“Yeah, he showed up right after you left. He was pissed and freaked out a little but mostly he was heartbroken. The man loves you but he was really pissed that you took Aaron.”
“Yeah, I figured he would be. Any news of him since?”
“No. He sort of disappeared like you. You two really are perfect together,” she said sarcastically.
“Ha, yeah. Get your ass here okay? I need you.”
“Yes, ma’am. Talk soon. Love you.”
“Love you too,” I replied before hanging up.
I took another drink of my wine before pulling out the little piece of paper Elijah had given me right after Charlie’s death. He slipped it in my pocket telling me if I ever needed anything to call Elsie. She could always reach him.
Here, this is Elsie’s number. If I’m ever on tour or traveling and you need to reach me call this number although I don’t anticipate being away from you, ever again. Just in case keep the number okay?
I almost threw the number away multiple times but couldn’t. Instead I folded it up and put it under the phone. I was glad now I’d kept it. I picked up the phone and quickly dialed the numbers before I lost my nerve. My heart was beating wildly, and I felt like I might hyperventilate while I waited for someone to answer.
“Hello,” came a voice that was far too deep to belong to Elsie.
“Uh, hi. Is Elsie there?” I asked, hoping her number hadn’t changed while at the same time wishing it had. I don’t know if I had ever been so nervous.
“Yeah, hang on,” he said. She must have been close by because only a second passed before I heard her voice. I had not talked to her since getting my memory back and her familiar voice flooded me with emotions.
“Hello?” I gathered my thoughts and forced myself to speak. I didn’t expect it to be so difficult. I knew I’d been in love with Elijah, I still was, but I didn’t consider my relationship with Elsie. The fact that she was my best friend back then was lost on me until I heard her voice.
“Hi, Elsie, it’s Chinda,” I said carefully and heard her gasp on the other end.
“Is it really you?” She asked and I heard what sounded like a cry trying to escape.
“Yeah, it’s really me. Have I caught you at a bad time?”
“No, there is never a bad time to talk to you. Wow, Elijah told me you got your memory back but when you ran off I didn’t expect to hear from you again. This is crazy.”
I didn’t know how to respond so I stayed quiet. Again, I failed to think about someone else’s feelings in this whole mess. Granted I didn’t know yet that she was my best friend, knowing that didn’t change the guilt I felt.
“I’m really sorry, Elsie, but I didn’t remember my relationship with you until I just heard your voice. It’s kind of like a dam broke and my brain is being flooded with all these memories of you and me. You were my best friend,” I said as more of a statement.
“Yeah, I was and you were mine. I’ve really missed you, Chinda. Are you okay? Elijah said you took off without telling anyone where you were going.”
“Yeah, I had to get away from it all.”
“I understand. He told me about your fiancé. I am really sorry about that.”
“Thank you. Yeah, I needed some time to grieve for him but I also needed to get away from my parents and figure out who I am. This has all been kind of hard to deal with.”
“I can only imagine. I have to tell you though, I am glad you got your memory back. I hope you are finding what you’re looking for.”
“I’m trying. Um, did Elijah tell you about Aaron, our son?” I asked carefully.
“Of course. How is Aaron? I’d love to meet my nephew.”
“He’d love to meet you too. He’s actually the one that pushed me to call. He wants to meet you and Elijah very badly. Do you know where Elijah is?” I asked and held my breath. I don’t know what I was expecting to hear but braced myself for the worst.
“Oh geez. He’d love to meet Aaron. He’s been in New Orleans since he left Florida. I haven’t seen him but he’s been staying with a friend there. Would you like his phone number?” She offered.
“Sure. Do you have his address? Aaron has some things he’d like to send.” I lied, a little. Aaron did have some things but that’s not why I wanted his address. Talking to Elsie changed something inside me. Healed something inside. Suddenly, I wanted very badly to see Elijah. I needed to talk to him face to face, not on the phone. I had to go to New Orleans, and I had to do it soon.
“Sure, hang on,” she replied. A few minutes later she was back and reading off his address and phone number to me.
“Thank you, Elsie. You know, we are back in Oregon. If you would like to visit we’d love to have you,” I offered suddenly wanting to see her badly. I’d lived in solitude with Aaron for over three months and thought I’d live that way forever. I had no need for anyone else, at least that’s what I thought. After talking to Frankie and Elsie I realized how wrong I was. I did need them, both of them.
“I’d love to. I’ll check my calendar and see what I can do.”
“Great. I look forward to talking to you again.”
“Me too, Chinda. Thanks for calling. I really have missed you.”
“I think I’ve missed you too,” I replied honestly before hanging up. I sat back and drank some more wine. I was lost in the memories when the phone rang bringing me back to reality.
“Hello.”
“Hey, it’s me. I have a flight out early morning. I will arrive in Portland around 2:00 P.M.”
“Awesome! I can’t wait to see you. Frankie, I have a favor.”
“Anything for you.”
“I need you to stay with Aaron while I go talk to Elijah,” I said carefully and she squealed loudly.
“Of course! It’s about damn time you pulled your head out of your ass. Where is he?”
“New Orleans.”
“Okay, I’ll be there at two. Get your flight booked and leave from there. I’ll take Aaron home.”
“You sure?”
“Of course! Now get off the phone and pack your shit and let me pack mine.”
“Okay, night! See you tomorrow!”
“Bye, Kenny,” she said and hung up.
I hauled my butt off the couch and went into the kitchen where Aaron was doing the dishes. He was going to be over the moon excited to see his aunt Frankie. I hoped Elsie was serious about coming for a visit.
“Hey, buddy.”
“Yeah, Mom. Did you figure anything out?” He sounded so hopeful and for the first time in a long time I felt hopeful.
“Actually, yes. Aunt Frankie is coming to visit and is going to stay with you while I go see your father in New Orleans. Also, your aunt Elsie is excited to meet you and is going to try to plan a trip to see us.” He turned to face me, excitement danced in his eyes.
“Can I go with you to New Orleans, Mom, please?” He pleaded.
“No, your father and I have some things to work out and I need to do that alone. I promise I won’t be gone long and your aunt Elsie said your dad is looking forward to meeting you. I will do my best to bring him back with me okay?” He nodded. I think he was content that things were happening.
“Okay, Mom. Thanks for doing this.”
“Of course. Thanks for giving me a little push. I needed it. Now go get ready for bed. I have to make some travel arrangements.
He scurried off to get ready for bed and I planned the trip that would change my life.
Chapter Fourteen
Elijah
Holly and I fell into a comfortable routine over the few months I’d been there with her. In the beginning, she refused treatments but after days of begging and pleading, she conceded. They were brutal. Her entire immune system was wiped out, and she was so weak she could barely walk. She couldn’t eat or sleep or walk for days after the treatment. She went three times before she told me she refused to do it even once more. I didn’t fight her on it. This girl was not the same Holly I’d come to c
are very deeply for and understood now why she said she refused it in the beginning. It was hard though, letting the disease take her away, but at least it took away Holly and not a shell of a woman.
I cleaned the house when she was too weak and took her to the shoreline when she had enough strength. Her brother came to visit with the kids once which she loved but it wore her out. That visit took her a few days to recover, but she wouldn’t have missed seeing her family for the world. Through it all, she always smiled and showed an enormous amount of bravery. She had become my best friend, and I dreaded the day I would lose her.
It was near the end of summer and the heat was ridiculous. We were sitting on the front porch one evening sipping espresso when she brought Chinda up. We’d only discussed her a few times since I first confided in her what happened. I hadn’t wanted to talk to her about another woman. Though we both knew there was nothing romantic, I felt like I owed it to her to be fully with her while she was sick.
“So, what are you going to do when I pass, Elijah?” She said it so simply. So easily. She’d accepted her fate. I hadn’t.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you need a plan. You’ve been focusing on me and my illness since you’ve been here but you have a life outside of me and you need to start living it, before I die.”
“I am living it, Holly. I’m living it with you.” She shot me a dirty look. I knew what she meant. I was in no way going to leave her, but I had to make some decisions about my own life. Did I want to go back to the band? Back to being a rock star? I’d called Elsie and apologized to her after being with Holly for a few days. She was forgiving and admitted that she may not want to leave the band after all. I kept in touch with her and told her about Holly. We agreed we wouldn’t make any decisions until my niece was born. I spoke to Neil and Nate when I first arrived in New Orleans but not since. We left things up in the air. There was no commitment to Briston anymore. I know I let them down and going back to the band may not even be a possibility. I knew I’d never give music up completely, it was ingrained in my soul, and I hoped I could make amends and get the band going again. I was also still very much in love with Chinda and my heart ached for her, but I’d learned to live without her thanks to Holly.
“Okay, let me be more specific then since your being stubborn.”
“I’m not being stubborn,” I shot back in mocked annoyance. She glared at me and continued on.
“You’ve written some beautiful music since you’ve been here. You have to do something with it.”
“I don’t know if the band wants to get back together. I’ve been a real asshole,” I admitted.
“Yes, you have and if they don’t well that sucks but you still have this amazing talent and songs that will touch people. You can always go solo.”
“I never thought of myself as a solo artist.”
“You don’t think of yourself as anything other than the heartbroken Elijah. Get over yourself and get your shit together. You have to promise me to release your music, one way or another.” She shot daggers at me, daring me to defy her. There are many things I love about Holly, her strength, courage, inner happiness, honesty, but most of all I love that she calls me on my bullshit and doesn’t coddle me. I need that. She’s right. I find peace in my music and did write some killer songs. I shook my head in agreement.
“Good. Now onto Chinda.”
“No, not Chinda. I don’t want to talk about her with you anymore. I told you that.” It was my turn to bully her with a look, but she didn’t back down. Of course not.
“Too damn bad. You are in love with her. You thought you lost her forever but she’s alive. Dammit, Elijah, she’s alive. You can’t just walk away, not to mention your son. Stop being a pussy and fight for her! Yes, she ran. She was broken, frightened and she panicked. Jesus, she had just found out her life was a lie. As hard as you’ve had it, and I know firsthand how broken you are without her, she had it worse. Now, promise me you will at least try to find her.”
“She doesn’t want to be found, Holly. She disappeared.”
“Really? How many times have you actually tried to find her? Not once. Now put your big boy shorts on and get your girl, please!”
“You say that like you want me to go right now and find her.” I looked at her and saw confirmation in her eyes. She wanted me to leave. She was out of her mind if she thought I was going to leave her.
“You’re crazy, woman. I’m not leaving you. I don’t give a shit what you say.”
“You will not stay here and watch me die, Elijah. I only have maybe a month left. Go, live please. Live for me. Love for me. You helped me live a wonderful life the past few months and I love you for that but you have to go live your life.” Her voice wavered as she spoke. I saw her eyes mist over with the tears she was fighting.
“I promise you, Holly, I will live for you. I will love for you, and I will do all the things you want me to do except leave you. I will not do that and prefer not to spend our last week’s together fighting about it. Okay. Now stop. Please.”
“Fine but will you let me help you find her? I’d actually like to meet her before I die.” She wiped a tear away and smiled at me. She was fucking amazing.
“Sure, you can help me find her okay?” I smiled at her before I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, pulling her close to me. We sat there on the porch enjoying the cool night air when I saw a shadow under the street light. Holly’s house was in a relatively safe neighborhood and people were always walking up and down the street but the shadow seemed to be watching us. I don’t know how I knew but I did. I felt something. I stood up and moved to the rail, straining to get a closer look.
“What is it?” Holly asked, still sitting.
“I think I see someone by the street light watching us. Stay here. I’ll take care of it.” I was down the front steps before she could protest.
“Be careful,” she called out behind me. The closer I got I could see the shape of the body and saw it backing up. “Hey,” I called out just as the figure turned to run. I ran after the stranger and was halfway down the block when I reached out and grabbed an arm.
“Hey, what the hell were you doing back there?” I began but stopped when I saw her face.
“Chinda?” I choked out as I released her arm. “What are you doing here?”
She shook her arm as though I hurt her then straightened her posture to face me. “Hi, Elijah. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt an intimate moment. I was going to come back tomorrow.”
“What are you doing here?” I repeated.
“I, uh, well, honestly? I came for Aaron. He really wants to meet his father. I promised him I would try and I did. Have a good life.” She turned to walk away but I stopped her, grabbing her arm again. This time I wasn’t letting go.
“I want to meet my son, Chinda. Is he here with you?”
“No, I told him I would find you first then bring you to him but I see that’s not possible.”
“Of course it is. Come back to the house,” I tried, holding my hand out to her. She made no movement to grab my hand. She just stood there watching me. Her clear eyes were intense and frozen on mine. Her eyes always did things to me, and this time was no different. The look on her face breaks my heart, and I want to hold her. Instead, I try again. “Please, come with me, Chinda.” Her eyes broke contact with mine, and she inhaled deeply while her shoulders fell in defeat.
Never Say Goodbye Page 19
