Raising her hand, she hesitated. What was on the other side of the door? Who would be there? The prince of her childhood? The man who screwed then dumped her mother as a fling? Before her courage left her completely, she knocked on the door. When it opened, she stared into grey eyes that mirrored her own.
“Sarah?”
She jerked out of her trance as the man standing in the doorway called her by her mother’s name. Slowly shaking her head back and forth, her eyes never leaving his, she heard a whispered voice say, “I’m Laurie,” before recognizing that the utterance came from her.
“Of course. I’m sorry. It’s just…you look like…her. Do you want to come in?” he asked softly.
She looked around hesitantly. Normally cautious, she would never consider going into an unknown man’s hotel room. Brock, noticing her hesitation but wanting to move her out of the cold, quickly said, “Or we could go somewhere public to talk.”
With shaky determination, she walked into the hotel room. Heart pounding, stomach queasy, she made her way to the chair at the small table in the corner near the window. Deciding to sit down before her legs gave out from under her, she landed heavily in the chair.
Brock carefully sat on the bed, near the table, but not too close. He wanted to stare at her face, but wasn’t sure what he should do.
She looked at the man sitting in front of her. He looked…ordinary. What was I expecting? Horns and a pitchfork? Smarmy playboy? He was tall, slender but muscular. Dark hair with a little grey sprinkled in it. Nice face. Grey eyes. Grey eyes. I have his eyes.
Suddenly wanting to know what was going on between him and Rob, she bluntly asked, “Why are you here?”
Brock, taking a deep breath, sighed and raised his hands in supplication. “I never knew. I didn’t know. I…”
She interrupted, “I want to know why you are here now. What brought you here today?”
Anger was beginning to burn slowly under the surface and he was wise enough to see it starting to seep into her tone.
“Last week, a man named Rob MacDonald came to my apartment. I live outside of Richland, near the Army base. He told me about you and that you were ill. I explained the situation surroundin’ my meeting Sarah.” Saying her name again, he looked away from Laurie’s face, shaking his head. “Sarah,” he whispered. “I never knew.”
“Since I have not been included in any of these conversations, perhaps you should enlighten me,” Laurie said with barely concealed anger. Anger at whom, she could not say. Anger at Brock, anger at her mom, and certainly anger at Rob. Her chest began to ache, as though her heart breaking over Rob’s secrecy was an actual physical feeling.
“I can only imagine how upset and confused you are right now. I felt many of the same feelings last week,” he admitted.
“I can imagine,” she said truthfully, realizing that his world had been rocked as well. “Mr. Sinclair, I just need to know what happened. Don’t leave anything out. Don’t try to make it any different than what it was.”
Nodding, he said, “I can do that. You deserve at least that. But may I ask first what your mother said about your father?”
Taking a deep breath, she agreed. She told him of the stories her mother would tell her every year on her birthday. “She always described you as a prince that she fell in love with but said that you had to go away. I used to imagine that one day you would come back.” She continued to explain her grandfather’s death and then the death of her grandmother and mother. When her eighteen-year-old aunt and she became orphans, they lived together, creating the only life they could.
At that, he dropped his head into his hands and sat for a moment. Her chill towards him thawed just a bit. If nothing else, it did seem as though he hated to realize that she had been left parentless.
“When I was eighteen, I found out the prince my mom fell in love with only considered her to be a fling. She did keep your shirt; that is how I knew your last name.”
His head jerked up at the word fling. “She was never a fling. Never,” he spat out vehemently.
Brock and Laurie sat looking at each other in stony silence for a moment.
Sighing, he said, “Laurie, if you don’t believe anything else, believe this; she was never a fling.”
Laurie, looking as pale and forlorn as she felt, said, “Perhaps you could give me your side of the story.”
He nodded in agreement and began his saga. “I was on leave and in Richland with some buddies of mine. I was twenty years old. Thought I was a man of the world, but lookin’ back I was just a young arrogant dick. I’d been with several women from the bars and was out prowlin’ around for the night. Looked across the bar and saw an absolute princess walk in. Long brown hair, a natural beauty, definitely not in the right place. I was drawn to her. And felt the most unusual protectiveness. I knew if I didn’t get to her quickly, she would be taken advantage of and I wasn’t having that.” He shuttered as he remembered that his buddy had wanted to go after her.
“We ended up talking for hours. She was smart as well as pretty; funny, had the most delightful laugh.” Looking up into Laurie’s eyes, he confessed, “I won’t lie to you, Laurie. I was attracted to her like I had never been attracted to a woman before. I wanted her and I wanted to make her mine. I had no idea she was only sixteen. I had no idea she was a virgin.”
At this, Laurie looked uncomfortable. Even after all these years, it was hard to imagine her mother being intimate with anyone.
“We went back to my hotel. Honest to god, I never meant to take advantage of her. I just wanted to spend more time with her, but that was us being naïve. It didn’t take long for it to get out of hand and, well, we had sex. She did tell me about being a virgin, and I was so careful with her. I held her and I swear that she had my heart from that instant on.”
Brock stood up and went over to the mini refrigerator that was in the room. Opening the door, he pulled out a couple of water bottles. Offering one to Laurie, she agreed and he brought it over, handing it to her.
Taking a long swig, he went on. “I planned on wakin’ up with her the next mornin’ and tellin’ her that I had fallen in love with her. When I woke up, she was gone. I couldn’t believe it. My princess was gone.” He paused, taking another swig.
“Laurie, there are times in life when one act can change everything. And you can’t go back. You can’t change things back. Oh, how I wished I could have gone back to that evening and told her then.”
Laurie, entranced with the rendition of her parents’ story coming from his perspective, asked, “What happened the next morning? Why did Mom think she was just a fling?”
Brock, looking past her shoulder, focused on a point beyond her as though he could see himself twenty-five years ago right there in the room. “My dumb-ass buddy came over to our room and sent Sarah on her way, saying shit about how I didn’t ever want to wake up to one-night stands.” He paused again, as though not able to believe what he was remembering. “I was fast asleep in the room, and Sarah took off. I never knew her last name, and she never knew mine.”
Looking back into the eyes that mirrored his own, he said, “I wanted to find her, but our leave was cancelled, and we were called back. But I never forgot her. I never forgot her. And if you don’t believe anything else, believe this. If I had known her last name, I would have come back for her. And if I had known about you, I would have come back for you.”
The lump in her throat kept her from speaking, knowing that if she did the tears threatening to fall might not ever end. Her hand pressed up against the ache in her chest, and she squeezed her eyes tight, wanting to shut out the memory of her mother each year repeating the story of her father, knowing now that her mother never knew the whole story.
“Laurie, I’ve missed twenty-five years of your life. I have no idea if you have any place for me now or if you even want to go there. But Rob told me about your illness and he was desperate for you to have all the pieces of your medical history. So I came. I will do anything to
help.”
Laurie continued to sit, not speaking for several minutes. Her mind whirling with thoughts, emotions, feelings.
“I don’t actually know if there is anything you can help with. They have already tentatively diagnosed me with lupus. I think they wanted to see if anyone else in the family had it.”
Brock dropped his eyes again, staring at his hands for a long time. He spoke so softly that Laurie wasn’t sure she heard him. “My sister had lupus.”
His sister. My aunt. I had an aunt besides Emma. My aunt. Had. He said had. There is no cure for lupus, so “had” means… oh my god.
“What happened to her?” she whispered, her voice choking in her throat.
“She died about twenty years ago. There were no drugs then as there are now.”
Laurie stood up quickly, hands gripping the edges of the table, her voice catching in her throat. “I have to get out of here. I can’t breathe,” she said, gasping. She took two steps and faltered, Brock jumping up to steady her. He held her by her upper arms momentarily then found himself pulling her towards his tall frame, circling his arms around her, cradling her head against his chest. Sob after sob ripped from her chest. Her world turned upside down once again.
She had a father, other relatives she never knew, a family history that had been hidden. She cried for her mother who had lived for almost thirteen years loving a man that she thought betrayed her.
Brock just held her. The daughter that he had never known about. Never held. Never comforted. How strange, he thought,….it seemed so natural to have her in his arms. Rubbing her back, rocking her back and forth, murmuring soothing words.
Finally, the sobs subsided, and the tears ran their last tracks down her cheeks. Moving away on shaky legs, she looked up into his face.
“Thank you for everything you have told me. I…I… It is a lot to take in…for both of us. I need to go now, but I want you to know I, … well, I’m glad you came.”
“Laurie, I’m not going anywhere right now. I don’t know what you need from me, but I’d like to stay a bit as we figure it all out.”
She nodded in appreciation.
Saying goodbye, she retraced her steps from earlier. Back to her car, back to their apartment, into the bedroom where she packed all of her belongings. And walked out of the door.
Showing up at Jean’s house, she walked in, collapsing into the arms of her friend.
Chapter 19
Rob walked into a darkened apartment, Laurie nowhere to be found. Her clothes were gone from the closet. Her toiletries were gone from the bathroom. As he ran through the house, he saw the light of his laptop shining in the study. There was the open email. Heart pounding in his chest, he noticed a note on the desk.
Rob, we promised there would be no secrets. You have broken your promise and broken my heart. I have too much to handle right now to deal with your deceit. I am going to Jean’s house. Do not contact me now. I just can’t take any more. Laurie
He grabbed his phone, calling Brock. Brock picked on the first ring, filling him in on their whole conversation.
“I don’t have Jean’s number, Brock, and she won’t answer her phone. I’ve gotta get ahold of her. I gotta make her understand.”
“Son, right now, you need to back off tonight. She is over-stressed and must have gone to someone’s house that she trusts. Let her have tonight. You can see her tomorrow.”
Rob hung up, despair creeping over, threatening to choke him. Lying down on their bed, he could smell her scent on the pillows, surrounding him with the thoughts of his body curling around hers. As he lay staring at the ceiling, he could feel moisture on his cheeks, realizing that tears were falling. He couldn’t remember the last time he cried. Afraid that in trying to keep her safe he may have pushed her away, he fell into a fitful sleep.
*
Laurie’s cell phone vibrated in her pocket all day long. Refusing to look at it until the end of the day, she wasn’t surprised to see that Rob had texted all day.
Please let me explain. Please call me. Please talk to me. Please let me know you are all right.
Shoving the offending object into her purse, she started out of her room when Jean appeared. “How are you holding up?” she asked with genuine concern on her face.
Placing her hand on her chest, she answered, “Oh, Jean, I feel…my heart actually hurts. Is that crazy?” Her chin quivering and tears threatening to fall once again, she took a shaky breath.
“It’s not crazy, honey. You have suffered a shock and felt betrayed all at the same time. It’s going to take time for your mind to process all that has been revealed and time,” she said, hugging Laurie tightly, “for your body to heal as well.”
Jean, slinging Laurie’s bag over her own shoulder and wrapping her arm around Laurie’s trembling form, led her outside and drove to her house.
That night lying in bed, tears rolling down her face, Laurie pulled out her cell phone, rereading the messages from Rob. He betrayed my trust. He loves me, but my heart hurts so much.
Barely making it through the next day, she tried to keep the children from seeing the heartache on her face. That afternoon, Jean and Laurie walked slowly to Jean’s car in the teachers’ parking lot. As Laurie was about to get in, she looked up to see Rob standing by the hood. Hesitating when she saw him, she saw Jean walk straight up to him. Sticking out her hand, she introduced herself.
“You must be Rob. I’m Jean, a friend of Laurie’s.”
Rob looked at her suspiciously, then seeing the kindness in her eyes, he recognized a possible ally. Jean, turning towards Laurie, said, “If you want to talk in a neutral place, come back to my house.”
Rob could see Laurie’s red-rimmed, swollen eyes and pale face. Her chin began to wobble and tears threatened once again. She looked exhausted, and he remembered the words of the doctor several weeks ago. You need to reduce the stress in your life. Looking down at his feet, he felt his resolve stiffen. Fuck. I gotta make this right. Stalking over to her, he wrapped his arms around her before she had a chance to pull away. Looking over Laurie’s head to Jean, he nodded at her. Jean smiled at him and headed to her car.
Laurie tried feebly to push back. “I can’t do this now, Rob. I’m so tired. There’s nothing left in me to deal with your deceit.”
“Babe, you can’t take care of yourself right now. I’m here. I’m doin’ this. We’ll sort everything else out later.” He picked her up and placed her in his truck. He wasn’t kidding himself. Just because Laurie wasn’t fighting him now did not mean he was forgiven. But her not fighting him also had him worried. That told him how weak she was right now.
Sending Brock a text, her followed Jean to her house. She opened the door to her quaint little house. Rob carried Laurie in, and following Jean, he carried her into the guest bedroom and laid her gently down, moving his large body onto the bed next to her. Feeling ill, with no resistance left, Laurie didn’t move as the tears continued to flow down her face. Jean brought a blanket and draped it over both of them.
Rob pushed Laurie’s hair out of her face. “Babe, you gotta calm down. You’re making yourself sick. I know you’re pissed at me. We can deal with that later. Right now, just breathe deep and slow.”
Eyes closed, she felt herself drifting away. Blanketed by the warmth of the covers and his body, she gave way to the pull of sleep.
*
Consciousness creeping in slowly, Laurie began to awaken. Fighting the pull to drift away again, she sat up in the bed, realizing she was in Jean’s guest room.
Angry voices could be heard coming from down the hall. She slid out of bed and walked over to the door. While not usually a proponent of eavesdropping, she felt no guilt about hearing what was going on in the living room of Jean’s house. Hearing multiple voices, sorting them out in her mind, she listened.
“What on earth were you thinking, Rob?” Carol said in whispered anger. “No offense, Mr. Sinclair, but meeting the father that you never knew existed after twenty-five ye
ars must have been a real shock to her system!”
“I did what I needed to do, can’t you get that through your head?” she heard Rob retort. “I wanted to make sure the doctor has all the information and was gonna make that happen.”
“Don’t take this out on Carol,” Tom answered back. “She’s just worried.”
“Oh, fuck off, Tom. You thought it was a good idea until now!”
“Tom! You knew about this? I can’t believe that you knew about this mess and didn’t say anything to me!” Carol was no longer whispering as her voice crept higher.
“This is about my daughter. I don’t care who is mad at who around here, but I want her safe and well.”
“What the hell do you think I’m trying to do?” Rob answered back.
“Everyone calm the fuck down.” Laurie recognized Jake’s voice. Is everyone out there?
Jean decided that a voice of reason was needed. “Stop! Jake is right; everyone here needs to take a deep breath and sit down.” Laurie could hear shuffling as people were moving around.
Jean continued, “Here is what everyone needs to focus on. We are all here because we love Laurie and want her safe. Right now is not the time for blaming or accusations. Right now is the time for calm reassurances.”
“Carol, we cannot say that she never knew her father existed. She knew he was out there somewhere, but she never felt a reason to try to find him. Brock, in the past seven years that she knew your name, she never tried to find you because she felt that you would not have wanted to know about her, and she always said that she did not miss what she never had. But do not imagine that she did not think about you, because she did. We talked about it. We talked about you.”
She heard Jean continue and thought ruefully, When Jean gets on a roll, she doesn’t stop!
“Rob, I understand why you searched for Brock. You love her and you’re afraid for her. When those two things combine, love and fear, we often act in ways that we might not act otherwise. I truly believe that Laurie will forgive you, but it may take time to earn her trust back. Tom, Jake – all I have to say to you two is how lucky Rob is to have friends that will support him no matter what. And once Laurie forgives Rob, she will value that friendship as well.”
Laurie's Time (The Fairfield Series) Page 19
