip gloss. “You like my dress?” She whispered teasingly.
“Yes, I love your dress. You really do look stunning. You sort of took my breath away and turned me into an idiot for a few seconds. My legs wouldn't move and my brain couldn't form a coherent thought,” I told her before kissing her back. She pulled me closer and laid her head on my shoulder. She always felt so good in my arms. She fit there, perfectly. “You look pretty amazing yourself, Elijah,” she said and lifted her head to look at me.
“Well, it's about damn time you noticed. It took hours to get my hair like this.” We both laughed and the tension was gone.
I heard the first notes of Never Say Goodbye and pulled her onto the dance floor. I wrapped my arms tightly around her waist. She laid her head on my shoulder. As we began swaying to the m
usic, I sang the words softly in her ear. Her arms tightened around my neck, and I swear I could feel her heartbeat against my own.
“Never say goodbye. Never say goodbye
You and me and my old friends
Hoping it would never end
Say goodbye, never say goodbye
Holding on we gotta try
Holding on to never say goodbye”
I sang to her and meant every lyric of that song. I was in love with the girl I held in my arms, and I wanted to be with her forever. I didn't give a damn what her parents said. She looked up at me when the song ended, soft green eyes misty. “Don't you start crying like a girl,” I teased with a smile.
“I love you, Elijah.”
“I love you too, Chinda. You want to get out of here?” She shook her head eagerly before putting her hand in mine. “Lead the way.”
We left the prom in my cherry red ‘67 Mustang. Chinda loved that car almost as much as she loved me, I think. I'd worked two summers to save up for the hunk of junk, and then used what I had left to fix it up with my father. She was beautiful. We drove up the mountain to a spot that overlooks the city. The night was clear, which made for an amazing view. Once we were parked, she scooted close to me and draped her arm around my stomach while my arm snaked around her shoulders. I always held her close like that but that night, I needed to feel her closer. I needed to feel every part of her.
“It's a beautiful night isn't it?” She asked dreamily as her hand began rubbing circles slowly on my chest.
“Almost as beautiful as you,” I replied and meant it. I rested my finger under her chin and gently lifted it so I could see her face. She smiled at me before she slowly slid up my body, her hand sliding down. We hadn't talked about this. It was both of our first times, and I knew it would be with her, but it's not something we discussed. I was hoping it would be that night. Everything was perfect but I was nervous, and I knew she was too. Her shaking hand reached the painful bulge in my stupid monkey suit pants, and I lost my breath for a minute.
“Are you sure you're ready for this?” I whispered. She looked up at me, her blue eyes dazed and full of love. “I love you, Elijah. I want this badly but only because it's you.” I lifted her chin softly and brushed her lips with my own. “I love you too, Chinda.” I deepened the kiss and knew there would be no turning back. At the tender age of seventeen, this girl held my heart in her tiny hands.
We moved to the back seat where we took our time undressing each other. Each article of clothing removed with shaking hands and nervous giggles. I gently laid her back on the seat and continued kissing her beautiful mouth as I put the condom on. Her hands roamed my body as her legs fell open allowing me to lie between them. I cupped her face with my hands. My heart racing out of control. “This is it, baby,” I whispered. She shook her head yes and smiled at me just as her arms wrapped around my neck, pulling me close to her.
I tried to be as slow as possible but my body was aching for her. Once I entered her, I felt her clench around me. She drew in a deep breath and whimpered quietly. “Are you okay? We can stop?” I didn't want to hurt her. Her pain was my pain. I would have stopped too, if she asked me. It would have been damn hard, but I would have.
“No, don't stop, Elijah. Please don't stop. I'm okay. I promise.” She pulled my head to hers and kissed me. Our mouths never breaking apart as I slowly and clumsily moved in and out of her. After a few minutes, her body seemed to relax, and she urged me to continue. Her breathing sped up, and she moaned softly into my mouth. I felt something building deep in my gut and knew I wouldn't be able to last much longer. My body slowed until I collapsed on top of her.
“I'm sorry, baby.”
“For what?”
“I don't think I did it right. I don't think you felt what I felt.” I was still on top of her, unable to move. Her arms still held me tightly, not wanting me to move.
“Believe me, Elijah, I felt it.”
“You did? I didn't hurt you too much?”
“It hurt at first but it went away. You are amazing, Elijah. We are amazing. We fit together. You and me. I love you and I promise I felt it.”
I kissed her again and held her afterwards. We didn't talk a lot. I think we were both lost in the moment and recovering from what we'd done. I wasn't sure how long we'd been there but the air was getting colder, so I knew it was getting late. “I should get you back to the dance so your date can take you home,” I said and felt awkward immediately. I should be her date. I should be taking her home, kissing her goodnight on her front porch, but it wasn't possible, yet. I wasn't good enough for her in the eyes of her parents. I would have to wait for her, and I would, even if it took forever. I had no idea that after that night, waiting forever is exactly what I'd be doing for her.
Five years later
Prom night was the best and the worst night of my life. I got to feel Chinda's body and soul just before I lost her completely. When the cars collided time slowed down, and I swear I saw her slipping away from me. The world went black and when I woke that’s when I heard Chinda didn’t make it. I did the only thing I could do, I threw myself into music.
My sister was my rock and knew it was music that helped me through my darkest time, so when I asked her to form a band with me she eagerly agreed. Before long we were playing in local bars and had become the number one band in the Portland area. The more we succeeded the more I slipped away. The darkness was nice. Comforting. It was too painful to remember Chinda, so I did everything I could do to forget her.
When we signed our first record contract and began touring, I became acquainted with Mary Jane, cocaine, and an insane amount of liquor. I didn’t do them because I felt a hunger for drugs and booze. I did them to cope with the crippling pain from the hole inside me that I couldn’t seem to fill, so I numbed the edges instead. I’m living in a constant state of being high and banging groupies. That’s my life and the life I’m happy leading. I don’t give a shit about anyone, except maybe Elsie and in my darkest moments, I don’t care much for her either. Elijah Briston: a real asshole, first class dickwad and I’m okay with that. At least I was, until we had to go back to Oregon.
Chapter One
I woke to a thunderous pounding in my head. Pound, pound, pound, over and over. What the fuck? The pounding was replaced by a female's voice, “Elijah, get your fucking ass out here. Now.” Shit, I thought. I rolled over in an attempt to get out of my bed. I tried to stand and felt my head swim. Nope, not standing yet. I sat on the edge of my bed, willing the spinning to go away. I felt a stir behind me and looked to see Bridgette, or was it Brittany? I couldn't remember and really didn't care. She was a lay, a good fucking lay, but that's all she was. Big tits, big ass, tiny waist, and blond hair ratted to the ceiling.
I looked back at her and shuddered a little. Her pounds of makeup were smeared around her face and her big hair from the night before was a rat’s nest. She was way hotter when I was fucked up on booze and drugs. She was just another groupie. “Good morning, handsome,” she said sleepily. I hated it when they tried to talk to me the next day, like I was suddenly their boyfriend. A few thought they could tame me, but I showed them, rather quickly, that I was not worth taming.
“Get the fuck up and out,” I ordered her as I lit my smoke and tried to adjust my eyes to the sunshine that threatened to fuck up my hangover. I didn't even turn to look at her. I felt her get off the bed and assumed she was putting her clothes back on. She came to stand in front of me, forcing me to look up at her. She looked pathetic and if I wasn't such a broken fucker I might have felt bad, but I was broken and I didn't give a shit.
“Bye, Brittany. It was fun right?” I tried but seconds later her hand skid across my cheek. “Fuck you, Elijah Briston,” she said before she turned away and took off toward the door, which was still pounding and shrieking.
“By the way, it's Candy, you fuckhead,” she spat before she flung the door open to face the person that had been assaulting my door. Candy, I thoug
ht. I was way fucking off. I laughed to myself and put my smoke out just as I heard Candy and my sister. “Good luck to you, lady, he's a fucking dickhead.” I heard my sister break into laughter. “Yeah, he is a dickhead but you're a whore now get the fuck out of here before I kick your sorry trollop ass.” I never understood why Elsie was so bitchy to my many women. Protective I guess. I really didn't care. I was only good for one night. Elsie was good for getting them the fuck out when they decided they wanted more.
“Jesus all to hell, El,” she said in greeting as she welcomed herself into my hotel room. She flung the curtains open, letting in the damned sun that was fucking with my hangover by just peeking through the curtains. Now it was full on attacking me. Shit, why did my sister have to be my alarm clock and conscience?
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